Kim from "Fat is Contagious" emailed me!

On March 12, I blogged about NYC writer Kim Brittingham who, fed up with the stares and obnoxioso comments she often receives while riding the bus because of her size, designed a fake book titled Fat is Contagious: How Sitting Next to a Fat Person Can Make You Fat. Chaos erupted, with a record-shattering 257 comments. Most of them, sadly, were not supportive.

Anyhow, Kim tracked me down a few days ago and wrote the following (reprinted with her permission):

Hi Leslie,

I've been meaning to write you for weeks now, but I recently moved from NYC to New Jersey and it's taken a while to get myself together. I wanted to thank you for writing about my "Fat is Contagious" stunt on "The Weighting Game". I was encouraged by the amount of commentary it provoked. While it's always disappointing to see that so many people still have an ignorant and unkind view of fat people, the fact that so many other people were willing to pipe up and take an energetic stand in favor of tolerance is heartening....

THANK YOU for all that you do! Write on!

Sincerely,

Kim Brittingham

Well, not only did I do a happy dance because of how uber-cool Kim made me feel, but I jumped over to her MySpace blog called "Fat is Sexier Than You Think." A snippet:

"'Oh, my God.' My mother slapped the steering wheel in percussive disbelief. 'Can you believe the nerve of that woman? Where does she get off wearing a skirt that short? At her size, she's got no business!'

We were driving along Byberry Road, past the old abandoned lunatic asylum. A fat woman was walking with relaxed purpose along the side of the road in a black mini-skirt and t-shirt. Her arms and legs were thick and alabaster, her rear end ample and heart-shaped.

It was summer and I was fat too. I wore jeans and a boatneck tunic with three-quarter-length sleeves to hide my sausage-like upper arms and flabby elbows. I was keeping my fat to myself, sparing the public of my hideousness. Just as 'The Elephant Man' John Merrick wore a burlap sack over his head when walking the streets of London. It was a simple matter of courtesy.

I was in my twenties then. I'm thirty-seven now, and I still wear three-quarter-length sleeves in summer. And I only bare my legs when I swim. The difference is, I don't think my body is ugly anymore.

But you do.

The fact is, I think my body is beautiful. Really. That's my honest-to-God opinion.

Tactically, I'm scrumptious. The pinkish-white swells of my hips, breasts and belly beg to be caressed, stroked -- kneaded like so much pie dough. And if you've ever actually kneaded dough, or pressed your fingers into a lump of dense but pliable clay and felt the sweet, aching satisfaction in your hands as you molded it -- feeling it give beneath your palms, subtly varying the pressure from your fingertips as you slid them across the endlessly fascinating surface -- then you know the pleasure of a body like mine beneath your touch...."

Go read more of her stuff and comment below - what do you think of her blog? Can you dig that entry I excerpted from above or not?

Comments

"The fact is, I think my body is beautiful. Really. That's my honest-to-God opinion."

That's one of the most beautiful things I've ever read.

I don't get why some people think that if you're a certain size or shape then you shouldn't be "allowed" to wear what people of a different size or shape wears. If you're comfortable with yourself, and want to wear a short skirt, then I say go for it and wear it with confidence (although maybe not in the workplace)!

Totally digging that entry and I'm off to go and read more:)

Im off to read more AND have to say how I HEART how excited you get about it all!

still.

today show appearance and all.

M.

totally diggin it baby

Yay Kim!!! I'm so glad she wrote as I've often wondered how she felt after that sh*tstorm of comments on your post. I'm glad that she took it in characteristic stride. Kim, you can sit next to me on the bus (or plane or whatever) any day. Wear whatever you want and rock it, girl! I wish I felt half as good about myself as you do. LOVED the excerpt Leslie.

After dealing with body image and eating disorder issues myself (and for some overweight people, their size is a result of binge eating disorder--which is every bit as "legitimate" as anorexia or bulimia), I have nothing but compassion for people who are judged and mistreated based on their size. It's unfair and unacceptable.

Has anyone read Alexander McCall Smith's The #1 Ladies Detective Agency series? He has a refreshing character Mme Ramotswe who is known for being "traditionally built." In the latest book she toys with a diet and then sort of realizes that there is a life to be lived and traditionally built is just what she is.

At the same time, I would just add that health is obviously an issue. And no one should be allowed to judge anyone else, but we should hold ourselves to a health-standard. If being overweight restricts your activity or has led to illness or disease, then you should take it upon yourself to prioritize health, and that might mean losing weight or eating better/less.

