Dressing Room Drama

Today's gorgeous Spring weather put me in the mood to shop or some cute tanks and shorts. So I drove on over to my neighborhood, um, Bold Gravy (I mean, what do I look like, Miss Free Advertising?!) and piled up the goods until I could barely see my way to the fitting rooms.

So I began trying on a khaki skirt when I heard a girl's voice, maybe 20ish, from the stall next to me.

"Uch! I need, like, a total body lift."

Then, from acoss the way: "Give me a breaK, you're, like, a size two."

"No. I look huge. TRUST ME."

This went on and on and I was trying not to listen in but when you're all alone and two young women (it turns out they were college students trying on bathing suits for Spring break) are body-slamming themselves needlessly just feet away, it's hard to tune out...just like I'm sure it's difficult for them to ignore the cultural and media noise telling them that the key to Spring break is looking "perfect" (whatever that means) in a bikini.

I wish this blog could end here but it got much worse. A mother came into the dressing room with her young daughter and asked her where she wanted to sit. "Right here," the little girl announced.

"In front of the mirrors?" her mother responded encouragingly. "What a perfect choice." This little girl truly did adore how she looked and made some comments about her eyelashes, her pretty dress. It was lovely to hear. But the whole time I was praying that the older girls would pick up on the fact that an impressionable young mind had entered the fray; that they should silence themselves, if not their inner critics.

They did not.

"I'm just going to buy these big, loose shorts. Perfect. They hide everything. I'm going to wear them everywhere. When we go to the pool, I'm wearing these shorts. When we go shopping, I'm wearing these shorts. I'm sleeping in these shorts."

"Why don't you SHORT your mouth?!" I wanted to scream. "Five-year-old, sponge-like young brain on the premises!"

But I said nothing, picked up my clothes and left. I wonder if I should have piped up...or is that being too nosy? I suppose the mother could have left with her daughter if she was truly bothered. I can't be the body image police everywhere I go. Then again, if people were swearing in front of a child, I might say something.

What do you think? How would you have reacted? And am I overblowing this or have you, too, heard these kinds of awful comments in the dressing room? Kinda ruins the whole "Shop 'til you drop" experience, huh?

Have a great, Size WHATEVER Tuesday!
Les

Comments

Bravo, Leslie. I hope one day we can get to to a point where we can shoot a comment right back to self loathers to put a lid on it.

Well being a college student, I guess I can relate to those two girls. I know that when I go out shopping with my friends, we probably get a bit loud too, talking about whatever we want to talk about. But I'll be sure to remember this post next time that happens.

I agree with you! I have been on both ends of the spectrum from overweight to way to skinny and back again. Now as a 25 year old mother of an amazing 2 year old son. I find myself bigger and much "softer" then I ever wanted to be. My self esteem plunged and my relationship suffered and everything else in my life pretty much did too. And it all seemed to go back to how I looked, if I was skinny my relationship would be better, I would feel more confident talking to people, I would be able to go back to school and so on. Then one day I realized this is crazy. My son is going to learn about woman threw me! I want him to be able to see more to a woman then her waist to hip ratio. I want him to respect woman and admire them for their personalities and goals for what they are inside not just what's outside. I think everyone at any size or any shape has things they love and things they hate about their bodies but I also think that we all have to be carefull of who can hear the things we say and the impressions we make.

I'm not condoning their behavior, but I read an article not too long ago about how women "bash" their bodies around each other and it's almost expected behavior. I grew up listening to my family talk about who gained weight and what has begun to sag. I think we've all joined in those conversations.

While I'd like to think I have a good handle on a healthy body image now (at age 25), sometimes it's impossible to step on the scale or look in the mirror and not feel disappointed. I've put on 5 pounds this semester (I blame my thesis) and I notice when my jeans are tight. Althought I prefer to keep self-criticism to myself, I can't blame those girls for speaking what I might be thinking. Negative body image is a big problem, even for those 20-something size 2s. I think it's even more of a problem for us non-size 2s.

I saw the same article as the comment above, I think someone does need to say something before young children get caught up in the same cycles of expected self-bashing. It is a cycle that everyone is expected to participate in, the only way to stop it is generally for someone outside to break the cycle-that said, it's hard, and I don't know if I would have the guts to say something to strangers.

ourselves, let alone in front of young ones. I was once shopping with a friend of mine (size 0) who complained loudly that nothing fit her. Meanwhile, there were two overweight young women of about hte same age who were also having a hard time fitting into clothes. So I can only imagine how you felt. Although I'm not sure I would have said anything, I think it is crucial that we stop bashing ourselves, whether with friends, and especially in front of younger ones. My friend's sister is 8 years old and is definitely picking up on her mother's and sister's insecurities and obsession with body image. She once said that she had to do sit-ups to work off the pancakes she had for breakfast, and once told my friend to stand up straight because her belly "was sticking out." Body image issues hit very deep and can stick with you for a very long time. How miserable must it be to go through your entire life feeling like you should lose weight? Even if it's just 5 lbs, that's constant pressure and anxiety that we don't need.

