Read My Hips

Our favorite troublemaker and speaker-upper, Kim Brittingham (Fat is Contagious), is guest blogging today! Her story below ain't light - in fact, it's downright heart-wrenching - but I think many of us can relate to and learn from it. Leave your feedback in Comments for our most fabulous newest WG addition...

How it all began
"When I was a teenager, my mother took a picture of me standing in front of our house.

I stood unsmiling beside a flowering bush. I knew I was bigger and uglier than most girls, but maybe the camera would strike a deceptive angle and make me look pretty.

When the picture came back from the developer, I was mortified.

I was going to make sure no one ever saw this awful image of me. I stole it from its paper envelope and scurried away to my room.

I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the semi-gloss print in my hands. I had no idea I was so misshapen! I knew I was pear-shaped; all the women in our family were. But genetics had hung themselves on my frame with an unnecessary flourish of cruelty. My hips ballooned out from my body, in freakish contrast to my trim waist. I was an extreme, like those apes with shockingly bulbous red bottoms.

I began to cry. My God, I thought. I’m deformed!

Clearly, I’d have to cover this up. Never again would I wear a shirt or sweater under 32” long -- or at least not until I fixed this problem. I’d wear tunics and dumpy cardigans, and men’s flannel shirts three sizes too big, just because they covered my hips.

I took the photo to my desk and with a fine-tipped black marker, oh-so-carefully, I shaved several inches off my hips, applying the ink in parentheses-like strokes until I’d blacked out the swells of excess flesh. I sat up straight and regarded the image of myself with a “normal” body, and felt overcome by a surge of shimmering hope.

I decided to go on a diet.

The dieting years a.k.a. the climb to 310
My mother and I joined Weight Watchers together. We took turns weighing our food on a little white scale. We monitored our food exchanges with vigilance and logged them on charts stuck to the refrigerator. My dad complained about the cases of diet soda we sucked down at record speed. For the first time, I tried cottage cheese. It was almost as thick as ice cream, but not nearly as good. I asked for the Jane Fonda Workout Album for Christmas.

Inevitably there came a day at the mall when I was alone with pocket money, and the aroma of crisp french fries glistening with oil and freshly dumped from their wire basket proved too much to resist. That day, I “blew my diet”.

Oh, but it had been so long since I’d eaten anything delicious! I couldn’t stop at the fries. I was like a starving orphan set free at the Fancy Foods Show. I ate Chips Ahoy cookies soaked in whole milk; hulking tablespoons of peanut butter whipped into soup bowls full of chocolate ice cream; Nutella on Wonder Bread. I ate like there would be no tomorrow, because tomorrow I’d be back on my diet. And surely, with all the weight I had to lose, it might be years before I’d ever enjoy these treats again.

Eventually my mother tired of buying and cooking “diet foods.” She didn’t want to pay the weekly fee at Weight Watchers anymore. Jane Fonda’s voice started getting on my nerves. The exercises bored me to tears -- literally.

I gained back what I lost -- plus ten pounds more.

In time, I gave it another go, this time with Nutri-System -- and then later with Jenny Craig, and Richard Simmons’ Deal-a-Meal. There were diets of my own making, like the Just Eat Pasta with Fat-Free Creamy Italian Salad Dressing All The Time Diet. There was the diet recommended by a crackpot nutritionist giving free consultations from the back of a health food store. He told me to eat nothing but meat and dairy. Without carbohydrates, he said, my body would devour its own fat. I lost weight so fast people thought I was sick.

What I really lost
There were many moments of triumph on the scale -- at home, at the weight loss center, on the big pay-scale in the drug store. And there were just as many moments of frustration, desperation and deprivation as I un-did all the dieting I’d done. 145 to 128; 128 to 155...one day I’d peak at 310.

Once upon a time, food was fuel for my body and a pleasure to my senses. But it became so much more. Now it’s supercharged with meaning and burdened with responsibilities it never signed up for.

Food is a merciless torturer. It’s a mirage in the Sahara. It’s a temptress who crumbles to dust at first touch.

Food whispers absurd promises, flashes neon pink and blue like Vegas, hums with the solemnity of religion.

It’s the husk of a dead therapist, taxidermized and set upright behind glass. It winks like a loose school girl. It’s a dolt who solves nothing.

Uncovering my past
Earlier this year, I was asked to appear on The Today Show, and the producer requested that I provide pictures of myself at different stages in my life. As I was digging through a box of old photos, I came upon the photo of myself with the inked-out hips.

Obviously I couldn’t see the true shape of my body beneath the black marks, but I stopped to study my 15-year-old upper arms, cheekbones and chin. Hm, that’s strange. I thought this was a Fat Picture.

I carried the photo to my kitchen table, hovered with a damp cloth and finally rubbed away the crescents of black ink that recontoured my hips. It came off easily; the picture was like new.

I couldn’t believe what I saw.

Underneath the ink, there was almost…nothing.

But I remembered this picture. I remembered hunching over it alone in my bedroom, making delicate corrective strokes on an embarrassingly disproportionate girl.

What happened to the hips, those big goiter-like hips I fantasized about cutting off with our electric Thanksgiving turkey knife? Where were they? I remembered seeing them there! I know I did, I looked ridiculous! They were so awful, I’d been willing to do anything to get rid of them. I was determined to diet those hips off my body before I got stuck with them for life!

There was nothing wrong with the girl in the picture.

How I wish someone could have told her."

Comments

What a beautiful post! And a beautiful woman! How sad that we cannot see ourselves as we truly are, and that we set ourselves up on paths of destruction, condoned by society.
When a female British tabloid "journalist" proposed, in print, that Princess Beatrice develop an eating disorder like her "late Auntie Di" rather than go out in public in a bikini again, I just about lost it.

We are destroying our girls. But they CANNOT have my daughter, g_ddammit!

Wow. This post hit really close to home. I actually did the same exact thing with a picture that my father had taken of me when I was a young adolescent. I was wearing shorts and I took a marker to color the parts of my legs I wanted to cut off. I went on a diet that became anorexia within a year that became bulimia five years later that became binge eating disorder three years after that. My max weight ended up more than doubling my lowest anorexic weight and I gained most of that back in 6 months after my eating issues morphed again into binge eating disorder. Years later in therapy, I too looked back at that picture with the legs I had drawn on and realized, too, that I had looked just fine all along. My weight has since found it's way back to a healthy range for me somewhere in the middle of the extremes, but my body has paid the price, including permanant damage to my knee from overexercising. My heart and relationships also paid a price with all the years I lost when I was in the grips of my obsession.

OH. MY. G-D. WTF is wrong with us all?

the hairs on my arm stood on end when I saw the picture after reading your powerful words.

M.

wow. i think that's all i can say. that story sounds almost exactly like me except ive only been on this (what i hope to be soon ending) roller coaster for 3 years.

