Playing favorites

After reading through yesterday's initial responses (all so warm and welcoming, BTW--thank you!), it seems like one common goal shared by so many women...and this certainly isn't an earth-shattering surprise...is our constant struggle to love ourselves AS IS. To embrace the curve of our hips, the muscle in our calves, the swell of our inner thigh (it's there for a reason, ladies: to protect a little baby's head during childbirth!)

I recently attended a super-fun book party where about 12 smart and sassy women gathered to discuss my writing, what it meant to them, their own body image struggles and celebrations. As the wine flowed and the martinis got dirtier, stories unfolded about college struggles with anorexia; current - albeit very slight - weight gain (and the accompanying great breasts that came with it!); a recent broken leg and the frustration of not being able to work out. One woman recently grew her hair back after a year-long struggle with cancer and, not even 30 years old, is about to get married to a fabulous guy. Her friend was fantastically fiesty and rallied the group to ignore sizes when shopping and rip the tags out once home - after all, one store's size 6 can be another's size 12. It doesn't matter!

At one point, we decided to go around the room (the women had rented a private back room - complete with stripper pole! - for the event) and say what our favorite part of our body was. I suggested this game because so often, we focus on the parts we dislike: "My stomach is too flabby." "My chest is so small." "I have cankles." (OK, I admit...I have long yearned for slender ankles, but 'tis not my genetic fate.) So around we went, starting with me. I said I love my height, because I feel it gives me a strong presence, and my stomach, because it's nice evidence of my healthy lifestyle. Around we went and it was so interesting to hear what everyone had to say. One woman loved her nose, with its teeny tiny silver stud. Another loved her "ba-dunk-a-dunk," which never fails to garner her positive attention from the male persuasion. One woman loved the proportions of her curvy figure, because everything "just fits together." Hair; eyes; chest; everything! It was so empowering!

So let's try it here. What do you love about your body? What are your favorite parts...and why? Let us know how beautiful you are, inside and out.

Comments

I love my body shape! Petite and muscular, but I still have a butt and boobs. I'm 21 and finally deciding that being a short, curvy 6-8 is great!! (I know that might seem small to some people, but when you're this young and your peers are so obsessed with extreme thinness I sometimes used to feel really big.)
PS Leslie you're doing great so far!!!

my first time commenting here! I used to read Jess' blog but never really replied. reading this post made me want to comment though.

I can definitely relate to Lila. I'm only 19 and everyone my age is so obsessed with being thin. though I think it's less of an issue here (I live in Holland) than it is in the US it can be quite frustrating.

reading things like this make me take a breath and focus on the things I actually think aren't that bad.. I'm a size 10 (UK size 12, that's 10 in the US right?) and I'm pretty much in proportion. I like my lower legs, I actually have slender ankles! I never even realised it until I read this post! My face and breasts are not too bad, I love my eyes and absolutely love my hair. I love the way it's all long now and I can flip it over my shoulder! well actually I'm not that unhappy with myself, it's just hard to remember that sometimes..

"...the swell of our inner thigh (it's there for a reason, ladies: to protect a little baby's head during childbirth!)"

It's a shame you can't elect not to have swelling
thighs just because you don't want kids.

I love my feet - and all the shoes that fit them no matter what I eat. I am also loving my legs. I have been an advid biker off and on and just got back on the saddle and they feel so strong.

I have always loved pictures of Renasaince women. I though their cury bodies were beautiful. I try to stay in shape but keep what I feel is a natural woman's shape.

My favorite part of my body is my neck and shoulders. I also like to overall shape of my body(hourglass) but you know, toning up is always good.

I love my legs, hands, breasts, and eyes. They're the best parts of me, and some of the few things that weren't affected by giving birth twice! ;) I'd also say that I love my body's strength and ability to change and get better. I'm a runner, but when I began running, 5 minutes was a struggle. Now I can do 6 miles with no problem!

