Aging gracefully

I'm supposed to be having a facial today - the kind people over at Bliss invited me for one of their new antiaging treatments - but it conflicted with another assignment. Boo. I've never had a facial and was psyched to experience the relaxing, floating-on-a-cloud feeling my friends have told me such a spa package delivers. And I may have even undone a bit of sun damage, too.

Which got me thinking about aging and its link to self-esteem. At a recent talk in Los Angeles, a woman in the audience - a nurse, actually - brought up the fact that, in youth-obsessed Southern California, age (or the appearance of age) is so dreaded that she had just received a phone call from a friend whose facial laser peel had gone horribly awry, leaving her burned and in pain instead of dewy and pink.

In Locker Room Diaries, I devoted a chapter to women in their 60s, 70s, and 80s, talking to them about the lessons they have learned about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness...all in the face of changing mounting societal pressures to look a certain way. Many had decided to take up exercise for the sake of health, for fighting off cancer and other age-related illness, as opposed to pure vanity. A few had undergone plastic surgery. Some, upon reflection, realized they had suffered from distorted body image when they were younger - there just wasn't a word for "bulimia" 60 years ago (or at least it wasn't talked about.)

One of my favorite stories, which I often recount during presentations, comes from Becky, a 91-year-old yoga instructor I interviewed for my book. Becky truly believes the body is nothing more than a vessel and can do 100 yogic push-ups and has so few hang-ups about her body that she literally started taking her sweater off in the middle of a coffee shop while I spoke with her to prove to me that she didn’t need to wear a bra - that's how firm she was! Even though I'm comfortable with nudity, I had to coax her into lowering her top because perhaps the other patrons weren't ready to see a topless nonagenarian. But she was right - no bra!

Becky was in Marshall Fields not too long ago when a saleswoman was trying to sell her anti-wrinkle cream, promising her that, "When she hits 60, she’ll really need to start using a product like this." To which Becky responded, "Lady, I’m 90!" Chaos ensued at the cosmetics counter, as the women in starched lab coats scurried to see how a woman could possibly look so young without their product.

I'd love to hear from other women who have grown to love their age and are empowered by this number as it goes up. Please, share!

xo,
Leslie

Comments

I want to know more about BECKY!! I want to know her diet, her skincare routine and EVERYTHING ELSE! This woman sounds amazing!

Yes, please tell us ALL of Becky's beauty secrets! I need to know! :)

Hi Leslie, You're doing a great job with this blog - I just love reading your entries. Thanks.

This past weekend, I celebrated my forty-ninth birthday and I look and feel great! I'm looking forward to my next birthday when I'll be (as my son says) a real adult.

This is a great age for me, a time of life whereby I've been able to shake off the turmoil and angst of my youth and young adulthood.

After adjusting to the empty-nest, my life now is about joy, personal freedom and peace of mind.

Health, eating habits, sleep, quality of life; these issues continue to grow in importance, as they move from the periphery of my awareness to the forefront.

Beyond ensuring good hygiene, a twice-monthly manicure and pretty clothes, my appearance is no longer an issue for me. After years of feeling ugly and fat, I can't begin to tell you how amazing it feels to be free of those issues.

My sense of appreciation and gratitude has grown sharper and as I age, love, as always, prevails.

Blessings to you!

While I'm not old enough to be an expert on this subject, I wanted to share.

I turned 25 this winter and I couldn't believe the number of people who had to comment on me joining the "Quarter-Century Club" or telling me I was 1/3 dead, or that I have nothing to look forward to until retirement (I haven't even graduated yet!). I know it was meant in jest, but still was somewhat off-putting.

My reply was that I'm like a fine wine, my life gets better with age. I think it's important to always look forward, and I hope that is always how I feel about life. I feel sad for the women who are always trying to look younger. There is something to be said about women who age gracefully.

(Leslie: BTW I've been reading Locker Room Diaries and so far I love it. I'm a scale junkie, and that chapter really struck me. Can't wait to finish it.)

Yes, Becky was quite the woman. I don't remember all of her skin care advice, but I do recall her telling me she drinks tons of water, no caffeine EVER, no alcohol, lots of brown rice, plenty of rest and, of course, YOGA. To see a picture of this amazing woman, beautiful inside and out, visit http://www.northwestern.edu/magazine/northwestern/winter2002/alumninews/yoga.htm

Becky,iam proud to say I am seventyone years old.wheN Iwas hospitalize everyone kept asking me to verify my birthday.I repeated several times 9-i8-1935.When tth doctor wrote up my papers fo a report to my yonngest daughter who was in her late forties that at seventy yrs I looked to be fifty to me that was agreat complimentment

Hi Girls! Well im only 19 but i know alot about skin care. Im an Esthetician and there are alot of thing you can do to keep you skin healthy. Always wear sunblock! Drink lots of water, don't smoke, don't drink excessively. Eat a balanced diet..But most "wrinkles" at this age are laugh and smile lines. All i can say is take care of yourself and you'll be happy with the results! Have a good Wednesday ladies!

