Body checking ain't just for hockey players

I'm back from Texas and let me first just say it was a blast! At first, I was a bit nervous about speaking in front of so many health care professionals: psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers - oh my! But let me just tell you, at the risk of breaking my arm patting myself on the back, the presentation went exceedingly well, and I received not only a warm welcome but wonderfully positive feedback. They liked me, they really liked me!

I arrived on Thursday and was brought to the Menninger Clinic, where I met with staff members and a few patients. For reasons of privacy, I'm not going to expand on my time there, but let me just say, I have been on an in-patient ED unit once or twice before, and it never gets any easier.

After dinner with representatives of the many wonderful groups which helped organize the conference - including Mental Health America of Greater Houston, the Houston Psychological Association, the Houston Association of Marriage and Family Therapy and The Healthy Weigh, as well as an amazing mental health advocate named Joan Alexander, whose philanthropic foundation underwrote the event - I hit the sack in preparation for the big day.

Friday morning, my wake-up call came bright and early at 5:30am. Very lovely. I groggily made my way to the 8th floor of the Hilton to get a quick workout in and who did I see? The Margo Maine, PhD, author of The Body Myth and researcher extraordinaire. She was on the Stairmaster. I lovelovelove the fact that I got to sweat it out with this pioneer in the field - we shot the breeze about the kinds of things you would breathlessly chat about with any friend while working out...what books we were reading, who we were voting for, travelling, and more. Then, one quick shower and a wardrobe change later, we were off to the Power Center for the conference. Did I mention the Power Center is a renovated KMart? Because it is and that made me smile.

Dr. Maine was the first presenter - her talk, "What's Age Got to Do With IT?", focused on the growing numbers of older women with eating disorders and body image issues. I'll blog on that later. I was then interviewed by Houston CBS affiliate KHOU-TV about eating disorders developing in younger and younger girls - a sad but true trend. Then I signed books (Locker Room Diaries was given to every attendee!!) and made my way into a presentation by Menninger staff members Theresa Fassihi, PhD and Deborah Henderson, MS. One of the topics they covered was "body checking," an activity which many of you (and I, admittedly) likely take part in without even knowing it.

Body checking is essentially the over-evaluation of one's shape and weight via any number of methods...let's see if any of these ring a bell for you:

Looking at yourself in the mirror (to obsess over a body part - not simple grooming)
Hopping on the scale numerous times a day to track your weight
Trying on a pair of jeans or other item of clothing to see if you "still fit" into it
Pinching fat on your body
Trying to fit your hands around your waist
Worrying that your thighs are jiggling when you run
Comparing yourself with other women, whether celebrities or the woman standing in front on you at the GAP.

So...sound familiar?

I'll own up and say yes, I have done these things. Notice I say "have done," not "do," because as the years have progressed, I've made a conscious effort to stop them once I realized how emotionally draining and damaging they can be. That whole "hands around the waist" thing? I did that when I had an ED as a way of reassuring myself I was not getting fat. I was 5'11" and weighed 124 pounds. Clearly, not healthy at all.

Now, my husband and I do not keep a scale in the house. I do not try on skinny jeans following a big deep dish meal to torment myself. I do not...well, OK, I confess, when I go running, I have been known to notice the way my butt feels as each leg pounds the pavement. But then I mentally slap myself and focus on the Beastie Boys or whoever is jamming on my iPod.

I first heard the phrase "body checking" rather recently, while interviewing an ED specialist for a three-part series I'm writing for Babytalk Magazine on post-baby body image. Maria Rago, PhD, told me that many new moms will do things like stare at a sagging stomach or milk-inflated breasts in the mirror and feel sad. As she told me more about it, I realized I have done this kind if crap before. For as long as I can remember, I have stood in front of a bathroom mirror - any bathroom mirror - craning my neck to catch a glimpse of my butt. Bathing suit season, vacation time, headed to workout, drawing a bath, whatever - I always used to do this. Guess what? I was body checking. And like jealousy and deep fried macaroni balls, there is no good that can come of it.

After that interview about four months ago, I made a conscious choice to NOT look at my nakesters butt in the mirror. I had to catch myself a few times but it has worked pretty well and hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought. In fact, it's made life infinitely more pleasurable. maybe it's the whole ignorance-is-bliss mentality but ya know what? If I don't see the cellulite, I don't have to think about it. Boom - instantly better body image.

