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Randomness

Yo!
I'm a bit slammed today but wanted to send you a couple links:

1) If you want to read about how shamefully and abhorrently non-green I am, check out my blog at
Green is Universal. Honestly, I'm so eco-unfriendly, I might as well dig a hole in my backyard and start pouring liquified lead into it with one hand while continuously spraying hairspray into the air at the same time. And then go for a ride in a Hummer with the Backstreet Boys blaring (noise pollution.) Boo on me. Begin hate mail now - but please do make it email because you really should care more about the trees.

NOTE: My green blog made me feel like a pus-filled boil on the ass of humanity and as a result, in the last two weeks, I have done the following - I swear!:
*Bought a rcycling bin for paper as well as plastic/metal.
*Emailed my gym owner about getting recyling bins for all of those plastic cups.
*Switched another bill over to auto-pay.
*Recycled wire hangers and the cleaners and plastic bags at the grocery store.
*Dramatically and self-righteously turned my husband's faucet off while he brushed his teeth, thereby ruining a cute moment we were having staring into each other's eyes through the mirror while using our electric toothbrushes. Bad for the boudoir, good for the environment!

2) 31-cent ice cream at Baskin-Robbins tonight!! (PS I havea cute engagement story to tell y'all that involves this event - not in a sexual way, no - but will have to elaborate at a future time.

3) Because we simply can't go a third day without a pic of a nude celeb, I give you this. Not to hate on the girl, but just to further open you eyes to the realities of what women actually look like, versus what happens when tech nerd gets a hold of her.

Off like a prom dress!

Miley Cyrus - she poses topless, just like US!

Don't kids do the darnedest things?!

Not that this should surprise you, what with Linday Lohan posing naked and High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens taking naked pics of herself and Dakota Fanning getting all dolled up for Marc Jacobs (not to mention the sexual assault scene she filmed, at age 12, for Hounddog), but now everyone is all, "Miley Cyrus posed naked!" about her Vanity Fair cover.

Golf claps for the public's faux-shock.

Please. This kind of crap happens All. The. Time.

Now, Miley is apologizing for the pic, saying, ""I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed...I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about."

I was interviewed yesterday by abcnews.com, and I think they captured my feelings well with the following quotes (PS Shout-out to Weighting Game in the article!!):

"I wouldn't call it a nude photo, but it is suggestive. She has that 'come hither' look on her face and the sexy little pout. Part of me says, 'who wants to blame her in our society where young women are becoming sexual objects at such a young age?' But another part of me says, 'her parents were on the set and could have said something.'...I think the danger is a young girl who looks up to Miley, sees the picture and thinks how sexy she looks and [how] beautiful she wants to be. The next thing you know, she and her girlfriend have their photos on YouTube."

The kicker, and what concerns me most: The message young girls draw from these types of images is "I need to take my clothes off to be loved," Goldman said. This, my friends, is why we're talking about this on WG - body image is a factor. A young woman deriving her sense of confidence from semi-nudity is a problem. Need I mention the fact her ribs are showing in the back?

This is a 15-year-old girl. Let's call a spade a spade - these are sexualized mages of a teenager. And I'm not really placing blame on the photographer...Annie Leibovitz is incredibly respected and was doing her job, a job whose context, it appears, was understood at the get-go by all parties involved. I mean, hello, taking off your top and covering your chest with a satin sheet does not a Bible-thumping conservative pictorial make. And there have been pics of Miley at the shoot smiling and giggling. She was not, it appears, uncomfortable.

Rather, she is doing what our society has told her to do. What countless starlets before her have done. Disrobe...feel beautiful...be loved. (Note, I do feel the ABC story took my quotes a bit too far when they said I place full blame on the media - I understand Miley has a mind of her own and no one overtly held her down and screamed, "You will take these photos for Vanity Fair!"

It's probably not helping matters that this whole Vanity Fair scandale is occuring in the wake of those bra shots of a possible Miley.

Also, is this pic of Miley and her daddy creeping anyone else out as much as me?

The last time I was sprawled out across my dad like that, I was six years old and vomiting up funnel cake after a spin on the ferris wheel.

Where in the world is Angie's C-section scar?

As part of Allure's annual feats in airbrushing artsy nude celebrity issue, Angie Harmon, Gabrielle Union; Jill Scott, Zoe McLellan (of ABC's "Dirty Sexy Money"); and Ana Ortiz ("Ugly Betty") all doffed their clothes in the name of body love and promoting self esteem.

That's great! Show us real bodies! Show us Jill Scott in all of her full-figured, powerfully-voiced glory. Show us Angie Harmon - how did she get that insane body back so quickly post-baby?

Well, here are some of the pictures, the models tastefully concealed by nature's luckiest branches and flowers.

Here's a quote from Angie :
"The hardest part was when the robe came off and I was like, 'And now I'm… naked.' You wonder if they can see your Caesarean scar."

Um...nope - looks like that got photoshopped away!

I will say, it appears they kept the notion of her being full-figured in tact, though she may have been slimmed overall a tad. Admittedly, I can't help but wonder, where are her nipples? On such an admirable pair of breasts, surely they can't be totally obscured by two little baby's breath flowers?) Says Jill in the magazine: “Nobody ever celebrates women whose bodies are bigger than a size 8. But here I am, naked in a magazine at size 16. I hope that I can be an inspiration to all women. We’re all beautiful, each and every one of us.”
Like it.

And, for even more viewing pleasure, Gabrielle Union:

She said something about amping up her workout before the photo shoot but I recycled my magazine already so if you have the quote, please do leave it in Comments!

Your thoughts on all of this? Is it a move forward to show strong, healthy women baring (almost) all as a testimony to their self-confidence and appreciation for their bodies? Or does the impressive amount of airbrushing cancel out those good intentions? Isn't that kind of like a doctor counseling a patient to stop smoking, then sneaking a cig out back by the ambulance entry?

Oh! Speaking of nude photos, what do we all think of this?

She likes it raw

My friend Emily is 32 and has been struggling with fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition, for more than seven years. Think about that - chronic pain. Pain that does not give up, does not relent, that prevents you from enjoying a nice, juicy hug from a friend or from being able to pick up even a tiny baby...because it hurts too much.

Well, I am overjoyed that she has found a seeming cure for her disease and it's not drugs or some crazy therapy but...food. In September of 2007, Emily was introduced to the concept of raw foods by a fellow sufferer and as of a month ago, she had dropped from up to 30 pills and meds/day to just two! Her pain is virtually gone. Sure, her kitchen looks like the Whole Foods bulk area, with stacked containers of raw nuts and bottles of agave juice piled high. She does not eat anything that's been cooked (ie meat, cooked veggies, the kind of pasta many of us indulge in). And this is a huge, difficult change for someone who didn't really even like fruits and veggies before. But she is moving and working and loving life in a whole new way. She makes homemade cashew ice cream and chocolate sauce and can enjoy it while watching America's Next Top Model without aching from her day's work. And she looks beautiful, vibrant and alive.