I couldn't agree more with everybody. I believe that it is crucial that we stop bashing ourselves in front of children. They pick up habits and learn from us. I believe that if everyone stops bashing themselves, then our children will grow up happy about how they look, and won't care about gaining a few pounds. Bashing ourselves not only has a negative affect on us, but also on others. People do not like hearing someone else bashing themselves. It makes you sound self centerd and shallow. There will always be someone skinnier than you or prettier than you. Women have to stop comparing themselves with thoes people. We all would be alot happier if we have a positive self image. Instead of looking for things that we don't like about ourselves, we should look for things we do like about ourselves.

Alissa, what a beautiful way to put it - that you want you son to see that a woman is "more than her waist-to-hip ratio" - LOVE IT!

And CC, it wasn't that long ago I was in college but yes, I totally remember shopping with my girlfriends at Contempo Casuals (did I just totally embarrass myself?) and getting annoyed with the sizes and the way, say, a pink vinyl tube top wouldn't zip up. (What the frick was I thinking? The vinyl, I mean.) So I see what you're saying. And of course, I don't profess to be perfect and still may trade some witty banter with friends when shopping for clothes now. But I guess this just struck me a bit differently because I was alone and overhearing their conversation, which was just. so. loud!

Stay tuned for a new post about this study everyone is mentioning!

I always try to be respectful of others. If I talk about me being fat as a size 14 then people heavier than me could potentially feel the way I do when my size 2 friends talk about how fat they are...I say in my head "well I wonder what you think of me?" Maybe we should all be more concerned with health rather than size. I would have said something to those girls....but I am a loud mouth.

I am very careful about what I say in front of my daughters,but recently my 9 year old was complaining of her waist line and "fat thighs". Her sister is very thin and I have always called the nine year old "athletic". They have heard me complain about my baby belly with friends. As a thin person with a thick waist due to birthing children...I can say I get tired of my friends thinking that I have it easy. How many times have they been asked how far along they were? When I respond that I am not pregnant, I wonder just who feels worse? I have an imperfect body, but wouldn't change a thing other than a few extra crunches a night!

God, reading that made me tear up a little. I had the whole scenerio playing out in my head. And I felt a slight panick at the thought of this little girl hearing these things. I thought about what I would do if I heard this going on and the truth is, I think I would do nothing because I realized I hear this everytime I go into a dressing room. So often it is like any other back ground noise. So common. Then I also thought about how impressionable little girls are as well as little boys and how much they absorb. Everything we say they take out of context, everything we do they do not have the compasity to justify and understand. To rationalize. Who knows what thuey think we are saying. Wake up call about everything I casually say around my children. And why do we women feel like we have to find something, ANYTHING to scrutinize and complain about just to fit in? About our weight or our families or husbands? And why if we don't we don't have "friends" around as much? Very confusing.

Has anyone read the book "Mondo Barbie" ? When I was studying Sociology in Durango, Colorado (over 10 years ago)this book was required reading and over the years the major concepts of the tale have stuck with me and I would like to recommend this read to everyone. This book really brings forth an enlightening perspective to the controversial "ideal".
It is a real shame how our soceity has shaped our perception and tolerance of beauty and the ideal figure. For years and years we watch others, our friends, children attempt to mold themseleves into the impossible ideal image of beauty. Secretly each woman at one time or another has stuggled with her wieght and body image..the reality is we all have suffered in silence and some aloud. But our individual or group suffering is not an excuse for anyone to be heartless and release their verbal chaos upon another especially in the earshot of a child..the long-term impact of cruelity is devestating!

Don't feel bad Leslie, nothing you could have said would have really made a difference. That child, at five years old, has already been bombarded with society's perception of perfection. I can see it in my sister (only three years old) who absolutely idolizes the Disney princesses and compares pretty girls she sees in real life to them. Talk about realistic role models?! Which one of them has a typical body? And then combined with all the other media images children are subjected to every day, some of which we don't even notice because we are so used to them, it's no wonder society remains so weight-conscious. In our house, we are very careful to be positive about body image, yet just the other day my sister came home from nursery school saying her friend had told her "Only skinny girls can wear bikinis." Where did she get this from? At only three years old . . . what will they be like as teenagers??

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