How about all of you? Any body checkers out there? It's nothing to be ashamed of, because we've all been there in some way or another. I mean, who hasn't compared themselves to a woman on the street? But I still think it's important to hold ourselves accountable in some way so go ahead - even if you remain anonymous - and divulge your body checking habits (past or present) here. Maybe that will help you to let go of them.

xo and thanks for sticking with me through such a long post,
Leslie

Comments

"Deep fried macaroni balls"?

Ye gads and little fishies.

I was raised by devoutly religious parents. Too much emphasis on your physical appearance was deemed superficial; there were more important things to worry about. (Not to a teenage girl, there weren't!) Still, a bit of the guilt lingers if I check myself in the mirror too often.

I'm not sure I understand. Can't looking at yourself be a good thing - even if you dislike some of what you see?
I'd like to accept the whole package. To be able to look at my reflection and say yep, there it is. Good and bad, that there is my body.
I spent enough years trying to pretend I didn't have one. These days I may spend too much time at the mirror, but I'm getting reacquainted, and working on being kind.

OOOOH.
any chance for Austin soon?

MizFit couldnt make it to houston.

M.

I get on the scale way too much for my own good. I'm just afraid if I stop my weight is going to creep back up and when I finally realize it, it will be too late to do anything to stop it! Yeah, that sounded silly even in my head when I was typing it.

Anyway, I'm so glad your trip went well and was productive. Congrats, Leslie! :)

guilty. very guilty. I do many of those things daily, sometimes several times per day. I wish I could stop and accept it, but I can't get there right now.

when are you coming to DC? :)

Kira, I'm with you - if you're using the mirror to be kind to yourself, to appreciate all you have to offer, than I think it is a very good thing. The kind of body checking/mirror obsessing I'm talking about is that done to make ourselves feel badly.

Guilty! I do it A LOT!!!!
Last year, when we were packing up to move, I came across my old headshot, taken when I was about 26 or 27, and didn't recognize myself. At the time, of course, I thought I was fat and ugly. I wish I'd been a bit kinder to myself back then.
But I can start now.

Guilty as charged.

The thing that really sticks out to me though is that "body checking" is EXACTLY what health mags like Health & Shape & Fitness TELL us to do. I can't even tell you how many times I've read research that says weighing yourself every day is the best way to keep off pounds or an article about keeping a fave skinny pair of jeans as a reality check. Not the first time those mags have passed out bad advice I suppose but it feels a little like damned-if-you-damned-if-you-don't.

This was an excellent post, Leslie. It really made me think. I'm SO GLAD your presentation went so well! It sounds like you need to do a national tour now:) Can you add Minnesota to your list?

OK, adding MN, Austin and DC to my list :-)
Have a great night, everyone!

that's right, charlotte - those magazines are poison. ignorance IS bliss! you have a body, so what; just be grateful that you're alive.

I have this weird pocket of fat on my hip that I obsess over. It is in a weird position (lets say like 4 o'clock), so I feel like its so noticable no matter what I wear. Its my ultimate body check spot. :( Make it stop!

I'm defintely completely guilty of body checking. Ugh.

I body check all the time, particularly with one ring that I wear on the middle finger (heh) of my right hand. That is my fattest finger, so knowing how big it is at all times is my gauge.

Writing that was a combination of embarrassing and freeing. Interesting . . . thanks for providing the opportunity. And thank you so much for your comment on my blog.

Can you add San Francisco to that list?

Peaches - I always knew that Cosmo, Glamour and the like were poison but somehow I thought that mags with names like "Fitness" and "Health" would be better. They should be! Sigh.

i like body checking in flattering light where you can't see your flaws.

yeah that's me too, especially the butt and thighs part. But guess what, as it improves, my motivation increases. Not so sure if I really, really want to stop

guilty of some, specially with a mirror, but I have realized that looking at my butt,thigs or waist wasn't going do give me anything positive. So, I've stopped looking at the mirror, only ocassionaly when I'm on my way out of the house, or when I've eaten the right things and do regular exercise, cause' in this context it's going to make me feel good for reaching my goals.

I totally get what you're saying. However, I do think that some self monitoring is helpful. Let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Never weighing yourself and avoiding mirrors sounds a little bit like denial. It is so hard to find a healthy balance

"Instead of hopping on the scale, do the pinch/wiggle test." -Shape magazine. I hate the way a scale has power over whether or not I feel I did well that week. I feel that if your ultimate goal is health/fitness and not a specific number...your daily or weekly number on a scale shouldn't matter. While maintaining...a monthly weigh in sounds good to me.