A Beautiful Work In Progress

I am single.

I am very open to creating a romantic relationship in my life.

I am 33 and have an aversion to bars, blind dates, and bad 'singles' events.

So I did what any other girl living in a metropolis would do...I joined an online dating site.

If any of you have ever done this then you know just how ridiculous the questions are that they ask.

"Name 5 things you can't live without"

"_____ is sexy. ______ is sexier"

But perhaps the most ridiculous question they ask of you is to describe your body type. And the choices are:

- slender
-athletic
-average
-large
- rubenesque
-zaftig

And they offer you no real definition or clarification as to what their idea of those sizes and shapes are. So you are left to your own devices and forced to pick from a pull down menu of options what term best describes your body. (There is not a choice to leave it blank on the site I am on) So I spent a good portion of the afternoon agonzing over what to say because I didn't like the narrow definitions offered. I asked my friend, Rena what she chose as she is my most prolific friend in the online dating world (she averages at least 2 dates a week). She said that she puts down 'average' even though she is quite slender because she doesn't think she is skinny enough to choose slender. HA! I already see there will be no winning at this game.

Then I ask a guy's opinion and my friend Paul says "You should definitely lie on these things." WHAT? I said - someone is going to find out what you look like eventually. What is the point of lying??

So I decided to seek my own council and answer "rubenesque" because I have always been a fan of Rubens paintings and I figured I just couldn't get myself to call my body 'average' after all the hard work I had done in learning to love it and honor it - I'd much rather compare it to a piece of art than to a grade given on a report card.

Besides there is nothing average about this body. It has war wounds from years spent battling my own self-loathing and it has victory scars from falling down once while running my first marathon in Hawaii. I make love in this body and I hug friends with this body but there weren't any accurate descriptions for me to select such as:

"learning to love my body"
or
"overcame a lot with my body"

So I completed my profile and I'll keep you posted on the kinds of responses I get (and dates I go on, fingers crossed!)

This whole process did make me think about the kinds of words we use to describe our bodies. Are they damaging words? Limiting words? Or are they realistic words? Women of all sizes call themselves 'fat' on a daily basis - whether their weight warrants it or not. Do you let others decide your description or are you writing your own definition?

If I were running that dating site, here are the choices I'd use to describe a woman's body:

- Fabulously functioning
- Sensually aware
- Loving every inch of it
- Created beautiful babies with it
- Healthy and happy just as I am
- Deliciously Curvy
- A beautiful work in progress

Which one would you choose??

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Comments

OMG - you crack me up! My vote is for "Created Beautiful Babies With It" since I just gave birth to my first daugther, Bella, a few months ago!!

BTW - my best friend met her husband online, I can't wait to hear about how the men respond!!

I would put "fabulously functioning, sensually aware and loving every inch of it, because I am healthy and happy just as I am". See, never been stingy about my body :)

Nic, girl, I LOVE your description!! :)

I feel you on the whole agonizing about how to describe your body on a dating website! A beautiful work in progress is what I would have chosen if that were a choice on the site I belong to. The choices they give you just aren't good for anyone's self esteem! And everyone has a different perception of what average actually is, I think I'll email the site I belong to and give them your suggestion! You continue to be an inspiration for me every single day! Thank you from the bottem of my heart!

hmm I'd go more in nic's direction with that, all those phrases just sound so positive!I'd go for deliciously curvy I think, as I absolutely love the word curvy.

I wish every woman would be able to discribe herself this way, every day of her life..

goodluck with the responses. i definately love the choices you chose to describe a woman's body. every single one of them sounds appealing and positive. i would choose made beautiful babies with it or a beautiful work in progress.

I would have to say Created beautiful babies with it and A beautiful work in progress, but does is not what my boyfriend thinks.

Seriously. The only thing "average" describes is how you feel about your body, which is probably more telling than anything. I find that the most offensive/offputting option of them all.

I'd have to go with a 'delicously curvy work in progress'. I just joined the Community challange and I'm really looking forward to reading your upcoming blogs. The one's I've read so far are very insightful and uplifting. Can't wait for more!

Hmmm...the CDC says I am overweight, but I am finally becoming somewhat comfortable with what I look like, and I finally developed breasts and hips a couple of years ago after spending the majority of my 20's without them. My boyfriend seems to love my body, lumps and all. So, I guess I should too.

Being overweight by a lot (according to the BMI Scale)... but having a decent amount of muscle to support it, I'd have to go with Deliciously Curvy.

I don't and will never look slender... and I'm okay with that!

Just found this site....lovin' it! I am about to turn 40 and have struggled my entire life to like ME, never mind the body I live in. But you made me think....this is the body that gave birth to my son and nursed him, and still gives him huge big hugs every day (he is 16 now). This is the body that has - to some extent - sheltered my soul and guarded my psyche, that my cats love to nap on and the dog likes to lean on. Maybe I should cut it some slack, huh? Look forward to reading more.

I would chose Deliciously Curvy and a beautiful work in progress. Somedays I feel thinner than others, other days I feel huge beyond belief and nothing fits correctly. According to the BMI scale I am not obese, but heavy and even my ideal weight is still to much weight to be carrying on my bones. The promise I made to myself is this, eat well most of the time, exercise often and be happy with your body and the skin you are in. Never compare yourself to another person - no two people are made the exact same.

Girls.....Just think of yourselves as "Naturally Fine" ...No matter what your size, hair color....or any other crazy ideas you have swimming around in your heads.....we are all fabulous in our on ways...Be who you are and Be Happy About it!

I'm Deliciously Curvy & Loving Every Inch Of It... And My Fiance' Is Too... I Can't Wait To Read How Your Online Dating Goes....I Met My Fiance' Online, We've Been Together For 1yr.& 8mos. We're Getting Married In March 2007 In... VEGAS BABY!!!! So My Fingers Will Be Crossed And I Will.."Say A Little Prayer For You".. Sing With Me.. "Forever, Forever, You'll Stay In My Heart,La,La,La,Forever"...LOL!!! You Know The Rest... Good Luck Girl!!

Please tell us how this goes!

Isn't it amazing that dating sites want you to describe yourself, yet limit those descriptions? Because we all know, even the paunchiest of men want the slender or athletic body type. At least in my experience.

So I'll go for vivaciously curvy and luscious thank you very much!

I love this post. It captures so much about the descriptions we use on our bodies and we mentally internalize.

Mine would be:
"Can't live without it!"

Go Jess!
love and hugs,
Amy from Penn State

I am going to have to go with "sensually aware work in progress"

Now that my kids are teenagers, I am much more aware of my body and sensuality. When they were younger, it seemed I couldnt get past that "mom mold" not just psychologically, but physically as well. Honestly, I feel younger in my late 30's (very late 30's I might add) than I ever did in my 20's. I hear that alot from other women my age. Maybe w are just making up for lost time. The time we didnt have because those of us who had babies at an early age were too busy with Barney the Dinosaur,our kids pog collections, carpools to preschool, the certain Babysitters Club book our daughter just HAD to have to complete her collection,fund raisers for the soccer team and chaparoning field trips.
Eventually (or finally?),after all these years I found my sensuality (and an awesome man)
So if I get disvouraged or face setbacks durind the challange, I will have to keep reminding myself--->Rome wasnt built in a day...neither was my butt!!!!

According to my 3 year old granddaughter, I look "fabuous!" I'll settle for that!