Sabotaging Our Self-Image

Friday Poll Time!

I'm going to be appearing on the Today Show on Tuesday, discussing common ways we women sabotage our body image (Whoopie Pies not included). Can you help me out by answering the poll below and leaving comments? I'd really appreciate the feedback.

Thanks! xo

leslie

Comments

Okay, where do I begin with this? I guess with #1. I used to get on and off the scale about 50 times a day. I would guess that number is down to 10 times, maybe more on a bad day. I have also resorted to punching my scale, as of late. I'm always pinching the fat on my body. I realized that I look in store windows to see what I look like (aka, skinny or fat) as I walk down the streets of NYC. I always think my thighs are huge and jiggling, as well as my arms and love handles.
#2 - I'm constantly comparing myself to other women on the streets, tv, mags, etc. It never stops and it never makes you feel good about yourself.
#3 Jean shopping is more of an issue for me, though I try not to look too closely at myself while bathing suit shopping. With that said, I tend to buy a lot of bikinis, which is bizarre.

(I was writing too much so I have to continue it here...)

#4 -I have this pair of jeans that I bought last summer that I hate/love. They're not comfy, moreso because they don't stretch, but I did go through a period where they didn't fit and I kept tortuing myself by trying them on all the time. I still torture myself by wearing them even though they are uncomfortable, but do fit.
#5- Apparently I "don't eat enough," according to others.

I think that's it.

I do all of the above. And supposedly I am someone with a healthy body image, someone who other people say they admire and look up to because I am so secure in who I am, no what I look like. Why is it so pervasive? It's discouraging.

I am also guilty of sometimes thinking quietly, just to myself, that things would be better if I was just thinner. People would love me. People would treat me better. I would have a better job. Life would be rainbows and sunshine. And then I get depressed, looking out the window at the rain and my reality, because that can only mean that all the bad things in my life are my fault - because I'm NOT thinner. I haven't worked hard enough, I've been too lazy, I have indulged too much, I need more self control, I need to be a better woman.....

It's a vicious line of thought if you let it continue.

I know it's not RIGHT, but it is there. It's evil. It pops up when you least expect it.

When I was in the throes of my ED, I did all but the last one. Now, years into recovery, the only one that I still do is compare myself with other women, both the waitress at dinner and the actress on the screen.

I do all of the above EXCEPT eat like a bird.

I generally stuff myself so that my friends and/or date...which I haven't had a "date" in a good 3 years thanks to my boyfriend who knows I eat since he pays for most of it. Back to the point. I usually stuff myself. Then the girls think I eat like that always. Then they think I don't have to diet or exercise. Then I feel "better" about myself for 10 mins. til I go home stuffed. It's more desireable that way. Maybe I'm weird.

I know I have been guilty of each of these things at least once in my life-- most of them hundreds of times. It is incredibly disheartening to me, even dehumanizing, the way that women treat themselves. So much of my time, I will be the first to admit, is spent thinking about how I look, what I should be eating instead of this, what I wish I could look like. This is not living in the present and is incredibly unhealthy behavior. Is it learned? I mean, why can't I love my body just the way it is? This is the only life I have, the only body I will have... it hurts me that a woman's worth is judged purely by the size of her thighs or the clearness of her skin. The size of my thighs does not show you the size of my heart. I wish more than anything that we can teach our young people to reject the media's standards of beauty, embrace loving yourself no matter what you look like. Maybe then we will create women who spend less time hating themselves and more time changing the world.

I'm competitive by nature, it's hard sometimes to see how healthy I actually am, in comparison to some twigs out there.

1 and 2, still. I funally gave up 3 and 4.

Some bad habits die hard.

Why isn't all of the above an option? Well, I don't necessarily eat like a bird around other girls.. but the rest is true unfortunately

I do think no matter how healthy or unhealthy the comparison thing is a big issue.

I'll often see muscular women and nudge my husband and say "Im bigger than she,yes?"

sure it's in jest---but it's also more truth said in jest :)

Im looking to be as muscular as I can which doesnt preclude me from checking out other women and wanting to be as big as they already are!

I've managed to give up the obsessing part, but did obsess over the size of my thighs for years. I've never eaten like a bird, ever, I don't think.

My biggest problem is comparing myself to others. I know I have a problem understanding what I actually look like from someone else's point of view, but I can look at other women and use them as a judging point for myself. Am I skinnier? fatter? have more muscles? better hair? It's not healthy, and I'm working very hard to weed out the behavior.

I'm with MizFit on the jesting/truth... and especially when you know yourself so well and you know all of your flaws as well as the good parts about yourself, it's that much easier to notice if someone else DOESN'T have your flaws (or doesn't appear to... even though usually our own flaws are only noticeable to ourselves).

to be honest, i voted with what would be the most true for me...but i am guilty of every choice in the poll. :X

I'm guilty of all except the skinny jeans. Plenty of obsessing and comparing as well as date-like eating in public (can't always vouch for in private though) but squeezing myself into something I'll bulge out of is public humilation hell just waiting to happen for me. I'm probably more guilty of wearing jeans that are waaaay too big still.

