Sweet!

Hello, dinner!

Have a sweet and spicy Halloween everyone! I'm crossing my fingers that some 100 Grand bars make their way into my tummy. How 'bout you? Are you more Miss Candy Corn or Sir O. Henry?

Don't foget to turn those clocks back Friday and sop up an extra hour of Zs.

x,
leslie

Meet your maker at Quaker

So, remember a little while ago when every blogger and her mother gave away a fancy yellow Mountain bike, sponsored by Lipton Iced Tea?

Yeah, I didn't do that.

Not that I have a problem with showering my lovelies with gifts. It's just that a) I had no reason to write about iced tea and b) I've suffered through two heinous bike accidents and cannot, in good faith, pass along such an instrument of torture to people I care about. Oh, and c) after the fact, I approached them about donating a bike to a charity auction for a phenomenal organization called Girls On The Run, where I sat on the Junior Board, and they declined, which I thought stunk to high heaven considering they were handing out bikes like candy corn on Halloween on all the blogs.

Suffice it to say, we are now a Snapple Iced Tea family.

Anyhow, I am now ready to pimp a food product that I am personally obsessed with, one which nourishes me and makes my tummy and arteries smile and is really just an all-around hug from the inside.

Yes, I am part of the Quaker Oatmeal bandwagon you no doubt have been reading about on my fellow bloggers' sites.

In two weekends, about 16 of us are meeting in Chicago for an intimate Oatmealpalooza-type event. I'll blog more about it later, but considering I eat the stuff everyday, (you all know I am the original creator of Oatmeal-in-a-Ziplock and that Starbucks totally stole my concept. Bitter.) I wanted to tell you how psyched I am and clue any locals in to a likely meet-up that'll be taking place either Saturday Nov. 8 (in the evening) or Sunday Nov. 9 (for brunch). I am hoping to make it but may have family in town - I'll keep ya posted either way.

The other bloggers attending:

Steph of Back in Skinny Jeans
Carla of MizFit Online
Roni of Roni’s Weigh
Jennette of PastaQueen
Tanya of I Ate a Pie
Lisa of Workout Mommy
Monique of Big Fat Deal
Amy of Super Healthy Kids
Jason of Twit2Fit
Anne Marie of This Mama Cooks
Jenna of Eat Live Run
Kath of Kath Eats
Lyn of Escape from Obesity
Alanna of A Veggie Venture
Anne of Elastic Waist

Would any of all y'all be interested in joining? Hit me up in Comments.

And now, a few random pics for your enjoyment/time-passing:>

The cake (as in, edible) that stares at me from across the street every day - you may have seen the creators, the Cake Girls, on the Food Network:

A pair of my fave PJs, which I've had since I was about eight years old and are so uber-soft and cuddly and body-positive and yet act as excellent birth control:

And without further ado, the infamous SWIFFER MOP BOA!!!:

I'm plum linked out, so buh-bye. As MizFit would say, please to enjoy.

Get your freak on

Worried about finding the perfect holiday present for your favorite couple? Sick of giving candles, picture frames and tri-flavored popcorn tins? Not to worry…once again, Leslie saves the day. I present you with…

Mom and Dad, don't try this at home. I beg of you.

What is this visual feast, you ask? It's The FreeStyle, a new addition to the Liberator line of "bedroom adventure gear" and the latest bizarre contraption to infiltrate my in-box. I should add that the initial pictures I received were not nearly as tame as the Pottery Barn-meets-Pilates studio pic above.

How is The FreeStyle different from, say, The Wedge, The Ramp, or The Swirl? (No photos for you but I assure you, whatever you're imagining, you are correct.) The contraption above is a 2-in-1 device that can be used for exercise AND as sexual positioning furniture. Hooray for dual-functioning gadgets! And you thought your Hamstring Curl bench was multipurpose.

By day, you can stretch, bend, strength train and crunch your abs on this puppy. By night...well, let me just tell you a little inside joke:

Q: What do you get when you mix a brown chicken with a brown cow?
A: Brownchickenbrowncowwww. (Say it fast.)

I'm featuring this bizarre yet admittedly slightly intriguing contraption on Weighting Game because I enjoy setting off your NSFW buttons because there is definitely something to be said for exercising with the one you love. It's a way to spend more time together, get stronger together, and feel sexier together (post-shower, I mean.) As long as friendly competition doesn't blow up into him screaming at you while you struggle to hold Plank for 10 more seconds, it can help you push your limits. Working out together can also lead to more consistent sweat sessions: In a 2007 University of Pittsburgh study, women who rarely missed a workout were three times as likely to have an active spouse as those who exercised less consistently.

And, as Liberator Director and CEO Louis Friedman (who, by the way his name sounds, I suspect may be my second cousin) helpfully puts it, "We feel that this product will have mass appeal...because of its versatility. Especially now considering the economic crisis, consumers want to consolidate their spending and are looking for 2-in-1 items such as these.”

See - it's just like buying a combination shampoo-conditioner! It saves you time, money and will make your hair bouncy! Liberator, proving that the couple that sweats together, stays together - even if they have to handcuff each other to a gigantic foam wedge to do so.

PS Cool new site to check out – http://www.truebodyconfessions.com/

PS Part II I’ll be gone Wednesday and Thursday, taking part in a Think Tank on Jewish women and self-harm behaviors like drugs, alcohol, risky sex and eating disorders. I blogged about it at Huffington Post if you’re interested. Will be back from Detroit Friday! Go Tigers! (?)

The 40-Year-Old Weight Loss Virgin

Apparently it's Boy Week on the Weighting Game because I've got yet another male-inspired thought.

You've seen Knocked Up, yes?

Seth Rogen played an acerbic, pot-smoking, bratwurst-gut shlub who somehow fell into Katherine Heigl, thus a) impregnating her and b) perpetuating the Hollywood stereotype that Joe Shmoe guys can land leading lady knockouts...but the only way the reverse would ever happen is if a hot guy makes a bet that he can "makeover" the geeky girl in glasses and a pocket protector.

Anyway, have you seen Rogen lately?

His fro is the same but now he's got cheekbones and pecs. He had to shed weight to play a fictional crime-fighter in the big-screen adaptation of The Green Hornet. He told Ryan Seacrest (sorry - I must source my info, no matter how metrosexually hair pomaded he may be) that the secret to his slimdown was plain old diet and exercise - "The lamest answer ever,” adding - like salt in the plastic surgery wound of obsessed women everywhere, “I personally do not care how I look or physically feel.”

I suppose we could say it's nice to see equal-opportunity, media-mandated weight loss going on - it's not just Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt being forced to diet their way into nothingness for The Devil Wears Prada. I know Adrien Brody and Matt Damon and Christian Bale all dropped a ton of weight for roles but none of them were known for being lovably portly putzes before. Something about this irks me and I'm not sure why. Maybe because Rogen makes it seem so easy, like he just stopped eating pizza for a few weeks. Maybe it's confusing me because we equate his chub with his ability to entertain, and now I'm forced to ask myself, "Can a skinny guy be as funny as his heavier counterpart?" This is not a potential bias I was prepared to confront prior to opening my daily gossip tabloid. (Thanks, US!) I find myself wondering if he'll purposefully put the weight back on after filming wraps, which is not necessarily something I'd think for a female actress. Care to help me clarify my thoughts? And, on a purely physical note, which Seth Rogen would you rather ravish?

