How old are you now?
I'm not one to lie about my age - ever. I mean, I had a frigging Hello Kitty-themed 30th birthday party at an art gallery where my husband arranged for a signature pink drink - the Lollytini (Lolly is my nickname) - to be served. Turning 30 was a blast.
So last weekend, when I was called "over the hill" by some pissant college kid in a bar, I took it in total stride, right?
Um, can you imagine a life without peanut butter and chocolate combined?
No. Not at all.
I was visiting my alma mater, UW-Madison, with a group of friends and was having a fantastic time. We were at a bar and my friend Trish and I were orderin a round of drinky poos - beer for her, rum & diet for me. A preppy-looking guy, early-20s, half-sidles/half-stumbles up to me and, his eyes slightly glazed over, says to me, "You are fantastic!"
I smiled, mentally patted him on the head like a good little boy and turned around towards my friend.
He persisted and somehow roped me into a brief, indiotic conversation centered around why my friend was drinking beer when she could be having the house shot, an apple-flavored concoction. (Note: I did NOT instigate this convo and only complied because I was buzzed.) I made a comment refencing the fact that, quite proudly, I have not had a beer since 1995 (which is true - hate the stuff. It tastes like the smell of Band-aids and peanuts to me.) Immediately, a cartoon-like thought bubble appears over the guy's head and I can tell the squirrel is racing furiously on the treadmill as he calculates my approximate age. Then, with a look on his face which I would imagine is not unlike when he takes a peek at a "gnarly" skateboarding bruise on his friend's leg, looks me in the eyes and screams, "Dude! You're 40!" As if that possibility were so disgusting, so foul, that he had to hold his breath.
I was a bit taken aback - more so by his being so appalled at the thought that he could be seen talking with a - gasp! - 40-yr-old than by my caring what he actually thought of my age.Then he looked at his wingman and announced, loudly, "Over the hill!" And they left.
And I, being the stubbord foolish, 40-year-old I apparently am, followed him.
Poke poke poke! (That's me jamming my finger into his back, my nose scrunched up a pug.)
"For your information," I snarled, "I am NOT 40!"
"Yes you are!" he laughed. "I dd the math. You graduated in 1993. I figured it out."
(Note: The fact that he thinks this is correct math in any sense and is attending my university makes me cry a little.)
"Actually, you're wrong," I shot back. "I did not graduate in 19---"
He cut me off: "Yeah, it takes six years to graduate..."
Me: "I don't know what bizarro world you're living in, but it does not take most people six years to graduate school and besides...I'm 30!"
Did I mention, WG readers, that I actually am not 30? I'm currently 31. And a half.
Why did I feel the need (a) to prove anything to this kid and (b) to lie, for the first time ever, about my age? And not only that, but I only changed it by one year. If you're gonna fib with a stranger in a bar, go big, no? Tell him you're a lesbian astronaut who was on America's Next Top Model, Cycle Five, or something. But for some reason I chose to simply shave off a year, to 30.
Well, there's a very anticlimactic ending to this whole tale. Doughboy simply shrugged his sholders and turned around, and I was left stading there, my friend watching me like I had just attempted to wrestle a Tickle Me Elmo from a little girl's teensy, fragile arms so my own child could have it. "Freak!" she was prolly thinking.
Then we ordered the most glorious food in the world - Pokey Sticks (cheesy, garlic breadsticks in the shape of a giant pizza, dipped in ranch) and an ooey-gooey late night snack so extraordinary it needs no other name besides "Pepperoni Rolls."
My whole point - why do women often care so much about our age? Like I said, I've always been so proud of my 31-and-counting years on this earth (save for a few better-left-unmentioned moments in dark clubs and high school chemistry class.) But the moment I was challenged, I went into defense mode. I'm wondering, have you ever lied about your age? On a web site? To a potential date? At the doctor's office? Tell me your stories so I don't feel so silly.
Love,
Leslie "Forever Young" Goldman
Comments
I'll be 28 next week! Whoo hoo! It's my most favorite age and I've been waiting at least 12 years to turn it ;-)I think I've only ever lied about my age to avoid prosecution - "Of course I'm 21, officer." But never for a vainity reason.
I just turned 26 a few weeks ago, and I have no issues with my age. In fact, I love that I always get carded and am usually the youngest when I hang out with friends. My boyfriend, however, who is 15 years my senior, took it upon himself to tell his parents that I was 26 when I was still 25! Why? I have no idea! He obviously knows my real age and somehow he thought that one year made our age difference more viable to other people. I know it wasn't done maliciously, but we are not bothered by our age difference, so why should we worry about what others think?
Nicole, why is 28 your favorite age?