I know some of you have tried the raw foods diet and wanted to share with you a post she wrote for the web community We Like It Raw. (What, you thought I just conjured up that eye-grabbing header above out of thin air?! You give me too much credit.) Many of you may recall my not-too-fun experience with my first trip to the raw foods restaurant. But one woman's nausea is, apparently, another woman's panacea. This is not an out-and-out endorsement of raw foodism, so much as it is proof of the incrdible effect one's diet can have on their life. I am so happy for Emily...I know her words will help others in pain like she was. Here are her words:

"Last summer was the absolute low point in my life. I had just separated from my husband, the only man I have ever loved, after telling him that I could not be a mother because of my fibromyalgia. For those of you who haven’t heard of fibromyalgia, it is a chronic pain disease which causes constant pain pretty much over one’s entire body. Experts estimate that it affects 3-6% of the US population, as many as 90% of who are women. My experience with fibromyalgia, or fibro, started on May 13, 2001. It was exactly one week after I graduated from Northwestern Law School when I flipped my head back to get some hair out of my face, like I had done a thousand times before. Suddenly I felt a shooting pain go down my neck. Over the next few months the pain dispersed throughout my body and voila, I had fibro."

Read more...

"The next six years were a whirlwind of doctors appointments (I saw at least 30 different ones, including a few at the Mayo Clinic), prescription drugs (I took anywhere from 20-25 pills a day for fibro, ulcerative colitis, irritable bowel syndrome, allergies, depression, TMJ, etc.), and alternative treatments- none of which helped. In fact, over the years I consistently got worse. I lost jobs because I couldn’t work the long hours or deal with the stress, I lost friends because I often canceled plans due to my pain, and slowly I lost pretty much every ounce of my self-esteem and confidence. I finally had to tell my now ex-husband that if I couldn’t lift our 12-pound dog for more than a few minutes without having my entire body burning in pain, I couldn’t be the kind of mother I would want to be or the kind a child would deserve to have.

So here I was, living alone, only able to work part-time at a legal aid office, and having no idea how I was going to support myself. In a fleeting moment of initiative and in an effort to meet new people, I started a support group for people with fibro. At the second meeting, a woman told us how she had basically cured herself with raw and living foods within a week. Now I was very much a slave to the Standard American Diet (SAD- and we know it’s called that for a reason!) and always HATED fruits and vegetables, so the idea was not the most appealing to me, to say the least. However, I was desperate and decided to make one last effort to eradicate this ugliness that had taken over my body. I thought, “Hell, I can try anything for a week!” And the rest, as they say, is history. On Day 5 of eating 100% raw and two hours after my first-ever colonic, I felt better than I had since before I got sick and was hooked.

I hear raw foodists say it all the time, but it was like a veil had been lifted from my eyes and I was finally able to see the world, and myself in it, clearly. For example, I finally allowed myself to admit that I had never really wanted to have children (and yes ladies, it’s OK to say that!) or be a “successful” corporate lawyer. I followed that path thinking it was the only one because it was what I had seen growing up. Also, I realized that I developed various illnesses at transitional times in my life, like getting ulcerative colitis before my last semester at college or contracting fibro right after law school when there was nothing left to stop my ex and I from getting married and starting a family. It dawned on me that all of this was my body was trying to tell me that I was going down the wrong path, not following my instincts, not doing what I really wanted to do in life.

That’s not to say that it has been easy. I had decades of destructive eating habits to overcome and even today still have occasional cravings for foods that I know hurt me. But I am so much more aware of what I do when I do it and am therefore in a position to make better choices and accept the consequences of my not-so-great choices. I am by no means perfect but now I no longer want to be. A lifelong Type-A personality, as many fibro people are, I recognize that the pressure I put on myself is as damaging as the cooked food I put in my mouth.

In fact, a study published in the March issue of the medical journal Brain, Behavior, and Immunity shows that college women who felt they were not living up to their expectations (described in the study as "high self-discrepant") reported more cold and flu symptoms than women who felt they were meeting their goals. When these high self-discrepant women were given journals in which to vent their frustrations, they reported fewer symptoms and responded better to the flu vaccine. According to one of the researchers, "When people thought they were failing, the natural killer cells ("NKC") became less effective. But when they thought they were making progress- it's not that they attained the goal, it's just making progress- the NKC's showed an [improvement]."

When I read about this study in a newspaper clipping my mom sent me (yes, Mom, I do read them no matter how many you bombard me with!), it tied so much together for me. We women, those with fibro and without, tend to put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect- whether it's being the perfect mother, wife, daughter, employee, dieter...that we often make ourselves depressed or sick. After switching to raw and living foods, my mind cleared enough that I was able to recognize those self-defeating voices in my head and finally choose not to listen to them!

Now I make decisions in my life depending on what I want, not what someone tells me to want. I have let go of attachments and desires for the latest car or coolest handbag and am so much happier because of it. And I finally found the courage to follow my professional dream of educating as many people as possible about the amazing power of raw food through private coaching and public speaking. This is my passion because people ask me what my first reaction was when I started feeling better, expecting me to say "thrilled" or "ecstatic," but truly my reaction was shear anger. Angry that no one had told me that I could heal myself simply by eating fruits and vegetables. Angry that millions of people struggle daily with diseases like fibromyalgia, obesity, depression, cancer, etc. and are told that it's all a part of life and aging when it not!

So now I move on with my body growing stronger every day, my mind clearer than it’s ever been, and my heart ready for whatever life may bring my way. If you or someone you know is struggling with a chronic illness or is just thinking they want to feel better than they do, please contact me at eshaules@yahoo.com, (I'm currently not taking on coaching clients, but I will be in the near future). I would love to help you in your journey!"

I'm a 15! What are you?

OMFG, have you heard of Club 21? No? Oh my God, you are, like, so out of it. What are you, some kind of total loser? Whatevs, I'll give you the deets anyways.

Club 21 is an elite clique (this is Leslie, circa 2008, talking now) to which high school girls at St Patrick's College in Queensland, Australia can belong – if they’re willing to partake in a ranking system based on the philosophy “ugly girls need not apply." Members are ranked according to their weight, from one to 21. The number is displayed on each girl’s wrist, which reminds me of the arm bands Jews were forced to wear during the Holocaust. The thinner the girl, the prettier and more popular she is assumed to be and thus, the higher her rank.

I know what you're thinking - "Wait! High school girls rating each other and basing popularity on looks?! The next thing you'll now, the government is going to tell us the sun is a flaming ball of gasses high in the sky!" Hard to believe, but yes, it's true, and it makes me so, so sad.

Simply belonging to a clique is no longer enough. Wearing jelly bracelets to signal to the boys which sex acts you're willing perform is passe. Now, girls are letting their peers marker a numerical rating on their wrists to tell the world (and when you're in high school, it seems that really is The World) how skinny/worthwhile they are.

If my sister-in-law delivers a little girl this September, I'm locking her up and home schooling her - I will travel to and from Los Angeles every day if I have to. Anything to avoid this "circle the fat" mentality.

I will say, when I was in 7th grade, I was a member of the coolest group of girls - Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer and Jessica. We ruled the school. They were all thin and cute and I was tall and big, having only recently been diagnosed with hypothyroidism. So I was growing tall and my weight was spreading out, but slowly.

One day, Jessica told Jennifer #1 that I had called her "a prostitute" in the locker room. (I maintain to this day that I did not - what 7th grader ever uses that kind of terminology?) No matter...I was ousted and spent months crying at home and sucking in my stomach as the Js' piercing glares threatened to, I believed at that time, render me terminally uncool and possibly lifeless.

