Excuse me, but there's a transvestite* in my locker room

* Leslie's note: I incorrectly used the word 'transvestite' when the actual correct term is 'transsexual' or 'transgender.' So sorry for the error or if I've offended anyone.

Um...so I just got back from trying out a new gym (I'm not switching - it's too meat-market-y and the amenities stink compared the gym I've grown accustomed to/been wildly spoiled by.)

Anyway.

While I was working out, I noticed a woman on the Elliptical. She was extremely large and strong, taller than me (maybe 6'2"?) with huge breast implants and visible triceps/biceps. Her face was very masculine with a strong jawline, prominent forehead and wide nose, but it had clearly been surgically altered. I noticed she had very large hands and a tiny tush and made the spilt decision that she had, at some point, been a he (I know it sounds like I was staring for eons but really this all took place in about two seconds.)

After showering, I made my way through the way-too-crowded locker room and was dialing my combination (22-12-02...but you'll never catch me! Ha!) when I heard a man's voice and thought "Huh? Is there a guy in here?"

Well, kind of.

It was her. She was wearing a sportsbra and tight pants, chatting with a trainer. No one seemed to notice or mind that there was a male-to-female transexual (my assumption - I have no idea if she'd had genital surgery) in the room and you know what? I realized that I didn't care either. This is a person who simply by living in American society with the many prejudices and biases that exist has faced struggles and spent her whole life trying to gain acceptance or just feel normal in her own skin. She may have been born with a penis, but her demeanor and appearance indicated that was not the right body for her. It wasn't like some musclehead with a ripped tank and a copy of Hustler was fighting me for mirror space. So I went ahead and changed. Besides, she had much bigger boobs than I do so it's not like I needed to worry about being stared at. And, well, I think we all know I'll drop trou in front of pretty much anyone.

I'm interested---what would your reaction be? You're about to change in your locker room when a very masculine transvestite walks in and her locker is next to yours. Do you balk or keep your cool?

Comments

I spent part of my early 20s hanging out from time to time at the apartment of the fabulous Mistress Formika, who was roommates with one of my good friends at the time. So gender-bending doesn't faze me much at all ;).

A few years ago I had to write a report on transgenders and transvestites, and it was a real eye-opener. I'd thought I was pretty open-minded, having lived in Greenwich Village (aside from being jealous of the fact that the transvestites were all much hotter than me), but researching this report really opened my eyes to the emotional issues people face. I cannot imagine KNOWING I've been born into the wrong body and yet feeling as if I cannot do anything about it because society says it's wrong. And the process of switching genders is complex, painful, and takes years. It's not just surgery, but hormones, voice lessons, and even physical therapy. IMHO, that person in your gym IS a woman, and would not have put herself through all that emotional, physical, and spiritual pain if she didn't know that for sure.

I'm with Alyssa. I would have considered that individual a woman.

she IS a woman and she is not a transvestite. She is transgender. transvestite implies something completely different.

I'm so glad this is opening up a conversation...Whitney, can you please clarify the difference between transvestite, transgender and transsexual? Or anyone else? Thanks and my apologies for getting it wrong - I should know better.
x,
leslie

Living in the SF Bay Area there is so much diversity and openness here that everyone is pretty much cool with anything. I love it! Like others here, it would be no biggie to me.

Transexuals are people who identify with and/or desire to live and be accepted as a member of the gender opposite to which they were born.
Transgenders are people whose gender and identity differs from conventional expectations of what is male or female.
It is their internal sense of being male or female and it is not a choice -these individuals believe that they have been born into the wrong sex.
Transvestites are individuals who dress in clothing of the opposite sex-ex.-cross dressers. It sounds as tho the person you saw at the gym was a transgender. Anyway, hope this info helps.

I might pause for a second, but then I'd keep on changing.. I'd probably change in front of anyone, I have no shame :)

I guess a few people have been making this point as well, but i wanted to throw my 2 cents in.

You're using the terms "transvestite" and "transexual" throughout the blog as if they are interchangeable. They have completely different meanings, and if she is a transexual (or transgender) she'd probably be deeply offended by being called a transvestite. Regardless, she'd most definitely be offended by the title "Excuse me, but there is a transvestite in my locker room". I understand the good intentions behind this blog but I guess I just feel like until we stop making people like her a big conversation piece/debate, they'll never be fully accepted. After all, if it was truly no big deal, no big surprise etc you wouldn't have bothered to even write about it.

Sasa - you're right, I have been using the term incorrectly. I think I'm going to change the heading. I will say you're right in that I had nothing but good intentions for this blog - I wanted to open a dialogue (which it has). But also, I often blog about very random things (like when a guy on the street called me "cankles" - if it is body-image-related, it's pretty much guaranteed I'll write about it.) But truly, as I write in this blog posting, I quickly realized in that locker room that not only did it NOT matter to me that the woman was changing next to me, but I felt empathic for the struggles I'm sure she's had to face. Thanks for the valuable feedback!

