People need to shut up

My girlfriend, R., was out with her little girl enjoying a nice lunch when a grandpa-aged man approached the two of them and announced, completely unsolicited and pointing at R's daughter, "She needs to go on a DIET!"

Her daughter is five months old.

What the *%@!?

And more recently, a woman approached the pair and exclaimed, "She is such a LARGE BABY! Is she in the 99th percentile or something?"

I really don't understand what goes on in peoples' minds. Why is it considered acceptable by so many to comment on total strangers' weights? I myself have been subjected to this, starting from when I was younger and constantly greeted with comments from my parents' friends of, "Oh, she's so big!" (they likely were referring to my height, but still...blah!) and even in grad school, I remember being at a black-tie benefit and a doctor I worked with grabbed my waist and told me I needed to eat more. Lasanga was hanging out of my mouth at the time so I couldn't retort with a witty comeback but I could see the look in my husband's eyes - we both wanted to take a swing.

Babies are not fat. I do not need to be told what to eat. When interviewing ladies for my book, I remember one woman, who was (in her words) obese but in the process of trying to lose, telling me about how, at the end of an aerobics class, a fellow gym-goer approached her and said, in a syrupy-sweet voice, "I just want you to know that seeing you here motivates me - you should be really proud of yourself." Gag.

I am really riled up over this baby incident - especially because, what happens if R's little angel grows up over the next year and still has her chubby cheeks and some idiots decide to make a comment or three and now she's old enough to take it in? R and I are trying to figure out a really good comeback...I suggested something that will make the offender feel dumb, but give them a chance to reflect on what they've said and possibly redeem themselves. Something like, "I'm sorry - I think I misheard you. It sounded like you said my baby needs to go on a diet and I know that can't possibly be right. Can you repeat yourself?"

Any other suggestions? We need to nip this in the bud.

Comments

No suggestions but that is crazy. I would never have the nerve to comment to someone about their or their child's weight.

Sadly I have no witty comeback for you to use... I do however have tons of respect for R. for not slugging the old putz.

Yeah. people are too cheeky & intrusive. While I might post on here about how overweight people need to take responsibility for themselves I would never dream of saying that to an individual. 1. they already know. 2. why would you deliberately hurt some ones feelings like that. Imagine saying that about somones baby who they adore & think is perfect. babies are cuter when pudgy anyway. they lose it all soon enough. the other side of it is people always comment when you lose weight - which I find encouraging. but then you get the ones who say "oh dont go too far" too intusive. mind your beeswax.

I Love your suggested comeback, they would be mortified when called out like that.

Wow, I don't think I could have controlled myself if someone said that about my baby.
That story reminded me of another grandpa-aged man that came in to the store where I work and saw my 100lbs-when-soaking-wet co-worker, he went over to her, started touching her back and complimenting her on how thin she is and how he wishes all women looked liked her, how his deceased wife kept herself in good shape for him and how he felt so proud when he was with her. I wanted to puke, at him, I was so grossed out by this freak.
What is wrong with people? Is it when you get old you feel like you have nothing to lose so you say whatever stupid thought comes to your head? My grandma does that a lot. No regard to people's feelings and how words affect us.
Personally, I would ignore a person such as that old man, but when a child is old enough to understand and be affected by such comments, a parent should definitely respond, if anything to set an example that it's not ok to talk to people in such a hurtful way.

Totally out of line...but weight isn't the only intrusive issue strangers like to harp on or ask about.

When carting me around town as a kid, quite often my father was asked if my mother was Asian. (For the record, she's not. I have Finnish heritage from my dad's side - not my moms! - so I have more "almond" shaped eyes).

I've also been asked this by complete strangers as a grownup. My thought is always "What's it to you?!?"

Or when complete strangers think it's okay to walk up to a pregnant woman and touch her tummy...weird and totally not okay!!!

I actually had that happen to me by my own mother in law. She kept saying that my daughter was overweight. I was breastfeeding at the time so there is no way to lighten breast milk. Fortunately for me I didn't have to say anything, my sister in law heard my mother in law say this a couple of times then one day said "mom, if you keep insulting the baby when you see her they won't let you see her at all anymore". She never said it again after that.

