Dear Mr. Webster: I mean, really, shouldn't "Mother of Four Children" and "White Bikini" be official synonyms?

Wait, can you see through this white bikini? You can? OK, good.

Actress/Dancing With The Stars hoofer Brooke Burke, pictured above, has given birth the four children. Four. Their names are Neriah, Sierra Sky, Heaven Rain and Shaya Braven and I shall end that sentence there because I was taught if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all.

So I will say it here, in this sentence. WHAT?! Four children were housed in that belly? Were they pod babies of some sort? Born in mini capsules that you plunk into water to help them expand to full-size like sea monkeys? I mean, I know Brooke's a born stunner (and half-Jewish! Merry Rosh Hashana!) and she's been in Playboy, Maxim, was a Ford model, appeared in the Frederick's of Hollywood catalogue (I'm feeling benevolent so I spelled it fancy) and hosted E!'s Wild On, but what kind of holy water-blessed, rhinestone-infused genes was that woman born with?

I was recently reading about a company Brooke started called Baboosh, which sells assorted bump-enhancing accessories, including the ingeniously named Taut. Are you asking yourself, "What's a taut and ought I have bought one?" Good, now say it 10 times fast.

"For centuries, women from around the world have been wrapping their post-pregnancy bellies to get back into shape quickly and naturally. It is believed that a belly wrap reduces the size of the swollen uterus, reduces water retention in the belly, and helps you lose inches fast, all while supporting that unwanted baggy baby skin! Tauts should be worn after delivery for forty days.

Here's a pic of a Taut, worn by a woman who clearly just gave birth and decided to wriggle into her fave pre-pregnancy black lace bra and thong, have her hair professionally straightened and adopted a coy glance as her hotter-for-her-than-ever husband snapped photos of her against a lush backdrop of billowing champagne chiffon:

Brooke swears this helped her stomach shrink back to the concave, teenage specimen it appears to be today. Of course, genetics must have played a gigantic role, as well as her killer workout schedule, for which I give the lady major props. I'm sure frolicking on the beach with David Charvet in front of throngs of photographers was strong incentive, too. But what I want to know is, if you are a mother, does seeing this kind of pic upset you? Make you laugh at the absurdity of it all? Wish you'd had 1-800-BABOOSH-ME on speed dial in the delivery room? Did anyone out there wrap their tummy or do something equally off-the-wall in an effort to flatten their post-baby bump?

Oh, and in other insane celeb news, I was reading an interview with new mom Samantha Harris, also from DWTS (I swear, I don't watch this show despite the obsession I seem to have with it in this blog) and, when talking about how she whipped her bod back into shape, gearing up for the Emmys, she said - and I swear, this is verbatim:

September 9, 8 A.M.: "Had three strawberries, three slices of honeydew melon, five grapes and 1 ounce of chicken breast."

Hahahahahaha. Ha. Five grapes? Whoa, girlfriend, don't go crazy there. One ounce of chicken breast? One ounce of chicken is about the size of two stacked dice. I could eat that as I slept and not even realize there was poultry sliding down my throat. Apparently, this meal fuels her hour-long Ballet Body Class. I need a trough of oatmeal and Stanley Cup-sized fruit bouquet for that kind of energy. Then again, I don't have that wonderful new mom energy that seems to propel so many women through marathon workouts on 30 calories.

Comments

WOW - so true, so true!

OMG!
Yes, I have heard of wrapping bellies. But she has done way MORE than that to get that body. Yes, I am annoyed. Wonder which super trainer is working her out two hours a day and how much food she gets to eat.

Oh my good lord. When you start counting out your grapes... that's just a bad sign.

That whole belly wrappage sounds mighty uncomfortable! But clearly it just *must* work. Haha.

Brooke does indeed have an awesome body for a mother of four...she's obviously worked hard for it, whether or not the Taut actually helped or not.

But the breakfast description you just gave for Samantha Harris? I'm totally with you on that one. I don't understand someone who could conduct a crazy/sweating fitness endeavor on that amount of calories, either.

21 YEAR OLD ALERT!

Do doctors give you advice on how to shrinkk your stomach back up, or minimize the effects of pregnancy? cause some people seem to bounse back immediately and some have perma stretch marks and sagging (not that there is anything wrong with that.) just genes?

Kelly Turner
www.groundedfitness.com

I suppose the body wrap thing might work to some degree. . . if it's really that tight and you wore it most of the day for months and months on end, a la waist training with a corset: http://www.corsetinformation.com/

But really, why would you want to do that to yourself?

I'd try the Taut thing, as long as it wasn't too uncomfortable. But that breakfast? No way! And seriously, counting out the amount of healthy foods you have, like grapes and strawberries? That's ED right there. I mean, seriously. Sure, count your number of cookies, or slices of bread, whatever. But five grapes? Pu-leez!

I count cookies (I had 5 on Sunday) but do not count fruit. That way lies crazy town. also, trying to workout on her breakfast would make me pass out.

i've never heard of this belly wrap thing. wonder if it works if u DIDN"t just have a baby. haha

Kelly - any doctor worth his Hippocratic oath will tell you to worry about getting enough healthy food and rest to help your post-labor/pgcy body recover and adequately nourish your suckling. Although I imagine hollywood docs would recommend all kinds of tummy-shrinking things. Like wearing corsets (with a thong!!) and counting grapes.