Today, I am much prettier and taller and more successful than any of them, so I think it all evened out in the end. (Note: Sarcasm).

But still, what an awful experience that was.

How about you? Did any of you go through similarly heart-crushing clique attacks? Where they ever based on weight? Let me play armchair therapist - spill your guts. It's therapeutic, like going on Maury and parading around in front of your unrequited high school football captain crush to show him how hot/buff/smart you are today. Tell Dr. Goldman, "How did that clique make you feel?"

Today, I saw some balls...

...and I was most certainly not at a Bulls Game.

It was this morning. He was in his 50s, terrycloth sweatband pushing back his brown fro, which bounced softly as he walked across the stretching area, all slow-mo and Will Ferrell-like, taking a long pull of H20 from his water bottle. And? He was rocking heather gray bike shorts and black socks with his sneakers.

Seriously?

I mean, I know it's hot because the A/C has been broken at my gym all week, causing women to shriek and fight over fans in the cardio room and driving me to run stairs with an IV bag of Gatorade in my arm, but great salty dog hell to the nizzo . Light-colored cotton bike shorts? So tight I can individually greet Cheech and Chong?REALLY?

You sir, are not Seal, and therefore should not dress in mighty-tighty shorts.

(PS Attention management of my gym...LAKESHORE ATHLETIC CLUB!!!...you stink. Fix that shiz now before someone passes out and conks their head on the abductor machine.)

Also, why has a new scale suddenly manifested itself right smack dab in the entrance-way of the locker room? Isn't the King Kong-sized Toledo in the back enough to sustain the neuroses of thousands of women for years to come? Then again, I did hear the following convo take place last week:

Deluded Woman 1: "If you weight yourself, get on the new one."

Deluded Woman 2: "Why? Will it make me happier?"

DL1: "Oh, yeah. I weigh more than I think I should on the old one."

DL2: "By how much?"

DL1: "Let me go check...hold on."

waiting...

DL1: "I just weighed myself on both and there's a 13-pound difference. So use the new one."

DL2: "Um, yeah, I definitely will."

Do they not realize the delusional idiocracy pointlessness of this exercise?

PPS The bike shorts man reminds me of a recent post about lacy bras, Hammer Pants and other inappropriate items of workout attire which I read at The Great Fitness Experiment. My contribution to Charlotte's list of "what not to wear"? Read on:

"I work out at a more upscale gym which is thankfully populated by mostly older people so there's no meatmarket mentality. As such, I feel totally comfortable wearing a sportsbra and shorts and don't feel completely ogled (I sweat. A lot. Think Michael Jordan on a steamy Chicago afternoon). One day there was a woman on the elliptical wearing the following ensemble:

Black lacy sportsbra barely encasing ginormously enhanced breasts.

Tight black leggings slung very low on the hips.

Black thong quite purporsefully peeking out from the pants. Um, whale tail, much?

Then, after a few minutes of exertion, she stopped cycling her legs and very dramatically bent over, back straight, butt in the air, and proceeded to - I'm not kidding - unzip her pants from the ankles all the way up to the upper-thigh. (Apparently she was wearing zip-up leggings, which I've never heard of.) Then she began ellipticizing again, pants flapping in the wind. It was bizarre, insane and EVERYONE was laughing/whispering/gawking."

If you've got stories, flaunt 'em below! Bike Shorts Man sure does!

About those contagious eating disorders...

While Charlotte sleeps the night away in NYC awaiting her star turn on the Mike & Juliet show (yay!), I wanted to share with you a few of the responses I received after asking if any of you feel like you ever "caught" an eating disorder.

The idea of EDs as "contagious" has been in the news lately after a study in the International Journal of Eating Disorders of more than 15,000 American high school students showed that eating disordered behaviors - binging, fasting, diet pill use, exercising and more (but not purging) - clustered among girls within counties, regardless of location (rural, suburban or urban).

My senior year of college, I lived in an aparentment with six other girls. Out of the seven of us, six had or had previously had some form of ED - bulimia, anorexia, complusive over-exercising or over-eating. I don't believe any of them "gave" me an eating disorder...indeed, I became sick my freshman year of college and was quote recovered unquote by this point. But I relapsed. And I have to say, part of that may have been due to the pressure of living among a group of thin, beautiful women. (Of course, I was also about to graduate and become a writer, rather than pursue my lifelong, mapped-out "dream" of going MD, so my head was in a tizzy and I was freaking out. Obsessing about calories is a sadly effective way to take your mind off of stuff like that.)

Anyhow, read on for a few responses. All replies are posted with consent of the authors.

Emily, 22, Iowa

"Hi! This is Emily, faithful reader of your "Weighting Game" blog. I could sing your praises any day, I really appreciate your insight on there! But more to the point, I have often pondered how 'contagious' eating disorders can be, particularly since I myself had one that was definitely influenced by others: an aunt and a close friend.

My ED took control somewhere during my last semester of high school. I was working a lot of hours at a local coffee shop, trying to graduate, and completely clueless what to do post-grad. Add in some serious emotional relationship issues, and I was a ticking bomb. I chose to explode via ED..."

I certainly do not think my ED was forced upon me by others, but I can certainly attribute a big influence from them. My aunt (mother's sister) had been one of the 'white elephants' in our family for a while; long before I was born. While I don't remember thinking of her as looking emaciated at any point growing up, once I was a teenager--old enough to listen to the other adults in the fam gossip--I learned that this aunt had struggled with an ED off and on for years. I knew she caused her family a lot of pain, and that they only wanted her to be better. I didn't really gain insight into EDs from that, but it was definietly a memorable topic of conversation; raised my awareness of the disorder somewhat. Ironically, because of this, my mom was always one of the first to 'spot' ED girls/women amongst acquaintances or strangers. She knew the signs. I knew how to hide them better, though, as time would prove.

The second influence was a co-worker and friend, we'll call her Lara (not real name). She openly talked about how much she hated her body at work, and of course I had gained some weight eating and drinking free coffee shop fare, so I joined right in.

Somehow it took a turn to us trying to eat less than the other; unspoken competition to lose weight. It wasn't long before we were "sabatoging" the others' diet by using whole milk in the lattes instead of skim, etc. Ridiculous. SO unhealthy. The worse came later. We decided it'd be "better" for both of us to lose weight together. The competition was still there; comparing what we'd eaten (or not) during the day. She always ate more, but she also exercised more. I became a die-hard restrictor. I knew it wasn't right, but I never thought of it as an ED. After all, my mom didn't notice. And the compliments were too good to be true...at first. Once people started calling me too skinny, I turned to the web for support and the sickly "thinspiration." Not long after graduating, I quit the job at the coffee house. I also lost touch with my ED-buddy. She was scaling back; saving herself from plunging off the cliff, while I was determined to jump head first.

I could go on for hours about this topic, as I'm sure you're aware. The ED got worse and worse, eventually I went to an in-patient treatment center. As I'm sure is sadly common, I learned more 'tricks of the trade'" from fellow patients, and relapsed pretty harshly within months of completing the program.

I sincerely hope this is helpful to you. I'm now a senior in college, looking forward to starting a career in the written media (or a job like yours, of course!), and although it's been a long journey, I consider myself as much of a success story as can be when it comes to ED. I'd be delighted to talk to you more if you're interested. Best of luck with this and all your work!"

