Undercover dieting

Let's get real.

No one wants to go out to a deep dish pizza restaurant with a group of friends and be "that girl" who orders a small salad, balsamic vinegar on the side. But what do you do when you're watching what you eat - meaning either actively dieting or simply trying to stay healthy - and you're hanging with a big group and the orders for cheesy, greasy bar food start flying? Or when you're sitting at a tapas bar and that yummy potato omelet thing is passing from your right as the fried calamari is coming from the left. I mean, a girl can only handle so much!

It's hard to say no. Our friends have a crazy huge influence over what we eat: Food pushers are everywhere, saboteurs lurk in every corner. I recently wrote a story for Health about this - how to avoid the peeps in your life that bake you pies or beg you to split Creme Brulee or make a sour face when you order a salad and quip, "You're making me feel baaaad."

So here's what I'm wondering. Do you have any tricks for getting around this? (I know this seems off-topic for Weighting Game but it's for possible inclusion in a future Today Show segment so help me out!) Do you get the pizza but tap your friend on the shoulder and whisper, "You have a sesame seed stuck in your teeth" then stealthily blot the grease from your pizza as she checks herself in a mirror? Maybe you only order water because, really, who wants to be the paranoid freaking sending back her Diet Coke because it tastes suspiciously like "real" Coke? Maybe you're just up-front and tell the girls, "Listen, I haven't worked out in three weeks and need to eat light so back off when I order the turkey burger, no bun." Or do you pull a Leslie and politely decline dessert, only to lick the caramel off your husband's plate of cheesecake (not that I'm guilty of this or anything!)

Spill your dirty beans in Comments.

Comments

All my friends know when I diet (heck, I blog about it!) It actually helps me stay accountable, so I am expected to order the salad.

I have a few big food pushers in my life--people who just don't seem to be satisfied unless I overindulge. My personal trick is to say that I had a late lunch and am not that hungry. I know it's not entirely honest, but it lets me off the hook without engendering one of those awkward confrontations that ruins a group dinner for everyone...

I normally fudge it up a little. I'll say I had a late snack and then just graze. or I will avoid going out to eat with those food pushers because I just don't like the pressure or the guilt!

I used to be honest and up front and go for ridiculously altered healthy versions of meals when eating out...basically asking the waiter to remove anything with taste...but I started losing a bit too much weight and my friends grew concerned and started making gentle suggestions.

Nowadays if I want to eat more healthily I tend to see eating out as a not oft seen luxury and give myself permission to fall off the wagon a tad. I'll order something moderately healthy but with some indulgence, but I'll rarely finish it. It's my compromise and it doesn't arouse suspicion or concern.

Oh my. Where to begin. I still have a really hard time eating in front of people. And I'm pretty much always on a diet. Although I don't call it that. I'm the queen of trying to hide my diet. Although now that I think about my tips they read more like an eating disorder how-to so I'll, um, not share them.

Very interested in your Today show thing though! keep us posted!

I'm always that girl who just gets a salad. I think it's kind of expected now. I think I would actually shock people and cause more of a spectacle if I ordered something "real."

I would just say "I'm not that hungry" or "I had a late lunch so I'm just going to get a salad." Of course I would pick at pizza crust if they didn't want it. I'm usually pretty good at just saying "No thanks, I don't want any." If I was really hungry, I'd eat the pizza but take the cheese off and then get a million questions. I think you just be honest too though...or just avoid the situation all together. ;)

I love the occasional! I'm never tempted to bake, much easier to go over to someone else's house, enjoy a slice of their cake, and go back home to my healthfood-filled house. Likewise with lunch, going out for lunch once a week and ordering something a little extravagant is great. Just don't do it too often, and don't feel guilty about it :)

Awesome and very timely post for me!! I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to read that so many of us feel the same way.

For me it's the worst at work - food is such a bonding thing for us and there are only three of us in the office. Both of the other girls know I had an eating disorder in the past. So they're all tucking into chips and greasy stuff from the canteen and I abstain for a few weeks (because I've just got back from holiday and had put on a lot of Wine Weight), and they're giving me filthy looks. THEN one day one of them offers me a cupcake she baked and I go "yay they look yummy and I'm feeling good today, so what the hell!" and she cuts me an EIGHTH of the cupcake and gives it to me.

