"FOR THE SLIM AND SHORT"

So - check this out...

Last night as I mentioned, my sister and I went to the Dixie Chicks concert here in LA.
We made reservations for dinner at a restaurant called The Pacific Dining Car in downtown LA near the concernt venue. We were excited to go because we had heard great things about this place AND they offered a free shuttle to the concert so we didn't have to worry about parking. (bonus!)

When we arrived the place was virtually empty minus a few tables of early bird diners. It had an old school steakhouse vibe - we were stoked. A man went to seat us and lead us to a table in the middle of the dining room. I asked if he had a booth available. And he said:

"You don't want to sit in the booths. They are uncomfortable. Because they are primarily for the slim and the short."

I looked at him and he could tell I understood his subtext. His eyes got wider and he tried to make it better by pointing to himself and saying "I am not slim nor short so I don't sit at the booths, either."

I was silent as he continued to dig himself a hole.

"The cushions on the back of the booths were reupholstered so that they don't give much room between the back of the booth and the table."

Seriously? Is he still continuing?

He was offering us this lecture at the top of his lungs in front of other diners and the two couples already seated at the booths were staring.

"FINE" I managed to muster under my breath as I grabbed the back of the chair to sit down at the table. I felt scolded, shamed, and reprimanded and all I wanted was a FRICKIN booth.

My sister didn't know right away how to process what just happened. All of sudden we both felt incredibly uncomfortable and found ourselves eye balling the booths. The men sitting in the booths had bellies - all of them. And they didn't seem uncomfortable or inconvenienced by the new upholstery.

I opened the menu and wanted my feeling of disgust to go away. It didn't. I couldn't help but have that conversation ring in my head. Did he just exercise sizism on me? I wanted to find a way out of feeling aware. Obviously in what I do - I have a heightened sense of these things so I spent a few minutes trying to talk myself out of what I was feeling.

Couldn't do it.

As I processed with my sister we both decided I wasn't crazy - we did hear and felt what we heard and felt - and decided to leave. I didn't want to patronize a restaurant where they wouldn't let me sit where I desired. I think it was his job to seat us at a booth and let us decide if we are uncomfortable and want to move. He asserted his opinion that we were neither "slim nor short" - and I didn't have to accept that.

We got up and asked for a manager.

The man who sat us was the manager. Holy cow. So I said to him:

"Sir, you have offended us. Your comment as to why you wouldn't seat us in a booth is ridiculous and insulting"

He wasn't surprised - he knew exactly what he was doing.

He said "I am sorry. I just thought you'd be more comfortable at a table."

I said "I didn't ask for a table. Did you make the same lecture to the people you sat at the booths?"

He replied "No, they seem considerably smaller to me."

HA! There you have it. He said it. He was being sizeist. And now I didn't have to beat myself up for feeling what I felt. My gut never lies.

I said "Well, that is disgusting for you to discriminate like that. And for that we won't be patronizing your restaurant and I will make sure to tell everyone I know not to as well."

We turned and walked out. Drove to the concert venue - found a lovely new place to eat and attempted to put this akward moment behind us.

Truth is, to a less trained or aware ear, his comments could have just lodged themselves in the general data base of self-loathing, non-acceptance, discrimination that most people feel about their bodies. I did go through my own process of thinking "am I THAT big that he had to say that?" or the "why me?" thoughts poured through me. And then I stopped myself. It wasn't for me to figure out. It was his ignorance, his issue not mine. And I took the action I could - which was to remove myself and speak up.

Was it comfortable? No. Did I want to do it? No. Did I have to do it? Yes.

I have come too far in my own self-love and recovery to not call something as I see it.
As I feel it.
And raise my voice.

Comments

I am not surprised Jess. Not at all. People say stupid things about women's size all the time. Whether we 'warrant' it or not. It doesn't matter. He was a bigot of sorts. He definitely was descrinimating. But this is what people don't understand. Body discrimination can be subtle at times like the way someone looks at you or doesn't look at you. You can hear it in the tone of their voice. If discrimination was that obvious than we'd all be up in arms doing something about it. But most of us just hide it away, ashamed of it.

I am glad you spoke up and left. I'd like to give that restaurant a piece of my mind as well and will write them an e mail. Good for you, Jess. You spoke up when many of us wouldn't.

And for the record, I think you are smokin' girl!!!!!

Ok - I agree with Terry I want to give this dude a piece of my mind. What an ass! But you know I would have never been ballsy enough to say something. I once had a man tell me he didn't think the shoes I was trying on would fit over my 'chubby ankles'. I was mortified but then I realized that he was jut an idiot and I can let his words hurt me or I could make up my own mind. But he was teh shoe sales person so it was a crazy uncomfortable situation. I ended up leaving the store, too but not without writing a not to the manager. i was too afraid to say something. But now you have inspired me to speak up if it happens again. thanks, jess!

Totally rude and un-called-for! Beyond being sizist (which he definitely is), his comments were just plain bad manners. Not to mention poor business sense, and I hope your leaving the restaurant let him know that. Hit him where it hurts the most...in the wallet!!

That sucks! I think you handled the situation very well. I would have went off!

That sucks! I think you handled the situation very well. I would have went off!

Perfectionist--

It's crazy living in this perfectionist society--
Where women lose their minds and integrity--
Trying--very hard--to integrate in all this insanity
Their bodies up for critique--such inequity!
Their bodies degraded--no indemnity!
Their souls aiming for wrong--no identity
Their hearts constantly at war with creation--no tranquility!
They come unto old age, aims unperfected--
Then they wish to have lived life differently--
Spent their time wisely and perfectly...
But if only they had known what I know now!
And this message I'll say over and over, I vow--
You don't need to be stiletto tall...
A glamour barbie admired by all--
For you are alive, good and beautiful--
Intelligent, intuitive, graceful...
You don't need anymore perfection than this!
You're already beautiful, dear sis!
Live off your mind and become successful--
A lifetime obsessed with your body is one so dull!
Time is so precious, temporary, rare--
Use it to help orphans, victims of war, those in despair!

Amen! I've never posted a comment before, but have just been reading your blog and came across this post. I think you're a very beautiful woman no matter what this idiot thinks of you, and an awesome writer. Props for putting the name of the restaurant up too!

I am saddened to say that it doesn't surprise me at all that this happened. I am however, very excited to learn that you spoke up, even though the manager didn't seem to care! Good for you!

Of course I wasnt there, but i think what we all tend to forget is we are all human, HELLO! People make mistakes and none of us are perfect, by no means. I believe the man was out of line, but I also feel that we should learn to over look imperfections in ppl personalities as we expect ppl to over look imperfections in us. Why cant we just all get along?