Baby Weight
I am sure this will become an ongoing conversation on this blog...but today my friend Jeanine called me in tears because she just had twin boys a month ago and she hasn't lost her 'baby weight' yet. I wanted to reach through the phone and shake her awake....she had such a hard time conceiving these beautiful boys, had a hard pregnancy and was on bed rest for a while and yet here she is only one month after giving birth and her focus and attention (to me) was in all the wrong places.
She said she had just seen some stupid special about Britany Spears and how much her body has changed since having her baby and she was actually comparing herself to this Hollywood train wreck. Forgetting completely that she (Jeanine) used to work in PR and knows dang well that these starlets take weight loss pills, hire fancy trainers, have chefs, and most times resort to incredibly obsessive work out routines and restrictions to drop their post baby weight. She eventually copped to remembering that Hollywood was a fantasty town and the pressure placed on women's bodies here was obscene and often times cruel.
It just killed me to hear my beautiful friend who worked so hard to give birth to her babies - lament over her mishapen body that oh, by the way, just performed a MIRACLE!!
It's sad to me that we forget how forgiving our bodies are - healing when we are sick - allowing us to carry a human being inside for 9 months, etc. I wonder if the obsession with losing the weight is really just a misplaced control issue because something super scary and new has happened in her life and she can't quite wrap her arms around it all - but one fall back she can employ is the universal obsession women share in hating their bodies.
I know she is hormonal and worried and overwhelmed right now. I get it. And trust me, I am venting more here to you guys than I was with her on the phone. But even though I do this for a living, sometimes, it just trips me out when it hits close to home and my delicious friends and family forget just how precious they are. And just how precious life is. Being a mother is a great grace and gift.
If only the world valued that process more...
Comments
hahahahah
"hollywood train wreck" is my new favorite phrase.
jess, be easy on your girlfriend, i spent like 2 or 3 months worrying about my weight after my baby was born and then it just realy fell off once i started living my life and taking care of a baby!!!!
keep up the good posts, you rock!
Best advice I ever heard about baby weight was "Nine months up, nine months down". I gave myself nine months for my body to return to a steady state before I thought about dieting.
Does my body look the same now as pre-baby? Heck, no! But I'm a mom now, and my priorities are different; I'm more interested in staying healthy than staying stick-thin.
Your girlfriend is going through a lot right now, and it takes time to adjust when the image staring back at you in the mirror is way different than what you're used to seeing.
And as for Britney Spears, and all the Hollywood moms who are back in their size zeros within weeks after giving birth, THEY are the ones with messed-up priorities. Who is taking care of their babies while they are spending hours a day at the gym?
Exactly, Jen. I always think about who the hell is watching theirk kids while they spend hours in the gym so they can look good for the photographs they say they hate having taken of them!
Such hipocrites and yet we would listen to them over anyone REAL in our lives anyday.
You Are Created Beautiful!
Why seek the unattainable?
When you're unable?
When God defined you--
You seek to destroy what's true!
Why waste life obsessed--
Whenever you get undressed?
Why not accept every little part?
And accept yourself with all your heart?
One day sit down and go deep in reflection--
Think of your flaws as perfection--
Because God created a most beautiful you--
In your best form, he completed you!
You limit your body so much!
Think of your appearance and such!
Think of all your body's capable of--
Then you will treat it with more love!
What beautiful and TRUE poetry - Poet - keep posting and sharing. I feel inspired!!
Hi Jess!
Please check your entries entitled, "Today Became Tomorrow..." as well as the one entitled "FOR THE SLIM AND SHORT". I have written some poems there, too! I hope you like them!
I am a mother of 9 month twins. My prenancy went fine till the end. It was an emergancy c-section. I wasn't trying for kids it just happened. I wasn't anticipating having this kind of stomach for a least another 5 years.
The first 3 months was hell, because I was just thrown into motherhood. I found myself hating my new body, and feeling like I couldn't really do anything about it cause I had no time. But once my twins became more active, and could interact with me, it stopped being about what I use to be, and what I have become, and have now. My stomach is still not as desirable, and I have a c-section scare, but I have two happy healthy babies that have faces that light up when I walk in the room. Tell your friend that her belly isn't ugly, its a sign of love.
The most important aspect of all of this is what is healthy for the babies. If your friend is nursing her babies, it is more important to make sure she is taking in enough calories to keep up her milk supply. I think this alone is far more important than having the pre-baby body back. I think many of the Hollywood types focus too much on what will happen to their careers if their body looks remotely like that of a normal woman's. Their interests do not seem to be what's best for their children. I think your friend could use a day at the spa to relax and redirect her focus onto what an amazing person she is and this incredible gift she has brought into this world.
