The Daily Dance

Hey Everyone…welcome to The Weighting Game with Jess.
I am excited to have this opportunity to connect with you about two very important things:

WEIGHT and WAITING

The first one is obvious. I don’t know a woman alive who isn’t concerned, confused, or obsessed with her weight. It seems the number on the scale has taken on a value of epic proportions in our lives – it equals our self worth, it invalidates our loving relationships, and it often times holds us back from living the life we truly desire. However, I must share right off the bat – that I am not a huge fan of diets. This makes my placement on this particular site, interesting. I think dieting in it’s traditional and media saturated way really causes women to become more disconnected from their true hunger and their true sense of self-worth.

Diets that cause you to restrict your lifestyle to the point where you can’t communicate or enjoy normal, everyday activities seems pointless to me. And yet, everywhere you turn someone out there is trying to sell you the latest quick fix diet that will yield you happiness. I don’t buy it. And here’s why: I am a veteran of dieting. For all the time I have spent starving, wishing, hoping, and praying for a different body – I should have a PhD in dieting. Instead, what I had was a long and painful journey into the worlds of all three eating disorders: Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating Disorder.

Now, 16 years of recovery later (WOO HOO) I am here to be a conduit for discussing what is really going on behind our weight and body image issues. Because it is not about the food, the fat, or the weight. It is about the emotions, experiences, and feelings. And through this blog, I hope to explore the daily dance that women do with their bodies, weight, food, family, relationships, career, and LIFE.

In order to really get to the root of your own inner happiness and eventually an outer body to match – you have to be willing to tackle the question: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Are you waiting to be thinner, prettier, richer, or better dressed before you jump into your life? Are you waiting to lose those last elusive 5 pounds before you truly accept yourself and all of your accomplishments? Are you allowing past relationships, past hurts, and unfulfilled dreams to hold you back from being present in your life today? What is stopping you from owning and taking care of your total health – mind, body, and soul?

I have spent the past 16 years of my life asking myself these questions. I’ve even made a career out of it. You might have seen me on the Today Show. Or Oprah. Or CNN. I have written two books (Do I Look Fat In This and A Very Hungry Girl) and speak world wide encouraging women everywhere to develop a stronger sense of self-esteem.

But the truth is – I am a participant of this daily dance as well. I am still a woman in progress – searching for the answers. I’ll have the courage to write about my journey and share it with you and I hope you’ll do the same.

Come on, what are we waiting for??

Comments

Love the addition of your blog, Jess! Though I find it ironic that when I linked to the Diet & Fitness page on iVillage, the first thing I saw was a site-sponsored plan to get "slim and sexy" for 2007. Ugh. I'm 6 months pregnant with my second child, so I doubt that slim or sexy will be in the cards for me next year. My body is already riddled with severe stretch marks and sagging skin. Health and fitness? Yeah, I suppose that's possible for me, but slim and sexy? Doubtful. Please forgive the negativity. I'm just not in a good place with my body these days. In fact, I wasn't in a good place with my body when I was 25 yrs. old and a size 8, which is still huge by societal standards (I'm a 14/16 now, not counting my baby belly, which makes me even bigger).

Jess...this is a wonderful addition!!! Looking forward to reading your thoughts each day! As a 29 year old with an ed for the past 14 years, I love getting more information on how to feel better!! Thanks for everything!!!

Jess very nice motivating words, i wish i have this kinda power well, I keep thinking of just dieting, and i've been dieting all my life, i wish i can cut it out and have this healthy body your talking about,but you know what iam and i will... and im on my way ;)

You are right...you are on your way. All of us are on our way. And to me, health is a continum - it is always a balance, always trying to even itself out. It is not a constant state. And I bet if you stick with us here on this blog for a while, hopefully you'll discover a way to let go of the painful part of dieting and ease into a more graceful way to embrace your body...

:)

I'm 53 & I have had a weight problem for over 25 years. I'm diabetic, older, sedintary, and I don't know what i'm waiting for either. I'm a very nice looking lady, but I am way out of proportion (apple shape). So, tomorrow I have an appointment w/my doctor to talk about this. He seems to be very helpful (we're new to each other) & he's young & very informative & has a lot of news about new stuff, so I'm hoping to start there. I know I have to get active. Your blog helped! But I'm on a journey & I hope to get better! I'm usually OK w/my appearance (just because I'm pretty) but then I realize that I'm not going the healthy way so I know I have to do something! Thanks!

i have a dear, dear friend who is fighting with her weight anyone who can help i would be ever so gratefull thanks hope for my friend

I just received this email and felt compelled to share, I just turned 43, am 5'3" and weigh 134. I've gained 10 pounds since February but I am a much happier person. Following in the footsteps of my mother i've been dieting my whole life. Now, I started to eat healthy, natural foods. Not too much processed. The difference it made in my attitude is remarkable. The depression is gone, I love myself and who I am for me. Since I've developed this this new "self love" the people that I come in contact with constantly tell me how beautiful I am inside and out. A few extra lbs. yes, still a size 4? no, but I am a beautiful person. Thank you for adding me to your list. Live for today, because it will never come around again.

I enjoyed reading your post and i am looking forward to hearing more. I am in my early 20s and have been battling bulimia and restrictive eating for a year and a half. It started with a significant weight gain from antidepressant side effects and has spiraled downward from there. I have become obsessive with my preoccupation with food and i fear that it wil never go away. I no longer trust SSRIs (which would probably help with my overwhleming anxiety) and since my mother is a graduate of the culinary institute i can never escape the conversations about food and dieting. I hope that i will be able to learn something from your blog to keep me motivated throughout the holidays!