Leslie,
So great to hear from you and to see that you are still carrying your message. It is resonant and strong! Last week I turned 44, and for the first time in YEARS I decided to seriously celebrate my birthday. I realized that being a 44 year old mother of two, wife, full-time employee and devoted Spinning instructor gives me a tremendous amount to celebrate. Although I may not have the "hard body" I had in my 20's, and my monthly root touch-ups have become mandatory, I am healthy, energetic and strong. I have been through the ups-and-downs of pregnancy, weight-gain, weight loss, being out-of-shape and getting back into shape. For years I have counted points, banned all "bad" carbs, forced a minimum of 64 ounces of water into my body daily, and mentally dissected every calorie both before and after consuming it. This forum is a great place for people like me to come and take a moment to focus on our attributes, instead of our insignificant "imperfections". xoxo - Tami

See, this is why I love this exercise - it feels so good to hear women talk about the things they LOVE about their bodies versus what they wish they could shrink/cut off/wish away. Butts and boobs and hourglasses, oh my! I was wondering if someone was going to say feet...and I think it's great when we attach an action with a part, like Shelbee and Julie loving their strong legs which allow them to bike and run.

Lineke - thanks for sharing your insight...and all the way from Holland! Your hair does sound gorgeous! I think it's so interesting to hear from women in other coutries and cultures about their experience and how it has been shaped by external pressures. Something to explore in the future, for sure.

Ohh..my favorite part of my body is my breasts, after three children they are stll where they belong..:) And my waist..Im a so called "large" woman I love the curves having children has given me!

I love my eyes and my laugh. As long as I can laugh, I know everything will be ok - no matter how bleak it may seem.

Leslie, thank you so much for writing this blog! It is extremely empowering to be reminded by a fellow woman that we are all wonderful and beautiful. Sometimes we just forget.

*hugs*

I won't be reading this blog anymore. Jess understood what it feels like to be a curvy woman in a stick figure world because she was a curvy woman. You may have struggled with body image and eating disorders, but I have no interest reading a skinny woman's thoughts on weight. Sorry if that's rude, but it's true. Beyond that, it seems like you are overly obsessed with exercise and I'm not interested in reading a blog that is going to be all about the gym when the majority of women I know go to the gym because they are body-obsessed. It's wonderful to hear that some women appreciate their strong legs and fit bodies, but that's not something I'm interested in reading about every day. There are others of us who can't engage in strenuous exercise because of physical problems, and we deserve to be loved for our SOFT curvy bodies as much as anyone else does for their firm one. I don't need any more noise from society encouraging me to focus on my body instead of my mind, spirit, and character. Good riddance.

I'm a "chubby" girl at about 145 and 5'3" (age 22, size 10/12). I love to run and put in about 4 miles a day. I also like to enjoy food. Savor food and not deny myself. So what? I love looking at the shock on people's faces when they learn I run and have finished 2nd in 5ks. Just because I have a curvy body doesn't mean I can't be a runner too.

It is frustrating by not fitting the hard body model to be disregarded as an athlete. I put time in at the gym because I love pushing myself, not to be a certain size. Because I'm proud of my run times and how much I can lift, not because I want the perfect biceps to show off in my tiny tanks.

I have never commented on this thread either, but I cannot resist. I think it is great that women of ALL shapes and sizes can come together to confess their body image battles; whether a woman is soft and curvy or hard and lean shouldn't make a difference . . . it's the spirit and mind that suffer and sometimes what is on the outside does not necessarily reflect that pain.

But back to the main question: I LOVE my calf muscles and legs. I like my arms and I am learning to love my stomach :) Like Katie, I love the miles that my body is able to log.

Bridget, I think you put it so well when you said this is a place where "women of ALL shapes and sizes can come together," and that "it's the spirit and mind that suffer and sometimes what is on the outside does not necessarily reflect that pain." I think you speak for women around the globe who have battled all types of body image issues, from anorexia to obesity to more in-between distorted body image, or simply just the everyday, face-the-media's-portrayal of so-called "perfection."

As for any woman who may have felt offended or left out by my post, I apologize, as that was certainly not my intent. The point of this blog is for every single woman to have the opportunity to express their views and feelings - no one should feel excluded. Inclusion breeds education.

Our society is so body-obsessed and we're bombarded daily with images of photoshopped, airbrushed and edited women that aren't real. Everyday, someone's come out with shocking news of an eating disorder and their struggle. Well, I think it's a struggle to try and feel good about yourself when everywhere you turn, you're being told how you should look and what's socially acceptable. I see how people look at and treat women who are stick-thin and women who are overweight. Thinner women get better service and job promotions. It makes me sad. Just dealing with the pressures of looking a certain way and fitting into a certain size is exhausting. What do I love about my body? I just started my period, so nothing really. I'll get back to you in 5 to 7 days.