Give 'em the finger

I am not a big sports fan. Legend has it that Dan took me to a Cubs-White Sox game a few years back and that, amongst the chaos and mass rioting of a tied, bases-loaded bottom-of-the-9th-inning, he turned to find me passed out...asleep. Not a beer nor frozen vodka lemonade had been consumed.

The reason? I was stone-cold bored because my then-favorite athlete, pitcher Antonio Alfonseca was not playing. Why was he my favorite, you might ask? Oh, only because the man has TWELVE FINGERS and TWELVE TOES.

You can't exactly count the digits here, but trust me. There are six.

I mean, how can you not get psyched about a baseball pitcher with extra digits? It's downright un-American, if not incredibly un-PC. Once he was traded, I lost interest in all things sports.

Until now.

Have you heard about this freaking Trevor Wikre character?

This guy is a 6'3", 280-lb offensive guard for the Mesa State College Mavericks in Grand Junction, CO. On September 30, he injured his pinkie finger during practice, catching it in the jersey of a teammate. It felt a little funny so he took off his glove and - hey! waddyouknow?! - the bone was jutting out through the skin. The trainer told him to stop because, um, your finger is FUBAR as they would say in Saving Private Ryan (not to be confused with Shaving Ryan's Privates). The team's orthopedic surgeon deemed it a season-ending injury that would require surgery and pins to keep it in place, with no real guarantee it wouldn't eventually need to be amputated.

So what did Wikre do?

Oh, he cut it off.

I mean, not like in Saw V or anything. A doctor did it in a sterile environment after confirming the damage to the tendons and ligaments was indeed severe enough to warrant such drastic action. That little piggie was sent straight to the golden goalposts in the sky and the football nut was back on the field faster than you can say "Superbowl Sunday." He quickly retrained himself to throw the perfect spiral. Lovey-dovey texts to his fiancée, however, now read something like "i rellly ove you, bby - hy rent you ritng e bck?"

"I'm just short one," Wikre told the AP . "But this game means that much to me. This team means that much to me...This was the best way to get me back out there. There are worse things in the world -- a pinkie is not that bad in my mind."

True, I'd rather lose a pinkie than most appendages or organs. But I can't help but wonder whether I'd ever be hardcore enough to sacrifice life and limb - literally - for something I was passionate about. Am I actually that obsessed about anything? I mean, sure I love Cadbury Creme Eggs but I'm about to Van Gogh an ear for them.

What are your thoughts? Are his actions admirable? I suppose it is refreshing to see someone so unwaveringly dedicated to his career. Then again, it's Division II football and who knows if he'll be playing for a rilly awesome team like the 2007 Dolphins? (Don't ask me how I know that.) What if tossing the old pigskin (ew - I just made myself throw up in my mouth a little bit) will pan out and he has to become an accountant? That pinkie could come in real handy once tax season rolls around. And how undainty will he look while sipping tea with his future daughter and her dolls?! This isn't like having your finger shot off while defending our country or cutting your arm off to escape a harrowing mountain-climbing disaster. It was a choice.

On this crisp fall Monday morning, the air full of promise and the whisper of teeny tiny virgin snow flurries crystallizing up above, I ask you: What would YOU cut off your pinkie for?

"At least I can still go to market, eat roast beef and stay home."

Have an beautiful, upliting, passionate day everyone!!!

"These radishes are very crunchy!"

It could be the latest in multicolored, stackable, new school toys, but the MyPyramid for Preschoolers is just what it sounds like: A food pyramid tailored to address toddlers' nutritional flights of fancy and perpetual single-colored snack whims (Cheetos, Doritos and cheesy pasta during Orange Week; Cherry Kool-Aid, hot dogs dipped in ketchup and apples in The Season of Red). The design is being unveiled at this weekend's American Dietetic Association Food and Nutrition Conference and Expo in Chicago, which I will miss because I'll be in Madison, eating cheese- and oil-drenched Pokey Stix* with my friend Trish.

No pic of the pyramid has been released yet, but according to a Chicago Tribune story on the subject, it is "intended to help parents make better food choices for preschool children, aged 2 to 5 years—a critical time when food habits and taste preferences are established. Keeping tabs on calories is a bigger reality today than ever before, considering that nearly 15 percent of preschoolers in this country are overweight."

Some thoughts:

a) Where do gummy bears and preformed chicken nuggets fall on this new pyramid for three-year-olds?
b) When will they construct a gigantic, 4,000 calorie/day greasy fast food pyramid for pubescent boys to slide down?

Seriously, though, I like the fact that these guidelines, which will be available at MyPyramid.gov, can help frustrated parents tailor their kids' eating plans to accomodate for, say, a month-long Tater Tots-only stint, or a refusal to eat anything green other than their own boogers. There's a section called "phrases that help and hinder" that teaches you how to reframe food conversations to be more positive. One example: Instead of forcing a child to be a member of The Clean Plate Club (which will not seem all that impressive when listed under "Affiliations" on their future resume, FYI), why not try asking, "Is your stomach still making its hungry growling noise?" Love it! Teaching kids to listen to their bodies before they get all messed up like us, chowing down because we're bored or angry or happy.

Although this suggested phrase-swap made me laugh:

Instead of: "If you do not eat one more bite, I will be mad."
Try: "These radishes are very crunchy!"

On a slightly related note, did you know there's an Okinawa Food Pyramid, a Soul Food Pyramid and a Vegetarian Food Pyramid?

*My Weekend Food Pyramid will consist of 6-11 servings/day of dippable carbs; 3-5 servings per day of veggie-rich drinks (um, hello, a dirty martini has three heart-healthy olives in it!); and limited amounts of whole grains. Bon voyage!

(PS Thanks to my mom, a preschool teacher herself, for tipping me off to this idea!)

Do we gotta have Faith?

Seen this?

It's Faith Hill, 41, mom of three, on the cover of Shape. This past January, she had surgery on her knee, keeping her from working out for six months. Now, thanks to daily four-mile elliptical sessions, light weights, crunches, push-ups, and thrice-weekly Pilates classes, she is ripped and chiseled and all sorts of MILF. She's proud of her bod and is calling the magazine cover "my 41st birthday present to myself."

Honestly, that workout routine sounds killer and no matter what she looks like, she should be shout-it-from-the-hilltops proud of all her accomplishments. But I just can't help think of this.

Am I being anti-feminist? Drinking the Hatorade? Just plain mean? Am I so jaded that I have less than zero doubt those bikini abs were airbrushed in?

Have you taken a sail on the Loooove Diet?

The first time Dan and I ever hooked up, we were in our early 20s. (OK, technically this was the second go-around, four years after our first kiss but eight years after we first met...but that's a whole bucket o' drama I'm not prepared to unleash right now). A good deal of Stoli Raspberri and Diet 7-Up had been consumed by Yours Truly and Dan been whispering all night with his friend Jack N. Coke. It was just liquid courage, though - we both knew a kiss needed to happen that night as we roadtripped up to UW-Madison (Go Badgers!) and gosh darn it, we gave it the good old college try and made sure it did. Against a dirty wall in an underage-laden bar called The Flamingo, in fact. That's one for the grandkids.