I kid you not.

I think this also feeds into the bigger issue of: why won't women just give each other a break??? It's like we all hate each other and we're in constant competition. I feel like I'm letting the side down for not stuffing my face with stodge!

TA x

I swear, this:

why won't women just give each other a break???

is the 9th wonder of the world.

I prefer to keep it out in the open because otherwise it becomes something to be ashamed of and I don't want to be ashamed of eating in a healthy way.

I went out for dinner last night and while half the table ordered the creme brulee for dessert, I stuck to my guns and ordered the fruit. I wasn't the only one - after I ordered, 3 people changed their orders to the fruit too!

I feel like the outsider here. I've never really dieted seriously, and I've never had a problem eating whatever I want in front of other people. Maybe it's because I wasn't raised in a culture of dieting? Maybe it's because I've been an athlete all my life and thought of food as fuel? Maybe it's because I've always hung around boys more than girls, and boys like it when a girl eats? I dunno.

I don't have any tricks, but this situation makes me so mad. I'm not dieting, I simply like to watch what I eat. I was out with friends recently for lunch and most of them ordered burgers and fries. I ordered a wrap and subbed the fries for fruit. They wouldn't let it drop. Kept on me for that order. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't agree more with MizFit, why can't we give each other a break? Why is it so horrible to see a friend working out, being healthy and getting fit?

I'm a mostly-healthy-food eater now and I just watch what I eat, not really considering it to be a "diet" but a healthful way of living.

I don't eat out a lot --it's a "treat" for me if I do-- but when I do, I've learned to just order what I want, however healthy it may be, regardless of what others are eating. I don't comment on other peoples' choices, other than to say "Mmm, that looks good!" especially if it is a good, healthy choice (I like to encourage that kind of behavior, but don't make negative comments about the opposite).

If people comment on what I'm eating or not eating I just smile and tell them I like to eat healthy and leave it at that. My friends and family can't deny that I've lost the extra weight I used to have and that I look pretty good now.

When people try to serve me indulgent or unhealthy foods that I don't really want, I'll usually take just a bite or a small helping, but I will not be forced to eat more than I want. A polite "no thanks" usually does the trick.

People should feel comfortable eating whatever they want without any peer pressure...my two cents!

My best trick is to try to offer cooking dinner at your place, or try to suggest a new place to go instead of the greesy stand by.

More so, I've never believed dieting should totally cut out things from your life, so maybe if you know the girls want to go out for pizza, you step up your game for the week before hand so you can enjoy yourself there.

I've also heard of people eating healthy before they go out so that they're less likely to down 5 slices of greesy pizza pie.

As for the nagging/judging friends, I'd say try to get them on board. This can be difficult, you don't want to imply your girlfriend should loose weight, but tell her how much better you feel when you eat well, how much more energy you have, and how great a good workout feels. Maybe she just needs help getting back on track.

For me, it depends a lot on the situation. If I want to splurge because it's something I want, then I do it. If I don't then I order something healthier. If I get questioned, I answer honestly...it's what I wanted.

That said, I'm not one of those people who would ever order just a green salad with balsamic on the side. I enjoy food too much to be satisfied with that.

Depends who I'm going out with. I'm not usually holding back when going out with hubby (not trying to keep up with him, but he knows I'm happy when eating and doesn't give me shit about it) but if one of my skinny friends or parents or shrinking mother-in-law come along, yeah, I don't want to put up with the lectures and even little comments so I'll get something light and skip desert.
But honestly, I think if you do eat a healthy breakfast, get a decent lunch and light dinner on most days, why not indulge with your friends on ONE or TWO meals a week? What's the big deal? Especially if you work out consistently, that gives you more freedom to eat what you want, when you want.