Stephanie, what part of SF do you live in? I'm in San Mateo county.

Back when I was waitressing, we had gender-specific dressing rooms in which we could change from our street clothes to our uniforms. I remember my first day (I was 15) when in walked a man. He just started undressing and no one else seemed to care. I learned that he was gay and would rather change with the women than the men. Once I got over my initial surprise, it was no big deal at all. I think (hope?) that it would be the same if I were in your situation. Probably initial surprise and then acceptance. Knowing me, I'd probably try and make friends with her in the hope that she'd tell me her life story. I love other people's life stories:)

Thanks to everyone for educating me on the terminology. I had no idea.

One of my favorite Spinning students, who has since become a cherished friend, confided in me one day after class that he had undergone transgender surgery four years ago, while maintaining his career as a police officer. Had he not told me, I never would have known. I cannot tell you how much I admire him for having the courage to become the person he should have been born as.

Tami: Is the friend in your spinning class a FTM or MTF trans? It's polite to refer to trans individuals as the gender they feel, not the gender they were born. ie. if the surgery made "him" a woman, then SHE had the surgery.

Not trying to be nitpicky, just passing on a bit of education my partner gave to me.

Another note: my partner is transgender, and does not have breast implants, facial surgeries, noticeable make-up, etc. She looks like your average androgynous punk but FEELS like a woman. That is the salient part. How the individual sees themselves, how they feel most comfortable. Not the clothes or the boobs. However, she runs into a lot of adversity trying to use women's bathrooms/changerooms due to not putting any more effort into "passing" than any other woman would. Case in point: I don't wear make-up or skirts, and I am still 100% woman. There are myriad social, emotional and perception issues that trans people face every day. Thank you for trying to understand, even with a bit of a false start! :)

Oops. I should clarify (if it's not obvious) to make my point above: I am born-biological girl, my sweetie is a trans girl.

Are there no readers here who still value the importance of genetics or tradition? If it has XY chromosomes, it is a man, regardless of getting a penis removed or gaining breast implants. You can't ignore genetics, or people with genetic diseases would be able to live normally, going on their looks or feelings. Genetics dictate more than people are willing to admit still. I most certainly would not want to be changing in the same room with a trans-anything bc when it comes down to the basics, they are still men!

Beth: Does your argument extend to not attempting to TREAT genetic diseases, since they are predetermined? Just because someone is born with an XY chromosome doesn't mean it's right for them. Or is someone having Huntington's or cystic fibrosis "right", in your book?

Not only that, but trans women who have been on female hormones (and oppositely trans men who have been on testosterone) for any length of time have sustained chemical changes to their brain and body. A trans woman has less aggression and muscle mass than a man, and it could be downright unsafe for HER to change with MEN, who might not want her in their change-rooms, either, since she DOESN'T LOOK OR ACT LIKE A MAN.

Moreover, a post-op trans MAN with testosterone in his bloodstream and a functioning (if surgically constructed) penis might be considered unsafe in a room full of naked women.

Would you still hold that opinion, if the flip side of it meant having to change with a hairy, penis-possessing horndog, just because he was born a she?

If we were to live our lives based solely on what our genetics gave us, then no one should be allowed to color their hair, or wear colored contact lenses, or maybe even ANY corrective lenses. No one would be allowed cosmetic surgery, or even something like bypass surgery, if their genes had anything to do with their heart disease. If genetics equaled destiny, we might be living much shorter, much less healthy lives. It's a complicated situation, and none of us can say what is best for a person who is dealing with something we have never had to experience.

Goooood point Alyssa and Anon! Accepting people's differences certainly doesn't mean that we don't respect "genetics" or "tradition". Scientists are constantly fiddling with genes....this is the same thing.

Leslie, I do understand why you blogged about this, it's a good discussion, I merely meant that maybe that girl in the locker room is tired of "inspiring discussion or debate" and would like like to FIT IN... but on the flipside, often this sort of talk promotes acceptance so it certainly isn't a bad thing...

L why do you automatically presume Tami used the wrong sex. maybe it is a FTM.

very interesting discussion. i'd just like to point out that having an "XY" doesn't always a man make.

Scientifically, (having nothing to do with what gender a person feels is comfortable for them) there are many genetic conditions which truly do blur the line between male and female. For example, some people with XY chromosomes may have an inability to react to testosterone (androgen insensitivity). People who have this may be genetic males, but appear and feel female, or they may even be raised as a female and develop into a male during puberty (and many variations in between).

Medically, just as with personal identity and sexuality, gender really is more of a continuum than a black and white (or boy/girl) issue.

Thanks, Cassie.
My friend is a FTM transgender. L, if he were a MTF, I would be referring to her as her.