Im 20 years old and 95 pounds yet I can not find satisfaction in my perfectly toned body. My life revolves around what i will eat next and how I will burn it off in my two hour workouts everyday. My mind is a constant pendulum of thinking I deserve rest and thinking that I need to keep at my strict regime. One minute I am happy with my active lifestyle and then the next I am thinking I am doing my self torture. All I want is normal eating and to be able to live life without constantly being consumed by this drive to be thinner or atleast not gain a pound. I have been anorexic which turned to a long bit of anorexia now I am just super planner when it comes to eating I am restrictive and I have episodes of binging that are followed by hours and hours punishing myself at the gym. I just want to love myself no matter what.....HELP

I am 44 yrs old and have a strong desire to become a CFT "certifide fitness trainer". Reading the messages truely confirms in me that we need one another to encourage and help motivate to that healthy and enjoyable place of life. It brings me no greater joy then to help individuals reach their full potential, body, mind and spirit! Thanks to Jess for starting this and thanks to everyone for your honesty, may you all get the words of wisdom and encouragement you need to stay the course!!!

I am an 23 year old who is 5'5" and I weigh 216 pounds I have tried everything to lose my weight but nothing is helping what should I do? is there any one who could help me?

I am 26 years old and 5'10. I am slendour built but I always had a tube around my stomach. I tried everything to get it away but can't seem to do that. What food groups can I cut out to get that tube away?

I am a 32 year old african american women, since the birth of my daughter I have gained weight. Before her I use to weigh around 120lbs. But now I am now 185. I don't like it at all,and on top of that I have diabetes. I haven't tried the diet pills, but I have tried to do what alot of these diets that are out there and let me tell you (Don't work) not for me.I recently have decided to just watch what I eat and sometimes I admit I cheat(alot) but what I am always trying to tell myself is don't give up, keep trying. I am trying to exercise 3 times a week in the morning before I go to work, because I work a full time job, full time mom of 4 childeren, and going back to school I wouldn't do it later on in the day. I will tell any woman with an full scheldue, that it reallys does work to exercise in the morning.I am going to go for now, but this felt good to be able to talk about my weight problem, but i guess its not such an problem, I just need to learn how to love me for me now and later.

Hey, thank u so much. I have recently been struggling with my body and not taking care of myself properly. I am not fat but i think i am...Ive gone down from a size 10-12 to an 8 and it feels shamefully good to say that but at the same time i know that ive not finished...I am a christian happy girl from a loving family but some painful experiences to do with relationships have triggered off this vicious cycle that i cant get out of and i could really do with some help.

Im from the uk...i wondered if this blog and this group was also on the ivillage.co.uk???

I am 43 years old. I have watch my weight my whole life. Now at this age I have gained weight 172lb 5'6" the weight charts say I'm obese. However, I excersize regular and have lots of muscle. Many people tell me I'm beautiful inside and out. Which I seem to need approval from others. I just wish there was a way to eat right and excersize and be happy with out weight charts telling me I'm Obese. Crazy how a few words can destroy our self esteem. I just want to be happy and healthy. I'm tired of the battle of trying to like myself. I just want to be

I am 15 yrs old, and I can't seem to like my body. It's not that I'm ugly, I just have a very strange body shape, kind of like a pear(skinny on top, fat on the bottom). I'm 5'7'' and 133 lbs, and I should be fine w/ that, but I'm not. One of my friends who's 5'6'' was complaining about being fat because she weighs 106 lbs. It made me feel horrible. I want to like myself, but it's hard, especially hearing people who weigh a lot less than me saying they're fat. I'm hoping your blog can help me learn to like my body more.

Jamie- i definately understand where you are coming from. I have issues with my body and i am at a normal weight but i am still obsessed with becoming skinnier and what always keeps this obsession ging is that my sister that is a couple years older is 1 in shorter than me and prob 8-10 lbs thinner and is always talking about either how she needs to lose weight or will just talk about how she is so hungry and will eat junk food right in front of me- i feel like she shoves it in my face bc it makes her feel better about herself. I even confided in her my issues with food hoping that she would give me some support and that support lasted 1 week and then she went back to her normal self and continued to make me feel horrible about my body and food- so maybe your friend has issues of her own and by saying that she needs to lose weight she is just looking for reassurance

Wow. I hate to say this, but it's almost comforting to read that some of you ladies are going thru similar things that I am...I am never happy with my body-constantly watch and count what I eat, and even more constantly think about it, and work out or exercise. It absolutely consumes my life. I am 5'5 and 140 lbs. I go to the gym everyday and play soccer 4 times a week, yet I feel no satisfaction when I look in the mirror, and this has devastating consequences on my self esteem and confidence. So much so that I worry about my boyfriend leaving me etc.. look what our society has done to us...I don't know what to suggest about all of us feeling this way, but it needs to stop

loved this!!!

I have also struggled with my weight... I have delayed really living my life because I always felt that I was too heavy... but I have now realized that everyone seems wrought with issues about their body. As I have aged, I am realizing more & more that we all have dissatisfactions -- which makes us normal. I am now trying to embrace who I am from the inside rather than the outside.

Am 74 years old, 5 ft. tall & weigh 186 lbs. Achieved lifetime status at Weight Watchers when I was 40 but that was a long time ago and the pounds just kept coming. Have tried to lose weight for the past 3 years, weighing in weekly with a friend. Have not gained any more but haven't really lost...sometimes I just seesaw back and forth. In reading the "Conquer Your Cravings" newsletters, discovered I eat when I actually am not hungry. I am now trying to figure out why. Do any of you have any ideas