That said, the Taut might be helpful as your stomach muscles can separate during pregnancy and actually be quite painful. If it held them together, I'd totally try it.

Was that a day's worth of food for her or a meal???

I have no issue with Brooke Burke's regimen to get her body back and no it doesn't annoy me. I would definitely try the Taut to see if I liked it and if it worked, and give her props for working hard to get back into shape.

Samantha Harris, on the other hand, is crazy.

Wow. This is enough to give me a complex, and I've never *had* children. I mean...if they can look like that *after* childbirth..why can't i look like that *before*?!

Oh yeah that's right, because I eat like a sane person and actually like to be able to think straight....

-Meg

No babys here but my cousin has had 3, currently preggers with her fourth. She is 28 and is a size 2, and has returned to this size shortly (maybe 1.5 to 2 months) after each child came. Please god let this run in the family!

My point is, taut or no taut, some people just get lucky with body shape.

modelbehavior, you have me convinced that "taut or no taut" should without question become a commonly-used go-to phrase in the everyday woman's vocabulary.

this works, experienced the same effects when having to wear a truss after a botched appendectomy gone bad. BUT it is only temporary- gravity always wins:(

this works, experienced the same effects when having to wear a truss after a botched appendectomy gone bad. BUT it is only temporary- gravity always wins:(

I dunno. Being pregnant and having babies was HARD. And it was AWESOME. And I am really proud that my body did that. I'm not so sure I would want to look as though it never happened, even if I magically could by buying this 'taut' or whatever.

In my world, some things central to my womanhood are just more important than whether or not I can frolic in a white bikini, you know?

brooke's body is rockin, but being one of four children, knowing what my mom through, there is an infinitely small possibility of a mother getting into that shape w/out help of nannies, trainers, chefs, etc. most 'normal folks' dont have the opportunity or means to leave the kids for 2+ hours/ day.
as for samantha...last night i was thinking she was pushing waif-ish. then i read this. ugh huh...

Wow. This sets the bar so high. And it sort of takes the onus off the most important thing about childbirth... THE KIDS? Where are they all? With the Nanny?

I'm quite sure I would LOVE to get back in shape so quickly and impressively after having a baby, but I'm not sure that for most normal folk there's enough hours in the day to do that AND be a mother?

TA x

Yikes! What next? Very interesting...

Some women just have genes that cause their bodies to bounce right back after giving birth, and they're the exception to the rule.
I've also heard of wrapping but, like Charlotte said, it was to repair the abdominal separation that sometimes happens during pregnancy, and also helps protect the back.
(BTW, if any of you watch "Dancing With the Stars," Brooke Burke is on it. One day she was having trouble with her posture for a dance, so she put her baby in his snugli and she and her partner danced with the baby between them. It was VERY cute!)

This Taut thing just strikes me as being very odd and unnecessary. A person's stomach needs time to shrink back to a normal size because it contains your now massively stretched out uterus in there. I personally don't want to jam it back into pre-baby shape - I prefer to let Mother Nature take it's course and let it happen naturally (which it does).

Wow, I wish that only using the Taut thing would have make me loose the extra weight I gained in my last pregnancy (almost seven months ago I still had little Leo inside me). But no, those things does not exactly work to make you thinner. In México there is something like this (they are called 'fajas') and they are widely used, but I believe loosing weight it is more a gene thing than using some sort of corset. This things do help to maintain the muscles in their place, but I have seen all kinds of results, but mostly, skinny people will return to their normal weight faster than people who has a tendency to gain weight fast.

Five grapes? An ounce of chicken?

I always topped out at 4 grapes and 1/2 an ounce...but that's just me.

I have an issue with the Taut thing because part of what makes you look 5-months-pregnant when you leave the hospital is you gigantic uterus, which housed a newborn baby in the days immeditately preceeding. Something about squishing your internal organs for the sake of vanity seems off to me.

Yes, as a mom who was not blessed with good skin elasticity, all moms with no stretch marks and sagging skin bum me out. The unfairness of it all pisses me off. I can work out until the cows come home and wrap my stomach in whatever, and I will never get my old tummy back, unless I pay for cosmetic surgery, which I will not do. My complaint is not about weight, it's about skin.

Five grapes? An ounce of chicken? People in prison eat better than this woman.

As for Brook Burke, well, it's clear she works very hard to look the way she does. Or, she's actually from outer space, in which case she shouldn't be allowed to use our beaches. I'm going to go with the second and more unlikely (read: completely asinine) rationale, just to make me feel better about my own post-pregnancy body.

For more celebrity workout updates, as well as a host of diet and fitness tips, check out I Look Like Fit!!

www.ilooklikefit.com

Thanks!

these do work. like someone said, in spanish they're called "fajas." The normal ones are just the kind you wear under your clothes (ie: spanx) but there's also ones for the gym, for after surgeries, and after babies.

Not sure HOW they work, but it does have something to do with keeping the muscles together and keeping the skin from sagging as you lose the weight. Like other shapewear it also supports the back and gives you good posture (since slouching feels funny) Of course you do have to actually lose the weight on your own.

Some people say this also helps because the tightness makes you feel full, and makes you sweat more in the tummy area. Not sure about that but there you are :)

Wow. Still sexy with four children.