Good luck on the show - how exciting!
I voted just for 'comparing myself to other women'. I've done a bit of obsessing in the mirror but I'm a lot more accepting these days. I think it's tres hard not to compare yourself to other women, that's the last great hurdle - whether it's in a good way (ie my hair is much better than hers) or in a bad way (she has such nice legs why aren't mine like that) etc blah.

You totally need an "all of the above" button. I'm actually kind of depressed about it now.

As far as sabotaging my self image goes, i think comparing myself to others probably does the most damage - because I never measure up.

I'm with Sonn & Emily & Charlotte -- my answer would be a. of the a., definitely!

Do you have some idea of /when/ you might be on the Today show? Probably you'll give another heads-up before the show, but I will definitely turn on my T.V. and be ready to cheer!

I'm from Japan.
Glad to meet you.

Please link to this site.
Keep it up please.

Oh NO! Im late! Happy Birthday!

I dont know if this really counts but I downplay compliments, A LOT. Half of it is I dont really take them well (awkward) but the other half is maybe I odnt feel I deserve them? If I get compliments on "my little waist", which seems to be the most frequent one, Ill shut it down, with "oh, no, its not that small" or point out something else I dont like about myself. I feel likeif I just thank them, they are going to think, "Oh God, shes full of herself." I just need to own it though.

Can you slip Matt Lauer my phone number? I know hes married, but maybe he needs trainer?

In bed.

HA!

Although i dabbled into eating disorder behavior, i am afraid to admit, most of my teen years, I actually never exhibited any of the behaviors. I suppose was a little concerned about my tummy or for some weird reason, my knees but never obsessed. I WAS obsessed with exercise. I still am, i just learned to listen to my inner fatigue and not run 14 miles daily (which is so scarry to think that i actually did!). and as far as eating like a bird, i have the opposite problem, i try to eat enough to show people I am not eating disorders, which is silly really, i should eat what i want, when i want and screw you if you think i am eating too much or too little. Have you visited SELF's blog, eat like me? it sickens me that all these women comment on her eating habits saying its either too little and that she probably has an eating disorder or that she isn't promoting a healthy eating lifestyle. It sucks when people scrutinize what you eat so much, i really dont believe you are what you eat.

Green Tea - I know what you mean about eating more to look good around other girls - I would rather people notice I eat a lot and draw the conclusion that I have a fast metabolism, than only eat a little and have them think I want to lose weight.
Pfff, why I am worrying about them anyway??

Oddly enough, given that I'm anything but a self-confident person, I don't really have these body image issues. (But there was no "none of the above," so I picked the "compare myself" one.)

I am geeky and awkward in all kinds of ways, but I'm happy enough with how my ass looks in my jeans to not worry what other people think of my weight and/or eating habits. My fitness obsession seems to have more to do with health, and the fact that my father started having heart attacks at 40 and died really young. (Grandparents too).

I don't have great genes for longevity and really want to make sure I'm around to whine and complain for a long, long time.

Can't wait to see you on the Today show!

checking back to see if you have a specific time yet!

Honestly, I'm guilty of all the choices except eating like a bird -- however, in my 20s, I was guilty of that as well. The older I get (38 and proud of it) the better I feel about my body image and I am not over-weight and I am very healthy and active; however there seems to always be pressure to try and be better, skinnier, and even if you're a wallflower -- there is a euphoric 'high' from being admired and noticed for 'looking' a certian way. Typically, the older someone becomes, the less this matters.... but not for some. Certain men will ridicule their wives or girlfriends for being 'too big'. Female relatives, 'friends' and co-workers often envy or ridicule one another. The pressures are endless and constant. Each person just has to learn their own coping techniques and learn what 'healthy' really means.

Body image - mine - terrible. I don't like to look in the mirror at all! I do compare myself to everyone the good and the bad. Many times I will say - "I could look like that" when I see a severely obese person. But mostly I see me as being bigger than anyone else.
I do eat on small plates like a bird in front of people - so they don't have a poor image of me. I feel as though I will never measure up and with Hasimoto's I feel it even more difficult to visualize myself as ever getting thinner.

Looking forward to see your segment on Today - tomorrow.

I've always hated my butt so I stand in front of things so that it doesn't show, especially when I wear pants. I imagine when I walk it shakes and rolls like crazy and draws attention so I walk fast to where I'm going to get out of sight. I've tried walking different ways -- feet out, feet in, long strides, short strides but feel it makes it worse. I'm 5'6", size 14.

I'm on at 9:49am EST, peeps!!!