Challah at yer girl

Dan and I had a dinner party Friday night for Shabbat - five couples, copious amounts of wine, apricot glazed chicken (me) and salt n pepper green beans (Dan) and a silly amount of appetizers, desserts, candy and fun. I basically spent the whole day running to the grocery store and Costco and, as the time neared 3pm, I realized it was time to get serious, switch off the phone and start making some challah up in here.

I am not a baker, nor do I play one on TV. When PMSing, I mix up brownie batter powder with a few drops of water and slurp the chocolatey fudge sludge from a cup, no oven necessary.

But when, a few years ago, we had a Shabbat dinner and a friend from work (a man, I might add) brought a warm, homemade challah wrapped in a towel and basket like the Baby Moses, I grew obsessed with the idea. What a wonderful, unique yet traditional way to show someone you care - warm, freshly baked bread. I got the recipe and, while my first attempt tasted like cornbread, I have perfected it over the years and now people email from around the world, seeking my expertise. (OK, two people in my building have asked, but still.)

I'm relatively new to food porn, so please forgive me for my relatively amateurish pictures. I can't make/photograph anything like this or this and certainly not this.

First, a sassy pic of me holding the shlong-like rope of dough:

Note the subtle cleavage achieved with Shabbat-appropriate push-up bra and Hollywood Tape.

Next, the raw beauty ready to bake:

And finally, the beast which emerged from the oven - Dan placed a normal-sized apple on top for scale:

Honestly, I had no idea that doubling the recipe would result in this beautiful monstrosity of such epic proportions. Seriously, I turned on the oven light about 20 minutes into baking and let out a loud gasp, as my load had mushroomed to the size of a toddler. When I pulled it out, everyone screamed and yelled like I was flashing them. Never had they seen such a Mother Loaf.

For the recipe, check after the jump. If I can do it, so can you. And people will love and adore you for it.

Ingredients:

One package dry yeast
2 tsp. kosher salt
2 tsp. sugar
A crapload of flour (at least 4 cups)
1 cup very warm, but not boiling, water
1/4 cup butter or EVOO
3 eggs, beaten
Egg wash (i egg mixed with a little milk)

Preheat oven to 350.

Mix yeast, salt, sugar and one cup flour.

In separate bowl, mix water and butter until it melts (may need to nuke it).

Add liquid to dry mix and stir until well combined.

Add eggs and stir again.

Add 1/4 cup flour at a time to mix, stirring each time until well combined.

When mixture becomes stiff, dump it on a board and start to knead (workout time!) Add flour as necessary to prevent sticking. Knead at least five minutes but go for 10 if you feel like it. If it's a little stick, don't worry too much. Drink some Manischevitz.

Put the dough in a greased/Pammed bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Let rise for an hour or two until big and beautiful.

Punch it on down and knead (no more flour) for 1-2 minutes. Put back in bowl and cover for 20-30 minutes.

Portion the dough into three section and roll into ropes.

Braid the dough, pinching the ends and turning them under so the seam is hidden. Perfection is essential in this world.

Brush with egg wash. let dough rest 15-20 minutes and place in oven. Bend from the knees!

Bake 30 minutes, kiss Atkins good-bye and devour. Mazel tov.

Comments

YUM!!!! I LOVE bread!! Will you come over and make me some!!??

Ooooh I love Challah! I am the designated "wannabe/pretend" jewish friend at all holidays so I can indulge in all the yumminess! I am coming to your house next Les!

Yay! Bread food porn!!!! I've never heard of Challah before.

MAZEL TOV!

and *flashbacks* to sunday school...

Watch out Giada - there's a new food porn star in town!

You have inspired me!

This Friday, I'm making challah. Does it matter what kind of flour you use? I'm wondering about whole wheat flour...

And then, to continue the theme, I may actually attend a shabbat service. My father will be so happy.

Gross - it looks like an huge raw turkey!

That looks AWESOME! And this is one of the best blog post titles I have ever read. You are amazing.

xo

yay! I'm so glad eveyone likes my food porn! Gemfit, you can use any kind of flour but I can only vouch for the all-purpose kind, which I used. But whole wheat would work too. Or you could get fancy with raisins and cinnamon, or poppy seeds.

Fitarella come on over!

Wundalucy - stick with me and I'll teach you everything.

Hangrypants - I'm actually filling in for Giada whiel she's on maternity leave.

Trish (she's my best friend) don't hate on my turkey challah!

Oooh, that looks awesome! I've saved the recipe, and I'm going to try it! I also want to make Fougasse again (fisherman's bread from southern france).

Mmmm I love challah. I seriously considered buying a shirt that said "Challah back" even though I'm not Jewish :)

It's beautiful!
Looks yummy too.

Yum! Can I come over on Friday?

My maternal side of the family are all Jewish (my mother converted to LDS) and have therefore spent many hours trying to replicate my nana's challah. With ZERO luck. My nana called, she wants to adopt you Leslie.

Your Mother Loaf has inspired me though. I just might try and get back on the yeast horse again... but if it doesn't work, I'm mailing it to you;)

PS> LOVE the cleavage. Now I must google hollywood tape...

The challah looks amazing! Save me a piece next time--yum!

I gave up my bread maker years ago when I moved into a condo with a kitchen that was smaller than the bathroom (no word of a lie - no room for anything in that sucker) and have missed homemade bread ever since. Think I may have to try this, as it looks fantab and I am all about the food porn.

[salivating]
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[still salivating]
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Sigh. Looks amazing but sounds like, I don't know, actual work [insert whine]...how about you just, you know, make more, and send it to me? :-)

V.

Funny story about challah bread...I was on the food committee for the dance marathon at my school, and Breadsmith donated loaf upon loaf of the stuff. We had soo much left over and the food committee was able to eat it as they pleased. Needless to say, I stuffed my face. And then some. And then took some home. But nothing compares to your monster loaf - wow.

I enjoyed your food porn very much, Leslie. Thanks for bringing back the memories.

Challah in french toast... mmmm!

Love the sassy pic! :)

Your kitchen is gorgeous!!

You're rockin' the challah! I must say it looks more difficult than something I'd undertake, but I'm very impressed! :)