This just blew me away! It's a real wake-up call about the distorted body image that most of us have. I wish I could go back and tell my teenage self how good she looked!

Touching story...

About the photo, I did something very similar: I was in a jazz dance class and for the recital we had to wear these gawdy ugly spandex costumes which exposed the midriff (something I wasn't pleased about wearing at the tender, modest age of 14) and of course we had a professional group photo taken. When I got mine I noticed that every other girl in the picture besides myself and my best friend had a trim tummy - we were the two "flabbies."

I immediately went at the sides of our bellies with a black permanent marker and made our figures into hourglasses - whala! We were cute, now, too!

Years later I figured out that we were the two gals who hadn't done something the other girls had already learned to do when posing for a photo: suck it in!

What a beautiful person you are Kim! Your writing is awe-inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

I found a picture from 15 years ago when I was a freshman in college. At the time, like most of the above commenters, I thought I was hideous looking. Double chin (the females in my family are cursed with the first signs of weight gain being in the chin), "frizzy" hair, and fat. At a size 12 I thought I was fat. That was ten (maybe five? I'm a 22 now) sizes and 100, yes folks, 100 pounds ago.

If I could go back in time, smack myself silly for gaining this weight I'm carrying around now, and just tell that beautiful girl, "Honey, you may not think so now, but when you get out of here, guys will have matured enough to realize that a size 2 ain't where it's at all the time either," I'd be much happier.

And probably not divorced. :)

Kim, your story, as you've probably discovered, has hit a chord with most of us. Thank you for sharing yours, and may we all have your courage one day.

What an amazing post. This hits close to home for all of us I'm sure. Thanks for sharing...

my reaction was the same as mizfit's.

wow. thank you for sharing, kim.

I've been there and done that, too. I wish that I had known that I was "normal" and beautiful when I was in high school. I would give anything to be back at my heaviest high school weight (5'6'', 160 lbs) now.

Thank you for validating the rest of us.

Just yesterday I came across old photos of me in High School and thought wow I can't believe I did not like my body back then, when looking at it now I looked pretty good. I sent a copy to my friend that was also in the picture and she said the same thing. I don't know how/why I had such a low self esteem, I probably weighted 110! Now I'm 5.2 and weigh about 135. Yet even though I know I dont have it that bad, i still struggle w/images issues and how to properly care for my body (I eat ok for the most part but can't seem to fit exercise into my daily routine). Now I have a daughter and don't want her to go through the same thing but find it difficult to know exactly what to do to help her avoid this seemingly common problem among girls.

"Food . . . flashes neon pink and blue like Vegas."

Oh man, do I hear you. Eloquently written. Thank you so much for sharing.

Even I went through some ridiculous diets when I was at my heaviest--at a measely 155 lbs. I found out I was doing it for the wrong reasons--vanity! Thank you for shedding light on a revolving topic.

When I was 16, my doctor put me on a diet. Our house was now stocked with skim milk, fat-free cottage cheese, and iceberg lettuce. I don't think I lost any weight - but when I got to college and was able to eat what I wanted without my mom standing behind me watching, I gained 70 pounds in 9 months. A combination of freedom and being a forced member of the clean plate club.

BTW - at 16? I was 5'2", 120 pounds, active (read toned) and a 34 D cup - I think I know where most of that "extra" weight was.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Ah, this happened to me a few weeks ago when I came across pictures of a formal from when I was 17, nearly 6', 120lbs, and rather than see the jutting collarbones and hipbones, all a 17year old Cara could focus on was the tummy visible in a skin tight black satin gown...now I recognise how near skeletal I was. Of course such enlightenment only comes with the wisdom of hindsight. I wish I could tell that teenager not to start playing with her weight, that she was fine the way she was, hell she was far too thin if anything.

Thank you for sharing your story Kim. It's my story too.

What's sadder than the story you share is that so many of us share the very same story.

Thank you for your courage. You humble me as a woman.

What a beautiful, sad story. Thanks for sharing it.

Wonderfully written, and definitely thought-provoking. It's amazing how the mind distorts the body like a twisted version of a fun-house mirror.

Brilliant. From the "shame" of the fact that growing up, all of my clothes came from the "Husky" department at Sears (which was totally obvious to my peers - they were never the same style as "regular" boys clothes) to my 6 months or so spent on the Atkins diet (where, I too, kept getting asked if I was ill because I was losing so much so fast), my perceptions of food, and my body, have hit the extremes at both ends of the spectrum, and have changed so much. You have hit the nail on the head, especially when I think of this humiliated little boy, teased mercilessly by his "fit" friends, who were obviously (according to their parents - yes, adults can be cruel in the guise of "helping") exercising (read: playing) enough, whereas I was the slug, the slow kid, the boy with "TB" (two bellies). It didn't matter that I played in every kickball game I could, or ran my little overworked heart out playing Army. But looking back now, I know that little boy has grown, just not in the way everyone thought was inevitible.

it would indeed be great if we could tell our old selves to loosen up a bit and be proud of the body and life we've been blessed with. I remember looking at my 14 year old "baby fat" stage as a nearly anorexic looking teen and thinking "how did i allow myself to get like that!?" and now i look at my prom pictures (in which waif was seriously an understatement) and think "how did i let myself get like THAT!?". Sometimes we are never satisfied with the way we are/were, but its comforting to hear people have finally found that calm, hip adoring voice.

Thats amazing as I always thought the same thing of all my photos as a kid, but now I Look at those same photos and think I wasn't that ugly or fat after all...So sad how much time we waste on something like that :(

The post and the comments that follow it, the fact that a story like this is true for many of us... it's just so sad and needless and tragic. And how do we stop it happening to our own children? Is it even possible? It gives me shivers just thinking about it.

TA x

While growing up I always thought of myself as the chubby (on the good days) or incredibly fat (on the bad days) girl around. From the age of 11-12 until I was 19 big t-shirts and flannel shirts were my best friends in the wardrobe because they helped me hide my body. I was the shy geeky girl in school. Plus, most of the time I felt that I was being compared to a cousin of mine, as old as me, who was tall and slim - while I was short and chubby. I never reached an extreme weight but I did reach extreme sadness towards my body.
Today I can't say I'm totally happy with my body, but I've learned to do like everybody else: eat sensibly, exercise (don't over-exercise!) and choose clothes that flatter your figure. Some time ago I saw a photo of when I was 12: I wasn't fat, not at all.

Good to see you here, Kim. Just keep telling the truth in as many places as you can ~ you'll be doing your part for the pretty young girls today who have no idea!

What an amazing post--I too was floored when I saw the picture at the end.

Thanks so much for sharing this!

I wish someone would have told you back then how beautiful you looked.
I was the same as you. Thought I was hideous and fat. Whenever I come across old pictures of myself I am amazed that I look so much better than I had thought. I am 30 now and still think my thighs are too big, even though I weigh only 115lbs at 5'4''!
My 11 year old niece thinks she is fat. She is so thin her bones stick out. I always tell her how beautiful and special she is. Wish someone would have told me back then too. I wouldn't have this distorted image of myself now.

