Apparently, lots of people really DO believe that whole "sitting next to a fat person" thing.

As you may have noticed, a recent entry of mine seems to have generated a good deal of interest. The story is about NYC writer Kim Brittingham, who created a faux book about fat being contagious in response to the reactions she got while sitting on the bus. The fabulous and very well-travelled Huffington Post crosslinked to Weighting Game, thus broadening the audience.

This is, of course, fantastic in terms of fostering a dialogue. Unfortunately, though the audience broadened, it didn't necessarily become more productive.

I sat back in shock as I saw the amount of unbridled hatred so many individuals have for overweight people. It. Is. Stunning. Understood, people who are bigger take up more physical space. I'm not gonna argue with physics. But just because someone is heavy or short or tall or thin or homeless (I mean, really?! Did that person actually compare being heavy with being homesless and scabby?), that does not dictate his or her worth as a human being. And no one who is simply trying to go about her daily life - so long as she's not randomly shooting puppies - deserves to be made to feel like shit. Fine, yes, by all means remain standing if someone is taking up too much of the the seat. I don't particularly like rubbing against strangers either - particularly men with beady eyes, facial hair and an open fly. But don't stand as a moral statement declaring your hatred of all things plus-sized. Don't stand because you think the person's disgusting. Because she's not. She's a human being with parents and friends and kids and A HEART. She or he doesn't need you to shoot disgusted glares or tsk-tsk at them or call your friend to talk about how this GREAT, BIG FAT WOMAN is on the train. Chances are, the overweight individual knows her girth. Believe it or not, some people who weigh over 200 pounds are actually smart.

Nature...nurture...this is a huge, overwhelming debate to get into. Many commenters pointed out that obesity is a lifestyle choice. Like playing softball or blogging. These people refuse to see genetics as a possible component. Well, sorry to break the news but guess what? It's both - genetic and lifestyle - and we have gotten cuaght in a losing argument about a growing problem. Yes, I do think our country is struggling with an obesity epidemic - the World Health Organization classifies about 400 million people worldwide as obese, including 200 million children under age five - I just don't think demoralizing people is the answer. Call me cuckoo.

According to a major British study of more than 5,000 pairs of young twins published last month in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, genes account for more than three-quarters of the differences in a child's waistline and weight. What researchers did: Compare outcomes between identical twins, who share all of their genes, and fraternal twins, who share half. What they found: 77 percent of the difference between thinner and heavier twins could be attributed to genetic differences. That doesn't mean you are doomed to obesity if you come from an overweight family. What it does mean is the odds are stacked against you, that you have a stronger genetic predisposition to gaining weight and it may not be as easy to brush off factors like the home you live in, the food you are served as a child, the culture you live in, your work and social environment and more.

I am not excusing people from overeating day after day, or fellating people who choose to run marathon versus play Nintendo (not that I am in any position to excuse anyone or grant anyone permission to do whatever. Lord knows I've made some food/exercise-related mistakes in my life.) And I am not saying people are powerless over genetics. We make choices all day long, every day, in all areas of life. The son of an alcoholic father knows he needs to be extra careful with his drinking, as the genetic odds are stacked against him. That doesn't mean he can't enjoy a martini or have a glass of wine with dinner, but he needs to know one glass will turn to three more easily for him than another person.

Personally, I wholeheartedly support a healthy lifestyle full of exercise, good-for-you food, laughter, therapy and all that good stuff...with some vices *coughCadburyEggscough* thrown in for good measure. I don't think people should take the elevator one floor up when the stairs are right there...unless, of course, they are ill or wheelchair-bound or what have you. If the reason they are taking the elevator is because they are obese and have limited lung capacity, then that should be a sign it's time to get their eating and physical activity under control. Or to address a medical condition that may be contributing to their weight. Or talk to a therapist about why they're possible using food as an emotional salve.

But it is not a sign they deserve to be called dirty, unkept, lazy, uncaring or sad. They do not, as one poster commented, need or want pity. I think Josie did an excellent job of summing it up as follows:

Joel, you're "generally" not disgusted by fat people? Well, that's decent of you, I suppose. But you are disgusted by what we eat and how much. Have you thought to ask your yourself and/or your psychologist all the reasons why you believe this way? Are you equally disgusted by all forms of excess (e.g., raping of the environment, excessive wealth, uncontrolled spending)? My intention is not to personally attack you or belittle the changes you've made that have had a positive effect on your life, but rather to get you and others to think about why this preoccupation with weight dominates our culture and why it is ok to so harshly judge our fellow humans. When you say you "feel bad for them," to me, you come across as self-righteous instead of empathetic. I hope I'm wrong about this. In addition to being "lied to and confused by the American food culture," I propose that we all seriously and honestly consider what role meanness, vanity, hypocrisy, and control play in "keeping ourselves fat"...You can never really know what another person's life is like. The older I get, the more keenly aware I am of this, and the more useless and unimportant it becomes to argue with people hell-bent on trying to make me realize just how unworthy I am.

