Weekend update

For a woman who did pretty much close to nothing this snowy weekend in Chicago, it turns out I actually have quite a few tidbits of info to share with you. Some are interesting, others interesting to me, and some, I must warn you, are nauseating, so prepare.

1) The chocolate-covered spoon incident

Saturday evening, after a few rounds of date-night sushi and before falling asleep to Arrested Development, Dan and I cozied up with some hot cocoa as the driving snow rained down outside. As I hunted through the cabinets for mini-marshmallows, I happened upon one of those pretty spoons you get as stocking stuffers that are dipped in tons of melted chocolate, decorated with spinkles/coconut/M&Ms and hardened, wrapped, and given as chi-chi indulgent cocoa stirrers. As you swirl this sinful creation through your hot beverage, the chocolate melts. *Swoon*

The dilema: I had received this spoon two...ok, three years ago at a bridal shower. It looked more than a little broke-down and the chocolate had lost its sheen. And yet...

it was chocolate. And I wanted it. So, etiquette and common sense and pride be damned, I used it (had to first pry out the petrified marshmallows that had been used as decoration on it.) I am not proud of this, but my body made me do it.

Oh, I am so happy my body made me do it. The second it dipped beneath the fill-line of my sugar-free hot cocoa (previously sugar-free, at least), the outermost layer began to melt and ooze into a mouthwatering duvet of fudgy chocolate, which I slurped off like a candy cane and invited into my bloodstream like crack, only good. The rest of the evening is hazy - I remember dipping the spoon in a few more times, popping it quickly into my mouth like a man in the desert gulping up water found in a lone cactus.

Desperate? Yes. A turn-on for Dan? Probably not, as my front teeth kept gathering fudge. But delicious? YES.

2) My new toothbrush

Not to worry - my teeth shall not rot from all that sugar. This is because I have a new toothbrush and I. Am. Obessed. With. It. It's the new Crest SpinBrush - battery-operated, fun to use, powerful and slightly addictive. When I'm using it, all I can think is "I am making my mouth happy. I am making my mouth strong." I see it in ads and want to yell, "I have that!" I even dreamed about it a few nights ago. I need to get a grip.

3) The locker room nightmare (this gets nasty so either grab a bucket or proceed to Item 4)

We all know I am no stranger to locker room nastiness - I've virtually trained myself to hone in on it. Let's call it Ladar (ladies' room radar). Is was in the lotion/teeth-brushing area of my locker room and went to lube up post-shower on Sunday when I saw what is likely the most nasty, vile, nefarious and just downright WRONG display of public grooming in my life.

The woman was about 50-60 years old, totally naked and facing the mirror with one leg up on the counter. That's Strike One. Then I realized she was bent over, furiously studying something on the propped-up foot. Strike Two. With more blatant staring, I realized she was using razors - the cheap plastic ones provided for members - to (get ready) shave the callouses off of her toes.

I felt like screaming but scurried away in fear instead. Then I proceeded to tell every friend of mine about it because somehow, that makes it seem more real, like I wasn't hallucinating. I almost made my friend Trish, who has the stomach flu, throw up. Sorry, love! But this kind of traumatic event is too much for one woman to shoulder alone.

4) My Small Breasts and I

Continuing their body image documentary series, the BBC last night premiered My Small Breasts and I, which followed three women who are unhappy with their A Cups to say the last. (Laura, 22, actually said, "I feel grotesque having a flat chest. I'd love to feel more feminine. At the moment I'm stuck half way between a man and a woman because I don't have any boobs." When she uttered this, I audibly moaned, it made me so sad.)

Laura and two others tried a multitude of purported bust enhancers, from herbs that made one woman moody to phototherapy, in which nude photos are taken by a therapist and used to show the woman how beautiful she truly is (I actually wrote about this in Women's Health a while back - you can see the article here. I think the concept is so cool!) Also explored were surgical enhancement; a web site that allows women to solicit money from strangers to be used for breast augmentation (I wrote about this too, in my Huffington Post piece. I am SO on the boob tip these days!) and this crazy suctioning device that basically looks like two huge plungers attached to your chest and has to be work for 11 hours a day for three months to achieve an appaently temporary swelling effect.

Breasts are a subject that have long-fascinated me. I dedicated a chapter in LRD to them and typically read from that chapter at college talks because pretty much all women can related to some aspect - they're too big, too small, too lopsided, need too many sports bras or too many chicken cutlets. I'm a small B myself and I happen to love them...I can rock low V-neck tops without showing too much skin and often go braless (like now :-) as a fitted tank with a shelf bra will do just fine. I think this documentary did a good job of showing the complex relationships we women have these body parts, their tie to feminity and the sense of belonging, of being desired, that they bring. next week, BBC will explore the other extreme in My Large Breasts and Me (Grammatical pet peeve: Why change the "I" in My Small Breasts and I to "Me" in My Large Breasts and Me?) I'll be en route to Mexico so hopefully I'll catch it in a rerun.

That's it for me. Hope you all had fun-filled weekends!
xo,
Leslie

Comments

Spoon yummy! Callous shaving GROSS!

Great post as usual Leslie! I just ordered a copy of your book from Amazon.com and I am anxiously looking forward to getting it in my mailbox so I can read as much of it as possible. I love the way you write about things that are important to us ladies! :)

I love my small boobs! Just had to get that off my chest (hee hee).

I totally would have done the same thing with that spoon, Leslie! Glad you enjoyed it:)

The woman shaving off her callouses (in the nude! In front of the mirror! With her leg up!!) ranks right up there with people that pee in the communal shower (not even separate by a curtain! And their pee runs over your feet on the way to the drain!!). Now I have to go dry heave for bit.

Have a great trip!

#3? um, ew. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

When you said leg on the counter I thought she was shaving somewhere else. I dont know whats worse. what I suspected or the actuality. bleeughht.
I love the way you made this one post. alot of bloggers wolud have squeezed four days out of this. you never cheat us.

thanks for all of the positive feedback, ladies! And yes, Cassie, as I wrote it I was thinking the same thing! I think the callouses are worse.

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