It's heart breaking how cruel we can be to ourselves. Seeing that picture at the end just took my breath away. I loved how you wrote "Food whispers absurd promises, flashes neon pink and blue like Vegas, hums with the solemnity of religion.

It’s the husk of a dead therapist, taxidermized and set upright behind glass. It winks like a loose school girl. It’s a dolt who solves nothing."

So eloquently written! I feel many of the same things about myself. Except I don't have any pictures of me between 2nd grade and college. Really! So I have nothing to "prove" to me that I wasn't exactly as ugly as I remember.

Thanks for sharing Kim. What a moving post.

Fantastic post. I can relate to those feelings as well. Thanks so much for sharing!

I think I just had an epiphany. I've been agonizing over how to help my daughter be healthy without making her self-conscious...without pushing her into exactly the feelings you're blogging about, Kim. I still don't have the answers.

But I do think probably the single best thing I can do to help her is to point her to this blog. And others. I know it's hard for her to hear me when I try to help her not to hate her body, or parts of it...but I think she will hear this.

Kim, thank you. I think it takes a lot of courage to share things that are so deeply felt. And I wish, oh, how I wish, that we could all do this with each other every day. I wish there were not this horrible conspiracy of silence among women that leaves us all feeling that everyone else is better, stronger, prettier, less messed-up inside. If we didn't all feel so alone and freakish, maybe it would be easier to love and care for ourselves, as we care for each other.

Thank you again, for myself, and for my daughters.

V.

I too was moved when I read this, cause like every other girl (sadly) I was never appreciative of who I was and what I looked like. I always wanted "better".

Here is my question tho ... how do you stop dieting??? I have spent my whole adult life obsessing about food. I did the Weight Watchers thing a few years ago now, and it taught me to be more focused on food (what time is it? can I eat now? how much?)I am tall (5'9") but am hovering around 180 lbs right now. I walk and get exercise (although a bit sporadically), but I can't seem to stop wanting food!! It is causing me to be very dissatisfied with my body shape and leads to more emotional eating. How do I END this cycle??

I can't say anything that hasn't already been said. Powerful. And I loved your lament about food:

"Now it’s supercharged with meaning and burdened with responsibilities it never signed up for."

What a story! Wow. None of us really see ourselves as we actually are. It's really sad.

amazing,,, it's exactly how i saw and still see myself to this day... it's incredible what we do to ourselves

Thank you so much for sharing that. I think a lot of us can relate to that kind of skewed perception of our own bodies.

Thank you so much for sharing. Sadly, many of us have similar stories, as I know I do, of pictures taken where we remember dreading how we looked.

I remember the first time I thought I was fat and needed to go on a diet. I was just over five feet tall and due to puberty, had just hit 98 pounds. I watched in horror as the scale went over 100 in the next couple of months.

I thought I was fat at a size 6, a size 8, a size 10, a size 12 - and now I wear women's sizes and frequently wish I could go back to that young girl, who ate in secret due to the shame and depression she felt at being "fat," and tell her to stop and maintain. I see those pictures now and can't figure out why I thought I was fat.

Thanks again for your great post!

I thought I could accept my post baby body however my husband always tells me how fat I am. It has led me to this same depression. Why If I can accept my body, my husband cannot?

oh my freakin goodness. i was you and you were me. same exact everything from the picture to the deal-a-meal.

Thank You for sharing your story. I've read it four times and cried each time. Just about everything you wrote I could relate to. I will be saving this to read whenever I need a little dose of reality. THANK YOU.

You were beautiful then as now. Inside and out. Well done. TLC

Wow, what an amazing story. I can definitely relate. I went through puberty in 6th-7th grade and I gained weight very fast and all of a sudden I had hips and breasts and none of my friends did. I was very depressed by it and when I was in high school, I was sedentary and got up to a size 14, which I thought was humongous. My mom was a serial dieter and I decided to join her on Weight Watchers, where we'd sort of bond as we lost weight together and then bond as we decided "Aw, what the hell" and go out for Burger King and donuts. I'd always manage to lose 10 lbs and then gain back 12 or so. In college, I really let myself go nuts and I gained 30 lbs in 3 months. I realized that if I kept going, I'd be digging myself an early grave. I realized that I had to get serious about eating healthier and exercising. And even now, at a healthy weight, I still sometimes think my thighs are fat. When WILL we ever learn?

Dara, I totally followed your journey when you did that for Shape magazine! i remember going on the elliptical (because i flip through shape when i workout amoung other mags..) and thought, "wow, good for her". Its good to hear you've really taken positive things from the experience.

This post is so heartbreaking. We are destroying our girls and I can only hope and pray that my nieces don't go down with the ship. I will say that unfortunately, the tales of her and her mother dieting together reminds me of my own adolesence and dieting with my mother. My mother was a model in her younger days and spent many years dieting before she got over it and I traveled that road with her. I was the biggest girl in our family. My two sisters were skinny little things. The sad part was, I wasn't fat. I just had curves, lots of them. Now I'm wise enough to know that there's nothing wrong with me. There was however, something wrong with my mother allowing my older sister to tease me about my weight. That led to the brief flirtation with an eating disorder. Well, that and my mom's friends and other relatives telling me how much prettier I would be if a lost a bit of weight. If I ever have daughters, they can rest assured that the first person to make a comment like that, is going to get their feelings hurt.

Wow. That's a great but sad story. The end gave me goosebumps because I can see myself in that girl. I'm in my early twenties and have gained 21 lbs in the last few years. I know I'm not fat but it's just a change...I am really my own worst enemy and I really want to stop being that way.

Wow, she doesn't at all even look overweight in that photo. She looks downright ..cute!
How awful that she thought otherwise! Why is the world like this?

Amazing and sad that we all identify with this story!! I also still have the photo that I 'hated'. I thought I was huge (a thought which was confirmed by my 'loving' father telling me I should 'watch it', meaning my weight)!! I look at that picture now and realize that not only was I a normal, healthy girl, I was very attractive. It definitely wasn't what I saw when I looked in the mirror. It is also why I've told my 20-yr-old daughter how beautiful she is every single day of her life. She is a strong, confident young woman who has very few body issues. Thank you, Lord.

Thanks for the great, heart-wrenching, story.

This really hits home. I remember all too clearly feeling horribly "fat" at 135 lbs in high school. When I look at the jeans I wore then, I can't believe how small they are. I wish I could have seen myself more accurately in my teen years and focused less on my weight and more on enjoying life and loving myself just as I was. I hope I can help my 3-year-old daughter escape this body image madness.