Amanda, 19. Indiana

Leslie,

First of all, you crack me up! I'm reading your book "Locker Room Diaries" right now, and I often find myself laughing out loud at your wit (which is quite embarrassing when one is sitting in the middle of Starbucks on a Saturday afternoon or sweating up a storm on the elliptical in my university's gym). Anyway, I am a die hard Weighting Game reader from now on.

On to your question... *sigh* I am actually in treatment for an eating disorder and have been for the past year and three months. I do believe I caught the weight obssessiveness from my friends in high school. We were in a health class in 9th grade, but I never really thought much of it. I continued to eat ravioli from Olive Garden and pizza at youth group. Even during my Senior year, in the middle of my disorder, I was still the Betty Crocker of my class. Of course I never DARED eat anything I made.

My group of eight girlfriends were all very weight conscious. Lunch was full of,

"Ugh, I'm so fat."
"I ran 8 miles last night!"
"I can't believe I'm eating this... wanna split a couple cookies?"
"Hey! Bring that pizza over here right now!"
"My arms are sooo flabby."

One girl subsisted on an ounce of fat free cottage cheese and a tiny plum for a whole semester until her mom stepped in and made her eat french fries and junk until she was "cured" of anorexia. Ha. Right. Like she really had anorexia.

None of my other friends took it to the extreme that I did. At my lowest, I weighed 87 pounds, and I'm 5'4". Growing up I always felt overweight, and I was truly pudgy, but not obese. The summer before I caught ED, I was roughly 135 and extremely toned. I would run 5 miles every other day and do strength training as well. In my mom's words, "Amanda, you were HOT". Then I lost 18 pounds in a week because I basically stopped eating while I was on a mission trip. I claimed to feel sick every time I ate but honestly, I think it was ED telling me that my then boyfriend would love me more if I could lose those 10 extra pounds I (not he) loathed so much.

From there, my eating became so disordered it's not even funny. Until recently, all I ate was huge amounts of cauliflower, stewed tomatoes, pumpkin (heated into a soup), whole wheat bread, TONS of strawberries, yogurt, GoLean cereal, Luna bars, grilled chicken, and lots of coffee. Every. Single. Day. Did I mention I had no life after 5 PM because I was eating in order to fulfill my calorie quota set by my nutritionist? And mom was watching over my shoulder making sure "it all got in". I was literally up until 2 AM, eating. It was miserable.

And it all goes back to my lunch table in high school. All those comments. And one girl who constantly talked about eating a lean pocket then running it off for 2 hours. She would eat half a small ice cream and then only eat crackers for days. Yet she never looked like a skeleton like I did. I took it to the extreme. In ED's mind, I was a better anorexic. I went the distance. Ugh, I hate his voice (you know it all too well). Because of her and her luna bar and banana for lunch, or 5 saltines because "that's all we had!", I lost my entire life and future. I would not be where I am right now if I had never caught her ED and gone too far. It is a daily struggle and one I hope will be getting better eventually.

Right now I'm trying the Seattle Sutton Healthy Eating program. It is a prepared meal service that it all very healthy and calorie/portion controlled. Hopefully I can get back to more normal eating and relearn that a baked potato or ravioli will NOT make me balloon up to 300 pounds. It is a very slow work in progress.

Phew! Thank you for your funny weight anecdotes. They keep me grounded. Keep up the great work. I am trying to take one of your chapter titles to heart, "A waist is a terrible thing to mind".

Charlotte, 29, Minnesota

“Just got your e-mail about 'contagious' eating disorders - are there any other kind?? Really though, that was exactly how I got sucked into this nonsense in the first place. I was a waitress at 15 in a college restaurant and learned weight-loss 'tips' (that read like a pro-ana site) from my fellow, older waitresses. Of course what they taught me was how to have an eating disorder. Our dinner break was actually a competition to see who could eat the least real food.

Although I gotta say that in my case genetics definitely cocked the gun (I have a long history of family eating disorders). It was only a matter of time before something pulled the trigger. I'm also sad to say that I, in turn, spread the disorder to my sister and a close friend of mine who still struggles with it to this day.”

And the interviewer becomes the interviewee

A fellow Women's Health writer, Dimity McDowell, was working on a motivational fitness story and asked me if I had any sayings or quotes I used during my workouts to keep myself pumped up. I sure did - and it was apparently good enough to make it into the magazine. Wee! Take a look below and see what said, along with some other brilliant and crafty women (I personally love Sarah's, Cristina's, Marit's and Amanda's). How abut you? What do you say/sing/shout to yoursef to keep your body - and mind - energized?
x,
Leslie

"I never regret it when I do it, but I always regret it when I don't." -- Devin McDonald Vinson, 37, Portland, OR

"Don't judge it, just do it." -- Kathleen Johnston, 48, Nashville, TN

"Kill…Kill…Kill. The. Hill." (You say the words to match your feet hitting the ground, and it creates a rhythm for you to fall into. A little violent, but hey, it works.)
-- Rita Buscher, 21, Boston, MA

"KMF: Keep Moving Forward"
-- Laura Staub, 34, San Francisco, CA

"This run (or hill or these bicep curls) is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!"
-- Sarah McDougal, 31, Denver, CO (to the tune of "Hollaback Girl," by Gwen Stefani)

"If you don't focus on your ass, no one else will."
-- Cristina Goyanes, 27, Women's Health associate editor, New York City

"A strong outside strengthens the inside."
-- Selene Yeager, 38, Emmaus, PA

"Push the stress out!" -- Samantha Denny, 37, Jackson Hole, WY

"What's for dinner: something warm and cheesy?"
-- Sue Piccone, 38, Salt Lake City, UT

"Beat, beat, beat, beat, fast little feet feet."
-- Marit Fischer, 36, Salt Lake City, UT

"Grab it! It's yours!" -
- Nona Jordon, 37, Rome, Italy

"This is not the hardest thing I've ever done."
-- Amanda Ryan, 32, Portland, OR

"Thin, strong, lean, long…thin, strong, lean, long…"
-- Kristen Lowery, 35, Colorado Springs, CO (used in yoga class)

"Can I get some fries with that shake-shake booty? If looks could kill you would be an Uzi."
-- Leslie Goldman, 31, Chicago, IL (lyrics from "Shoop," by Salt-N-Pepa, which she sings to herself)

"I am strong beyond belief. I am powerful beyond measure."
-- Abby Ruby, 28, Boston, MA

Anyone out there think they "caught" an ED?

Hi all,
I'm going to blog about this soon but for right now, do any of you believe you, in the past, somehow "caught" an eating disorder from a friend? Not thinking about contagiousness in the literal sense but more metaphorical - all of your friends were dieting and that turned into bingeing and purging and you got sucked in? Maybe back in high school or college? On a sports team? Diet pills, laxatives, dieting, overexercising, etc. I'm looking for someone who'd be willing to talk about it on TV. Email me ASAP at leslie@lrdiaries.com and do feel free to pass this along to friends.

PS For some background on this topic, check out this article.

Thanks!
Leslie

Reverse airbrushing

It appears the relationship between poor body image and altered images in the media has come full-circle. Models and actresses deemed too-thin are now being filled out via the magic of retouching. Here's how I see it

1) The media promotes an unhealthy "ideal" via airbrushed images like this and this and this and this and this and this.