Anyhow, we later retreated to the mystery-stained couch of my not-yet-sister-in-law and proceeded to make out like 16-year-olds, despite the fact that SIX GIRLS lived there and were entering/exiting bedrooms at various, unpredictable times.

About an hour in, Dan and I broke to eat pizza.

Technically, we had to...apparently I drunk-dialed Gumby's and ordered cheesy Pokey Stix on our stumbly way back from the bar, and we couldn't let good food go to waste!

We chowed, the way only two people who have been best friends for years can - with reckless abandon and free from fear of oregano wedging between our front teeth.

The next day, though, my appetite was gone. Zilch. Stolen like a $2000 Marc Jacobs from Kirsten Dunst's hotel room at Chateau Marmont. This was unusual for me. Typically my hangovers craved grease, preferably in the form of a fried pork product. But I spent the next two days sequestered from Dan, at the Midwest's largest indoor water park (another long story - don't ask), surrounded by eight-year-old boys, inner tubes and what was likely a fair amount of pee-tainted H20. I missed Dan. I was queasy. I was sick. I was in love.

Now, a new study of 3,000 women conducted by some random weight loss tablet company in the UK confirms my reaction as not only normal - but about as expected as Michael Jackson naming a child after a random noun found in a fairly tale (See: prince; Blanket.)

The research, carried out by Slendex (Note: This goes in your mouth), suggests a woman glides through five stages of weight fluctuation while in a relationship, described in my own words as follows:

Stage 1: Garter belts and edible undies
Result: Things are hot and heavy and you want to seem like a sex kitten, while simultaneously maintaining an air of control and civility. This means eating only lettuce while on dates. Strict dieting to impress the new partner should yield a 5-lb weight loss.

Stage 2: Coed farting
Result: You think feeling comfy in front of a new guy is a good thing? BAP! Say hello to your new muffin top, up to 10-lbs' worth.

Stage 3: At least we have a 50% chance?!
Result: Goin' to the chapel? Get those numbers down, Mrs. Slacker! About 8-lbs, I'd say. You gots to look skinny on THE BIGGEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE! (See: Brideorexia)

Stage 4: ...then comes baby in a $700 Jeep stroller with maximum shock absorption!
Result: Junior arrived. Mazel Tov. Your push gift: A post-baby bump weighing in at approximately 14.3 lbs.

Stage 5: Fear and loathing in mom jeans
Result: The kids are old enough to hate you now, giving you time to focus on your waistline. Score!

OK, so it turns out I didn't exactly hit these stages on the head myself, but you get the gist.

I suppose this isn't exactly shocking - love screws with our head, our spirit, our sweet spot and our stomach. Do you look at these stages and recognize a milestone from your latest relationship? Did you start gaining weight around the same time you started bleaching your 'stache in front of the person you once insisted on wearing makeup to bed with? Did impending nuptuals send you into a Weight Watchers frenzy? Has heartbreak left you nauseous and avoiding food like it was your sucky part-time after school job at The Gap? Or did you, like me, throw back cheesy garlic bread with a ranch dipping sauce chaser in the middle of what would end up being the most important make-out session of your life?

Silence of the pigs

You don't even want to know what I saw this weekend.

It was freakish, sideshow-worthy and will likely send you into a rocking fetal position when you hear.

It will make you want to wash your eyes out with lemon juice and salt once the words are processed by your pupils.

What's that? You want me to tell you? You really want to know what kind of acid-dropping, 'shroom-worthy visual assault my eyes went under?

OK. Here it is:

I saw a man. He was sitting on a bus stop bench at Fullerton and Ashland, a mile or so from my house. He was wearing a blue sweatshirt, hood pulled up, coke bottle glasses peeking out from his Unabomber head covering.

He was petting something in his lap.

He was smiling a creepy, "Come here, little girl, your parents asked me to pick you up from school today" grin.

The thing he was petting was large and pink and round.

It was a pig.

Not a cute little stuffed pig, and not even a pot-bellied pig like George Clooney's beloved Max (RIP, sweet prince). No, this was a large mammal, at least 100 pounds, taking deep belly breaths and staring up at his owner like some sort of baby gazing up at a celestial mobile.

Oh, did I mention the pig was wearing a Hannibal Lechter-type muzzle? Because it was.

Dan and I nearly crapped our pants when we realized what was happening and have been unable to stop talking about it ever since. I immediately contacted my entire family, knowing they could truly appreciate what had just gone down. I texted my brother the pertinent details (man, bus stop, pig, muzzle) and he emailed back, "Silence of the Pigs?" (hence my blog title.) My mother proceeded to share the story with my father and some friends at dinner, one of whom suggested that perhaps it was a Seeing Eye Pig. I doubt this, as I made eye contact with the owner (*shivers*!) and why would a blind man wear glasses?

And no, this was neither nightmare nor drunken delusion. The pig sighting took place at 5:19pm Saturday, on my way to the gym, in almost perfect daylight and total sobriety.

This is simply the latest in a surprising round of animals to cross my path lately. Of course, you all know about the cougar from April. I also happen to come across an abnormally high number of three-legged dogs (so many that I've contemplated investigating Chicago, Erin Bark-o-vitch- style, to determine the root cause. Something in the kibble?) And in the last month and a half, while walking, I have crossed paths with FOUR dead birds. And not crows - one was a scarlet parakeet, likely named Woody or Red or something - and the others were fat sparrows. Is this foreshadowing or what?

In other crazy news, have you heard about the hot new Morning Banana Diet in Japan? You eat as many bananas as you want plus room temp water for breakfast; anything you want (bacon, anyone?) for lunch and dinner; plus a 3pm snack but no desserts and lights out by midnight. Pharmacist Sumiko Watanabe created the diet to help her overweight hubby shed pounds and since it was introduced on Japan's version of Facebook, the whole nation has gone bonkers. Dole Japan has increased its banana imports by over 25% and still, large supermarket chains are selling out of their nanners early afternoon. On a positive note, no one from Osaka to Tokyo has had a foot cramp in weeks.

Leave all pig- or banana-related comments below please. Tell me I'm not alone, that the world is going crazy and it's not just me needing to get back on my meds.

Biggest Loser winner Ali wins us over (got that?)

First things first: Due to increasingly high reader demand, I will attempt to secure a phone of the Swiffer Mop Boa over the weekend. Do not, however, expect to see the contents of my whore-y bag o' clothes. Some things are meant to be kept private. And by "private" I mean "I wore them while dancing on a six-foot-tall block in front of 1000 strangers, but that's it."

Next...remember back in April when I got to interview Ali Vincent, the first woman to demolish the male competition win Biggest Loser? Well, I know at least 72 of you remember, because y'all left comments. Quickie reminder: Ali is 32 and started the show at 234 pounds. By the end, she was clocking in at 122 pounds (shedding 48% of her body weight). So she lost a Nicole Richie, basically.

Today, she's the spokeswoman for 24 Hour Fitness (surely you've seen the commercials?!) and talking with her is still like sharing Sugar Babies with a fuzzy pink unicorn while lying on a cloud. IE Fun. Her energy is infectious, she drinks milk, she giggles (just like Jillian! Which makes sense since she was her trainer) and she wants you to know, "It's OK to accept your greatness." Go girl!