I established myself as the salad eater early on. I get teased sometimes, but I just let it roll off me. I eat the centers out of soft tacos, or order salads, or get eggs benedict with the sauce on the side. I've done it for so long now that people expect it of me too. In fact, whenever my friends suggest a place to eat they always say "And don't worry, Rach, you can get salad there" :)

As I read this, I am eating pizza "pushed" on me by my co-workers, while my healthy from home lunch sits in its cooler bag.
I need some of you as my co-workers :-)

I only ever get water (if I want to indulge, I don't want to do it for drinks. Food is more filling:)). But in most other cases I'll request things on the side and get healthier items and that sort of thing, which I have been told really effects what other people eat... when its my family, I don't feel so bad about being picky with my healthy food because they understand. But with friends it gets harder, because I can tell that it makes them feel guilty/embarrassed, and if I'm eating with acquaintances then they just think I'm totally nuts. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, I guess.

I just can't win. My friends want to go to Steak n Shake at midnight.. I don't want to be a jackass and order nothing when I've already eaten dinner/a decent amount of food for the day, so I order a salad. Then they give me shit for it. I might as well hibernate and never come out.. or get fat. Great.

I don't really do diets, but most people that know me well know that I love food and love to cook. They also know I hate junk food. Luckily most of my friends share my taste for great healthy meals. While I am an omnivore, many of my friends are vegetarian which helps make choosing greens over greasy a lot easier. But, I think part of the reason I don't feel chastised by girlfriends about food is because it is obvious I'm enjoying myself. I LIKE what I eat- and they also know that I don't care if they order the cheese fries. It doesn't have to be judgmental. Real friends shouldn't put you down...

I have a hubby that will finish what I don't, so that helps with the oppressiveness of not wasting food that I grew up with. (And I never used to waste food) It's actually easier for me to eat healthy when I eat out rather than in, b/c no one sees me eat in my house and i'm more likely to get a second helping.
That said, when I lost my original 150, I didn't disclose unless I was asked, and I would say "I'm trying to eat healthier." and leave it at that. It seemed to do the trick.

I prefer to diet in secret! haha.
I've been trying to diet here since Feb, and so far I've lost 20lbs on diet alone but can't seem to get the other 30 to come off. :(
I just need to exercise but I can't seem to motivate myself into it.
but anyway, the most difficult thing about doing it ninja-style is the fact that my mom acts like.. well, a mom. she thinks if I dont eat her delicious-but-insanely-high-calorie casserole that I'm sick, and then when I eat some I have to have a huuuge helping or, again, I must be ill.

LOL...I'm waaaay too open and vocal about what's going on in my life to ever try this! I'm pretty assertive, too; I order what I want and don't worry about it. I have had people say, "God, you're still dieting?" My stock response is, "No, I'm not dieting. I just don't really eat that way much any more." And I know it might make people feel bad occasionally...but I'm absolutely not sabotaging myself to enable their indulgences! Maybe if more of my friends had ordered salads over the years, I would have too? Either way, I do my own thing.

I'm pretty much all about being unapologetic about my lifestyle though. :-)

V.

I don't "diet" but I am very health conscious. Meaning, pizza is fine every once and a while but if I ate greasy food every day my body would just not feel good.

My answer is "No, I am good. Thanks though.." And when if I get the comments like "So that's how you keep your girlish figure"... I look up "I don't know what your talking about look" and say.... "I like pizza, I just don't want it/feel like it today. But thanks!"

Honesty is always best. If you don't want to say dieting try "I just don't feel like", "I am not in the mood for", "I don't like eating greasy food alot, it doesn't make me feel good"

And if they press you about it... call them out on it. It's just plain rude.
Would you say to someone, "My god you're eating a lot of pizza. That's why your so fat huh.". However it's ok to say "Why aren't you eating any pizza? That's why you're so thin/trying to be thin..."

One inquiry fine. Two be assertive. Three tell 'em how it is.

I don't tell people when I'm dieting for the same reason I don't tell people when I'm in therapy. Or on my way to a pap smear. It's information that sits right at the intersection of "uncomfortably revealing" and "good LORD, boring."