I am so happy to see everyone's comments, tho it's sad to realize how widespread the negative talk from others can be. Mia, that story about your coworked being subjected to that man's comments/touching gave me goosebumps - in a bad way. Gross!! And MR, fab point about this not being just about weight - it's as if anything appearance-related is fair game. This just made me think back to when I was a cocktail waitress in grad school and guys would not only comment on my body as often as they would order Amstel Light, but they would touch/grab/pinch as if I were up for sale. I walked around with my hand in the air, balancing a tray, and often men would tickle my armpits (what the hell is THAT?), squeeze my waist...oh, and why do guys think they're being so sly when they try and squeeze past you in a bar and, for no reason, feel you al up and down your back. OK, tangent, but still. Blech.

PS Robin--love your sister-in-law!

Wow, how rude are people getting? I love a chubby baby... they're supposed to be chubby!
Recently I took my 3 and 5 year old daughters to the store and bought each one a candy bar as a treat. On the way out, they were each holding their candy bar and an older lady stopped me and said "Nothing like rotting their teeth out at such a young age". I could have slapped her, but in the interest of teaching my girls respect and the power of holding your tongue, I left without replying. Later I came up with a decent comeback... guess I should have said "do you suppose I don't know how to brush their teeth?" I don't know if that would have worked, but I was ticked, nonetheless.

I was watching a marathon of an old "America's Next Top Model" season, and the judges were discussing the weight of the contestants. (common) Tyra let out a beautiful rant to Ms. Janice Dickenson that she and those loud-mouth pro-bony bodies like her were the reason that thousands of women are stooped over their toilets at that moment throwing up their last meal. I was enraged, too! I think if a man told me my infant was fat I would literally, physically slap him. Some things just require the good old fashioned slap.

It is literally amazing what strangers will say about growing children's bodies. In fifth grade I developed early and stood 5'3 and 117 pounds. People would always comment to my mother, "she is such a big girl isn't she?" or "wow so big for an elementary school student". I'm now an adult, 5'5 and 127 pounds, and struggle to remember I'm not the "big" girl I was once told I was. Comments like that to children are remembered forever and are unbelievably cruel.

You could always say that as she grows stomng and healthy--he'll still be rude & stupid.

As for a comeback, how about, "That's funny - that's what she just said about YOU! Gotta watch that beer belly in your middle age - it's not just 'baby fat' any more!" Then tack on a sweet smile. You could even pat his/her stomach for a little extra effect. That ought to shut 'em up!

I totally agree with your outrage. I have a 6 year old daughter and no matter how much I tell her she is beautiful just the way she is, no matter what anyone says, she still picks up some of the messages on TV and from other people of course. I'm so very sadended that future generations will be so self consience because of this unatainable standard of beauty that the media has made. Pretty soon elective plactic surgery will be someting kids get before they go into puberty. Sorry, I'm very passionate about this subject like I said before I have a daughter and I would protect her from anything If I could but I'm realizing that from this, I can't.

Comeback suggestion: "Yeah, we had her on Atkins, but all that protein really constipated her. We're going to give Jenny Craig a call, and if that doesn't work, maybe I'll just stop feeding her all together..."

People are idiots.

The real problem here is that language like that is so mainstream that he never even thought about it! Everytime we open a magazine, turn on the TV or radio, even the packaging on the products we use tell us what it means to be "beautiful." We are bombarded with destructive language about weight & appearance constantly. It is a societal ill that effects ALL of us & our children, and benefits those marketing to us. If we don't want to be told by these companies what "beautiful" is, what we should look like, what we should wear, and why we aren't measuring up, then we should think about what we buy, where we buy it, and what the message is that company is sending. If you don't like it, show it—i.e. don't buy the damn Barbie! Money talks ladies! Make it harder for the media to target our self-esteem, and that of our children, for the sake of their bottom dollar. If we can make it clear that the ONLY message is: ALL shapes and sizes are beautiful, then maybe people will see eachother for what they really are.

My niece is 6 and a normal kid. Her mom, my SIL, is naturally very thin. My sister has always had issues with her weight (mostly in her own mind) and has always made those kinds of comments to me and her own little girls. The other day I heard her say to our neice "Wow, you are getting so thin!" 1. she is 6 and has always been normal sized or thin like her mother. 2. she doesn't understand fat and thin because her mother doesn't ever talk about weight or diets. So she got red and walked away confused.

I just said to my sister, "I love you but I remember you making comments to me about my weight and to your girls and how aweful it's always made us feel. Please don't start with her."