What are some of your biggest takeaway lessons from Biggest Loser?

"I learned from Jillian that we make a choice every day. What she brought to my life is taking responsibility and owning my greatness. Like, why not me? I remember a few of us sitting on the gym floor and Jillian was asking us, 'Why don't you deserve to lose weight? Why don't you deserve to have better relationships?' It was an eye-opener. I felt like (before), if I voiced what I wanted, it was selfish. It's not. It's OK to accept your greatness. If you're gonna dream, dream big. You don't want a relationship that's OK - you want one that's loving and amazing. Jill put everything into us. 100%. She is a great example of fulfilling your destiny. Also, she'll order dessert and take one bite and then pour the salt shaker over it. She's about living consciously. If you make one choice that's not the best, you'll have another moment to make a better choice. Quit beating yourself up over it."

Besides the Body Bugg (which she loves - Jillian was just eh about it), what other changes have you kept up from the show?

"Everything! I eat within a half-hour of waking up and eat every three to four hours throughout the day. I track my calories - I keep a notebook in my purse and write things down. I have a Calorie King in my purse. I always have snacks so if my day gets away from me and I'm hungry, I'm prepared. I don't NOT eat anything - there are no 'cheat' foods. I just budget it. I found if I tried to cut out anything, it became bigger than it was. My motto is: 'If I can't taste it, I don't waste it.' Like, if I can't taste the cheese in a sandwich, I don't need it. And I load load load up on veggies. I love to eat - I love to bite into a sandwich I can barely get my mouth around. So I load up with sprouts and cucumbers or bell peppers. Really, I live consciously."

About that whole national spokeswoman thingamajig...

"Are you kidding me? I went from Biggest Loser to being a spokesperson for a gym! I love it! It's such an honor. I've always worked out there, but I would have one hour with a trainer and if I was in a fourth rep of something and didn't wanna do it, I'd breathe harder so she'd think I was working hard. But that would be it - no additional cardio - and then I'd go to the spa downstairs for a facial or massage. Now, they came to me and asked if I'd like to do this. I got to do a commercial! I walk into the club and I'm all over the place - it's so funny. It's all about encouraging health and wellness. I go the gym so I can do these 5Ks and I'm doing a triathlon and I love to ride my bike all the time. I think we should be doing more stuff outside. I'm an everyday athlete and just a normal person - the first time I ran a mile, I thought I was going to die. But now, it's so good to be outside, so good to breathe in and go for a run. It's so precious to be able to get up and go. That's something I want to be a part of. 24 Hour Fitness gave me an opportunity to touch more people."

Anything special to say to Weighting Game readers?"It IS possible - whether it's a weight loss goal or a relationship goal or a career goal. Do something different to move you towards that goal. I could never have done what I did if I thought about losing 100 pounds. I started out doing one minute on a treadmill. Be willing to do something different. Why not? Why don't you deserve to have everything you want? Don't settle. we all deserve it.

I'm alive. I feel like I wasted 10 years of my life hiding. I can't help myself now, and I don't even want to. It feels so good to be running outside and listening to the wind blow. it even feels good to be sore because I can FEEL my body. It feels good to honor myself again. Never again will I put myself last."

Catch Ali at her Biggest Loser blog, or her home page.

And have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

That crazy woman wildly waving a pink boa at the Chicago Marathon? That was me.

Last year, during the most horrendous Chicago Marathon in recent history (Nothing to drink! People wilting like spinach! Fire trucks shooting massive blasts of water at runners to make them stop!), I zoomed all over God's green earth to watch my friend Heidi run. Frankly, I don't have a clue how she - or anyone - did it, as the mere act of CHEERING in that oppressive heat reduced me to a pile of human vanilla pudding once I returned home. I mean, who has to nap for three hours after WATCHING a marathon?

Anyhow, I was able to catch her at four stops last October - that's impressive, people - thanks to a girlfriend/fellow cheerer who understands how to read maps (a topographer, I am not), as well as the most fabulous cheering device ever invented. I know because I invented it. It is the Swiffer Mop-Boa (from here on, to be referred to as the SMB.)

I concocted said device while trying to figure out a way to ensure Heidi saw us amongst the throngs of sweaty, cheeseburger-eating fans and fellow runners dressed as bananas, horses and ballerinas. A small glitter-glue sign simply would not do. In a flash of brilliance, I ran to my laundry room, rabbed my beloved Swiffer and unscrewed the pole. Then I ran back across the family room to my basket o' whore-y clothes (held over from my club girl days and being saved in case I have a daughter one day and she wants to play dress-up in my black liquid latex leggings or tiger print triangle top). There, I fished a fluffy pink boa from the depths of my rhinestone-encrusted bras and attached one end of it to the Swiffer with a hair band. It was....sheer perfection.

Let me tell you, one million Chicagoans, plus assorted Kenyans and Lithuanians, were SO JEALOUS of my SMB. Everyone either wished they had one, or wished they had a friend who was waving one at them as they slogged by. Heidi said she could see me from miles away - in Chinatown, in Boystown, at the finish line - thanks to my soon-to-be-patented attention-getter. Those families holding Mylar balloons had nada on me. There's just nothing like a six foot tall girl waving a gigantic feathered apparatus high in the air to grab your eyes...and your heart. (*sigh*)

I'm not telling you this to be boastful (lie), but to share my idea with the world. The NY marathon is coming up - perhaps one or five WG readers will bring the SMB to the Big Apple? I actually reprised my creation this past weekend for this year's marathon, but sadly, I missed Heidi at two separate stops. I did, however, walk approximately four miles throughout the Chicagoland area with my SMB, making various pitstops at my gym, Walgreens, and the grocery store. I got a number of honks (who knew Mack truck drivers loved pink boas so much?) and a few little girls approached me with their moms, asking to pet it. Of course, I obliged, wrapping my flamboyant Davey Crockett-like tail around their necks (loosely! loosely!) I must say, it was a joy and honor for me to walk the streets of Chitown with the mop hanging over my shoulder, like a hobo carrying a bandana rucksack - only in Leslie's World, homeless people carry boas!

OK, let's turn this into a vaguely relevant conversation, shall we? FitSugar has a quiz up that I have totally copied and am posting here.

I ask because, quite frankly, I have less than one-half of sub-zero interest in running 26.2 miles. And I'm a fitness freak! I just, in my heart of workout-obsessed hearts, don't feel like my body is built for it. More than that, I fear the stress fractures and shredded ITBs and sheer exhaustion that so often accompany training for this kind of event. I walked 50 miles in three days a few years back with my sister-in-law to raise money for Multiple Sclerosis and by the end, my hips were popping out of their sockets and I'd dropped five pounds in 24-hours (OK, the latter was due to an ill-advised breakfast of bacon and choco-chip cookies which landed me in a public restroom for 50 hellish minutes, during which I lost part of my lower bowel, but that's another story for another post.)

I understand that for many people, the physical and emotional challenge of a marathon sings to them like Jordan crooning "The Right Stuff" in their ear (that's a shout-out to you, Gazelles on Crack! Loved your shitrtless pics!) Are you on of them? Have you ran a 'thon? Do you want to? Or think those people are crazy? I mean, not SMB crazy (obvs!) but just plain nutso.