I've Aged

I've aged, aged so gracefully
I've lived life--so gratefully
I feel strong--so wholly strong
I've longed to feel this way so long

I've felt life's trivial woes wear away
Little by little, I find myself up and away
Buoyed by a newfound energy
I am, with belief in God, in synergy

I look at my finely lined face
It's an old woman's face--a happy face
One known for its noor--a lovely light
A deep spiritual light shining through

I've prayed--prayed consistently
I've sought His help patiently
I've lived through trials, tough times
Yet made sweetness out of sour limes...

I've lived youth--so carelessly
Squandered time, lived so uselessly
Yet a look at the Word of God--
Struck me like a lightning rod!

By (the Token of) Time (through the ages),
Verily Man is in loss,
Except such as have Faith, and do righteous deeds,
and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth,
and of Patience and Constancy.

Qur'an, Chapter 103.

Wow that poem was beautiful. Thanks for sharing :)

Wow that poem was beautiful. Thanks for sharing :)

I feel great at 45. I'm past the point of thinking I need to achieve some ideal standard of beauty. I exercise, eat right, and use sunblock. Never had cosmetic surgery. I think for many women, we finally learn to accept (love?)ourselves for who we are when we hit middle age.

No wine? No alcohol? A diet consisting of lots of brown rice and water? I'm all about eating well, exercising and being healthy, but is denying yourself some of lifes great pleasures - like a glass of wine, or a cup of strong coffee, or good cheese and chocolate - really living? I'm sorry, but I would rather have wrinkles when I'm 90 but know that I've lived my life to the fullest, than have denied myself so many good things in life only to say that I look good for my age. Everything in Moderation - and that goes from french fries and wine to water and wrinkle cream.

I love this article. I have FMS. And even though I'm in my 30s, the disease has aged me considerably. My hair is mostly white. The FMS makes me rethink the ideas of beauty and how personal strength should outweigh a glamorous mouth. I see beauty an entirly different way than I did as a young college student. I allow my hair to stay silver for the world to see. I earned every last one of my silver hairs and see them as a sign of wisdom.

I'm a licensed esthetician and I own a holistic spa in GA. I focus on treating the body and the skin naturally, WITHOUT chemicals. I see girls on the skin and make up sites, loading themselves with chemicals in a sad attempt to find the "Holy Trinity" for perfect skin.
Becky had the right idea. treating your body right on the inside reflects in your skin. I am on a similar plan a Becky because it keeps my disease at bay. My beautiful skin is just a positive side affect of treating myself well. I look forward to being 90 with flawless skin,& a healthy b

I have turned 60 years old this year in January. Everyone tells me I look 40 years old. Well, I have been given good genes by both my parents and have always tried to live well, but the genes do help. Skin texture, muscle development and all needs to be considered but in the end I think that, attitude and our outlook on life is certainly a huge factor. If we only think of ourselves, how young, or how heavy we are, we're losing all the wonderful effects we gather from sharing our lives with the people around us! I have met so many other people in my life that regardless of the weight, or wrinkles or any other external features who make me feel so young and beautiful, so energized and grateful. In the end I believe that it is not the external that makes us "feel" beautiful, but the internal "make-up" that others really cling to. That is the true beauty that extends us to others!!

Thank you, Summer!

She doesn't look ninety, but she sure doesn't look like she hasn't hit 60! Please!

There is so much emphasis on how we look. We should go by how we feel. When we are healthy, and happy, we feel that way. I am 34, not old by any stretch, but I am happy where I am. I hear so many young girls, age 20 or so, constantly cutting down their body image. We all seem to spend so much time worrying about our sags, bags, and wrinkles, we forget what's important. I work out and eat healthy because it makes me feel good. I love my first wrinkles. I earned them. My husband loves every dent and dimple on my body. Grow old gracefully. We all earned it.

I just turned 60 but to me that is only a number cause I feel much younger. I try to eat healthy, drink lots of water, maintain my skin routine and drink lots of red wine and chocolate!

I am 36yrs young. I do notice the fine lines coming around my eyes.
I will share a story...... My Grandfather's sister was about 80 something when she told me her secret! This woman had (I am not kidding) NOT ONE WRINKLE on her face. Smooth as a baby's butt and porclin white. Just beautiful! So I sd to her.... What is your secret. She proudly said Preperation H! That's right Hemroid onitment! I couldn't believe it. Well I do use it now and I am a believer. When I go to bed at night I put a thin layer all over my face and heavier around my eyes. Guess what the lines are fading away and my skin looks better than ever. When I forget to put it on the next day I see my skin is dry looking and I know I better use the butt cream (as my husband calls it) tonight.

I am 43 years old, and I own the little laugh lines at the corner of my mouth. People tell me that there are worse things than laughing too much. It wasn't until I turned forty that I slowly began to make the connection about feeling lovely on the inside and what we give off, or feel about ourselves. Lovely on the inside radiates on the outside. The eyes twinkle, the skin glows and people always want to know what the secret is.

I say that we can be fabulous at any age, but it seems the older we get, the less hang ups we have about body image. Older women seem to have a grace about them as they are done with the dramas and traumas that plague most of us - until we realize that we don't have to be that way. I suppose that sort of grace or acceptance comes with wisdom.

I am not sure if I've met "grace" as I like to call that point in our lives where we are comfortable with who we are, but there's strength in community, and I try to impart my own wisdom, small as it is. Fabulous inside is fabulous outside.