Sticks and stones

A friend of mine - a gymnastics coach - emailed me a while back with the following message:

"I'm judging a gymnastic meet right now and I'll have you know some coach has called her gymnast 'chunky butt' five times in a row...loudly. The gymnast doesn't seem to mind that much...or at least as much as I did when a coach told me yesterday I needed to lose weight (my friend was just starting to walk after having had a broken leg in a cast for six months, mind you)...but seriously...chunky butt?! I've been involved in this sport for 22 years...and my God, my children will never, ever, ever, be even recreational gymnasts!!!"

I saved this email because it made me so sad and reminded me of the impact that an even seemingly innocuous comment (let alone CHUNKY BUTT) about our bodies can have on us, particularly at a young age. In the fourth grade, a scrawny young boy in the popular crowd who shall remain nameless (OK, it was Matt) called me a cow in front of a group of boys and girls and will forever be burned into my memory. I also remember going to see the doctor in the fifth grade because I wanted to lose some weight...I was hypothyroid at the time but didn’t know it...and all I secretly hoped was that the doctor would just look at me and say, "Leslie, you’re beautiful and healthy and don't you even worry about losing a single ounce." Instead, he pinched the roll of baby fat around my middle and said, "Eh, you could get rid of about 10 pounds." I was shattered. Not only detail of that moment has faded from my memory - I remember the all-denim skirt-and-shirt outfit I was wearing, the cliché desert landscape painting that hung on the wall, the reflection of my stomach in his thick eyeglasses as he peered down at me.

Comments sting. Sticks and stones DO break bones. I'd imagine being called, oh, "a rude, thoughtless little pig" by a parent (and then having it broadcast over every media channel in the country) is pretty rough on the self-esteem. Similarly, wonderful, positive compliments - which need not be looks-based, but can be as simple as telling a child, "That was such a kind thing you just did by holding the door open," or "Great job on your math test!" - can do a world of good.

That's my rant for the day. I love all of my smart, sassy, insightful readers! And I would never, EVER pinch anybody's waists :-) They are all beautiful as they are, I am sure.

Love,
Leslie

Comments

I just posted, myself, about the effects of being called Miss Piggy in the fifth grade. I can also relate to someone pinching your roll and being blunt in telling you it is about 15 pounds of fat. (that happened only 3 and half years ago) but that has made me the health conscious woman that I am. Seems harsh to endure, but I'm grateful for what it has taught me and how it has contributed to bringing about an awareness that I can pass on to others to inspire their own transformations. I enjoyed reading your blogs and will visit often.
Thanks,
Denise

Sigh, I know that feeling all too well, I feel like I have had to endure countless of suppositely "constructive" advice about my weight when I was younger. People seem to think that if they are downright blatantly bluntly honest with you, it will actually make you want to change yourself and be fat free for the rest of your life. I just wish people could be more tactful, less hurtful and truly give constructive advice and help instead of laughing and calling names from afar. Oh how wonderful if the world was perfect!

I teach 2nd grade, and I don't make comments about the kids' weight AT ALL. That would be totally out of line. But at the same time, it breaks my heart to do P.E. with them (we actually have a very rigorous P.E. -- running, circuit training, and even yoga!) and then watch them head off to lunch drinking sodas and eating hot cheetos. I don't know how to motivate them to eat better. They're 7 years old -- they have no concept of or concern for their health, and certainly not their future health. The rate of childhood obesity in our country does nothing short of terrify me.

I am a mother of 2, an 11 year old son and an 8 year old daughter, I have many concerns as mosy moms these days do, about my child day going down the unhealthy road of obesity as did I. I have to admit I adimintly remind my children that I was very sick at 455 lbs., but the bad thing is this, now I am at 180 and in worse shape than when I was 455 lbs., used to live back then, now after gatric bypass surgery I have few good days and am in bed more than out. This choice to become healthy was actually a bad decision for me, and now I am preaching health to my kids? I see where they are coming from, but I also know prevention is the best medicine, and some how I cannot get that through to them, the importnace of excersise and eating in small portions? How do you overcome these problems? Well I try not to pass on bad comments like Tubby/piggy/etc., because more than anyone I know low self-esteem is not the answer, never worked for me, but how can you encourage better meals, minus large portions?

I happen to like fat chicks....