God, I cant beleive Im not alone. My mother was a model, and if you believed our neighbours, was also anorexic. I now beleive the neighbours, but my mother said they were just jealous. I have suffered 25 tears of torment because of my weight. Im 5ft 2" and weigh 129lbs. Okay Im no lightweight, but Im not huge. Unfortunately my Doctor recently stated that if my weight caused me so much concern I could comfortably afford to lose around 30lbs. I had a child to a man that I did not love, simply because he fancied me. I married a man, simply because I thought he was the only man that would marry me, and endured years of appalling physical and mental abuse. I am still caught in that trap and believe that if I could only lose weight me life would be my own. My sister also suffers from severe eating disorders.I thank God daily that I had two sons whom I would not inflict my own distorted body image to. If I had given birth to girls you can bet that they would suffer severe eating disorders.

joanna- your story is heartbreaking too. have you seen a counselor?

Talk about flash back to my past.

That was how I over-reacted to my self-image when I was younger.

How I long for my physique back then.

I too have ballooned to 300 lbs and am sure that I have had at least one heart attack because of my horrible relationship with food.

Recently, I have vowed to love myself and move more...food will not be my focus. I repeat to myself over and over that I want to feel light and not full.

So far, so good. My clothes aren't as tight as they were last month. No scales... no pressure.

I have to make a lifetime committment instead of the fly by night promises that I broke to myself many times over.

Thank you for discussing what must have been very difficult for you to revisit.

What a touching post, and I appreciate her candor. I grew up HATING my body too, even though I've never had an eating disorder or obsessed about food, I inflicted harm on my body in other ways. So many girls/women suffer mercilessly! Now I'm older and wiser and have grown to stop loathing myself (through medication and having a supportive family). I wish we could all be more forgiving towards one another, as well as to ourselves.

I am a 26 year old who is going through something similar. I just saw myself on video the other day and I couldn't believe how fat I am. I'm 26 and you think I'd know better by now. I just started this new lentils, oatmeal and skim milk diet. I cheated the first day. I just gotta learn to love what I have.

I read your first paragraph, and had a picture in my mind of a huge, ghastly, obese girl... someone who stood out from the crowd as the "big girl". After reading the blog and seeing the real picture, I got chills. That is proof of how distorted our self-perception is. The picture is a pretty young girl with a cute figure. I did the same thing growing up, covered my body and face with black marker in the hopes my ugliness and body would disappear.

Sweetie, you are so pretty in that picture. I'm glad you see that now. I hope you can possibly help other girls to not go through what you went through.
Thank you for sharing that.

Your story could have been mine. I have seen photos of myself when I thought I was fat - size 16 and 150 lbs - and almost cried.

Now, I don't let people take my picture. I am the one behind the camera.

I read the first paragraph of your story, and I thought, well, she must be 5'2" by 5'2". What I saw was a NORMAL looking girl who was very unhappy with the way she looked.

Society has us so brainwashed to think stick-thin is the way to be, that it's terrible.

Maybe, if we all band together and accept ourselves, that will change one day.

I'm about to turn 30 and weigh more than I've ever weighed, 200lbs (at5'4. I, too have yo-yod through my life, ever since puberty, but when I look back at the FAT ME pictures from my youth, I realize that I WAS fine...a bit chubby maybe, but not nearly as gargantuan as I saw myself! As I read this, and the comments that followed, it amazed me how many women feel the same way. It's crazy how our sight can become so distorted and turn us into such self loathing maniacs! I hope when I have a daughter I can help her to not make the same mistakes.

It blows my mind that we do this to ourselves. I too have yo-yoed since my teens. Thank you for sharing your story. It's so important that we talk to each other...I hope the next generation does better then we did.

You know, we don't always do it to ourselves. I have always been as skinny as a rail. Literally. No boobs, no bum, no extra flesh anywhere. Naturally, I loathed and despised my body and thought I was a freak. My father didn't help. He would tell me that I'd never get a man if I didn't get some curves. His idea of a thoughtful birthday gift was weight gaining protein shakes. I still don't have boobs, but I'm fairly ok with that now. Oh yeah, my dad's latest wife? She's a big gal. REALLY big. They've all been big. Different strokes for different folks.

Thank you all for so many thoughtful and DEEPLY appreciated comments and words of kindness. As the author of this post, my feelings about your shared stories are mixed. On one hand, there's a certain relief in knowing I'm not alone. But on the other, it saddens me to recognize the extent of the insanity -- this rampant body dysmorphia that's settled itself so firmly into our culture. I wish there was a gas we could breathe, or a vitamin we could swallow, that would flood us with complete and utter apathy for any and all visual perceptions of our bodies -- whether those perceptions are others' or our own. Think of how much we'd accomplish, how much unabashed joy we'd experience every day, without the bitter and everpresent awareness of our supposedly "inferior" bodies to hold us back. If only we could just LET GO. Enjoy food without guilt, without assigning it tags of "good" and "evil"; move our bodies for the sheer joy of mobility and freedom; and let the shapes our bodies take be completely irrelevant.

Hello,

I have to say that I, like the rest, am truly touched. I'm very confused, though. Even after reading the story, every comment, I still look in the mirror and see... a chubby stomach that sticks out too much, an extremely long head, huge nose, a short torso...and a girl who is frankly not very pretty. I'm 17...4'10.5'',101 pounds now that I've lost 3 of the 10 pounds I want to lose to get back to my best weight of 95, good weight for my height...I can bet anything I'll look back and say I was too hard on myself. But every time I look in magazines, anywhere, there are tall, beautiful girls, with perfect wastes and feminine faces....

None the less, I promise that, because of this article, I'll take a second, third, fourth look if I have to..

I love the write up. It is so poignant. I felt the same thing while going through my teenage pictures or my pre baby days pics. The only lesson to learn from this is to love ourselves and to be kind to ourselves.

I really feel your story. I was always a very thin child until I hit my early teen years, and gained weight rapidly when my hormones changed. I went from being a stick- about 90 lbs and 5'5 to 140 lbs at 5'8 my 8th grade year. For anyone this height it is a completely healthy weight, but I had heavy legs. One day someone made a comment that I was "fat" and that one comment led to anorexia within the next year. I plummeted to 105 lbs at 5'8. I ruined my thyroid gland, metabolism, and one of my heart valves. When the weight started coming back on-rapidly-I attempted suicide many times by cutting myself. 10 years later, i have gone up and down the same 20 lbs, between 120-140 lbs, and weight has controlled my life, health, priorities, relationships, and happiness. I have not worn a pair of shorts since the day in 8th grade that i got the fat comment. I must say it is such a struggle to be happy with yourself, and for those who are, DONT EVER CHANGE THAT!

We may not ever break the cycle of how we view ourselves, but God willing, I won't let it perpetuate through my daughters. We don't have cable tv and limit media exposure as much as possible. My husband and I do everything we can to make sure they know that they are absolutely perfect just the way God made them, and that inner beauty is far more important than outer beauty. I don't by any means have an airbrushed, implanted, liposuctioned figure like the ones you see in the media constantly. But you know what? I'm real, and I'm comfortable with that at last. I want the next generation to be so as well. Let's work together to make it happen!