2) The results make real women feel like crap because how on earth can we ever be 100% smooth and cellulite/wrinkle/fat-free?

3) We diet or over-exercise or get down on ourselves because of this "I'll never be 'good' enough" feeling.

4) Because starlets are not immune to feelings (though many use Botox to erase said feelings from their faces), they get bit in their Pilates-trained asses with the same feelings of self-doubt and feel like they must lose weight (they may also face pressure from their bosses/directors/managers to look a certain way.) So they get thinner.

5) And here we are, with actresses that are SO thin, the very airbrushing techniques used to shade in their abs and smooth away dimples and erase zits and crows feet are now being used to fill out their tummies and plump up their thighs and disguise bony chests and hips.

Nicky Eaton, head of PR at Condé Nast (which publishes Vogue, GQ, and Glamour) has confirmed that images of models are enhanced to make them appear fuller-figured:

"There have been cases where models are booked way ahead of a shoot and then they turn up two months later looking less healthy and perhaps a bit underweight. We wouldn't be happy showing them that way, so it is then that we would need that person to look a little bit fuller."

PS Check out these before/after pics - in this one, Katherine Heigl's chest appears to look a bit fulller...same with Keira Knightley's.

When will we ever be just...happy?

Why do we eat disgusting, gelatinous gefilte fish on this night but not all other nights?

Because we're Jewish, that's why!

Hooray for the chosen people! Happy Passover to any Jewish Weighting Gamers out there. I hope you don't get too constipated from all the matzoh and successfully debloat by tomorrow after these past two days of sodium-infused brisket and chicken soup. Last night I spent a few hours with my family and grandparents' friends at an abbreviated Seder, during which I walked in on not one, not two, not three...but FIVE different conversations about varying diseases, surgeries and ailing body parts. It was FUN. Eight meat dishes, one intestinal casing product and zero vegetables later, it was time for fruit, kosher chocolate (which I accidentally left in the trunk of my car all day, resulting in what could best be described as Chalky Marshmallow Cup Bark) and a big old cup of Let's Get the Hell Out of Here.

Tonight, Seder #2 is just me, Dan and my parents...at a sushi place. Now that's Jewish! At least I won't have to deal with any waitresses urging me, "You should eat more. You hardly had any turkey. Eat! Do it for me!"

Happy and healthy wishes to everyone, and yes, I am bitter that we don't get milk chocolate bunnies and pink jelly beans.

Horton Hears a Heart Attack

Once upon a time in the U S of A,
People started feeding their kids crap all day.
French fries and chips and creme-filled loot
Instead of crisp veggies or this little thing called fruit.

I first heard of this at Hungry Waif's site
And the picture convinced me I'd never take a bite
Of something so...unnatural - creamy blue syrup?
I'd rather spend time in my gynie's cold stirrups.

So IHOP teamed up with Twentieth Century Fox
And said, "Let's think outside the box.
How can we promote Horton Hears a Who!
While making kids's bowels go bonkers, too?"

Who-Cakes are pancakes - you prolly guessed that.
They're specially designed to make little kids fat.
Drowning in chocolate chips and this weird blue "glaze"
They'll leave your bloodstream in a sugary haze.

And how could they leave out Green Eggs & Ham-
Scrambled with spinach and ham strips, hot damn!
Hash browns and Who-Cakes round out the meal
only to sit in your tummy and ultimately congeal.

Wash it all down with a Beezlenut Splash,
A cute-sounding beverage that - NEWSFLASH!
Is really just soda with cubes of floating Jell-O®
What would Cosby say about this nutritionless fellow?

I'm sorry, but there are so many things wrong
With these meals - it's like seeing my dad in a thong:
It just shouldn't happen, some things are off-limits
Yet IHOP is using these syrupy gimmicks

Which go against the goodness of all things Seuss,
Like courage and joy and getting off your caboose
and confronting your fears and being headstrong.
But feeding a child this junk is plain wrong.

An embarrassing fact I have to disclose:
Once upon a time, I donned pair of tan hose
and slipped into a puffy blue IHOP dress
To serve Rooty Tooties - uch, what a mess.

A summer in college filled with syrup and butter
I'd leave a shift looking like trash from the gutter.
Nightmares of sausage and a cook with a tattoo
That stood for "I killed someone." Well, good for you!

Now, I'm not a mom so I can't say for sure,
But I'm not planning on feeding my kids sweet manure.
Don't get sucked in by the allure of the new -
You've gotta ask, "W.W.S.D?" (What Would Seuss Do?)

PS Lest you think I have no life and spent all day writing this poem, it actuallly took about 25 minutes. I am freakishly good at rhyming, limericks, etc. It's a blessing and a curse.

Pushing skinny: Should it be illegal?

We all know pro-ana websites are, by their very nature, extremely dangerous. The tips on losing weight, on how to stop hunger pangs, the “thinspo” pictures - they’re dangerous and potentially very damaging to the psyches and bodies of the young women reading them.

I don’t think there are any arguments there. As evidence: numerous search engines have taken down these sites.

But what about taking down every and any image that promotes excessive thinness?

That’s the dilemma at the heart of a battle being waged in France, where a groundbreaking new bill intends to bring down not only pro-ana websites, but fashion designers, advertisements, runway models and more.

A bill adopted Tuesday by the French Parliament's lower house recommends fines and prison sentences for offenders who encourage "extreme thinness," according to an AP story. More specifically, the bill would make it illegal to "provoke a person to seek excessive weight loss by encouraging prolonged nutritional deprivation that would have the effect of exposing them to risk of death or directly compromise health," slapping offenders with a prison term of up to two years and fines of up to $47,000...with punishment increasing to three years in prison and a $71,000 if a victim dies of an eating disorder.

This means that, if the bill passes in the Senate (full disclosure: I slept through government…and geography, for that matter…in school and as a result, have little-to-zero knowledge regarding a) legislative activity or b) the process of locating Rhode Island, South Dakota or Kansas on a map), fashion designers using models with BMIs of 15 could wind up in ze slammer!

I am all for anything the helps promote self-confidence among women, as well as any efforts to discourage poor body image. To be honest, when I first heard of this bill, I was all for it - I think it could send a strong message across France - across the globe - that we (regular women) deserve to love ourselves as is and don’t need to be slapped across the face with images of emaciated bodies and airbrushed “perfection” in ads.

Then I thought, “Well, some models are naturally very thin and this would be discriminating against them.”

Then I thought, “Scratch that” and moved into “How on earth could such a law be enforced - who defines what is “too thin” or how can you prove a model or ad or fashion show caused/contributed to an eating disorder?” And also, if "too-skinny" images are banned, what about "too-heavy" photos?

But that’s tempered by my firm belief that if there were a real, wholesale change in the way women were presented in the media - if the norm were something like this (a so-called “plus-sized model”) or this versus this or this - then we could really stop this madness and start embracing our bodies as they are, rather than constantly comparing and pinching and weighing and hating. I mean, seriously imagine a world where, from the moment your alarm clock sounds to the time you hit the sack, you don’t have to look at a single crazy-thin model, a single cellulite cream ad, a single “Lose 20 pounds NOW!” story, a single reality show covering NY Fashion Week or a model dying from anorexia-related complications. It would be unreal! Surreal. AMAZING.

