Wanna look like Madonna?

Lucky for you, I've been scouring my US Weekly for topless pics of Patrick Dempsey the hottest workout tips out there - all extremely safe and nutritionally sound, of course - and I came across an article titled, "Lose 20 pounds IN 6 WEEKS." Trainer Tracy Anderson, who barks orders at Madonna and Gwynnie P. , swears her 1100 calorie/day diet (TOO LOW!!) and patented toning moves will get you fit, fab and ferosh. My personal fave?

"With feet shoulder-width apart, bend one wrist and pull across body, arm straight, in a smacking motion across your body. Alternate arms."

Oh, really? That's how Madge got her rock-hard arms...by pretendig to be one of those kiddie drums that you twist back and forth between your hands, making the beads swing around on the ends of the strings? Color me surprised.

I wonder what MizFit , she of the heavenly arms, would have to say about this?

OK, off to go slap my limbs across my chest like a flailing monkey!

Leslie

Comments

Didn't you know that's the lastest in toning techniques?? I make my aerobics classes do that all the time. Sometimes I have them hold fly swatters in case there is a stray fly buzzing around.

I would kill for Kelly Ripa's arms, by the way!

For the record, I do still feel the need to pick up those little drum/ball things and play with them when I see them.

It may not be the most effective workout, but I'm sure the entertainment value (for everyone else at the gym, watching) is EXTREMELY high!

Seriously? Who does she think she's kidding?

Alyssa I'm in agreement- it would be very amusing to watch that kind of "workout"!

Maybe that's the most exercise they can do because they're exhausted from only eating 1100 calories a day?

lordy.
where to even begin huh?

AHH YES, Id say begin by adding a TWO in place of the one (yeah, I said it: 2100 clean calories, people, and you will get MUSCLES) as Sagan nailed it on the head with her comment.

for some reason this makes me MAD as love her or hate her Madonna used to be the tell it like it IS star.

why is she, too, starting to BS us?

M., who is off to 'make' her toddler mimic the description above for the sheer laughter of it all.

Maybe it's because I'm really tired right now, but I don't even understand those directions! I just sat at my desk trying to do it, and I'm pretty sure I looked like I was having a seizure.

I very much doubt that Madonna the yoga devotee is doing such silly exercises.

1,100 calories?! That's a surefire way to make your starving body want to hang on to every ounce of fat it's got. I'm with MizFit: More of the good calories and a good weight program. Forget starvation and flailing -- though it would be entertaining to watch.

The diet suggested is ridiculous, and the workout could have been explained a lot better, but I think I get it. It sounds like one of those workouts you do with a cable...Set the cable up at chest level and pull across your body with your wrist bent, switch arms. At least that's what I think the author means :)

I've been getting my workout the past couple of days by lifting all of my junk home from school for the summer!

First off, an 1100 cal/day diet is utter ridiculousness and I'd be shocked if Madge actually followed it. She seems way too savvy too play with her #1 commodity (her body) like that.

Secondly, I did the "Madonna" (a.k.a. Tracy Anderson) workout as an experiment and I gotta tell you - IT'S HARD. That thing had me screaming in pain and I'm no wuss either. The trick? All those silly-monkey-toy moves - 100 reps. You do anything 100 times and I guarantee you'll want to gnaw your arm off to escape the burn.

I don't like Tracy Anderson and I think her "program" is hogwash but adding in a few days of her Madonna "hundreds" workout is def. a great way to shake things up:)

PS> We did the workout for a month and both Allison & I lost inches on our waists, thighs & hips without our body fat % or weight changing (meaning no muscle loss). Not saying it's a cure-all but don't knock it till you've tried it.

Also, Tracy recommends two hours A DAY on the Pilates Reformer. I'm guessing that's how Madonna got sculpted - right Alyssa??

two HOURS?

MamaMizFit is lucky to get 40 minutes :)

M.

Baa ha ha ha! I can't get that image of the Karate Kid movie outta my head. Wax on, wax off Madonna.

Did I mention I'm TOTALLY afraid of Madonna? And Oprah. :)

http://doesthisblogmakeuslookfat.com

Okay, first I wanna say that although I normally covet her toned physique, in that picture, Madonna's arms look a bit too ropy and thin for my taste. I think I threw up a little.

But that could be from the pain of dislocating both shoulders trying that move. Ow.

V.

That US article was horrid and unhealthy. I read it, and was bummed. Yea, anyone who only eats 1100 cal/day and does cardio for an hour 6 days a week is gonna drop pounds. In these "star" secrets they always forget to mention that these folks also have paid chefs and trainers on hand at all times. sorry to be a Friday bummer but *ugh*

Never rely on fitness, diet, or hell even fashion tips from Us weekly. they specialize in sleeze and gossip, and god help me i am addicted to it, i admit, but i would not take advice from anything they publish. Notice they never really have doctors or professionals backing their articles unlike some mags like SELF or Women's Health. Speaking of madonna, has anyone bought the new album, i bought and i thing 4 min is a great cardio motivating song, but i was a bit underwhelmed, i miss the old stuff...I have all her albums and its so funny, i think she sounds so different nowadays. maybe her guns changed her vocal chords.

It's a little scary if celebrities are now getting slapping lessons along with their workouts--what with the general celebrity tendency to have tantrums and the easy access to slappable minions. I hope the Personal Assistants of the world are on notice.

Hungry Waif, you said it! NEVER take advice from US mag! And, Stephanie, you hit it right on the head. I'm so tired of seeing these "miracle transformation" pix of celebs(ESPECIALLY after they've given birth)! We'd ALL look like that if we had their resources, and our careers depended on it.
And Charlotte, any workout that has YOU screaming would have me running for the hills and passing out in a pool of my own bodily fluids. And, yeah, 2 hours a day on the reformer would get account for Madonna's extreme buffness. Geesh! That's A LOT of pilates!

and to madonnas credit, i find her newer albums perfect for workouts. I litterally take the "confessions on a dance floor" album with me on the tredmill and i am set. You'd probably be more like madonna if you listened to her music working out than this US weekly recommendation. Besides, if you look in Us weekly, you'll find paparazzi shots of her jogging and biking too. pilates and yoga dont get you THAT ripped

I've to say that I have actually tried that Madonna/Gwenny workout and I'll echo Charlotte's sentiments...it burrrrrrns us, my precious.

How and ever, I can't imagine lasting a day on that kind of restrictive calorie intake...it's an eating disorder waiting to happen, methinks. Perhaps doubling the portions might leave one with a more realistic diet plan...and I'm always a bit wary of any diet that measures veggies by the half-cup full. Really, can I overdo the cucumber?