Shout it out like you're wearing a boa in the Comments!

Am I on crack?

Some Debbie Downer-dome fun with pictures, followed by an "Oh My Freaking God" true story from our favorite ballsy fat-activist writer friend Kim Brittingham...

In the olden days, when milk cost a quarter and Mad Men-type offices ruled the world (in my dreams, at least) this woman used to be considered "fuller figured":

Jayne Mansfield

Now, in Self's November, issue, Mariska Hargitay (Jayne Mansfield's daughter, BTW) is on the cover looking like this:

Mariska Hargitay

Inside, Mariska refers to herself as "a full-figured woman."

If you choked on your Chobani, you're right.

Oh, and in case you hadn't heard, the fits-in-my-hip-pocket actress known as Eva Longoria Parker is now calling herself "round" - but notes, "I'm still a size O" in the November issues of Allure. Last month she used the word fat to describe her body (while refuting pregnancy rumors):


Eva Longoria Parker

And of course, ANTM's first plus-sized winner, Whitney, can fit into a size 6:

Whitney Thompson

OK, enough with the pictures. The following is an absolute MUST READ from our friend and fat activist Kim Brittingham - you may remember her from her gorgeous and haunting post about hating a teenage photo of herself, or who pulled the fabulous "Fat is Contagious" faux book stunt in NYC. Actually, I know you remember her because her wrting prompted hundreds of you (and others from around the Web) to comment.

Kim has some more controversy to kick up, this time involving getting dissed by actual plus-sized clothing company Avenue for her looks...during an interview to model for them. It's called "I'm Too Fat to Represent Avenue" and it will get your panties - thongs, hipsters, boy briefs, whatever - in a major bunch. Check it out...

A few weeks ago I was invited to meet with Kellie Brown, VP of the fashion division at 5W Public Relations. Some of the messages in my writing had impressed members of 5W’s staff and the meeting was to discuss ways in which I, and my writing, could be used to promote Avenue, a plus size clothing retailer, in a way that is empowering and positive to larger women. I also offered 5W an idea for a viral video in which I could recite sentiments from some of my more popular essays, which they were initially enthusiastic about.

When I arrived at 5W, I was awkwardly told by two of Ms. Brown’s underlings that she had been pulled into a meeting at the last minute and wouldn’t be able to see me.

Later, an embarrassed 5W staff member I’ll call “Renee” confided in me that Ms. Brown had, in fact, seen me enter the office and decided on the spot that I wasn’t “worth her time”. Renee said that although Ms. Brown is “more plus” than I am, Ms. Brown felt I was too fat to be a spokeswoman for Avenue. Even though I wear their clothes. Even though I am their target customer. Let me add that I was well-groomed when I arrived at the 5W office, I didn’t reek, and as always, I was gracious and very well-spoken.

Renee was excited about my potential involvement with Avenue. She felt Ms. Brown’s hasty decision to discount me based on my size, for work with a plus size clothing retailer, was completely lacking in vision, discriminatory and just plain unintelligent. I must agree.

What do you think about the way Kellie Brown conducted herself – not just in relation to me, but in relation to her client, Avenue?

Do you think Avenue is being well-represented by Ms. Brown?

Do you think Avenue should seek the assistance of another PR firm – perhaps one with a fashion VP who makes more insightful decisions?

Do you feel comfortable giving your money to Avenue, knowing how I was treated by their hired representative?

Maybe you should share your thoughts with Avenue and/or 5W. These days, Avenue is owned by the Redcats Group. The same people who own OneStopPlus.com, as well as the Roaman’s, Woman Within (formerly Lane Bryant), Jessica London and BryLane Home mail order catalogs.

Maybe these will help:

Eric Faintreny, Chairman and CEO
Redcats Group
463 7th Ave.
New York, NY 10018
Phone: 212-613-9500

Kellie Brown, Vice President
5W Public Relations
kbrown@5wpr.com

Ronn Torossian, President & CEO
5W Public Relations
rtorossian@5wpr.com

5W Public Relations
1120 Avenue of the Americas, 7th Floor
New York, NY, 10036
Phone: 212.999.5585

Oh, and P.S. Avenue, if you’d like to see a proposal for the brilliant viral video campaign that 5W tossed out the window, e-mail me. Any time.

I kissed a girl/ate meat and I liked it

I have a confession to make.

This may come as a surprise to some of you, including my parents and my loving, committed husband, Dan. Past sorority sisters may understand, and a brunette particular bartender from 2001 won't even bat her eyelashes, but here goes...

I am a Flexitarian.

I tried Flexitarianism once in graduate school but everyone was doing it!

No, no, not that kind of Flexitarian.

Here's the scoop: Flexitarianism is "a semi-vegetarian diet involving the practice of eating mainly vegetarian food, but making occasional exceptions for social, pragmatic, cultural, or nutritional reasons." Or, as my friend and colleague Dawn Jackson-Blatner puts it in her new book, The Flexitarian Diet: The Mostly Vegetarian Way to Lose Weight, Be Healthier, Prevent Disease, and Add Years to Your Life (McGraw-Hill Professional), it's a way for "closet meat-eaters" to show themselves in public, steak in hand, while still enjoying the benefits of a mostly vegetarian diet.

I got to hang with Dawn and a slew of other ADA spokespeople whom I've interviewed over the years but never got to meet in person last week at her book signing, held at a funky Chicago gourmet cooking store called The Chopping Block. The wine was flowing, Spicy Peanut Edamame Wraps and Zuccini Fritters were calling my name, and I may or may not have dumped a dozen dark chocolate-dipped dried apricots in my Kate Spade baguette.

The author and I...in her words, "Those Skinny Bitch authors ain't got nothin' on us!"

Dawn is like a long-lost sister, and I say that not just because we're both tall, blonde, funny, charming, modest writers with nutrition degrees and hot husbands. This girl has my exact same personality. As I went to attack her behind her book-signing counter (Hot Pink Sharpie, anyone?), she saw the digital camera I was clutching in my paw and yelled, "WAIT! First, let's see how cute we look." And then she directed me to a strangely-placed yet glad-to-see-us mirror perched behind her, over the cooking demo area. We both smiled at our visages, smoothed out outfits, turned and flashed Cheshire grins for Dan to capture.

I'm thinking lots of Weighting Game readers are Flexitarian. It doesn't mean you eschew meat by any means. But, like me, it's just not entirely surprising to go the whole day and realize, 'Huh, I haven't eaten any chicken or fish today. But I have had grapes, apples, spinach, whole wheat couscous, navy beans, Greek yogurt, and Sugar Babies."

It also means you may be slightly obsessed with Just Salad.

Dawn points out that a study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition from 2003 revealed that of the 13,000 vegetarians studied, two out of three ate meat or poultry on occasion. "Bottom line: it is very difficult for most people to follow a 100% vegetarian plan probably because of social reasons or cravings. Now this book gives us all a place to fit in, without judgment."

A lil more info:

"This isn't just about being an omnivore (a person who eats everything) because it is about people who are actively trying to eat more healthy vegetarian foods while eating less meat and poultry. It isn't about striving to be a perfect vegetarian but rather trying to do the best we can and feel good that we are making progress toward a healthier way of life."