Thanks to those of you who read my blog -- I'm truly humbled by your attention! And Charlotte, thanks for your concern about my post-sh*tstorm state, although to be honest I was not affected by the negative comments at all. I mean, when someone presents a truly ignorant point of view, it's nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to be upset by what they say -- I just consider the source. It's like if William Hung came to my karaoke party and jeered at me, "Ha ha, YOU can't SING!" Gee. Now I'm REALLY hurt...

"If William Hung...jeered at me "You can't sing!""Oh Kim, LMFAO!!!! That is AWESOME!!!
This morning I was walking on the street in a nearby town, thinking about WHY we judge people based on appearances. But I like your approach better. If people choose to live in shallow ignorance, that's their prerogative. It doesn't mean we have to listen to them.

YOU ROCK!!!!

you do SO rock, Kim.

and are a role model for all of our daughters.

MizFit

Kim totally rocks! I strive to be as positive and loving to myself as her. And I still think the book stunt is one of the best things I've ever heard!

I can't believe there were negative comments to begin with. I love Kim's attitude and she's such a compelling writer!

Thanks for posting her email and the excerpt.

I disagree about being able to wear skimpy clothing regardless of size. I think excessive fat SHOULD be covered up.

I am not clinically overweight, but I don't go around showing my stomach because I know it has too much "fat" on it. I don't think being overweight or having excess fat is beautiful.

People should dress appropriately for their figure. Wearing short shorts with a bunch of cellulite hanging out is in no way attractive.

I'm not saying thinner people are better or that fat is contagious, but that we should respect our bodies and other people by covering up what is unflattering.

The problem with that idea, beth, is that everyone has a different idea of what is beautiful and attractive. Everyone's idea of "too much fat" is going to be different, and everyone's idea of what is nice to look at or hideous to behold is going to be different. See the excerpt from Kim's blog about the joy in the beauty and art in the curves and flowing lines of a fatter body. To many people *that* is the sexual ideal. So whose idea of beautiful do we base our dress code on? Some people think certain skin colors are ugly - it doesn't mean they should be covered up to spare the public. I personally think most men are, let's face it, pretty damn ridiculous looking when naked. No offense guys. But I don't go around insisting that they all wear man burkas to spare my sensitive palate. Some people are offended by tattoos, body hair, piercings, short people, glasses, god knows what else. But it comes down to being the problem of the person who is offended, not the person minding their own business in public.

And btw, Kim, I'm SO glad to see you here - you are an absolute hero!

We should all have this kind of body love and confidence as she does!

We should all have this kind of body love and confidence as she does!

covering up what is unflattering.
--------
I get what youre going for, Beth, but it's all about what your definition of IS is (waves to the now depressed Bill Clinton).

Recently someone expressed he thought my arms were ICKY MANNISH (again, L--I know. made me GIGGLE).

does that mean Im relegated to sleeves in this 100 degree heat?

it's a slippery slope which makes me cling to a phrase I used oft in college:

YOU DRESS THAT BODY (please to imagine smirkonface and my pointing at other person) and Ill dress this one.

M.

Beth:

What color are your eyes?

Let's say for argument's sake that Beth's eyes are brown.

And let's pretend that I HATE brown eyes. That I have all kinds of negative associations connected to them. Brown eyes remind me of excrement. They make me think of dirt under a junkyard dog's nails; of that murky, swampish mold that grows under refrigerators.

The fact is, I love brown eyes. I think they're my favorite. Depending on the shade, they remind me of Hershey kisses, and the honey-wood coffee table my grandmother used to let me scoot under on my back and draw on its underside.

But in this scenario, remember, brown eyes make me want to puke.

And Beth, you have them.

Should I insist that you wear sunglasses at all times?

Beth, there's nothing so beautiful as an open mind. Read my blog. All of it, not just the excerpt quoted here. It was written just for you.

In my mind, it all sort of goes back to the same thing - people are offended by what is not, to them, the "norm". And therefore, we must all either (a) conform to that nebulous "norm"; or (b) try our very best to hide the fact that we do NOT conform.

And the big problem is, where do you draw the line? If a 400-pound woman must wear a tent to hide her fat because "people" find that offensive - must a 160-pound woman do the same? Because I happen to know there are a lot of a$$holes in the world who consider anything over a size 2 hideously fat. So where's the cutoff? Who gets to decide what's okay and what isn't? It's an awfully slippery slope, IMO.

To my mind, sexy is as sexy does. If you carry yourself with confidence and self-love, if you emit that sparkle and shine of genuine comfort in and love for your own skin, then you're sexy. Regardless of size. And no one should be compelled to suffer physically in 90-degree heat because of their size. That's complete BS.

Rock on, Kim. :-)

V.