Of course, fashion doesn’t cause eating disorders and neither do skinny models. I understand there is no direct, certian correlation and absolutely buy into the maxim, “Genetics loads the gun, environment pulls the trigger.” We cannot discount the impact our family, life experiences, stress leve, environment and more have on our body images. As for myself, I have a family history of ED and other psychological issues and firmly believe that played a role in my disease. BUT, I also think that if I had been born to the same family but been raised Blue Lagoon-style on a deserted island, I would be frolicking naked and slightly jiggling without a care in the world as we speak.

There are many critics of this bill, who say the whole thing is overly vague and would be too tough to enforce. Similarly-themed laws have been passed, though - remember in September of last year, it was announced during Madrid’s Fashion Week that models with a BMI below 18 would be banned? A 5‘9’’ model weighing 125 pounds would have a BMI of 18. (As a reference, I‘m 5‘10“ and weighed 124 at my lowest when I was diagnosed with anorexia in college. I looked horrid.) And just last week, French lawmakers and fashion industry members agreed to begin promoting healthier body images…but the woman who authored the French bill, Valery Boyer, said that’s not enough. Agreed.

Click here to read more...

Now, check out these reactions:

"Never will we accept in our profession that a judge decides if a young girl is skinny or not skinny, That doesn't exist in the world, and it will certainly not exist in France." - Didier Grumbach, president of the French Federation of Couture

"They are so thin during the shows, much more than the rest of the year. Sometimes it's really scary, like a concentration camp." - Juliette Menager, casting director for Joule Studio in Paris

"You're putting your finger in one hole in the dike, but there are other holes, and it's much more complex than that." - Marleen S. Williams, psychology professor at Brigham Young University who researches the media's impact on anorexic women

What do you think????

Crouching tiger, hidden WTF?

Um, yeah, so, I don't know if anything particularly exciting has been going on in your neck o' the woods, but Sweet Cracker Sandwich look what the holy hell just happened here in Chicago.

This occured one block from my house. As in, where I live. Welcome to the jungle, baby.

Poor cougar :-(

Interview with Biggest Loser-Couples team Ali & Bette-Sue! (Parts 1 AND 2)

Update: Ali wins! Check this out:

I recently had an exciting opportunity to interview Ali Vincent and Bette-Sue Burklund, otherwise known as Team Pink from this season’s Biggest Loser – Couples. Let me tell you, there ain't no stopping this pair, televised or not. As you may know from watching the show, they are vivacious, spunky, and a total joy to speak with. We chatted the morning after the second-to-last episode aired, during which Ali secured herself a spot in the finale with a total weight loss of 99 pounds – more than any woman in BL history! (Bette-Sue has shed a “Whoa!”-worthy 75 pounds.) Their energy and enthusiasm literally oozed out of the phone as I asked them five questions culled from over 160 ideas submitted commenters on the Lose Big website and the Weighting Game.)

Thanks to everyone who submitted questions – they were all insightful and positive, which is precisely how we need to be when it comes to tackling challenging issues such as weight loss, body image and confidence. As an aside, I was so motivated by all the hard work the BL contestants have put in that I decided to work out twice yesterday – which I never, ever do. Forty minutes on the StepMill in the a.m. and then a power yoga class at 5pm. Oh. My. God. I was shaking and sweating in Downward Dog, praying my arms didn’t collapse on me. Last night, I ate everything in sight and am slightly sore today, which I just know means I’ll be a giant muscle ache tomorrow. I don’t know how these people did it!

Watch Ali in the live season finale on Tuesday, April 15 at 8pm EST. Good luck! You go, girl!

1) How did you deal with emotional aspects of the challenge, such as dealing with food temptations at home or keeping up with your workouts? (inspired by Jennifer and Rick Ryan at the Lose Big page and Kyle at Weighting Game)

Ali: “For me, the week we were eliminated was the week I started believing I could totally do this. It wasn’t about being on that campus; it was about believing in myself and actively going after my goal. My mom and I spent a lot of time talking - about why we put the weight on, which was to protect ourselves. But I was young then and now I’m this strong woman and I don’t need that protection anymore. As the pounds came off, I was able to free myself emotionally and physically, was free to address issues with my mother and in other relationships. But being home [was hard] – that’s where you live your life, at home. Being able to call my mom instead of going to a drive-through helped.“

Bette-Sue: “It takes a conscious effort. I can’t undo 53 years [of emotional issues] in three months. But physically, I’m shocked at how fast you can lose it. An hour of cardio really makes a difference. It’s just not easy. I can very easily see myself falling into old traps, which is scary.”

Ali: “You have to have the courage to admit where you are and figure out where you want to be. A lot of times if you’re not happy emotionally or spiritually, you’re not going to be happy physically.”

Bette-Sue: “Working out has to be a conscious choice. I have a lot of sedentary hobbies – crocheting, knitting, being on the internet. I gotta move! And opening the refrigerator – are you kidding? I love to eat. The problem with me is the lack of planning. My daughter and I have always been busy, busy, busy, and would eat what was fast. Some of our most quality time – I’m not kidding – was spent in the car eating fast food. I was a single mother with two daughters. Now, I keep a little ice chest in my car for fruit because it is so easy to go to Del Taco.”

2) Ali, on the show, you mentioned you had trouble wearing sleeveless shirts because you felt you still had big arms. How are you handling these kinds of body image issues? (inspired by Kay at the Lose Big page and sasa at Weighting Game)

Ali: “I think for the next few years, I’ll look in the mirror [and be unsure of what I’m seeing.] Just like when I was heavy, I never saw a heavy girl - I just saw me. Last night (the final episode before the finale), I thought, ‘Who’s that skinny girl on TV?’ It will take a while to grasp what I look like.

But I’m proud of my arms – I do feel like they are cut. I get to sculpt my body like it’s a sculpture. The changes happened almost overnight. One day I wouldn’t feel comfortable and the next day I did. I was like, ‘What’s that on my arm?’ and they’d say, ‘It’s a tricep!’ I hadn’t had it before because fat was hanging there.

During the makeover show, I was trying on clothes that were way too big for me. I think part of me, it’s because I’m working so hard every day and paying attention for the first time in years to what I’m putting in my body, so to go in a store and pull a size I’m not comfortable with, I don’t want to be disappointed [if it’s too small]. But now it is fun – in Australia, I ran into a store a pulled an outfit in 15 minutes. That hasn’t happened to me in years. I loved that blouse and felt so beautiful and fun. It was so rewarding. It wasn’t about the body and clothes, it was how I felt, when I walked down the stairs and the boys said, ‘Woohoo, Ali!’ I have this permagrin. I don’t want to apologize for my grin but I can’t help it. I’m I awe. I forgot what it felt like to feel good about myself. I’m presenting to world the way I always felt.”

Click the "Read more" link below to see the rest of the interview.

3) At the ranch, it was evident that the two of you had issues from long ago that needed to be worked out. How has BL made your relationship stronger? (inspired by Paloma, Alicia and Ella at BL)

Ali: “I think we realized the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. It gave me an opportunity to realize there’s a lot of responsibility put on a mother by a daughter to look a certain way. I got to look at my mom as another woman going through the same struggles and battles I am. It’s kind of bizarre how similar we really are. Very enlightening. I’ve been disappointed by my mom in the past, as has she with me. But I was putting too much on her – making her responsible for me. Moms don’t get the credit if things go well, but if things go bad, they get the blame. I now get to enjoy my mom and think of her as a friend. I want to try to support her as a person and love her and respect her as my mother.”