I really AM in the over 40 crowd! Exactly 43yrs 4 mos. I used to lie when I was 18-19 to guys I wanted to date. I wanted to be older. But good, clean living and taking care of myself have paid off - big time. My 17 year old teenage daughter's friends can't believe I'm 43 and one even thought I was in my late 20's or early 30's a couple years back! That was AWESOME! I took that Real Age test thing online somewhere and mine came back as 34! That's almost 10 years younger than my real-time age. I wouldn't lie about my age now for any reason whatsoever. That's one part of my life I am really proud to "own."
I'm 29 and have lied about my age exactly once. I had just moved to a new town and my new mommy friends were all several years younger than me. They assumed I was 25 like them (I was a few days shy of 28) and I let them believe it. Well, awesome friends that they are, they showed up to surprise me for my birthday with a "Happy 25th" balloon. My husband took one look at that, burst into hysterical laughter and shrieked "She's twenty-freaking-eight!!" I have never lied about it again, thank you very much. Although these days I am getting more proud of my age. I'm often mistaken for being one of my own students (I teach high school) and I love the looks people give when I tell them my real age!
Thanks for the giggle Leslie:)
Only once so far though I'm sure as I get older I might be tempted to again but you never know. Like most women, I said I was younger but I was 18 at the time and there was really creepy guy hitting on me while I was on the metro and when he asked how old I was, I batted my eyes innocently and said I was 15. He totally freaked and got off at the next stop! In that case I was trying to scare a guy off not attract him so that's a little different than the average reason I guess.
Nicole - I'm curious too why 28?
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I am to the point now where I lie UP! I will be 45 in January, and rather than lie and say I am 39 (although I could pass), I'd rather not take the chance on someone saying "yikes." Instead, lie UP and say you are 52....then people are like 'DAMN you are amazing for 52!' lol
I'm 24, and I definitely have fears about getting older. Women seem to have it tough getting older. Men get distinguished, women just get... old. You know the story. Also I don't like the idea of my knees or back going out on me. But I must say, I'm so much happier now in my 20s than I ever was as a teenager. I'm in better shape too! So who knows, maybe I'll be fine with aging as it happens.
I'm turning 21 at the end of December (literally...the 31st haha). That story was frustrating. I would've done the same thing if I were you. But not so much because I was ashamed of my age but just b/c someone assumed something about me that wasn't true. Young guys (and guys in general..ugh) can be such insensitive jerks!
Oh! Interesting story...
One of my exs used to lie about his age. He was about 6 months younger than me and told people he was between 21 and 23. For him, as a guy, he felt that lying about his age was necessary b/c he felt weak in that I was older than him. So girls aren't the only ones that get touchy about age.
I have always been youngerthan most of friends as i grew up, my birthday is 8/23 and you start school at 4 so i was barely 4 whereas all those with birthdays in oct onwards were a year older so growing up i always felt the youngest and wanted to be older so i aways enjoyed getting older. I had my age crisis at 27 not 30. for some reason 27 was the age i always though i would have X, Y & Z and at 27 i did not,however at 30 i now do so i found that easy enough. although i'm not ready to have kids yet and am aware of age so theres that.
Why 28? I have no idea really. It just seems like such a nice even number. I always said that was the age I was going to get married (my wedding day was 2 wks before my 26th...oops), I would have my PhD in psychology by then (quit school after my bachelor's). It's just the age that I think makes you an official adult. But I don't have any major responsibilities, so I can just rock it out and enjoy myself. I just bought a new car last week, and then my husband got me such an amazing anniversary present. I just starting thinking, my life is exactly the way I want it to be right now...everything is perfect. What's better than that??? So It's going to be an amazing year ;-)
OK, yay! I'm not alone. Interesting idea about pushing your age up, Heather.
Charlotte, I'm sorry but that story is frigging FUNNY.
i never lie about my age; i'm 30.75 but most people think i'm 23 or 24. sometimes i wonder if they're blind....
I'm 43, and am damn proud of it! Oprah once said that lying about your age is denying the life you have just lived. I've earned every year, and wouldn't change my 43 year old mind for my 23 year old body any day. The older, the wiser, and it's true! i work as a nurse, part-time, run my own wellness business from home, and love my family. I certainly have a long way to go in understanding myself, and others, and i look forward to aging with grace, and the joy of knowing i am older. consider the alternative... death. And with Dr. Oz's advice, all of us can live happy and healthy and not worry about the actual number!
I don't think hardly any girls in their 20s lie about their age. It never occurs to them. I mean, it never occurred to me.
However, having just turned 31 the other day, it strikes a different mood. I have not lied about it yet, but I did feel weird when I said it out loud for the first time. And really, Leslie, I'm sure I would have reacted the same way :)