I feel like we should do a calendar or something. The REAL GIRLS AND WOMEN calendar -- celebrating real bodies and genuine physical diversity. Airbrush-free!

I was in tears when I saw that picture. I can really relate. I just hope I can keep this from happening to my preteen daughter.

It's so amazing and sickening how many of us can read this story and relate to it. I have gone through the same thing in the past couple of years when I was about a sophomore in college (I was very thin in high school and actually wanted to be heavier, but boy after the weight came on I freaked). I'm still battling it to this day.

Kim, this story is so well-written and so heart wrenching, its hard not to sit here at work and not start crying... I hope someday all us women can really see that our health, relationships, intelligence, and our lives mean so much more then how we look in a bikini.

Princess and Nickie, your posts really touched me.

Like you, I'm on the other end of the spectrum, the super skinny short girl. Through high school I always hated it because I had no boobs, no bum, no curves. And I was so much shorter than the rest of the girls. I wanted to be tall and curvy not short and skeletal. My grandmother was always urging me to "put on weight" even though I was active in school activities and I ate like a horse! I attribute it to the fact that I have a slightly overactive metabolism.

I finally started "developing" when I was in college and I'm to the point where I actually like my body now. I have some boobage and some bummage and even some curvage going on that's proportionate to my height and weight. I still sometimes wish I were a little taller, (I'm of average height 5'4") but I've come to realize that just isn't going to happen :).

The biggest help to me was finding a guy who enjoyed me for who I am and what I have and not what he wished I had.

First of all, what a wonderful first post and 2nd, all the posts afterwards were equally as touching...

I'm 5'7" and 187 lbs. I have a beautiful hourglass figure. Big boobs, big hips, and a tiny waist. Wouldn't ya know I've always been like this too and never saw it? Asked me what I looked like while staring in the mirror a year ago and I would've told you, "a blob."

But hey, whatever, if a blob can hook herself an incredible fiance, a promotion at work, and prove herself to be everything she's ever wanted to be...then maybe being a blob ain't so bad after all.

I'm beautiful, we all are. It's time we start teaching our the next generations what real beauty is all about. And that it comes from the inside, your feelings, your laughter, your smile, your being, and everything that's helped make you, well... you.

That's what we need to teach our girls today. To stand up, be proud, and laugh a little. Especially at the word "blob"... who came up with that one anyway?!

What a great story.

Also a scary story. And kids growing up today have it even worse (i shudder). It doesn't help that most of the images in the media perpetuate the stereotype that skinny equals beautiful.

We are out of touch with reality...

What about the cartoon woman on this blog? Skinny arms, no tummy, barbie face and a CUPCAKE in her hand.

I'm not picking on the blog, but it's images like this, yes even cartoons, that form our thinking and create body image issues in everyone.

I came across this blog quite by accident and am happy I did. It is clear from the responses that many of us share a similar story about body image and not liking ourselves. I am a single plus size 30thing who until very recently cringed when looking at a picture of myself after the age of 12. I was struck by the comment regarding the carton and how media influences us. But my question back is why do we allow them to have this kind of control over us? We are all smart logical people – we know they’re air brushed, we know that many of the models are 14-18 yr old girls – why do we want to be like them? I dream of a world when only sizes 0, 2 & 4’s are left on the sales racks and 6, 8, 10 & 12 are sold out 1st! Can we give that to our daughters in the generations to come? Can we stop the cycle of self loathing? This only comes from an inner strength that we all have but most have lost – we most find it again!

Great story and obviously tons of women can relate, myself included. I just want everyone to realize what I have realized (thanks to my hubby) men don't want the super skinny, men DO like women with curves. Ask any guy what they would prefer and I'll be 9 out of 10 will say they want a woman that looks like a woman not a little boy. I learned that from my husband and I now feel better about my body because of it. If you are with a man who thinks you are fat, kick him to the curb!

i've never had a real wieght problem, but even girls who are really thin feel that way. i always knew i was thinner than i should be,. probably about 10 lbs underweight, but i'd look at myself in the mirror and panic that i was becomming unshapely and uglier than i already was.

your story reaches all women, big, thin, tall, short, pretty, ugly. because we've all been at that place where we thought our bodies were hideous.

the photograph at the end was a great touch, and finnished off the story better than anything else could have. thank you for sharing your stpry with us.

This post made me cry. I went through a very similar thing. I now help people to stop dieting and have daily contact with women who have had the same experience. There's nothing more rewarding than helping people to see how beautiful they are and that it's only their body dissatisfaction that keeps them in the overeating trap in the first place!

Thank you so much for this post.

Sue Thomason

Wonderful article. Only if I can be able to supress my appetite.

Society has done a horrible disservice to young women. It's unfortunate that no matter what young girls are told in regard to how wonderful they look, all they see if their flaws and how they don't look like the girls in the magazines and on television. As a woman who will always be recovering from an eating disorder, this story hits home and makes me realize that we are all in danger of destroying ourselves trying to obtain the unatainable. Thank you for sharing, it's not always easy.

Wow... Reading this was like reading my own story. So close to my life. I have the junior high picture that gave me the same angst. A yearbook picture that I would be happy to look like now.. amazing waht we do to ourselves.

Wow - I could have written this post. It's my life story. When I look back at the pictures of me as a younger women I don't know why I ever started that first diet...I was thin and healthy at that time. Thanks so much for this article....It really inspired me.

Thank you for your inspiration and honesty. Like you, and many others, I share in the struggle to become fit and healthy. I no longer see it as "dieting," because it's a life-long commitment.

If only we would focus on creating healthy habits and not on our body image. It's time that we take back the notion of "beauty" and stop letting cosmetic companies, the diet industry, and the modeling/fashion industry tell us what "beauty" is.

As Kim and so many of you above, I felt something similar when I first saw a picture of myself in a short blue dress, walking down the runway in a school fashion show we'd organised when I was 14. When I first saw the photo, I was aghast. Why didn't anybody tell me? I remember moaning. Those hideous legs! 14 years later (I'm 28) I found that picture again, and I was moved by that little girl's innocent beauty... nothing -absolutely nothing- was wrong with her shapely legs! And what is more, looking closely at the picture, I dscovered my grandmother's smiling face (she passed away three years ago), aunts and uncles (they'd actually gone to see me!) looking up, smiling, *clapping* at me... a real shift in perspective. I always felt overwight during my teenage years, and the most I ever weighed was 119". Ours is a seriously ill culture.