Bette-Sue: “In a perfect world, there’s a time when [your relationship] changes from parent-child to adult-adult. But it’s hard. I have all my guilt from when I was gone too much, working too much. And as much as I would love to butt out of my daughter’s life, you think you know what would make them happy. I don’t think we’re so different from ‘Mother-Daughter USA.’ They show that clip of us crying a lot - which was totally unexpected, that intervention. I thought I told my daughter all the time how much I loved her but for whatever reason, she heard it differently. [At the ranch], I got to just listen. I really genuinely am thankful to NBC for that.”

4) Any favorite exercise/training tips for us fans to incorporate into our routines? (inspired by Elizabeth at the BL page and Denise Love on WG)

Ali: “It’s the stuff you did in PE! I always felt like I had to drive to a gym but I can do lunges, squats, jumping jacks, jump rope. It’s just as effective, if not more, because you’re using your body weight, rather than going from machine to machine. These are the exercises you can do anywhere – in your backyard, a hotel. Oh my gosh, if I had just stuck to that PE stuff all along…”

Bette-Sue: “Just move. Get off your butt and move. Take the dog for a walk. I didn’t like going outside before - I live in Arizona and it’s hotter that snot outside (She cracks me up! – Leslie). But when you lose weight, it’s not quite as hot. Be conscious of how much you’re sitting down and how much you’re moving around.”

Ali: “Also, your fat burning zone is not that really hard, hard cardio. It has to do with heart rate.”

5) What activity have you most enjoyed doing post-Biggest Loser that you couldn't do before? (inspired by 4kidsmom at BL)

Ali: “I can do a pull-up now. But I never wanted to do a pull up before! Arizona is a big, beautiful, ‘outside’ state and everyone’s a hiker. I had huge anxiety about hiking before but now…there’s not any adventure I won’t go on because even though I might not be the first one up the mountain, I will get there.

Also, going shopping! The other day, I tried on a bathing suit and thought, ‘Oh, my gosh, I haven’t worn anything like this since high school. I felt sexy. Arizona is about pool parties and lakes and I’ve always avoided going. Now I don’t have to deny any invitation because I can wear a swimsuit.”

Bette-Sue: “I live by these amazing cliffs. My husband would say, ‘There’s this amazing view’ and I’d say, ‘Are you kidding me? I can’t even walk up the asphalt to the mountain!’ Now I’ve been to the top of that mountain. This summer, I can go out and ride on the tubes on the lake with my grandchildren instead of just being a cheerleader. And I can shop at normal stores. No more ‘fat lady’ stores. I bought a size12 pair of jeans –“

Ali: “- and she looks good!”

Bette-Sue: “That big ‘W’ on the butt no longer represents ‘Walrus’ – it’s for ‘Wrangler.’ And we bought a motorcycle and I can ride on the back.”

Ali: “And mom buys everything pink now!

Bette-Sue: “It has been an amazing journey. This has altered our relationship in the most amazing way. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. If this was a MasterCard commercial, that’s the part that’s priceless.”

Pretty Much Screwed

Tonight, my husband and I will settle down for a romantic evening alone - vanilla-scented candles will cast a soft glow on the walls as Sade serenades us with hardcore baby-making music. Fresh, ripe strawberries and sweet whipped cream will beckon to us from the ledge of the lavender-infused bubble bath. We'll slowly peel each other's clothes off, press our naked, heaving chests together and, when the time is right, I'll nibble my way up his neck to his earlobe and whisper those three magical words:

My period's coming.

Yes, it's PMS time, everyone! Things are fine and dandy now but come Monday, my appetite will resemble the Tasmanian Devil on steroids and my hormones will rage so hard against the machine that the thing will combust into a ball of flames burning brighter than the sun. Dan will say something like, "Honey, do you know where the Windex is? I wanted to do some light cleaning" and I will respond, laser beams shooting out of my eyes, with, "STOP TALKING TO ME!!!" He will then be reminded of the special day and use our "safe" phrase which is, "Leslie, is the Red Tent coming." Then I will break down crying like Daisy on Rock of Love 2 and all will be forgiven. Until next month.

I was reminded of the beauty that is me every four weeks when I read fitsugar's post about crazy PMS cravings. Then I visited another site (which I can't for the life of me recall the name of, and I attribute that to estrogen fluctuations screwing with my memory) and found this awesome cartoon:

(please reveal yourself if you're the writer who inspired me!)

Regarding PMS cravings, all bets are off with this chick. I need chocolate. I need pizza. I need chocolate pizza. And I need it now. Maybe every once in a while I'll crave steak al forno or Drunken Chicken from Joy's Thai but primarily, I just need creamy, melty, yummy chocolate.

How about you? What's your poison? Fried oysters? McDonald's cheeseburgers? Snickers cheesecake on a stick?

And for those of you who "have a happy period" like the commericals suggest? Piss off. You don't belong here.(Ooh! It's starting already!)

For your viewing pleasure...I am the woman with the pink axe

Can you compare obesity with suicide?

Time for a serious topic. While surfing around, I stumbled upon fatosphere blogger Kate Harding's mention of the following ad campaign:

Hanging oneself with sausage links, exploding your insides with butter, OD'ing on chocolate candies. "Obesity is suicide," the tiny-print copy at the bottom reads. "But it doesn't have to end this way. Find out how bariatric surgery can help. The Northern Bariatric Surgery Institute www.cutweight.org"

What's your reaction to these images? Is it ethically right to compare obesity to suicide, a horrific and unimaginable experience for the friends and family left behind? Or can the creator (I believe these were some sort of student project) of the ads be forgiven because he's simply doing his job, trying to sell something - in this case, bariatric surgery - even if the overall message being delivered is, "If you're overweight, you're as bad as a suicide bomber and should have your stomach reduced to a tiny little pouch"?

Such as, the Iraq

Should I live blog the 2008 Miss USA Awards this Friday night? Things to consider:

Pros
A very legitimate excuse to publicly watch a show I would otherwise peep in secret.
It's a chance to be snarky and obnoxious towards the very-deserving world of beauty pageants.
Someone very well may slip on their beaded gown and fall smack on their rump again.
I haven't seen Donald Trump since the Today Show appearance last month and, quite frankly, I miss the silly old kook.

Cons
A spectacular waste of time, brain cells and laptop battery power

The breast magazine report ever

The last time I perused Consumer Reports was in 1998, while researching a post-graduation car (shiny red Cougar, still kickin' it a decade later). Well, times have changed and CR apparently has lots more to offer than family sedans and tips on purchasing space heaters.

The upcoming issue is all Girls Gone Wild, exploring the seedy underbelly of the bra world. They've compared three nationally available over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders — all seamless, lightly padded and underwire — in three wildly different price points. (I'd like to think they had me specifically in mind, as the test size was 34B.) Said brassieres were then put through a series of Rube Goldberg-like tests - multiple hand-washings, close inspection by bra-obsessed lingerie experts and excursions on various women who rated each model on comfort.

The question on everyone's lips? What does that Brazillian freak Gisele really look like sans airbrushing? Which bra will treat your breasts best?

Read on to find out...