Her book helps you pinpoint yourself as a beginner, advanced, or expert Flexitarian. Here's how it breaks downs:

Beginner: Two meatless days per week (26 ounces meat/poultry per week)

Advanced: Three to four meatless days per week (18 ounces meat/poultry per week)

Expert: Five or more meatless days per week (9 ounces meat/poultry per week)

In truth, I am prolly a Beginner - I usually cook up some BBQ salmon to top my salad at dinner or shovel down a Lean Cuisine Spicy Shanghai Chicken somethin-or-other for a mid-afternoon snack. That's OK - Dawn doesn't care if I'm as wet-behind-the-ears as Sarah Palin. She's just happy I've jumped on her Flexie Bandwagon. And I'm waving my vegan cowgirl hat in the air- yee-haw!

PS Congrats on the USA Today piece!

Tell iVillage YOUR story!

Before I begin with this post, I must share the BEST (sarcasm) comment I received yesterday at temple for Yom Kippur. I was hugging and kissing my grandparents hello when one of their friends (an acquaintance, actually), looked in our direction. "Is that your granddaughter, Morty?" he asked. Profuse bragging ensued, followed by an introduction. The other man stood to shake my hand and about halfway-up, he realized the full extent of my tallness, which overshadowed him by a good four inches. His eyes bugged out and he gave an exaggerated shiver, like he had just rolled over in bed and found a dead, beheaded horse on the pillow next to him.

"Oh, boy!" he said. "My, you're a big one, aren't ya!?"

Let the atoning begin....

And now, the actual point of this post:

Looking for a shot at fame this weekend, a chance to have your words of wisdom immortalized and published for all to see? I mean, really, what else do you have on tap - a matinee of Beverly Hills Chihuahua and some Thai takeout? Seriously, just do this:

iVillage is starting a new site all about fitness, diet, nutrition, body image - basically, the stuff you all know and love. My editors are gathering answers to a whole slew of questions (read 'em after the jump, below, by clicking on "Read More.") We want you to share your lessons, struggles and successes by emailing in any fun, poignant or practical stories and tips about weight loss or leading a healthy lifestyle. The only guidelines:

-Keep your answer to 250 words or less
-Provide your first name (or user name of your choice). Note that this name WILL be posted publicly online (hence the chance for fame!)
- Provide your email address (which iVillage will not share with any users. It’s only for verification purposes and so we can send you a link to your story when it’s posted, which will happen on or before Nov. 18)
-While not required, you may also tell us: how many children you have, your age, marital status, city, state and occupation (if you provide this information, it WILL be posted on our site along with your story)
-Email your answer with the subject line: Diet Stories, along with your name and email address, by Friday, October 17th to conqueryourcravings@nbcuni.com

Here's an example of a funny one that's already been submitted.

Q: What's the wackiest diet you've tried?

A: Years ago, my mom found this recipe online for something called "Joggin' in a Jug". The name alone should've been my first clue that this crazy scheme would never work. Apparently, this horrid concoction was made with a blend of apple cider vinegar and other ingredients, all mixed, of course, in a jug. Then you'd have to drink this vile liquid every day, or was it multiple times each day? I can't recall... I've a memory block from the trauma of it. Anyway, the theory behind "Joggin' in a Jug" was that the vinegar would cause your stomach to shrink so you'd feel full faster and therefore eat less, causing you to lose weight. What the author of the diet failed to mention, however, is that you'd also lose weight from spending your days in the powder room, not to mention the blood loss from cracking your skull on the floor when you fainted from hunger and malnutrition.

-Stephanie

As you'll see after the jump, you can write in about anything from your fave class at the gym to post-baby bump patrol to your go-to healthy dinner to make when you don’t want to cook.

Go on...brag! And don't be scared...I'm only 5'10". And a half.

At the Gym
What’s your favorite class at your gym and why?
What’s the best way to negotiate a good deal on a gym membership?
How did you land a date with your gym crush?

Baby Weight
How did you lose the baby weight?
How do you fit a workout in while taking care of the kids?

Body Image
What do you do to feel sexy?
How have you come to love or accept parts of your body that you hadn’t in the past?
If you were to write a letter to your younger self, what advice would you give about body image?

Cardio
What’s your favorite way to get in a cardio workout?
What songs get you moving?

Cravings
How do you handle a mid-day craving?
What’s your best snack swap?
How do you give into a craving without going overboard?

Dancing
What’s the best dance dvd out there?
What’s your favorite song to dance to?
What’s the best dance class you’ve ever taken?

Dealing with Insensitive Comments
What's the rudest comment someone has made about your weight and how did you handle it?
What comebacks do you have for people that make comments about your weight?

Dining OutHow do you eat healthy on the go?
Got any sneaky tricks for eating healthy at fast food restaurants?

Eating Healthy
What's the most useful healthy eating advice you've ever gotten?
What's your best tip for eating healthy on a budget?
How do you spice up healthy meals without adding a lot of extra calories?
How do you fit in all your fruit and veggies over the course of a day?
What’s your favorite healthy dinner to make when you don’t want to cook?

Emotional Eating
How do you avoid emotional eating triggers?
How do you avoid overeating at holiday celebrations and still enjoy yourself?
What’s your favorite low-calorie indulgence?
How do you satisfy your sweet tooth?
How do you stop midnight cravings?

Family
How did you get your husband to eat healthier?
How do you cook healthy meals that satisfy the picky eaters in your family?
How did you get your husband to start working out?

Figure-Flattering Fashion
What’s your best shopping tip for finding flattering clothes?
What stores have the most flattering clothes?

Home Workouts
What’s your favorite workout DVD?
What’s your favorite at-home workout routine?
What’s the best equipment to have for working out at home?

Injuries
How did you adapt your workout when you were injured?
What’s the best way to keep active with an injury?

Metabolism
What’s your best tip for reviving and boosting your metabolism?

Motivation
What mantra keeps you on track?
What motivates you to reach your weight-loss goals?
Who would you consider a fitness role model?

On a Diet
What's the wackiest diet you've ever tried?
What's the craziest diet advice you've gotten from another woman?
What’s your best trick for cutting calories?

Pilates
What’s your favorite Pilates DVD and why?
How did you master that tough Pilates move?

Running
Where’s your favorite place to run?
What’s your best running tip?

Small Changes
What’s the first step you took toward eating healthier?
What’s the easiest healthy change to make in your diet?
What small eating habits (such as grazing, eating chips out of the bag) have you changed to lose weight?

Snacking
What’s your favorite healthy snack?

Weight-Loss Success Stories
What’s the best weight-loss advice you’ve ever received?

Weight-Loss Obstacles
How do you handle family and friends who try to sabotage you?
How do you fit in a workout during your busy day?

Walking
Where’s your favorite place to walk?
What’s your favorite walking DVD?
How has walking changed your life?

Wedding
How did you lose weight for your wedding?

Weight-Loss Surgery
How did you decide weight-loss surgery was right for you?
How did you adapt your lifestyle after surgery?
What did you tell family and friends before your surgery?

Weight Maintenance
What do you do to avoid rebound pounds?

Working Out
What's your favorite way to burn calories without feeling like you're working out?
What's your best tip for squeezing in a workout?
What’s your favorite workout trend?