Leslie,
This is great !!! I am going to LOVE this blog ...take care

I have a very slight build, and recently lost 30 lbs of "surprise" weight that hit me at age 40. Prior to that time, I spent years in high school and college actually trying to GAIN weight. I was ridiculed for being too skinny and bony. I was accused of having an eating disorder (I didn't) by everyone from friends to doctors. I felt so pressured to change my shape that I ate every unhealthy food on the planet. It is only in the past year that I have focussed on my HEALTH (body and mind) and not my looks. Moral of the story...it's the result of all KINDS of body image garbage out there that make self-love so difficult for women. My two daughters will learn that all types of people make this world go 'round. Real confidence is striving to be YOUR best person...inside and out. Let's leave the "skinny vs curvy" to those who are less enlightened. Thanks, Leslie, for a great blog!

All of you sound so strong and Leslie so accepting and encouraging that I cannot help to comment! I am in the middle of a war between my mind and my body. I am struggling with an eatting disorder that I don't want anymore but am terrified of getting out of too. Is that crazy? How can I deal with the weight gain?!

I love my eyes because they allow me to see the world and the beauty of everybody in it. They are a shade of blue that almost always get mistaken for contacts.

I hate everything about my body, I have gained so much weight, and dieting....I've tried them all, I am being treated for an underactive thyroid, but still am gaining weight. I have resorted to only eating once a day, and still, I gain. It hit me hard the other day when my grandson looked at me (who is only 5) and said "gramma you can't drive me home, your belly is too big to fit in the car"...well, that sure hit hard!
But like I said I like nothing about my body, I avoid mirrors, I used to go to the gym until they started looking at me like is she going to break that machine? I am not afraid to say how much I have gained I weigh a whopping 241 lbs. now, and don't know what to do. My husband always says things to me like, well, it's okay, go ahead and eat that it won't hurt. but yet, he sees someone overweight and starts immediately saying snide remarks. Makes me think he thinks the same thing about me but refuses to admit it.
Thanks for listening to me ramble on!

I love my lips they are sensual and even though there are alot of things i would like to change, i am starting to except that im never going to be what i think is perfect and im finally ok with that! Thanks to every woman on here u all inspire me

I too LOVE this blog! I am 34 with a 15 yr old daughter and have just recently realized that my body/self image is going to rub off on her so I'd better keep it positive! She and I just recently joined a gym and she LOVES it which is good. I am constantly stressing to her the importance of eating right and exercising for health reasons and not to conform with socieities standards. Although I have just recently taken on this attitude, I never even thought to take heed to, and celebrate the parts of my body that I do love. At 5'9 and 230 lbs. I am a perfect 40, 33, 46 Big hips, Curvy and loving it. I also love my brown eyes, milk chocolate complexion and high cheekbones :).

What do I love about my body?
Depends on when you ask me... it can range from nothing at all to everything in one fell swoop....
I really love my legs. They are almost like tree trunks with their strength and musculature from hours and hours of walking, hiking, and biking---I can't wear a miniskirt well, but I can put treadmills to shame.
I miss Jess, but welcome Leslie!

I love my arms. When I am able to lift things that are heavy, I am so proud of myself. I also love my legs. They are muscular (ie big thighs) but when as I run, I am so proud of them and myself as I have become a 1 mile and done walker to a 5+ mile runner and 5k racer.

First of all, welcome!

I love my legs and my abs! Running and pilates does wonders to your body!

And to boo, if she's reading this, Leslie is focusing her blog on a healthy lifestyle and getting women to appreciate our bodies. And yes, plus size women's thoughts on weight may not be the same as a skinny woman's but I think we both have a similar goal: to love our body and be healthy? Your response sounded like some sort of an excuse for why you are the size you are. I, and many other women I'm sure, go to the gym and workout and yes, there are body image issues involved, but the main focus (for me, at least) is to be healthy and look good. Yes, I like to look good. I'm sure you would like to look good. I'm not obsessed with it to the point of having an eating disorder, so what's wrong with wanting to go to the gym to workout so that I look better in my clothes?

I say DITTO to CC. You go, girl!