I, too, have a similar story of 'dieting' when I was younger..., I would 'binge eat' (still do occassionally)and then have a horrible case of guilt....when I was in high school and actively riding and showing horses, I thought I was fat at 120 and 5'5"....after college, I did some nude modeling for beginning and advancing drawing classes for an art school....the students loved drawing me because I had lots of curves, not just a 'stick figure'....I was the true "Rueben-esk" woman for them to draw...I think of those days when the stress tries to lead me to emotionally eat...I'm still very "Rueben-esk"....more so than I like everyday, but I am content with ME most times and that's where it begins!!..

Karen

Wow... I remember coming across a picture I thought of like this. I hated everything. The fact that I'm topheavy, my (still)short hair - even though these are two things I've come to accept and embrace and lots of other things. Gayle hit it spot on. We're all uniquely imperfect, but when we begin to rip ourselves down, that's when we become truly flawed.

What is really sad about this is underneath your story on the initial page are the links to "Get your Body Bikini Ready" and the "Truth about Weight Discrimination". Will we EVER learn?? God Bless all!!

I too felt the same way about my body as an adolescent, but I was thin and beautiful. I am sorry to say that I still feel this way about my body. I cover up and worry what someone will think of my flabby arms and so forth. God bless us all. Very beautiful story and a beautiful long body.

To Monique, I am a size 14-16. The largest i've been was a size 20. I began making healthier food choices and exercising lost a few, and gained some back. Honey, someday god will send you a man who sees that you are beautiful now or at size 24/12. It is very sad what we allow are minds to do to ourselves. God bless you and I wish you the best.

My goodness! There was never anything fat about you. I am so happy that you stopped torturing yourself. My mother thought that because I am tall and large framed, that I was fat. She also had an odd variety of ridiculous diets, which she used to make me "thin." I will never be thin. I am finally in a size 14, after weighing well over 370 pounds.I was bulimic for years, It took a while but I am on the road to recovery. Congrats to you, thank you for your inspiring story.

Wow! Did we all do this to ourselves? I too thought I was heavy and ugly back in high school. I was 5'2" and weighed 116 pounds. What I wouldn't give to get back to that size and get back all my money and time spent on silly diets. I am thankful now to have a husband who thinks I am beautiful and a sister who tells me often. At 155 pounds, I need to lose some weight but it won't take over my life ever again.

What a great encouragement for teens today! I never thought I was beautiful though I was constantly told this. I started to weight watchers after marriage at 5'8" and 144 lbs. I told my sister I was turning myself in! Now after 10 children and a lifetime of weight obsession I would love to be 144 lbs. I could never enjoy my body.

Wow, why did I feel so alone, because I kept quiet - for 40 years. At age 14 I was a cheerleader, played tennis and road my ten speed everywhere, putting 30 miles on it on any given Sunday with my best friend. Always drinking Tab and forgoing all "Fun" food. I was 5'4" and 135 pounds. I wore a size 10. I believed I was fat. At 195 and a size 16W, I too look at those pictures and wonder how I fell into the trap. One recent redemption, my very thin sister (1 year younger than I) recently told me how awful she felt for the way she treated me back then. (She could eat anything, 5'6" with a 19" waist ! yes, 19".) She now struggles with her weight and she told me she had no idea just how hard it was for me.

I'm working on the courage to follow through and slowly work down to a healthier 140-145.

My prayers are with everyone who struggles with this issue.

When I was a kid, I did the same thing with a picture. I wasn't overweight. I was just-ugly. Other members of my family photographed well. I didn't and the oily skin didn't help. I tore the picture up when it arrived by mail. I never told my mom. You can lose weight but what do you do with your face?

I was always told I was "fat" by my sisters and Mother. When she was 91, I got her to stop talking about weight, size, diets. I remember looking in the mirror at 21 and seeing a "fat person". I was size 10 on top,size 6 on the bottom!
Yes, I've gained all the weight back that I lost. I lost mine on many diets, one of which was a "weekend diet" where I lost 5 lbs." It worked!
Now, as a retired senior, I am happy with my body and keep busy. I do exercise and lose some pounds and inches but am not on a diet now.
For the woman who said she "might not be divorced now", I don't believe our weight has anything to do with divorce. My husband left me to live with his sister who "wanted her baby home". She helped take care of him when he was a baby and she was 16. her Mother was sick. Now, she is "sick" to break up 2 of his marriages, so that she could have her baby home. He was 60 and she was 80 when he left me, left wife #2 for her also.
I see so many women who are helpless, have to be married. I don't! Thanks.

Sadly, this is also my life. Now at 34 and 309 pounds(!!), I recently found an old box of photos from a spring break trip in highschool. I was the short size 10 in a one piece as my tall skinny friends flaunted perfect bodies in bikinis. I thought I was so hideously fat that I set out on years of destructive dieting that has left me morbidly fat and actually looking like the monster I thought I was back then.

Oh if we could only speak to ourselves and tell us what we will one day learn before it is too late! I was beautiful and a perfect size for my body I just didn't know it then. I spent my senior year going to a diet doctor so I could "finally" be beautiful for prom but it was never enough. I've been on so many diet plans since then...losing 30 pounds only to gain 50, then losing 50 only to gain 100. I don't know the solution, and I truly wouldn't wish this problem on my worst enemy...I'm still fat now, but I thank you for the honest words that at least made me see I'm not the only one. Thanks Kim.

This could have been my story, too, but I made it all the way to 320 pounds. I was a chubby baby, but nothing out of the ordinary. Unfortunately, all I remember from my childhood are comments about my weight, especially my "big" legs. I believed every word of it. By the time I got to high school, I thought I was so big and so ugly that I deserved to be ridiculed and teased. When I look at my high school pictures today, I am totally amazed at how pretty I was. Needless to say, I did everything everyone else did to try to make my body conform to what I thought was normal, but it never would. The year I graduated from college, someone took a picture of me at a Halloween party. The hostess's mother had a copy made for me and told me that a friend of hers had asked who the beautiful girl was. I thought she was mocking me. It took 40 years for me to realize that she was telling the truth. Today my weight is "normal," but what a rocky journey it has been. All I can say is learn to love yourself!

I was shocked at how beautiful you are. I expected to see an ogur from your discription. It suddenly struck me, when I was in high school the girls used to call me fatty. I was concerned and went to a doctor and talked for half an hour wanting a diet. He broke up laughing at me. I asked Dr. Weiss what was so funny. I was 15, 127 pounds and just 3 pounds over my ideal weight, he said. He showed me the AMA guide. I went back to school and began telling every one of those girls how ignorant they were. They could not tell a healthy person when they saw one. Today however I am not so healthy. In my adult life I have gone the same way you did with all the roller coastering and up to 300 pounds at 5ft 1in tall. back down to 145 lbs and back to 300 again. I wish we could stop the "you must be thin insanity", and protect our daughters from the publicity to be thin.