Yoga
What’s your favorite yoga DVD?
What’s your favorite type of yoga?

To fast or not to fast?

Today is Yom Kippur, the holiest day in the Jewish religion. It's like our version of weekly Confession, all rolled up into one long 24-hour period of reflection, asking forgiveness and, in true Jewish form, punishing ourselves via food. As in, we don't eat. Well, many Jews don't eat - I just washed down some Fage yogurt and honey with three hardboiled egg whites. But I am not built for fasting (emotionally speaking). In fact, the only time I ever successfully fasted was during my freshman year of college, and really, why was that day different than any other day? I was already in starvation mode, so I thought nothing of waking up, running, then hitting campus for a full day of classes armed with a mug of water (this was pre-bottled water. Now I feel old.) I remember feeling extremely virtuous.

My grandma fasts from sunset (last night) to sunset (tonight) and she goes full-throttle...no food and very little water. But she's a 60-years-plus Sunday school teacher and temple founder and more observant in certain capacities than I am. For women and men like her, fasting on Yom Kippur, our Day of Atonement, is a way to enhance the self-reflection process and help lend clarity in the quest of deciding who/how they want to be in the coming year. A clean slate, if you will. (So you can imagine how crappy I felt when, on the phone with G-ma last night, as I wished her an easy fast, I was actually eating frozen Cool Whip straight from the tub.) According to a 2008 study by Ynet-Gesher (don't ask...it could mean "Corn and pink ribbon comes from cows" for all I know), 63% of Israeli Jews plan to fast this year. Here in the states, I don't know what the numbers are but I DO know that in the past, some of my Jewish girlfriends have fasted because they felt is was a sanctioned way to avoid eating for the day. A diet kick-start, essentially. To me, this is really similar to my Christian friends giving up carbohydrates and alcohol and sweets for Lent - I've flat-out heard them say, "I'm going low carb for Lent."

And check this out - more proof I'm not making this up: In 1999, The Renfrew Center (you may know of it from the documentary THIN), issued a press release, "Jewish Women Worldwide Warned of Health Risk on Upcoming High Holy Day - Rabbis and Health Experts Caution Fasting on Yom Kippur Can Harm People with Eating Disorders."

Of course, the best part about fasting/supposedly fasting is "breaking the fast" - the meal we're all salivating over at my grandparents' house in which we gorge on bagels/lox/cream cheese, smokefish (again, just don't ask), corn on the cob, jello, kugel and other assorted light-but-actually-very-heavy sorts of foods. My tummy be rumbling already.

I do want to point out that I am observant on Yom Kippur in that I attend services and absolutely DO take time to reflect on what I've done wrong in the past year - how I may have hurt others, as well as myself, and how I can improve in the coming year. I truly value this meditative time and am trying to incorporate more of it into my everyday life. I also get to dress up in high heels, which I enjoy more than I should. Truth be told, if Dan built me a Confession booth in our second bedroom, I'd hire a freelance priest and park my butt in there every freaking morning. Alas, my therapist shall do for the time being.

So tell me, no matter what religion you may be, have you ever gotten the meaning of a holiday mixed up with food? Take the survey and then leave me a comment. And Happy New Year...to everyone!

Tina Turner, cheese hands and more

1) If you heard the faint rumblings of a tonedeaf woman singing "Private Dancer" Monday night, fear not: It was me, whispering along to Tina Turner as she performed in Chicago! My mom and I went and had a ridiculous amount of fun - Tina is 68 years old and looks like this (on the right, people!) and has more energy than a toddler hopped up on Pixie Stix and Yo Gabba Gabba. True, the crowd was a veritable clusterfudge of Germans, smokers, the elderly, gay men, and many people in sequins and bad leather. But Mom and I didn't care! "Proud Mary" was on! "You're Simply the Best" was playing! That's a once-in-a-lifetime experience, people.

At one point, during the encore, she was standing in a little circular area that magically lifted out of the stage and swung out over the crowd, and she was leaning half-way over, singing upside down, then danced her way in heels, no harness, along the narrow (maybe two-feet-wide) arm of the rig. The whole time, she was rocking super short sequined dresses to show off those legs, with the exception of a Mad Max song, when she sported a crazy metallic get-up while singing next to a gargantuan behemoth of a man clad in huge, warrior-like shoulder pads and a codpiece. That's right, I said codpiece. (Click here to see sketches of her outfits.)

I must add that I was more-that-slightly obsessed with one of the backup dancers, an Amazonian blonde named Ferley. I swear, she was 6'2" with the wingspan of a pterodactyl (Who knew that word started with a P? Thanks, Microsoft Thesaurus feature!), and I could not keep my eyes off of her. That's my dream - to perform in front of millions in tiny little sparkly gold hot pants and high heels. I mean it. Shaking my booty to the Pointer Sisters' "Neutron Dance" at age nine gave me my first taste and I've been hungry ever since..

2) I took public transportation to the concert and my curiosity was piqued by a US Cellular ad asking "Would you rather...Have lips made of chocolate or hands made of cheese?" Let's create a Pro/Con list, shall we?

Lips Made of Chocolate
Pros: Instant PMS help; No need to purchase Lip Smackers from Target anymore; So long as it's DARK chocolate, you've just become an antioxidant powerhouse; Everyone will want to kiss you
Cons: Weight gain; Not everyone looks good in brown lipstick; Summertime face-melting; Everyone will want to kiss you

Hands Made of Cheese
Pros: No problems meeting your RDA of calcium; Just add crackers and you're a party-on-the-move!
Cons: Friends will start inviting you over purely for your nacho-enhancing abilities; Smelly; You'll attract mice and other assorted vermin; Strong probability of earning nickname "Cheese Hands"

Which would you choose?

3) Dan and I bought a new car! The Honda CR-V. Please note that I have not owned a new automobile since 1998 and have been driving that red Mercury Cougar into the ground ever since. The bumper was literally pasted on with plaster and the key was stuck in the ignition for - I kid you not - four years. And no one ever tried to steal it. Anyhow, we grabbed two Hefty bags to fill with garbage from the old car and among the various Britney VHS tapes, crusty black tank tops and hard-copy manuscript of Locker Room Diaries I found in the trunk, you will NEVER, EVER guess what I came upon.

Go on, guess.

Hint: It's a meat product.

It was extremely old.

It was packaged ham. With an expiration date of JUNE 2008 so who the hell knows when I actually bought it (that crap has so many preservatives in it, the exp. dates are usually months away). My meat product must've fallen out of a grocery bag and sat in that trunk, baking in the Midwestern sun all summer. And you know what? It was perfectly preserved. No mold, no odor. Just ham. I shall never purchase said product again.

4) Lastly, I've decided to start posting especially hilarious or ridiculous press releases that find their way into my in-box - some of this stuff is just too good not to share. For example, I opened the following yesterday:

Hi Leslie,

Have you ever complained about having to use a condom? Too tight. Too loose. Sensation-robbing. Sound familiar?

Note to LifeStyles: I AM NOT A MAN. But if I were, yes, I'm sure I would have experience with it being too tight.

Besides, don't they know that as long as the guy says he loves you, you can't get pregnant? Sheesh! I learned that in, like, fourth grade.

Have a wonderful, cheesy hands, petrified ham kind of day everyone!