These things aren't acceptable. You don't need a witty retort though, simply state the truth, "That was uncalled for and I won't let you speak to my or my child that way. Adios"

I had the same thing happen to me and my son today at the doctors office, with a grandma-aged woman. My 4 month old son, who is a little chubby, but normal for his age and weight, and I were sitting there, and she was waiting with her daughter, who apparently just had a baby, who was barely 6 pounds. The mother had mentioned that she gained 6 ounces, and was thrilled about it. The grandma-aged woman then stated,"Well, it looks like she isn't gaining any weight, because this little guy has it all" Excuse me, I didn't even know what to say, I replied, "Don't worry, she will put on weight fast enough" I wasn't rude at all, but it really bothered me. What happens when someone that inconsiderate makes the comment in front of him when he is 2 or 3, and maybe still a little chubby. That is self-esteem destroying.

Oh.. I had people say that about my littlest, and my second is a chubby one too. My nice answer is "Well, being chubby means she's completely healthy, and perfect for a baby!"

My mean answer, when I'm not feeling nice: "Well, at least she'll grow out of it, but you'll still be rude."

I think my second comment is against proper manners somewhere in the rules, but it sure makes me feel better. Who gives anyone else the right to comment on my child's weight? I've, more recently, had someone say the same about my two year old, who's in the 95th percentile for hieght and only in the 30% for weight. Uh, right. Yeah, she's fat alright. A cold stare works wonders sometimes.

My sister gave me this nice comeback to use after some loser boy in jr. high called me fat(I was 115!!! WTF??!!!)
"Well at least my diet will be a lot cheaper than the plastic surgery required to fix that deformity on your neck...oh wait, that's your face."
And just walk away....works EVERYTIME.

I'm skinny... I've always been skinny, I work out a lot and eat healthy. A few weeks ago, an overweight (possibly obese) man informed that I "looked sick." I replied with, "well... so do you, only you probably really ARE sick... did you know obesity is the number one cause of preventable death in America?"

That is horrible! My comment would be well she can lose weight but you'll always be an ass....

Good for you Lisa. Thats equally as offensive. you look sick! where does het get off?

Good for you Lisa. Thats equally as offensive. you look sick! where does he get off?

It never ceases to amaze me how utterly stupid some people are. If someone ever insulted my kid like that I'd deck him/her. Say whatever you want to me about me, but my kids are off limits.

Way to go girls! I loved all comments, but alas older folks have a way of letting nasty stuff just fall out of thier mouths like old age entitles them to do this! Now I'm getting scared cuz I'm 51 in Aug, but I don't act this way cus I'm much better than that! I remember when I was younger folks saying "you have such a pretty face, but" or my all time fav "you need to loose weight because men don't like or want a fat woman"! My mom just stood there & let them take pot shots at me plus lead the way in talking about my wght even thro she was & still is over wght too! Go figure mom transfurred her hate rid of her own self image onto me! Now thats a shame cuz it didn't work then & it won't work now! All it did for me was make me starve myself, throw up & invent deadly diets & have very low self esteem! Don't let anyone get away with insulating you or your child! Don't hit them, they aren't worth it, but always stand up for your child! I know how that feels when you don't! Besides that old fart's brain dead anyway!

After reading all of these comments, I can pretty much guarantee that if every woman on this page got together, we would party, dance, yell, laugh and cause the cops to come at 4 in the morning. You are all awesome!
-Leslie

I dont have a remarkable story nor come back but i would just like to also state that even if someone is over weight, they may be eating less than someone underweight. Unfortuently some of us have one HELL of a time trying to lose just 5 pounds and it irritates me to no end when people say something like "fat chick" about some total stranger.. well do you know what it takes for that person to be the weight they are!? i eat an apple and i LOOk at food and gain, i swear it. but anyhow..there were some good comebacks i read and watch that baby grow to be an absolute BOMB shell! besides why does an old man envy anyway.. wow he has a lot of built up jealousy! :P

I hear you!
People ARE stupid!
Next time someone offers their opinion just say "excuse me, but I don't remember asking you for your opinion so perhaps you should mind your own buisness!!"

YOu can always say, "well, you're ugly. At least my baby can lose weight"

I read this in a book once:

"It is not advisable to venture unsolicited opinions. You should spare yourself the embarrassing discovery of their exact value to your listener."