I'm the mother of a one year old little girl and I still have not lost my baby weight because I was sick my entire pregnacy, I gained only three pounds, but I had lost almost 15-25 pounds. After I had my baby/toddler the only thing I wanted to do was eat and that is what I have been doing ever since. All the eating has put more pounds on me than I have ever had before, but the one thing that has not changed is that I still believe and think that I'm a beautiful person both inside and out regardless of my weight. Tell you friend it will take time and maybe even some help from you, but tell her to always keep her head up and stay strong.
My boyfriend's 20 year old sister just had a baby, who is four months old today. She used to weigh about 100 pounds before that. She was always thin. It actually makes me happy seeing her a little chubby. She looks better, and much older. (She used to pass for a 14 year old). To any young mothers, just tell them they look healthy and like a woman. (a mom!)
Im a mother of 7yr old twin boys and I struggled with losing the 75 pounds I gained after having my healthy boys - both were born just under 7lbs each. I was truly blessed with healthy twins and am grateful everyday for it. Anyway, I went back and forth, up and down on my weight and now have just recently come to the conclusion that being healthy and trying to eat healthy should be the priority not my dress size. Its tough though because like someone else said previously you just don't recognize the person your looking at in the mirror anymore. As a friend it would be a great thing for you both two start out with walking together both with and w/out the babies. My best friend and I both had babies around the same time and our walks together did
wonders for us both mentally and physically. Good Luck and Hang in there ! Its not easy to get the weight off but with anything if you set your mind to it you will make it happen !
I'm pregnant and have put on 50 pounds. I want my body back so bad, but I am scheduled to be induced on 12/7 and that is my primary focus. I know how hard this is for you friend, we all have husbands significant others, and the world waiting on the old us. But tell her to take her time and let her body bounce back on its own. She needs time to heal and one month isn't going to cut it. Our bodies take almost two years to heal completely after giving birth, so tell her to take it easy and enjoy her little miracles. Maybe take a little time to walk with her at the mall or sit in on a yoga tape.
i also packed on a lot of pregnancy weight. i had two babied fourteen months apart. i was so thin before babies that the doctor wouldn't even count my weight gain until i gained 10 pounds when i was pregnant with my first child. i have gained 40 pounds between both pregnancies and it is something i have been struggling with ever since. i loved reading everyone's comments (especially the poem.) they have made me feel a lot better.
You're all right! My daughter is 14 months now, and I'm still six pounds from what I weighed pre-pregnancy. And I don't care! (Okay, that's not entirely true... of course I would like to look better.) However, I can't compare myself to others or, heaven forbid, to Britney because they're not me. It helps that this is not the heaviest I've ever been. And all the weight in the world is a fair trade for my beautiful little girl!!! Let's turn off the TV and the celeb machine and focus on REAL PEOPLE!!! :)
On your comment about how we use weight as a misplaced control issue. This is true. I've done a lot of studying on body image with women in school, and the phrase, "I feel fat," or "I'm fat" is something we gravitate toward to block us from our real feelings.
A really interesting test is this, next time you feel fat, or you feel like you're about to say something about how fat you feel or look, take a second and try to figure out why in the world you suddenly have this urge to say this while you're out in the middle of some random place like best buy.
It's kind of fun in a sick way. Many times, I'll feel like I'm fat, or I'll have this urge to say, I'm so fat, and I think about it and I realize something else just happened, that I don't want to deal with, and instead I start to feel bad about a socially accepted problem- my image. Itâs programmed into us to connect our weight and how we look with our overall happiness in life. So, many times our initial reaction to something, is how terrible we think we look- instead of why you really feel bad- like you were just made to feel stupid by the best buy employee (nothing against any best buy employees if youâre out there)
yeah, it's amazing how the 'language of fat' pops up at all times in all kinds of places. it is because we are just so accustomed to going there - we feel uncomfortable - we're fat - we feel sad - we're fat - we feel angry - we're fat.
And it has nothing to do with your actual weight. That doesn't matter. It is a state of mind not a physical attribute.
I have a 5 month old. I still haven't lost my pregnancy weight and I completely feel horrible about myself. Its easy to judge your friend for the low self esteem and appears that she is not focused on what is truly important, her baby. But trust me, she loves her child but is just uncomfortable with herself, and what she sees in the mirror. I understand that so many people believe that this shouldn't be a priority, and I agree. I do think however that it is important to a mother to feel themself again, and if fitness and a sexier body shape makes somebody feel better, than I don't think they should feel bad about saying this aloud. As most of us know, self image is important and it is different for everybody. Try helping your friend with walks and excercise. She will appreciate the motivation and I'm sure she just needs a friend to vent her frustrations with, warranted or not.