I dont care what size you are,as long as you are healthy. everyone's body is their busniness and no one knows anyone elses situation. I dont know how over weight Kim is, but if shes healthy and happy- good for her. we all spend way too much time judgeing ourselves, and honestly, i would rather someone be happy and obses than fit and unhappy. quailty of life is whats most important

Remember that "Twilight Zone" episode where a woman is getting surgery to "correct" her face? The surgery doesn't work and she's sent away to live with others who are "like her." She's beautiful and looks "normal" to us, but the world she lives in is inhabited by people with pig-like faces, which is the norm. That woman thinks she is hideous.

What is attractive? What is normal? There is no single answer.

I've read some of her memoir in Kim's archives, and talk about "tip of the iceberg," this woman is one of the most extraordinarily entertaining writers I have ever read, online or off! Rock on, Kimberly B!

"When someone presents a truly ignorant point of view, it's nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to be upset by what they say -- I just consider the source."

I want to be Kim when I grow up. That shame she talks about in her article I've always focused inward, and beat myself up for things such as Beth has said.

I'm now in the rebellious phase of my disengagement of public opinion. It's now a matter of, "As if. Who do you think you are?"

And the reason for that is because when you're fat, that's the first place people go. If you are intelligent and are having a debate with someone (usually a man) and you're actually winning - they resort to the whole fat thing.

As if fat invalidates your intelligence. As if fat invalidates any of your contributions to society.

It doesn't. So I proudly dress in a way that makes me feel sexy. I figure if someone doesn't like it, they don't have to look. I got news, people *do* like it.

I'm not going to stop being who I am for the comfort of strangers.

Ginger, you said,
"And the reason for that is because when you're fat, that's the first place people go. If you are intelligent and are having a debate with someone (usually a man) and you're actually winning - they resort to the whole fat thing."

Really? Is that what people resort to in arguments? I don't recall anyone saying that to me when I was overweight. I think most of us are angered by other things than people being overweight. Also, most people have more class than to resort to pointing out one's physical imperfections.

OMG, are you kidding? It's always, ALWAYS, "Well f*ck you then, you FAT PIG," or, "Oh YEAH? Well you're FAT!"

It's so tired. People have no imagination. In fact, they go there even when you're NOT fat. I never would've started yo-yo dieting as a teenager in the first place if one or two dweeby boys (my little bro included) had chosen to call me ANYTHING other than "fat". Geez, maybe if they'd called me a dummy I'd have earned multiple doctorates by now.

"Really? Is that what people resort to in arguments? I don't recall anyone saying that to me when I was overweight." - Beth

Exactly how long were you overweight? I've been overweight almost my entire life and that's always, always the first line of defense, just like Kim said.

I remember having a book of my poetry stolen when I was in junior high, and when it was returned it had "fat bitch" scribbled all through it.

What else could they be angry about except that I was fat? Did they just have a passionate disdain for poetry? Were they intimidated by my use of Iambic pentameter? If so, why would they rely on the tired ol' "fat bitch" routine?

And why call someone fat as if it's something you don't already know? "Apparently this person has never stepped foot in front of a mirror. It is my duty - nay responsibility - to inform them."

Kind of reminds me of the scene in "Roxanne", where Steve Martin shreds a guy who tried to make fun of his nose.

Classless? Definitely. Reality? Unfortunately.

I've had the exact same experiences myself....dieting myself all the way upto 306 lbs, being horrified as a teen by pictures of myself and yet seeing those same pictures years later and realizing I was a beautiful teen. The mess that my life became because of my weight, both physically and emotionally. Thank god I finally found my way out, and for me, the "escape route" arrived via my brain, rather than thru my stomach or diet/exercise. If you think of yourself as a fat person, you will become a fat person, as is evidenced by Kim's story here. If she (and I) had never (incorrectly) thought of ourselves as fat, we wouldn't have looked to dieting to "fix" us. Our eyes are just the windows to the brain, it's the brain that actually does the seeing. Be sure to match the picture you have in your mind's eye of yourself with what you want to look like, not what you don't want to look like. This small change in thinking can cause exponential results in reality. And it's alot more fun to think of yourself as great!

Aw heck, if a majority of the male population can't get an erection looking at me, big fucken deal.

If the majority of skinny women get angry at me because I am able to enjoy the foods they deny themselves, too fucken bad.

The problem is when fat people are discriminated against and are denied jobs because of the way they look.

i don't think that i'm fat eventually i just had a baby and i still love my body. It DOESN'T MATTER if you fat or not you need to love yourself for who you are period. i think i'm thick , and beautiful!!!

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