Who wants to run 26.2 miles in 90-degree weather?!!! Let's go!

I spent yesterday playing Frogger at the Chicago LaSalle Banks Marathon-my friend Cristina and I dodged police cars, hopped subway cards, jumped on five-foot-high street dividers and generally ran around screaming like madwomen, all to watch our fab friend Heidi run.

Here, I present you with a play-by-play recap of our eight-hour, sweat-soaked relay, US Weekly-style:

Night before the marathon: Attempt to fashion an artsy sign so Heidi will see us cheering for her. Wind up with a pink boa (as in, feather/burlesque) Scotch taped to my Swiffer pole.

6:35 am alarm goes off. I congratulate myself on being such a damn good friend.

6:45 am Check weather.com and learn today is going to be a record high of 89 degrees. In October. Global warming, my friends. This will be the hottest marathon in Chicago's 30-year marathon history. Sweet.

7:40 am Spot a man on the L with a bib number drinking McDonalds coffee. Hmmm...hope he's chugged java before running 26.2 miles before or he be cramping.

8ish am Wheelchair racers start coming. They zoom by with lightening speed, biceps bulging. One is using just one arm to propel himself. Here's this year's winner, Kurt Fernley of Australia, tho the pic is from last year.

8:23 am The Kenyan runners blow by-they have run 4 miles in 23 minutes. Their strides are unreal.

8:26 am The first woman! Running in briefs. Ga! I'm trying to think what it would take to get me to pound pavement in my undies in front of 100,000 people.

8:45 am Spot my first Elvis. Am all shook up.

8:50 am Everyone loves my boa. Major hit.

9am Heidi runs by-she spotted the boa. Yelling and cheering ensue. What a rush!

9:01 am Walk over to Mile 10 to wait for Heidi. Have I mentioned how many ungodly sexy men are passing by me? I have never seen so many 12-packs, tan pecs and dewy, hard calves in my life. I'm starting to understand the allure of coed marathon training.

9:15 am A woman with one leg and a curved prosthesis sails by. She's run 10 miles in an hour and 15 minutes.

9:45 am I spot a Great Dane and have a minor conniption fit. I am obsessed with Great Danes. Like, to an unhealthy degree. I attack the owner and practically mount the canine, which comes up to my ribcage, screaming, 'I'm so jealous you have this dog! I wish I were you!' She doesn't speak English very well but Crazy knows no language barriers.

10:15 am Music is pumping and the runners are looking hot (as in, sweaty - it is ungodly hot and humid). See lots a Band-aided nipples through sweat-soaked tee shirts.

11:00 am After catching Heidi (You go girl!), we head for the L which is packed beyond belief with balloons, posters and sweaty peeps. Everyone is complaining about the heat...and we're not even running a marathon!

Noonish Miss Heidi by a few seconds. Run back to catch her at Mile 22 in Chinatown.

* Note: around this time, race organizers shut down the course because of the ridiculous temperatures. 10,000 out of 45,000 people registered made the decision to not even run the race. Smart, of course (a young man died and more than 300 were taken to the hospital with heat-related injuries) but still, what a tough call to make, after months and months of grueling preparation.)

1:20 pm We spot our friend, who is just drenched with sweat yet looks amazing - she's still smiling! We also spot Elvis, still running in a full unipiece, plus someone dressed as Yoda and a man in a freakish skeleton costume. Sadly, I missed the man dressed up as a pair of testicles (he was running to raise awareness of testicular cancer.) Chinatown was so much fun - huge dancing dragons, gorgeous architecture, and the crowd was great, calling out everyone's name who had markered in on their bodies.

1:30pm Stop to buy fortune cookies. (C'mon - I had to!)

My timeline starts to get sketchy here. My friend and I are hot and tired. We haven't peed all day because our bodies are dehydrated. We somehow make it to Mile 26, where almost all the runners are now walking. A gigantic firetruck is brought out and starts dousing the runners with water. Police officers are shouting through bullhorns, "The race is over. Give it up. Stop running." Why so mean, police officer? Who tells someone who's at Mile 26, 0.2 miles from the finish line of a marathon, to "Give it up??" I understand safety was a concern but really, let these people who have made it this far fulfill their dream.

Heidi spots my boa and my friend's Bears balloon and beelines over to us, with an exhausted smile on her face. "I'm almost there!" she pants. Yes, baby, you are.

Heidi made it, got her medal, and went home to her family and a dinner of Potbelly's sub sandwiches. Not sure how/if she's walking today, but I am so proud of her, as I am of all the women, men, grandparents, couples, charity-fundraisers and other people who even attempted this feat. Thankfully, I have no desire to ever run this far (an 8K for charity was my limit - my hips literally started popping out of their sockets by the end of training). For some fab marathon pics, visit chicagotribune.com

Comments

We talked about this marathon briefly in my first aid and safety class while learning about heat exhaustion/stroke...scary stuff.

That's so awesome your friend ran a marathon but unfortunate weather for it. I'm working my way up to a half marathon atm then going for the big one! =)

My dad's friend runs ultra marathons which is insane (some of these races go up to 200 miles at one time!). I think our bodies were built to run and not only to run but to run for longer periods of time.

PS I'm at Starbucks, writing, right now and I just overheard two women talking about the marathon debacle - they called yesterday's race "The Katrina of marathons." Not that I'm eavesdropping or anything.
Leslie

You are a great friend and this is a wonderful post! I hope you had a chance to recover today.

you are an amazing friend, leslie!! i was out there running yesterday and i can testify to the brutality of the conditions. plan A was an olympic trials qualifer (2:47), plan B was 2:52, and plan C - around mile 20 - was just to survive. i crossed the finish in 3:00:38. a huge disappointment at first, but a relief in retrospect. my heart hurts for every runner who battled the conditions out there. THANK YOU for cheering all of us on!!!

Running a marathon sounds amazing, would you ever do it? That was a true friend of you to go and support Heidi. I'm sure your presence made a huge impact on her psychologically.

Way to go Heidi and all the other runners!! Conditions were similar up here on Sunday for the St. Paul marathon. Amazing work by all the runners! I loved this post Leslie - hilarious:)

Leslie,
I have a Great Dane and a dane/lab mix. They are the bestest dogs! Yay! I loved this post and smiled big when you mentioned the Dane. Me and my girls (dogs) were at my college homecoming game this past saturday and everyone was in awe of them. :) Yay for Heidi! A big high five from me to her.

Bridget - congratulations on the run...you blew through it! I'm very impressed and I think subconsciously I knew I was cheering for you, too.

Beth - hell no, I have no desire to run a marathon. Five miles is my max.

Hillary - you're killing me!! I want your dogs. Please...invite me over to play, at least! :-)