I don't think Jess was judging her friend she sounded like she was concerned that her friend was not focusing on the beauty of what her body had just accomplished. When do we as women ever get to celebrate that? I think we are constantly made to feel like as soon as our kids pop out we have to be back to our pre baby bodies. Hormones, fluctuations in weight are normal and take some time to reverse. But we don't get the support during that time instead we feel (or at least I do) that everyone's on us about how to lose that weight fast.
And looking at celebrities doesn't help. These women are bacck in pre baby bodies in less than a month sometimes. It is unrealistic for most of us out there yet when you are nursing a 2 month old and all you have lying around you are magazines with these stories of celebrity moms you get side tracked into thinking that this is how your life is supposed to be, too.
I feel like the oldest person. Ancient even for this blog. I am 59, and this is going to be a huge battle for me. I need a lot of support. All other attempts have faild for me. Help!
welcome mary! and noooo way are you too 'ancient' for this site. we support you and are here for you and hopefully after a little time spent together you won't even think about describing yourself in negative terms!!
if you are willing to do the inner work - we are here to support your growth and understanding!
hey Mary I am 58 5ft 10 inches 190lbs single and still look pretty good apparently. I had 2 children now 36,37 and some grandkids to I have genetic osteoarthritis 2 hip replacements fibromyalgia I spilled a kettle of boiling water on my inner thighs in spring .I passed out while making tea.I was visiting my 91 yr old mother and helping my daughter organize and move and helping with grandkids.I am still healing from 2nd degree burns Have to learn to not do so much for everyone else..rhis was a lesson to slow down some.
Point is I am a good looking woman still(men love me )and everywhere i go i get hit on by the best still. I am honest sincere and a sensual beautiful woman.Perfection or the pursuit of it is borring and usually cold and very insecure and that is so not attractive .It doesn't hurt to take care of your makeup and hair ,but what really shines is on the inside and comes from within Even men can see that Think about that. Merry Christmas
Love, Monica Vancouver BC
I am a 18yr old single parent of a healthy 6 month old baby boy. I was anorexic when i found out i was pregnant by my long-term bf. I weighed just 5stone5pounds, and through my pregnany gained 4stone. I still have a lot of baby weight to shed, but i believe my son saved my life. Due to my eating dissorder i had a very complicated pregnancy and was advised early on by doctors to have an abortion, but i think that would have mentally finished me off. My ex-boyfriend doesn't want anything to do with me or my son, but at the end of the day he is the one missing out, not me. I want to say that i accidentally stumbled upon you're site, but it has given me much hope and inspiration for the future. (i loved the poem by the way) thankyou so much
from Amanda Grieve uk
i have so many things to say about this. i gave birth to leela 10 months ago, and decided to teach mom and baby yoga with her. most of the moms that come to class want to "work their bellies off"
i get it. i am coming from YEARS of eating disorders and plastic surgery. but now, i have a daughter...who runs aroudn smiling at life, and LOVES herself. it is my responsiblity to demonstrate strength, and it is a HUGE time for moms to RECREATE a new path for our kids. there is so much power in creation...and creating a child is the most powerful creation i have been a part of so far. to focus on the baby fat in THIS time of powerful life seems trite. sorry to sound less empathetic, but it is time.
i hope one day that moms say "wow i love what my body can do" when they come to my yoga classes.
:)
I am a 21 year old mother of a 14 month old little girl. I had gained 100lbs and expected to be back to "normal" by my daughters first birthday.I found that by taking the focus off of getting "skinny" again and shifting it onto getting into shape and having a healthy body image, for myself and my daughter the weight just melted off. Realistic goals, eating well(not dieting)and regular exercise are key in getting your pre-prego body back. It's as simple as that, there are no magic pills or secret answers. I waited until my daughter was about 4 months old until I started a serious exercise routine. I have lost approx. 87 lbs in the past 10 months. by taking care of myself and having fun being a mom. There comes a time when we need to take responsibility and avoid passing our insecurities and lack of self esteem onto our daughters. It is essential to look good,to feel our best, but as women we need to start realizing that thinness does not define our worth as human beings, and we are good enough overweight or not.
Amazing how pregnant and new moms have numbers attached to them.
"I gained "x" number of pounds in this pregnancy and it took me this long to lose it"
Why is it that how we look(ed) throughout the entire process from conception until months after birth seems to define what type of person/mother we are.
instead of "she let herself go ever since she got pregnant"
instead of:
"she spends so much time focusing on caring for her child(ren) she has put her own needs (ie: going to the gym and preparing herself lowfat, health conscious meals"
we have to remember that how we look does not define who we are.