When I read Kim's story, I cried like a baby! I cried for Kim, I cried for myself (because this could have been my story also) and I cried for all the young children who ever have felt like this about themselves.How sad.But like Kim, I keep telling myself that we have the power within ourselves to bust these myths and take control of our lives and well-being...and that means looking at ourselves realistically and learning to love ourselves.Because of my poor self-image and the years of yo-yo dieting, I finally hit my all time peak earlier this year. Once again, I am taking control of my eating habits, but every day I struggle with it. Stories and comments like the ones on this page, make me know, though, that I am not alone in this struggle. The promise I make to myself is that future generations of children do not ever have to feel this way about themselves...starting with my precious grandchildren. Thank you for your honesty and candor.

I felt what you must of felt just reading your story.I think as young adults we go thru so much,then when were all grown up,we ask ourselves WHY!Smile your heart would of made up for all that if sometimes we could just see that.GOD BLESS YOU.

I too have been struggling with being overweight for years. I had an ex husband that always wanted me to lose weight even when I didn't need to.
I HATE all the pressure society puts on women, especially young girls to look a certain way. We cannot look anywhere without seeing images of these "beautiful women". The tv shows, magazine ads and movies where we are inundated with images of the "perfect" woman. The lingerie models, the top 100 hotties of tv or internet.
The one company, Dove, is the only one I am aware of that has real women in their ads. I applaud them and challenge other companies to do the same.
I have a daughter who is 5'10" and wears a size 10. She is beautiful and confessed to me that at one point she was skippings one and two meals a day in order to lose weight. We have since started helping each other to eat healthier and exercise.
My prayers too go out to all who struggle with image and weight issues.

I want to thank you for posting this wonderful story. It is an inspiration for those who don't see themselves as they really are, but only how society sees them. It inspires me to just get healthy for myself and not get OCD about the scale and the mirror!!! Thank you.

This is also my story. Unfortunately, I also let my ex belittle me and make me believe I was fat and ugly. I let myself go and found food to be the only comfort I had. Now at 45 I am 300 lbs and desparately unhappy. I go to the gym 3 times a week but can't stop eating. I wish there was a magic pill cure. I always thought I was fat as a teenager and a young mother. I look at pictures now and just cry. I wish to one day be at a healthy, happy weight.

Thank you for being trustful with you. I love your story and I am in a diet. I am working by myself and I have my personal diet. I am 32 years old, 5'5", and weighting 225 lbs. I lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks. When I was 16, I weighed 110 lbs. I became disable at that age and started taking medication and I gained 150 pounds. I have being in this diet for 6 months and I lost 35 lbs. I feel so good and happy and I will be losing more. Good!

I also struggle with how I look now. 5'2 136 -139 lbs. especially when I see pictures of myself. I remember when I weighed 105, then 110, then 115, then 120, then 125, then 130. I used to say that 130 was my line where I say I have to do something about my weight. It's so hard to do something though. I have a desk job and I know that is alot of the reason why I have gained so much.
I have a treadmill at home, but can't seem to find the time or the energy for it. It's either get on it at 4:00 am or 8 or 9 pm, or once or twice a week.
Anyways, thanks for that story and all the other posts.

wow your story has a simalar ring to most women . why is society so fixated on weight, everyone has a diffrent bone structure and body type its not one size fits all world. we should teach our young women that it is more important to eat healthy and exercise than to be obessed with weight. curves are what makes a women look like a women and men find that attractive.

Omy! I'm typing through my tears. I could have written every word of this story. I've spent my whole life trying to live up to society's image of a "normal" woman. How could we give them so much power? Our world has come to idolize women who have no fat on them whatsoever. They lose their breasts and get implants on top of their bones. All to get someone to say "You look great!" Men rarely fall for this, but even this mentality is soaking into their, heretofore, healthy attitudes toward their bodies.

I've been thin and I wasn't happy, wasn't healthy and didn't find the perfect man. Don't fall for the hype. Love yourself, no matter what. You deserve it!

Not many people are willing to share the honesty of pain they have been through, and so few actually learn from their experiences. Given the number of appreciative and like experience responses to your blog, I think it is safe to say that we all need to help young and old alike to love themselves and others for who they are. Thank you for this reminder and good luck in your bright future.

I struggle on a daily basis - i work out 2 hours a day & became a vegan to keep my 5'5 frame @ 108. I simply refuse to return to the 143 I saw on the scale in college- eating out frightens me because even if I order fish or vegetables 'how were they prepared & w what' always goes through the back of my head! What is wrong w society in North America?!! Why do we continue to put ourselves through this?!!

I have always been fat and tried every diet and even invented some of my own ten pounds the most I lost. I can not lose weight and keep it off. even weight watchers after the first 10 pounds nothing. I now weigh 265 pounds and my life depends on losing over 100 pounds if reman living. Kathay

I could have written this story. I knew what was coming and my eyes were already filled with tears when I saw your picture. A picture of a normal, healthy girl.

I wish someone would have told me, you, all of us grown women back then AND NOW ALL OF THE YOUNG GIRLS who rip themselves apart.

Diets never applied to me growing up but when I went to college I learned to compare my normal healthy body to the chic and slim high fashion girls and see myself lacking. I was lucky that I turned to working out to solve my insecurity about my "imperfect" body. It was later when my body metabolism changed that weight came on .. and suddenly I was obese. I have a wheat allergy that nearly killed me. Now I watch my diet. I have neices who have gained the infamous 10 lbs.. but they accept that they need to be more active to burn off the excess. BTW I teach martial arts and the discipline there is the key and motivation. High self esteem comes from the confidence of knowing who you are and love yourself above all else. Great story.

Kim,
THANK YOU FOR YOUR STORY!!! I really think so many women can relate. I know I can. I have pictures of myself where I thought I was sooo fat and I was really not. I would love to have that "old" body now!! I am now very obese and I do need to lose some weight. Not for looks but truely for health issues. Thank you again for sharing your heartfelt story. God bless you, elaine

It all comes down to one basic thing - no matter our age, we are not happy within ourselves, or our lives. We feel inadequate in some way, so we do not love ourselves. In turn we 'punish' ourselves by feeding the self-loathing. This cycle, once started sets a pattern we will follow through all of our life. Losing the weight seldom changes the emotions. So sad.

This could have been written about me. I have battled weight all my life but was skinny as a girl when I thought I was fat. How can we stop this? I still think I cannot find love because I am too fat.

After I read this article, I felt like many of the women who posted their comments, I also hated my picture taken but several years ago, my mom gave me a bunch of pictures.I couldn't believe how cute I really was. It wasn't until I was lying in bed last night that I realized why girls feel that they look "FAT". I think its because we are discovering who we are and we do not want to be like our mothers, who are middle age and also unhappy with their own bodies. I weigh 50 lbs more than I did when I was 20, (i'm 43), I am healthier, active and more flexible than I was at 30, when I finally accepted my body and took control and action against my negative thoughts. I exercise and don't fret over the scale anymore. Although my BMI is 29, my physician told me that I am not obese, my physique is "athletic" and said if I felt I needed to lose wt, then to lose no more than 10-15 lbs. I'm a sexy size 14 and won't knock myself out to be a size 7. Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 wasn't she????

totally agree. I wish somebody have told me and reassured me that I am allright regardless of the fat i carry around my body. And that i am worthy as any other slim person

A very good post. You not only touched me but you made me realize that it's not the trend that made us feel that we belong in this cruel society, but it's what we are. This is definitely a warning to me... thank you so much.

