The day I climbed through raw sewage to exercise

Let me back up.

Last nite, I hit the gym for a quickie. Thirty minutes of cardio, in and out, wham, bam, thank you Gauntlet Man.

Little did I know that as I trudged along that mini-escalator to the sky, outside, all hell was breaking loose. Insano, thunderous winds, intense lighting and funnel clouds touched down in Lincoln Park, which is crazy and more proof that Global Warming is about to smack us down like Jim Beam unleashing a boozy torrent on a pimply, stinky frat house. I mean, Lincoln Park is basically like the Upper East Side in NY - not exactly the No Place Like Home Kansasland that is usually primo territory for tornados. Mind you, I was sweating and reading about the popularity of purple eye shadow in Marie Claire and had no clue Dan was texting me from home, e-scraming "TORNADO* - Stay where you are!" (*No relation to MizFit's Tornado).

I showered and changed, checked my phone and learned that Dan was hunkered down in the freaking garage of our apartment building with about 20 other people, including some none-too-happy babies. Sirens were going off, trees were down, fires were raging all across the city. I was clueless. I guess I can really get into a workout when I want to, huh?

I passed some time fixing myself a phat salad from the salad bar, all calm and collected and ready to get some roughage in me. And then I overheard an employee mention the word "sewage."

Eh, what's that?

"The sewage pipe burst outside the front door," he said. Then, glancing down at my flipflops, he deadpanned, "I'd change back into your sneakers if I were you."

Anyone who knows me knows I have a huge fear of wetness of unknown origin - any kind of liquid left on a seat, table or glass freaks me out unless I am the person who put it there. So the thought of poop and pee coursing through the parking lot left me feeling the opposite of enchantee. But I needed to get home - I'm only sleeping at the gym if a magazine feature and big paycheck are involved. I descended the staircase and the smell practically lifted me out of my Nikes. A woman at the front desk told me I'd be led out on a path...remember, people, this all happened to me last night, while you were tucked in your cozy, sewage-free beds!!...and I looked out to see a maintenance worker standing in knee high boots (not the fancy kind we wear), reaching out his hand. The staff had taken three of those big newspaper boxes and turned them on their sides, creating a two-foot-high purple plastic pathway through the refuse. He motioned for me to take a step onto the first box. It wobbled and I gripped his hand until ithe blood drained from it. A nearby crack of lightening caused both of to jump and I felt his metacarpals crack from my vice-like squeeze.

Alas, he led me to the main lot where sewage was not flowing like crap lava. I ran through the rain, unlocked my car and just as I was about to dive in, my left foot sunk into a hidden deep puddle, soaking through to my bare skin. I screamed. I was very, very sad. Very sad, indeed. The I realized there was no smell and most likely I had stepped in plain old rain water. Still, I stripped my shoes off and drove home barefoot, then hotfooted it to the Whirlpool where I scrubbed my skin raw with Bath and Body Works Cherry Blossom antibacterial soap.

And that was my night.

Comments

Wow... that's pretty hardcore! In fact, this has made me wonder whether, in your position, had the pipe had burst earlier, I would have waded through it to get INTO the gym? Hmmm... could this be the one thing that would make me actually cancel my workout??

TA x

I threw up a little bit in my mouth just READING that (and did I see that you offered to babysit? when I come to chicago?)

Ewwwww! But I'm so glad it was only water your foot sunk into! I'm with you on the fear of "wetness of unknown origin." ;)

I am notoriously lax about germ exposure, but stepping into possible raw sewage is something I would totally freak out about.

AAAACCCCKKKKKK!!!!

So sorry you had to go through it (literally). But I gotta say it makes a great story.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! I would have died.

1. Blech. And Double Blech. Really.

2. Too bad it wasn't the Toddler Tornado, that would have been WAY, WAY better, cause she's just adorable. Whereas Actual Tornadoes...not so much.

3. The guy totally should have carried you. It's not like you're Hefty McBrick or anything. Where's the dedication, people?

4. Did I mention Blech?

You totally get props. :-)

V.

How great would it be to be stuck in a gym all night?

Im picturing my gym and all the muscle bound studs that ould be crying into their under armor.

i would probably continue to work out.

I was in a tornado once in Illinois. I was 10 so i wasnt very impressed.

www.everygymsnightmare.com

I probably would have died of hypochondriacal toxic shock right there in the car! I can't believe you all had a freakin' TORNADO!

Ewwwwwwwww. That is so gross. I don't know if I would have been able to handle it. I share your horror for "wetness of unknown origin." Few things freak me out more.

Weren't those storms fun! I had no idea you were in Chicago, btw. Me too, and those storms had me completely freaked out.

O.M.G. Just the idea of wading through raw sewage freaks me out. Ugh. I had a toilet overflow on me once, which is the closest I've gotten to that, and it was really quite unpleasant (but doesn't hold a candle to your experience!)

Oh...my gosh. I probably shouldn't have read this right before lunch, huh?? Sigh. Even the WORD "sewage" is so gross...isn't it?

I love Jen's "Hypochondriacal Toxic Shock." That was the best story because I was freaking out with you and couldn't read it fast enough. I would have died and probably poured my hand sanitizer all over my foot and cried my way home. I'm in south Texas and was just thinking after Dolly and Edouardo (as I refer to him) why in the world do I live here?!? There's always a, as the highway warning signs put it, "STORM FORMING IN THE GULF, FILL YOUR GAS TANKS." Guess no place is really safe!

Freeeaakkkyyy! I don't blame you with the major scrubbing going on! Ew....!

Glad you are OK!!!!! Tornadoes freak me out. I've never seen one up close, but the idea scares the living, um sewage? out of me.

I had wondered if the storm had hit near you. Weirdly the sirens went off here too but nothing happened. Glad you are all okay. Am also glad I'm not a maintenance worker.

Um.. :/ Well...you are doing fine that's what matters! :)

Weren't those storms sweet? I used to be terrified of tornadoes..I grew up in west Michigan, and there were a lot of watches/warnings that never materialized. When I was little, every single time it happened I would run and lock myself in my room and cry. Now I live in Chicago, and when the black screen of death said "the storm will be in Lakeview at 8:15"...I got pretty excited.

My roomate and I also said in unison "Man, I wish Bill Paxton was here"

Holy crap, Leslie...literally! I'm glad you're OK -- on all counts.

Thats pretty exciting/awful! Am glad that you're safe and all. The things we do for exercise:)

I feel so queasy. I've been moaning all day about stepping into a puddle this morning, I imagine my world would end if I came into contact with raw sewage.

Ah, also,
you have been tagged, missus

Wow. I love storms, but... not for wading through sewage.

hahaha aw not fun. but I do LOVE b&bodyworks cherry blossom