Stop taunting me with your 100 Push-Up Challenge!

Oh, cruel world!

Please stop taunting me with your 100 Push-Up Challenge. I can't take it anymore! I'm thisclose to ripping my foamy, blingy neck collar into shreds, dropping to the floor and giving you...well, nothing, because I CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITH MY ARMS. No weights. No resistance bands. No Magic Circle. My doctor chastised me for picking up a pen. People, I am in trouble.

Before hurting my neck, I was lifting an impressive (pat, pat) 17.5 pounds per arm for upright rows; 15 per pound for biceps curls. I love weight-lifting - what else lets me release stress, get strong and stare at myself in the mirror, all at the same time? Trifecta Perfecta! Now, I can't even lift a grocery bag with three cherries in it. I mean, I CAN, I'm just not 'sposed to.

Today I'm going to tell my PT, "Look, I know I need to be patient but that quality goes against everything in my nature and I am starting to suffer psychic trauma as I imagine my decades of hard work dwindling away into nothingness. Also, I'm Matron of Honor in my friend Amanda's wedding next month and would like to have my buffness back before walking down the aisle (because, you know, everyone will be looking at me, not the bride)." Even if she can give me clearance to lift two-pounders (which, truth be told, I could prolly lift with my Kegel muscles alone but still, it's a start!), I will be happy and skip around. Carefully. The last thing I need right now is a patented Leslie fall/door-bashing/head-first slide into the hallway.

As for cardio, yesterday was a stunningly beautiful day in Chicago and I walked home from my biofeedback guy's office...about a 6-mile stroll with intermittent window shopping. I wore the brace after mile 5 and ducked through alleys because I looked like such a freak. I'm sure my bling scared at least three bums. But at least I got to MOVE!

No, I'm not starting a food blog. This is what my arms feel like.

PS I just happened upon this story in Self called Bad Karma which, I swear, could have been written by me - the author injured herself doing the exact same yoga pose I did! I can't believe this story ran at almost the same time I hurt myself - what a crazy coincidence! Ban the Plow! Ban the Plow! (Yogis, feel free to state differing opinions.)

Comments

At least you can walk! I have somehow hurt my back and cooking dinner for 30 minutes last night left me in excruciating pain. Dinner wasn't even that good.

I'm headed to the Dr in a half hour, hopefully I'll be back to my regular self soon.

I feel for you, Leslie! Seriously, how are you not going insane? (Well, maybe you are.) I can't even imagine being unable to things, never mind the simple things that we take for granted everyday. I hope you feel better soon. By the way, your arms may FEEL like spaghetti, but they don't look like it. They are rocking! I'd kill for them.

I'm sorry - 'unattractive people who have faced the world .."?! I'm be all "let me hit you with my noodle arms and blind you with my bling!"

On the other note, I'd be going mad if I couldn't do anything training-wise. At least you can get out there and keep your cardio up and get those endorphins flowing. Hopefully your PT says you can do something soon!

I hope that letter was spam, because really, what the crap?

you KNOW I feel for you oh Sister In Iron.
I love the weights.
Take away my cardio and Id not bat a stubby nonmascara'd eyelash.
The weights? Id be sad.

Miz.

Aw you poor thing.

You're weights are impressive. I just got an image of you Hulk slamming your doctor and then ripping apart your brace by flexing your neck.

i want to hulk slam someone :(

Leslie...wow, had no idea you were hurt...but, listen to me, weights are not needed in my "I can't find any real literature on this so take my word for it" core isometric routine. I know you are weak in the arms but start pushing palms together almost like the yoga routine but push, push...tighten your abs and core while you do it...keep holding it until you can't...start this over the next week...and work up to an "iso push up" where you push down and away from your body....you will slowly build strength...no weights baby....your pecs will burn (sorry I'm a guy) and your abs will be getting work...then move to incline pushups against your bathroom counter...start slow with maybe 5 pushups...work your way up....keep your abs tight while you do it...this is a compound exercise which works positive and negs...I am concerned about you and Charlotte...4pack

Hey everyone - I originally posted something here about a letter I received from a writer and his book on unattractiveness. However, I've taken it down and will be expanding on it tomorrow. Just don't want you to think Gemfit was going crazy - she saw it before I took it down. Thanks!

Hahaha! "truth be told, I could prolly lift with my Kegel muscles alone" too funny girl.

Hang in there in your beautiful neck brace! I just started the push up challenge yesterday, hopefully you'll be able to join in soon!

OMG - I thought I was seriously going mad there for a minute! I'm re-reading the post and then my comment and getting all confuzzled. LOL

I read that article in Self as well - I can really see how that happens, especially in big classes or when you're either too competitive or too shy to ask questions.

I stumbled across your blog recently and all I have to say is damn you and your witty and honest commentary on the inner workings of women. I start reading and realize an hour later that I haven't done anything that I was supposed to be doing. I hold you responsible for my unvaccumed house and growing pile of laundry... keep it up!

Hi Leslie,

Love your blog! Two Questions:

1) What is biofeedback?
2) How did you hurt yourself (I guess I missed that post) and how long will you be in a brace for?

I bet the walk felt really good! (And here's another request [read sobbing, begging, on-the-knees-plea]) for a biofeedback post. Y'know, when you're ready.)
In college I sprained my back in Plow. I was 18, and in very good shape. Ban it!!!!

I think I need to start with 10 pushups and go from there, but I'd eventually love to do the 100 pushup challenge!

I've never hurt myself in plow, but I just finished my 6th bikram yoga class and my back is KILLING me (I never have back pain). The things we do to ourselves in the name of fitness...

Just did plow today actually and thought of you, Leslie! It made me go very conservative:) I'm sorry that you are still in a brace but hopefully the pain is gone? Am truly looking forward to tomorrow's post because i've been puzzling over the comments for 10 minutes now:)

I hope you're feeling better soon, Leslie! I can't wait to hear more about the writer and his book on unattractiveness...intriguing!

Gena - I am so sorry you're in pain. I feel like only now that I'm in the thick of it can I truly empathize...and I do. Please keep me posted on how you're doing. let me know if you want me to bling out any medical equipment for you.

Kelly L - I hurt my back by a comination of laughing/yoga/too many years of working with a laptop. If you look back to May 22, you'll get a recap. Re feedback, it's an amazing mind-body technique which I WILL blog about eventually - I promise, Alyssa :-) - but I need to wait until my story on it runs in Health Mag. Just a contractual issue.

Lolo - thanks for the compliments! I can't believe we have the same nickname!!!

Its your arms too???

We can be no arm twins! Im not allowed to use mine either.... eventhough it DOESNT HURT (DAMNIT).

Buuut... maybe this is a gift.
Thats all im saying

I won't let the 100-pushup folks bother ME! My goal is to be able to do 10 standard pushups, and I could really care less to make it to 100. I mean, major props to those who make it, and goals are definitely good to have...but I think the process would be a bit too stressful for me.