Right now, I'm 5'6 and 180 pounds. I didn't really mind it until I found out my crush was going out with another girl. I didn't know what to do. After reading this, I learned something. If he likes her , then he's just not the one. Just let it be.

Thanks!

I'm thankful to God. Currently, I've joined an "athletic club". We do some exercises and martial arts. I just can't believe I was able to lose about 20 pounds after 2 months without reducing what I'm gonna eat. Even with this body, I'm still able to do some flexible movements others can't do because of this club. Some people even think I'm wierd because I can stretch my body until my fingers can touch my sole ,and my head with my knees without bending my legs.

It's really nice to realize THIS!
Thanks a LOT!

While reading your story I thought-this
sounds so much like me- I've had weight
issues since as long as I can remember-
I can remember when I was 5 years old
someone gave me a flowered dress - sleeveless which I wore for a picture
and I remember thinking that I must look
so fat in this dress and my arms must
look so fat but when I look at that picture now, I am so skinny! My arms are
skinny as can be! I realized how distorted my image of my body was in my
head. Same thing when I saw your picture. You were a very attractive,
slim girl. These stories point out
how society and even our own family can
make us feel that we can never attain
that perfect body or perfect weight. I
still to this day (I'm 52) struggle with
weight issues. I am 197 (some days a few pounds less, some days a few pounds
more) so my battle goes on. I still struggle with my body image and accepting my flaws but knowing that inside I am a good person. I will keep
this article and read it I to know that I am not alone.

While reading your story I thought-this
sounds so much like me- I've had weight
issues since as long as I can remember-
I can remember when I was 5 years old
someone gave me a flowered dress - sleeveless which I wore for a picture
and I remember thinking that I must look
so fat in this dress and my arms must
look so fat but when I look at that picture now, I am so skinny! My arms are
skinny as can be! I realized how distorted my image of my body was in my
head. Same thing when I saw your picture. You were a very attractive,
slim girl. These stories point out
how society and even our own family can
make us feel that we can never attain
that perfect body or perfect weight. I
still to this day (I'm 52) struggle with
weight issues. I am 197 (some days a few pounds less, some days a few pounds
more) so my battle goes on. I still struggle with my body image and accepting my flaws but knowing that inside I am a good person. I will keep
this article and read it I to know that I am not alone.

While reading your story I thought-this
sounds so much like me- I've had weight
issues since as long as I can remember-
I can remember when I was 5 years old
someone gave me a flowered dress - sleeveless which I wore for a picture
and I remember thinking that I must look
so fat in this dress and my arms must
look so fat but when I look at that picture now, I am so skinny! My arms are
skinny as can be! I realized how distorted my image of my body was in my
head. Same thing when I saw your picture. You were a very attractive,
slim girl. These stories point out
how society and even our own family can
make us feel that we can never attain
that perfect body or perfect weight. I
still to this day (I'm 52) struggle with
weight issues. I am 197 (some days a few pounds less, some days a few pounds
more) so my battle goes on. I still struggle with my body image and accepting my flaws but knowing that inside I am a good person. I will keep
this article and read it I to know that I am not alone.

While reading your story I thought-this
sounds so much like me- I've had weight
issues since as long as I can remember-
I can remember when I was 5 years old
someone gave me a flowered dress - sleeveless which I wore for a picture
and I remember thinking that I must look
so fat in this dress and my arms must
look so fat but when I look at that picture now, I am so skinny! My arms are
skinny as can be! I realized how distorted my image of my body was in my
head. Same thing when I saw your picture. You were a very attractive,
slim girl. These stories point out
how society and even our own family can
make us feel that we can never attain
that perfect body or perfect weight. I
still to this day (I'm 52) struggle with
weight issues. I am 197 (some days a few pounds less, some days a few pounds
more) so my battle goes on. I still struggle with my body image and accepting my flaws but knowing that inside I am a good person. I will keep
this article and read it I to know that I am not alone.

Wow. How many of us share this story? At 15 I was on the varsity swimming team and the cross-country team. I weighed 140-145, 5'8" tall, and wore loose size eights. My mother told me how fat I was, and constantly told me to "suck in that gut." Over the years, thinking I was fat, I became fat - gaining 45 pounds. Then, I thought I was a freak. Now, I realize that I am strong. My mother has always been tiny and frail. I can bench-press her. I've lost 25 of the pounds. I do not have to be skinny to be beautiful, or worthy of love. Thank you all for your stories.

Does anyone know of any binge eaters' support group? Since so many of us share the same experience as kids and adolescents and now carry the results of those painful years on our hips and thighs, maybe we could help eachother cope and get better. Don't you think?

Thank you Kim for sharing your heart! I too had a similar journey that started with a distorted body image, the pressure to be perfect, and the longing to 'belong' as a teenager... that led to a 6 year battle with bulimia-anorexia.

My true healing came nearly 20 years later...I founded a preventative summer camp for adolescent girls to learn to love themselves for who they are (inside & OUT) & to identify the beauty within themselves & others. We have had amazing outcomes with girls' self acceptance and are working to change society's definition of beautiful.

For more information: check out www.bridgescamp.com

im going to be 12 in a couple of days but your story has touched me. im a semi tall 85 pound girl, and lets face it im a twig, just yesterday i was thinking"my thighs are huge i cant believe it" but today i looked real hard in the window of a small shop my reflection shocked me i was so skinny!! i couldnt believe it i was amazed im not anorexic but i always thought i was huge. my best friend is "a little" over weight but she always says that she hates herself and she wishes she was me but it hurts me more because i keep thinking its my fault for her to keep thinking it and i dont want her to keep eating badly when she compares herself to me but people also talk badly behind my back and her back for being over weight an skinny i no that im fine the way i am and so is she so the people that talk badly behind our backs i used to hide and were baggy clothes so i would "fit in" more but i no that they were just jealous so i now no to just love yourself the way you are if you no that you can accomplish anything

you are not only skinny in this photo. but beautiful.
coming from a spirit of innocence knowing now that we don't have to please sterotypes, or view ourselves by the value the world puts on us, but on how we see ourselves. Every woman is beautiful. adored and cherished by God our creator, and designed by him.
we are all beautiful.

Thank you for sharing this! What on earth are we doing to ourselves?? I used to hate my body, and wish I was lean, slim and just thin like my friends. I've gained about 14lbs since then and I look back and think that I was lucky! Thank you for giving me the wake up call now. Enough hatred. I'm sick of denying myself, that's not what life is supposed to be about.