Deanna, the way you describe yourself - your skin, your cheekbones, your attitude...it's absolutely delicious! Keep it up! xoxo les

Hey all you girls, I'm a 46 yr old grandma (size 16/18) who has decided to love my body,no matter what it looks like to others,very curvvvvvvvvy!! I accidently fell onto this page wondering around IVillage and started reading and you inspired me. I know I have beautiful hair, eyes and personality!!!!

Why is body image so closely linked to happiness? If we could only replace feeling healthy and accepting our appearance with the constant desire to look a little more like the next person. I believe in being the best you can be physically to allow for optimum emotional and mental health. So much more would be accomplished if women could focus more on a balanced life then weight loss.

I just found this blog and love it! I am finding this so inspiring. I love having nights like that with my girlfriends it's so much fun and I also find it very therapeutic:)I never thought I would say I loved my body after giving birth to a beautiful 9lbs baby boy! But I have chosen to change the way I look at things. At one time I was very thin and had no shape. I always wanted a more feminine figure. Becoming a mom has given me curves I never imagined and hips to go with them. I recently decided to adapt a healthy lifestyle and I can't wait to see how my new curves will look as I start to lose some weight! As for what I love about my body? I have big brown almond shaped eyes with long dark lashes,I have delicate feet with high sexy arches, my thick shapely legs, my collarbones and shoulders, my full soft lips, my high cheekbones, my long silky dark chocolate colored hair. I am now a size 13 from a size 3 and I am short, 5'2. But instead of saying chubby I choose voluptuous and beautiful.

I am a 24 year old graduate student. I've gone up and down in weight, but always stayed in the same realm between size 10-14. I'm naturally strong and have an hourglass shape. I love my muscular thighs and strong back. My body lets me do things like hike to the top of mountains and things like spinning class. I'm learning every day to love my body more. I had an eating disorder and am still tempted sometimes to go back there, but I fight hard to be healthy. My body is beautiful!

My favorite part of my body is my mind. I think it's great to be positive about our bodies, but it's also important to recognize ourselves for who we are and what we're capable of-- not just how our bodies are packaged.

great blog ...before i used to think i was just fat and chubby but not anymore i go by voluptous and beautiful i have an amazing height of 5ft 11inches i got all the curves in the right places yeah in the abs too and i am just loving myself so what if i never get to wear a belly top or a tight one i am still loving myself ....toook me a while to get this point after nearly getting an eating disorder and for all my ladies out there love urself the way u r cos God wont have you any other way

I absolutely love this blog. I am one of those women who are so focused on haveing the perfect body. I do pilates on a regular and I'm a size 4 and no matter how I look I'm always looking at the parts of my body I wished I could lipo away. But after reading this and seeing how so many women are celebrating their curves I noticed how vain and shallow I have become. Why would anyone compare themselves to those anorexic airbrushed pictures we see in Elle magazine! Its madness! I will make a sincere effort to focus on being healthy and with accepting my body as it is now.

Hi to all the ladies here....i am inspired by this blog.....I am 22 yrs old and 115 pounds, i have been chubby ever since i remember. I also agree to takingcrazypills about thinner girls getting promotions. Being chubby effects every part of my life. I plan on taking up a diet, follow it for a few days and then its forgotten. Because i work nights and absolutly no time for myself. I love my eyes,naval(ring) and my legs. Though i wish i was thinner!!!!! I have realised its better to live for yourself than anyone else. My favorite lines are: If u want something u never had, u have to do the thing u've never done!- Suzy

To start with I would like to say thanks for everybodys suport. I was having a really bad week and I happend to come upon this blog and it is truly inspiring. I dont need anymore work out tips or weight loss secrets, I have come to realise that my problem is my self esteem, NOT my body, because I'm not over weight, or too tall or short, my breasts are the right size, and I have a nice bum (acording to my husband) I'm perfectly average. I have nice large, eyes,a full pouty mouth, a really tiny waist, and a quirky laugh. I have decided that I am going to put more of an effort into looking at the positive things about my body and about life. Thank you for giving me the lift that I needed today.

So happy to see this thread revived - it's one of my favorites! I love it when we can flip the so-called normal question of "Do I look fat?" and turn it into "How great do I look?!"
xoxox,
leslie