I dont diet, i dont believe in something your "on" or "off" of. i try to eat healthy most of the time. Being in culinary school, i think i know too much about what REALLY lurks in some dishes. When i go out, you know with the ecnonomy being in the toilet and all, i am going to damn well eat what i want. I never liked salads much, i dont mind them, but its rare i actrually order them. But i often feel, being rather on the thin side, that i need to order something big and fatty to sort of prove myself, and i hate that feeling. I have weird eating quirks too that i get embarrassed about, like with cheese which makes my stomach feel like tornado inside, and i know i shouldn't give about what people think, but i get hung up with i order this fancy shmancy pizza, no cheese. but mizfit's right, give each other a break!

I dont diet, i dont believe in something your "on" or "off" of. i try to eat healthy most of the time. Being in culinary school, i think i know too much about what REALLY lurks in some dishes. When i go out, you know with the ecnonomy being in the toilet and all, i am going to damn well eat what i want. I never liked salads much, i dont mind them, but its rare i actrually order them. But i often feel, being rather on the thin side, that i need to order something big and fatty to sort of prove myself, and i hate that feeling. I have weird eating quirks too that i get embarrassed about, like with cheese which makes my stomach feel like tornado inside, and i know i shouldn't give about what people think, but i get hung up with i order this fancy shmancy pizza, no cheese. but mizfit's right, give each other a break!

It isn't what you eat that makes you gain weight; it's how much. Even if you eat too many vegetables (meaning more than you need, to weigh what you want to weigh), you will gain weight. And some people will gain a pound if they eat 2-1/2 calories/day more than they need.

i like what i eat (why else would i eat it?) and don't care if someone else has an opinion about it. it's none of their business. besides, people who comment on/judge what you eat or push food on you are actually feeling bad about themselves and want to drag you down with them.

Very good topic. I've actually had to deal with this problem recently. I have a group of friends who like doing 'spontaneous' things, like going out to dinner at 10am. I usually have dinner at 8-9, so I can't eat again within an hour. First time that happened I ordered a salad, ate half of it and then the extra food upset my stomach. Still, people were pestering me about having 'real' food, even after I explained to them that I had just eaten.
Next time that happened I just ordered a cocktail and ignored everyone else's comments. Funny thing is, in my case it was the guys in the group that were pestering me to have more food. Most girls seemed supportive and gave me the 'I know how you feel' look, but the guys seemed to think that there is always room for more food.

why should we hide that we're trying to eat healthy? heart disease runs in my family; i'm trying to eat better. i simply tell people that i don't want to visit the heart doctor any sooner than i have to. i've found that when i'm out and about with friends i can usually find something that isn't quite so bad. try ordering from the kid's menu - smaller portions, cheaper price, same food as adults (sometimes).

I LOVE THIS TOPIC!!

I am constantly on a diet, aka eating heathly, whatever...

But people constantly get mad at me for eating heathly. ESPECIALLY when I decide not to drink alcohol. Usually I am polite about it, however, when people are plain annoying, which they tend to be after they down a few cocktails and I'm sipping water, I end up giving them the ole, "Ok really? Is me not drinking physically hurting you? Are you affected by my not drinking? I am still having fun and if my water was in a rocks glass as opposed to a bottle, you wouldn't know the difference, so WHY WHY WHY does it matter if I don't drink?!?!?!"

Buuuut since I do tend to get mean, because when I'm sober, the drunk people annoy me, I usually end up just staying home. 1. I get to go to bed early and get my rest, therefore being healthier already. 2. Am not tempted to drink to lessen the annoyance of the drunks. 3. I don't feel like crap the next day!

But yeah, it does annoy me to no end when people comment on it!

People kind of expect me to be the healthy eater in almost any situation and most of my friends don't give me crap about it. My husband sometimes does though...he can be kind of a food-pusher. Most of the time when we eat out, I get a salad or something steamed. Our friends always say something like "Wow, that looks healthy. I should be eating like that!" If we go somewhere that doesn't offer any healthy stuff (like say, KFC), I'll just get a diet soda or water and claim I don't feel well. Then I just eat something else later on.

If you're not tight with money, just order a normal portion and then eat the greens / "play" with the food.
You'd be surprised how many people actually IGNORE what you're doing with the stuff you ordered, as long as you DID order something!