La Perla Vintage, $127

What, doesn't everyone drop Benjamins for a pair of cups and some straps? Haven't you ever watched Sex & The City? Or even I Love New York, Part 2? La Perla is essential for properly showcasing your cleavage to its full advantage, thereby snagging you a rich mate and eternal happiness.

Or, it'll break on you after three hand-washings.

Thats what the folks at CR found: Quality materials, yes, but they didn't hold up after a few cleansings.

Victoria's Secret Ipex demi, $45

"Poor cut of the fabric on sides made it pucker, and the straps curled in the was," says the report.

"Eh nuh, duhhh!" says me.

I have a love-hate relationship with Vicky because I adore her cozy sweaters and pajamas that come in Tall, but everytime I buy a thong (and by "buy," I mean race over to the store the second a Free Panty card arrives in the mail to paw through their Hope Chests, praying for a Large) it goes beserk the second I wash it, coiling up like a curly fry.

Gilligan & O'Malley padded demi, $11

Much like Two Buck Chuck and Hershey's Kisses, it appears the least expensive bra is the winner The flexible, padded underwire was deemed not too ribcage-pokey and...drumroll, please...it's available atTar-jay! In fact, I may have inadvertently fondled one while shopping there over the weekend.

PS Consumer Reports was inspired to conduct this hooter holder experiment because they learned that 22% of women in a new survey they conducted by the magazine said they always or often regret bra purchases. At least now we can rest assured that, for the cost of two large Frappucinos, we can hold our Super Big Gulps high and declare, "They're real...and they're fantastic."

PS: For more boob-inspired ways to waste time at work, check out the “8 Rules of Sports Bras," courtesy of the fabulously monikered “Bra Whisperer,” Susan Nethero, founder of My Intimacy Stores (thanks for the tip, Workout Mommy!) And, as previosuly posted here but always worth a repeat viewing, watch some tatas bounce.

I shall never complain about an uncomfortable bra again.

2, 4, 6, 8, what is Leslie's sizing fate?

I mean, seriously.

On Sunday, I was trying on various items of clothing (sportsbra at Lucy; silky halter sundress at Foxes; tee shirt at Target) and if someone had gathered up all the pieces that actually fit me and then looked at the tags, they would have seen I was Made in Heaven have thought someone was shopping for Brangelina's soccer team.

Lucy: Medium/Long sportsbra (love the long option! Keep it up!)
Foxes: Size six is just billowing around my chest. Like, I don't think I could have filled a Size zero up there.
Target: Size extra large bottoms on a cute polka dot bikini barely contain my rear and a size large on the top looks like something Pammie Anderson would wear. Within 30 minutes I have jumped from toddler ta tas to Kim Kardashian. Halleluyah!
Old Navy: (In truth, I didn't actually go to Old Navy but rather was wearing an outfit almost entirely composed of their stuff, so as I changed in and out of clothes, I noticed...) Size medium pointelle knit sweater fits but is tight, in a good way; Size small khaki jacket makes me look like a camo-cutie but the sleeves have to be rolled-up to prevent high-water wrists and I can never button the thing - and yes, I bought it on purpose; Size 8 Long jeans are getting a wee bit hard to pul over the tushy but look good once they're on. I have the exact same pair in a different wash at home, Size 10, and somehow, they fit the same.

Either I'm some sort of pod person who can shapeshift between retail stores without my consciousness realizing it or...we need a presidential candidate who will demand a move toward universal ass coverage.

Spring just Sprang and I'm about to get Sprung

Woo hoo! First warm weekend all year in Chicago! I don't know what was happenin' in your hood but here, people Freaked. The. Eff. Out. As we always do when the dirty curbside snow has melted and the sun dares shine for longer than it takes Bret Michaels to go without kissing a heavily tattooed young lass. (That's a shout-out to YOU, Daisy!) It is a sight to behold - people rip off their winter coats like they've just entered some chaotic amateur strip club contest (Rock of Love reference #2) and go running through the streets at warp speed. It's insanity. I haven't seen this many double-wide strollers and romantic-strolling-with-hands-in-each-other's-back-pocket couples and frisky, gently galloping, caramel-colored Golden Doodles since the 2004 Starbucks-sponsored GenY Yuppie Festival Convention in La Jolla, Calif. Everyone goes beserk because SUMMER IS ALMOST HERE! The streets are filled with Rollerbladers, bikers, power walkers, cross-country sidewalk skiiers - and everyone has a smile plastered across their face.

Then, three days later, it snows.

As for me, I toyed with the idea of going running but the debacle that is my toe kept me out of my functional Nikes and in my tres-stylish green suede Pumas. I shared a sick brunch - vanilla glaze-slathered, pecan paste-stuffed cinnamon roll pancakes - with my fam and ran errands, including both buying and, 10 minutes later, returning a pink sportsbra at Lucy (too much nipplage). I also, with the help of a kind gentleman with yellow frosted-tipped black hair in line with me at Best Buy, was able to finally fix my laptop, which has been plagued with some weird attachment problem since I bought it six months ago. Now I'm free to send viruses with total abandon. Go check your email, everyone!

(Because all this nice weather has me feeling frisky!)

For all you Biggest Loser fans out there...

I may have been pulling a prank when I said Paris Hilton was guest blogging, but I'm totally serious about this: Next week, I'll be interviewing Bette-Sue and Ali,mother-daughter duo from The Biggest Loser. They are fabulous, inspiring women and I think this will be a cool opportunity for all of us to learn about those insane workouts, the challenges, the big weigh-ins, being on TV and the physical/emotional/public health aspects of being overweight in general.

Got a Question for Bette-Sue and Ali? Submit your questions here...I'll be picking a handful of the best for Bette Sue and Ali to answer. Then check back the day of The Biggest Loser finale, April 15, to read the interview and see if your question was chosen...and what their answers are!

Ask away!

Bagel and a (Pap) shmear

I should be working on an article about biofeedback right now but in the name of procrastination and vaginas everywhere, I'm going to blog about my afternoon Pap smear.

Everybody clap your hands, say, "Yeah!"

Actually there's really not much to say about today's experience itself - we've all been there, right? It was like this:

Blood pressure
Gown
Stirrups
"Scoot."
Poke.
Ow.
Cold gel.
Fingers (??)
And...scene.

My doctor is a very abrupt, non-touchy-feely woman (except for the whole, "You're going to feel my hand inside of you" shtick). I, on the other hand, am so sensitive that I almost cried today when I saw a girl be mean to an uber-excited Greenpeace dude on the street. So we don't exactly *click* but I go to her for this kind of stuff because she's really good, technically.

When I first met her, it was for a different procedure - the kind they do when you've had an abnormal Pap and want you to get it checked out just in case (Mom, if you're reading this, please do not call me all worried - I'm fine.) Well, I was a little scared so I brought my friend Debbie, who I worked with at the time. I just wanted someone to hold my hand while all sorts of lights and cameras and action were going on down there.

Let me tell you, this doctor could NOT believe I brought someone with me. She snarled, "I've had 15-year-olds do that, but never a grown woman." Whatever- I ignored her because I was already lying, feet straddled and skyward, waiting for this shit to go down. My friend Debbie talked to me and held my hand while the procedure took place and together, we watched by gorgeous pink cervix on the monitor by my head. We were the picture of a loving lesbian couple, getting our donor sperm baby's first ultrasound. Ruining our