Thin

I am disturbed.
Highly disturbed.

I just finished watching photographer Lauren Greenfield’s documentary “Thin” on HBO.
This doc follows 4 women as they go through treatment at Renfrew, a facility in Florida.

You’d think having lived through eating disorders in my life; I would be used to most of what I saw. And I was. Unfortunately if you traded the images of emaciated girls in hospital gowns for Hollywood beauties in awards show gowns, you’d see the same image, really. Bones jutting, sinewy arms, strained and tired faces.

Starving, ironically, is a lot of work. And the girls in this doc were real tired of fighting this disease. They were realistically portrayed as being complex, at times conniving (you always want to out fox your therapists – it is the disease at work), and most times in desperate need of unconditional love. My heart broke many times as they cried out wishing they were ‘normal’ and not possessed by this demon that demands them to starve and cut and mutilate their bodies with aggressive self loathing.

There is no doubt I was disturbed by the images and by the quiet desperation both the patients and their care givers were feeling. However, what I was most disturbed by was the ending. I have always been a fan of Lauren’s work – her book “Girl Culture” proudly sits on my book shelf and I thumb through it now and again to gaze at her beautiful and raw portraits of girl life in this country. I find her to be soul-searching and relevant in collecting the stories of girls in our world. But Lauren let me down with the ending to “Thin.”

I thought in her attempt to be real and raw – she left out a little shred of hope. Perhaps she was exhausted from the 6 months of recording a disease that takes the lives of 20 percent of the people who struggle with it. Perhaps she was disillusioned by watching the girls take 3 steps forward in their recovery and then 10 steps back when no one was looking. I understand that. I do. Battling this addiction is not unlike any other – it is harrowing, non-sensical, and down right depressing at times.

BUT there is also a lot of hope for this addiction and disease because people DO recover. Slowly but surely I know thousands of women who have untangled the tricky web of eating disorders that held their lives hostage. It wasn’t done in TV time – but throughout a lifetime – small steps of change yielding great big results. And I missed that in Lauren’s ending.

I don’t want to ruin it for those who haven’t seen it yet – but basically – we are left at the end of “Thin” feeling that there will not be a happy ending for the girls she followed. And while I respect her right as a film maker to leave her art in the shape she desires – I wished she would have thought about the impressionable, hurting, and hungry viewers who would be watching – hoping to catch a glimpse of something outside of a world hell bent on normalizing under eating for women.

It would have been grand, in my opinion to end with a hotline number, an encouraging thought – that recovery is possible – and perhaps even a follow up story from someone who is managing to move on past this disease.

Quite frankly – we see too many doom and gloom stories about eating disorders that I am afraid it numbs us all to the possibility of recovery and hope. And in this world, as it is today – I personally think we can use as much hope as we can muster.

Comments

I feel what is most disturbing about documentaries for eating disorders is that they only show the people who are THIN.

I am a recovering bulimic. I always will be as I feel there is no cure, only management.

I was diagnosed with bulimia at 235 pounds by my psychiatrist. I thought it wasn't possible due to my obesity and that I did not vomit or use laxatives. It was my compensation for a binge by over exercising, fiber, dangerous diet pills and "fasting" that brought this diagnosis.

My story is long and I don't want to bore anyone. I just wanted to say that it would be helpful one day to see an article, a TV show, or someone step up to say that a person does not have to be dangerously THIN to have an eating disorder which is slowly killing them! These people need help too and our medical profession needs to question eating behaviors of not only the very thin, but the obese as well.

Thank you for the opportunity to comment
Lisa
mommysalami04@yahoo.com

I agree, Lisa! I too have struggled with eating disorders in my past and don't look like the typical waif or sick hollywood starlet. It is disappointing that more people dont' realize that this disease (and it is a disease) is a killer and you don't have to be thin to be suffering.

And also - the media needs to address just how bad it has gotten to afford treatment in this country, I had to mortgage my home in order to go to the hospital. It is insane and still a mental health disease no one wants to face!

I was actually a client at Renfrew when Lauren was filming the "Thin" documentary. I haven't seen the documentary yet, but have purchased the companion book. It was difficult to focus on treatment with all of cameras present. I chose to not be part of the documentary or the filming and as a result, I felt like an outcast. It will be interesting for me to see the documentary, although I am reluctant to see it due to the hopeless ending I have heard so much about. I have struggled with my eating disorder for about 20 years and I just want it to end. I dream of a happy, healthy life, without the constant disgust I feel for my body. I hold onto the hope that one day this dream will come true.

I as well was disappointed with the film. I am a recovering anorexic for about a year. in all honestly i was completly shocked by the treatment at renfrew. I was in a treatment center for over a year and could not imagine if i were somewhere like renfrew. There are sooo many things i found a problem, completly setting up these women for failure. My heart really went out to those women and i hope they are able to find another treatment center that will help them to get over this terrible disease. I just hope they dont give up, because from experience, there are places that really work and they truly deeply care about every patient and their recovery!!!
For those who are strugggling.. trust me, no matter how much treatment sucks at the time and you never think you'll make it. in the end it is soooo unbelievably worth it! I was completely against treatment in the beginning and now swear by it. It is the one thing that saved my life! I never pictured my life where it is now.. and would never give that away now!

I am 52 years old and was anorexic in my teens and early 20s. What helped me was seeing a therapist who told me we needed not to focus on what I was eating but "what was eating me." She wouldn't let me talk about "feeling fat" or what I had eaten or not eaten, but was going on deep inside me. I want to remind frantic thin women that when you learn to enjoy food and accept that eating is okay, then even if you end up overeating and gaining weight, even if you get "fat," you won't feel any worse about your body in the long run than you did when you were thin and terrified about gaining weight--and you're likely to feel a whole lot better. I sure do! When you let go of the fear of eating, you'll also have a lot more energy to focus on things that make you happy, relaxed, and easygoing. Keep reading books like Jessica's on accepting your body; doing so still helps me. Jessica, we need to put together a book list for this site!

Nina - I am all for putting together a book list for this site - you wanna kick it off??

:)

I have an eating disorder and was at Renfrew, but I am not sure if I shoudl watch the documentary. Does anyone have any thought? Will it be triggering or will it be a good thing. I have seen the previews and stuff like that.

Demetra - I think the ultimate choice is up to you whether you watch this or not. The questions to think about are: how long have you been out of treatment? do you normally get triggered when watching TV shows or reading books about ED's, etc. And really what would be your goal in watching it?

I think there isn't a lot of 'hope' in it - so if you are in a fragile space - you may want to wait...but then again - you know first hand what is really best for you - follow your gut and be really clear on your intention.

I am a recovering bulimic. Two years since I put my finger down my throat, but I still struggle daily with body image (as I am like many who are not paper thin yet still struggle with this disease) Each day is a struggle. Some moments I feel so alone and others I have the courage to overcome the demons that take a hold of my life. I am a mother of four and I want to be healthy for them. I should want to be healthy for me, but for now, I will do it for them. Diet pills and laxatives stare at me from store shelves, sometimes I give in. Our world is obsessed with being bone thin. What ever happened to Marilynn Monroe sexy? I struggle each day that I am not that model with long lean legs and flat belly. I focus on the fact that it has been two years since purging, but each day is a fight. We are in the fight of our lives!

Complex patients forget about that as in general it is necessary itself to a message in a society. WBR LeoP