Comments

I just finished reading all the comments, and I'm sad but not surprised.
I just want to add something. It seems that a lot of adults who are obese got that way not by overeating and sitting all day, but by going on one diet after another. Diets don't work; you shed some weight, then gain it all back, plus some. That messes with your metabolism. So you go on another diet, and another and another and another. By the time you're an adult, your system is so messed up, you'd have to starve yourself in order to lose even a little weight.
I've seen this happen with friends I gre w up with. That's not to say that the junk food manufacturers are blameless (I happen to believe that a lot of the processed food we live on IS addictive). Yes, we all bear responsibility for ourselves, but there are reasons people get fat, and those reasons aren't always the obvious ones.
And it's simply ridiculous to hate a person because of the way they look, whether they're fat, skinny, tall, black, blonde, or scabby.

youve phrased it all so well that really there's nothing left to add.
and alyssa's final sentence above truly sums it all up perfectly.
Ive simply never understood why people expend so much energy either in criticizing or hate.

ludicrous and sad.

C.

Thank you so much for posting this Leslie! I'm not even exaggerating by saying that after reading all the comments this morning, it wrecked my day. Seriously - this is exactly why I have struggled with eating disorders my entire adult life. Because of this underlying message that no matter what else I am, if I'm not thin then it means nothing.

I stand by everything you (and Alyssa) said. When an overweight person squeezed in next to me on my last airplane flight, I gave them as much room as I could. Then used the opportunity to introduce myself. It was a great plane ride.

Glad to have your comments section back - didn't realize how much support I take from all of you guys until it was gone this morning!

I agree with you and Alyssa. A lot of times, the reasons for being overweight (or underweight, or anywhere in between, for that matter) are not taken into account and it definitely is not anyone else's place to say what they would or would not do were they in the same situation. It's unfortunate that our culture is one that feeds off of blame and accusations- but, at least we as individuals DO have the power to stop it and try to prevent such discrimination from carrying on. Thanks for writing this; it serves as a reminder to take a look at things from other peoples' perspectives.

As someone who has lost 190 pounds (370 to 180), I understand both sides. I read most of the comments in the other entry and there is one vital thing that is always missing. Personal willpower.

It is NOT that easy to lose weight, not because exercise or eating healthy is hard, but because we live in an emotionally dysfunctional society. Yes, I lost 190 pounds and I am very proud, but it took nearly 2 years of failing and confronting my emotional/mental issues. I lost weight by learning to understand myself and my history, why I gained the weight and what it meant for me. When I found happiness in my life, then I started to lose weight. But it meant facing these kind of critiques and remaining strong regardless. Even today, though I work out 4x weekly, eat healthy, and have just lost 190 lbs, I am considered "fat" and unhealthy.

Not everyone can have such willpower, they're only human. Not only do we have weight issues, but we have family issues, work issues, money issues, etc. Life is hard.

As someone in the medical profession, who has been active in eating disorders advocacy, and aims to treat patients with eating disorders, I too was simply saddened with the pure hateful comments that I read...not just from everyday people, but especially from someone who identified themself as a medical profession.

Diets don't work...We need to promote healthy lifestyles. Making overweight people feel like villians only worsens their self esteem and makes it less likely that they will eat well and exercise.

Well Leslie - you know I've got these eagle eyes.... you said "I am not excusing people from overeating day after day, or fellating people who choose to run marathon versus play Nintendo"... my understanding of the definition of fellating is: to perfom fellatio on....

so i'm not sure if that's what you were trying to say although technically it is still true i guess, you probably aren't fellating a bunch of marathon runners... i hope....

oh and i guess while i was at it, i should have also mentioned that this is a great post, and really counteracts the horribly depressing thread from the original post. everyone just needs to get over it... treat people like humans, take a look in the mirror, and try to be positive.

Sasa - I was using the term metaphorically :-) I'd probably be quite tired if I were to literally carry out such an act on all marathoners.

ahh so it just went over my head in a sense, i thought "maybe she meant to write that" and then i thought.. "nahh, to edgy for a blog on ivillage" but alas, i was wrong. right on!

Leslie...wow. Thank you so much for this post in specific and your blog in general. What a wonderful, healthy, sensible outlook on health, fitness, and weight battles.

I'm adding this blog to my blogroll, because frankly I'm overwhelmingly impressed.

Valerie S.

Wow! How intense. Thanks Les for writing these posts. I think Alyssa sums it up pretty well. After reading the comments, I too was like charlotte and feeling terrible. Sometimes I just cannot wrap around my head why people can be so extremely mean and hateful towards a complete stranger just because of the way they look. So, I think, how do we (as a culture) change this?

It was great to hear that Kim used her creativity to stand up for herself and make a point. She sounds like a very strong woman.