I happen to like fat chicks....

I am 52 years old and I put on some weight,just when I thought love was unconditional - well it's not... my love of my life for 9 years left me without saying a word, no good bye nothing. I later found out from his mom,he was making fun and laughing about me to his family on how fat I was. That broke my heart and what little self esteem I had left. I have now began a routine of walking and eating sensibly and pray I don't run into him until I look so good he won't recognize me. I love myself, I should of left a long time ago. Pray for me to meet my goals.

Oh, Diana, I am so sorry for what happened to you but hopefully you can (one day) flip it around and realize you deserve someone who loves you for YOU - for all of you - and also see that something positive has emerged from this: you are walking and moving and feeding your body what it needs and soon you are going to be a knockout and blow him away if he's even lucky enough to bump into you. I will keep you in my thoughts and be cheering for you! Keep up your awesome work and definitely check in to let us know how great you are doing.
With love,
Leslie

I was once married to man who's father made fun of fat people in front of his "very fat" wife. I was so hurt for her. He was a very "selfish" man with little regard for people's feelings. I also agree with Nikki, telling someone the blatant truth is not the way to go. You have to tell them you care and are concerned and let them know you will support and help them. When my child was overweight, I gave him more of the good stuff and less of the bad. I looked at what I was serving and started serving the lower fat version of most things and we both lost weight. Now he will try a lot of different foods because when I tell him I like it, I mean it, and never make someone eat something they don't like, even if it's good for them. I think that's why a lot of adults don't eat vegetables, they're sick of them and are still rebelling against their parents!!

my office has kicked off a new weight loss competition called "winning the losing battle". the employee in charge of the event denied entry to one of my friends who asked to join the competition because she wasn't overweight (fine), but then the same employee walked right up to another work friend of mine and said, "don't you want to join our weight loss meeting today?" it just made me so sad to overhear that. why do people have to focus so much on other people's bodies? it's difficult to create a positive self-image when you know other people are criticizing your body in their minds.

As long as your loved the world, can turn up side ,your family loves you forget rest,all those hugs & kisses, will always keep out critism! angel.49@sbcglobal.net

Imagine finding out that your grandmother referred to you as 'that cow'. She told my sister she gained weight and is starting to look like 'that cow, Mia'. Should I use this hurtful insult as fuel to feel better about myself or should I be angry and avoid this crazy witch? I mean, this woman raised me and did nothing else but put me and my sisters down because we didn't inherit her perfect slim genes and called us lazy and worthless. Maybe I need a therapist...

I was treated like that also. From My Mom. I am still after 30 years trying to forgive her and love myself. All the downgrading left me with little to no self esteem at all. She would let her boyfriend call me a lard***. That was his nickname for me.

Hello, This is Mary

I am 36 years old with 2 toddlers. My youngest just started day care last week- which still feels a little strange. I haven't had this much time to myself in years. First thing I want to do is lose the extra pounds I put on during the last pregnancy. One of the girls next door has suggested I join her walking group two days a week. After my first pregnancy I lost around 35 pounds using the Herbalife products, but when I called the man that sold them to me three years ago he told me this week he doesn't sell them anymore. He told me to look on the internet. It's disappointing because he was really nice and he called me regularly to make sure I was using their products correctly. It was nice to have someone checking in with me every week to see how I was and it kept me motivated.

I want to find someone trustworthy that sells Herbalife products in New Jersey.
Could anybody here recommend someone in New Brunswick?

Hi Mary,

>From one mom to another I think I have a solution for you!! I want to lose 40 pounds,
and I've lost 28 so far!!! I am feeling fantastic and have more energy than I did when
I was in college. The bottom line was that I wanted to find somebody that could offer
me good prices, but that could also check in with me to make sure I was doing ok.

My Herbalife coach does everything over the phone and it is much easier with my busy
schedule. You can order Herbalife online on his website, you get the shakes a few days
after with FedEx and then you can setup a telephone meeting once a week to make sure
you are doing the program right.

His name is Danny Castello and his website is www.goshape.com. The number is
(310) 928- 3835. He and his girlfriend Michaela actually do most of the coaching
together as a team, but she has an Herbalife site as well: www.puresteps.com.
They also have videos so you can see who they are before actually calling them.

Hope this helps!

Liz