Look at the huge brains on HER!
Most people don’t know this, but when visionary rapper Sir Mix-a-lot penned the thoughtful lyrics “I like big butts and I cannot lie, and you other brothers can’t deny, that when a girl walks by with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get SPRUNG!” he was really offering a social commentary on the evolutionary link between curvy figures and increased offspring potential. “Get sprung,” in other words, is simply a metaphor for the mental excitement that comes with realizing a woman can conceive, deliver and care for your child with love, maternal knowledge and compassion.
What the hell am I talking about, you ask? Well, in good news for well-rounded women everywhere, a study of 16,000 women and girls published in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour recently found that women with curvy figures are likely to be brighter than their pin-thin counterparts…and may actually give birth to smarter kids! The secret seems to lie in the waist-to-hip ratio: the bigger the difference in numbers, the better. This may have to do with the fact that Omega-3 fatty acids - the same ones which make up a lage part of or brains - tend to be stored in the hips and thighs. (There‘s a “get your head out of your ass” joke in there somewhere but I‘m too lazy to concoct it.) Anyways, when puberty, lovely puberty, begins, girls start storing these fatty acids - primarily below the waist - as preparation for pregnancy, during which the fats will help the fetus’s brain develop well.
So basically, when men drool over celebs like J. Lo, Beyonce, Eva Mendes and Kim Kardashian (well, OK, she’s not really a celeb, but yoou see where I’m going), they can’t help it! It’s their ancestors whispering, “She will give you Einsteinian babies! Go to her.”
Incidentally, this may be linked with all the hooplah lately about eating omega-3s while pregnant - so many vitamins and foods are enriched with the brainiac building blocks. My husband actually eats omega-3-enriched pasta and oatmeal. Maybe he’s trying to tell me something?
Bottom line: If you’re way curvy but in proportion, go forth a procreate so your children can help take down evil-doers like Ann Coulter. It you’re slim, try the A Cup fit in the Sweet Cheeks line of denim.
And, in the end, as with so many things in life, I feel the only proper way to end this blog is with another of Sir’s famous, ahead-of-his-time lyrics: “You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt.”
Comments
Not that I'm considering reproducing anytime soon, but that's good news :)
Hey, we full-figured gals can take down Ann Coulter now! She's pretty skinny, probably doesn't weigh much. Just need to get her alone...
And I have to say, my kids are really smart. (Brag, brag)
I dunno Alyssa - Ann Coulter may be thin but she looks pretty mean. I bet she scratches and pulls hair.
Leslie!! Your definition of "get sprung" had me falling out of my chair laughing. But now I have baby got back stuck in my head. Thanks a lot.
So are waifs like me doomed to give birth to dumb kids? Ann Coulter is thin cause eating is a pleasurable experiece, and clearly she lacks that.
Gods I love that song. And the video, which I'm old enough to remember, ain't half bad either.