PS For those of you who didn't get my Yo Gabba Gabba refence, you must watch this...not even Tina can sing "There's a Party in my Tummy" like this guy:

Jillian Michaels giggles.

...and I am here to whup your ass. You're welcome.

Last week, I told you about an upcoming interview with the fiery, passionate, bounce-a-quarter-off-her-butt specimen that is Jillian Michaels. I asked for questions and they poured in. Your inquiries were inspiring, and proof that many of you truly want to make a change for the better in your lives. But sometimes it's not as easy as simply tossing the TV remote in the garbage disposal and churning out a 10K. We need motivation. We need mentoring. We need Jillian Michaels.

My Monday afternoon interview with her was - I swear - Absolutely. Freaking. Delightful. Listening to her talk is not in any way the same as watching her on Season One of Biggest Loser. I was expecting a woman who forces people to Ellipticize themselves to the point of puking; who hops on the backs of overweight men and makes them carry her around like a human backpack. Jillian may very well do those things on camera, but in real life, it was like talking with a girlfriend. She giggles. She pokes fun at herself. She - I'm not making this up - quotes Madeline Albright. (When discussing the importance of women lifting each other up, she referenced Albright, who famously declared, "I think there is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women.") We also discussed girl crushes, as many of you professed undying love for Miss Michaels in the previous post. And yes, I asked who who hers is. You'll have to read on to find out.

"Have you ever struggled with your weight? How did you make the decision to change?" - Chloe

"Absolutely. I was an overweight teenager, from childhood into my early teen years, about age 14. My mother had the insight to get me into martial arts. That was the catalyst for me to make that transformation into health and wellness, using it as a means to change my life. But it’s consistently a struggle and I’m sure it will be until the day I die. Every day you wake up and you make a commitment: Are you going to be self-destructive or are you going to commit yourself to positive change? "

(I added in a question about how martial arts influenced her workout philosophy): “Martial arts was really the beginning for me of core training. Also, martial arts helped me understand the importance of intensity in my training – of focus, discipline, using my body weight as resistance like push-ups, pull-ups, squats. Intervals, bursts of energy. The ability to overcome pain. It’s pretty much the foundation of my [fitness philosophy.] On Biggest Loser, I mix it up for them- everything from spinning to yoga. They’re working out six days a week for five months at a time, so you gotta keep it fresh for them. So I do a lot of martial arts with the contestants - it helps them get out their aggression.”

"When you're short on time in the gym, what are your go-to moves? How much time is enough spent on cardio, and what is a good ratio of cardio vs. strength training?" - Meg

“I always like to use moves that I call hybrid or combination lifts, which work multiple muscle groups at am time. A lunge with a bicep curl. Or rows in a plank position. A squat and a press. Anything with upper and lower body in it is a great way to go.

Cardio is the bread and butter of weight loss. You could do hours upon hours – we have contestants that do four hours a day of cardio. But I never let them do more than four hours of strength a week. That would be overtraining – your muscles never have a chance to heal. I would say no more four to five hours of resistance training a week. Two times a week is ideal [for a single muscle group.] If you don’t have weight to lose, make sure you’re balancing out your cardio with calories (if someone told me she was doing two hours of cardio a day, I’d say make sure you’re taking in an extra 500 calories.) But if you have a lot of weigh to lose, you can do as much cardio as you want. It’s not realistic at all, but it is possible.”

Me: If you only had 30 minutes to workout, would you do cardio or strength? “Both! It’s called circuit training. You’re heart rate is constantly elevated, so you can do both cardio and strength and get the benefits. It’s an ideal weight to burn fat, shed weight and tone your muscles all at the same time.”

"I'd like to know what is the worst workout Jillian has ever tried and what is her new fave? How often does she change things up?" - Charlotte

"This is going to sound really terrible but anything like, “Eight minutes in the morning” – that kind of false message. Those 10-minute workouts…anything that promises you a workout in less than 10 minutes is a crock of you-know-what. Personally, I’m bored to tears with Pilates but people love it. If don’t have weight to lose, it’s great for flexibility and core strength and rehabilitation. But I want to get the most bang out of my buck when I hit the gym – I want to burn calories.”

Me: What about 30 minutes broken up into three, 10-minute sessions? “It’s advantageous to do the 30 minutes all at once. You’re mobilizing more fat stores. But 10 minutes, three times throughout the day is better than nothing. But if you think doing eight minutes in the morning means you’ve worked out, that’s hysterical. The average person, if they’re lucky, burns 10 calories a minute. That’s 80 calories. That’s a glass of skim milk.”

Keep reading more after the jump...

PS Jillian was at our iVillage offices today as part of her Oral-B tour and answered a whole bunch of other questions – from lower tummy- and triceps-toning exercises (asked by Marie F and Kima) to avoiding junk food (Betty) to escaping a “fat kid” mentality leftover from childhood (thanks, Elizabeth!) We’ve got all of her answers videotaped and will be posting them week-by-week – I’ll keep you posted as to where to go for this fab expert info. Debi, Bette, Bdaiss, Farrah, Dee, Charlotte, Muriel, Joseph, Julie, Sally, Sharon, Crystal and Renee: Your Qs were picked, too!

"I am interested in the best snacks/light meals that pack the most nutrition in the smallest package." - Kelly

“You can buy travel-size packets of organic Greek yogurt – keep it in a cooler or the fridge in your office. Hummus and veggies; baked chips and salsa. I like protein bars, especially by Greens, Kashi and Luna. (She mentioned that Greens bars are higher in calories, though. and that Kashi would be better for people who are dieting). Protein shakes – can you bring protein powder to the office and use a blender to make a shake? Dry roasted or raw nuts. Low-fat organic cheese sticks - Horizon makes a good one. 365 is the Whole Foods brand and they have good low-fat cheese sticks. Health Valley and Kashi whole wheat crackers. Hard boiled egg whites. You want protein and carbs – like a half-apple and 10 almonds.”

"I desperately need to motivate my 16-year-old daughter to get fit. She's not overweight, just very unfit, eats horribly and hates physical activity. I see her starting to gain weight and I'm wondering if you have ideas or tips to get her interesting in being more active? I want her to love exercise, not just do it because she's afraid of getting fat." - Valerie

“The key here is DO NOT make an issue out of her weight. If you make it an issue or your daughter feels alienated, the likelihood is the girl will go in the opposite direction and say, ‘OK, you don’t love me they way I am? Watch this.’ That could mean anything from overeating to anorexia to bulimia. Your best bet is to lead by example. Work out, keep healthy foods in the house. Don’t make it about the teenager but about the entire family being healthy. Is there something she’d be interested in exploring? If the girl is into dance, sign her up for hip-hop cases. Horseback riding, marital arts - make it about her being social and perfecting a craft. My mom got me into martial arts without saying, ‘Hey, you’re a fat kid.’ It made sense to me – I was getting picked on a lot and [it empowered me.]”

Me: Quite a few readers copped to having a girl crush on you. Does this happen a lot?

"(In an embarrassed tone) Yeaaah, I get it sometimes – it’s really flattering! That’s just a woman’s way of saying, ‘I admire this person and they have qualities I respect.’ Like, Tina Fey is a very smart, funny successful woman and businesswoman, plus she’s accessible and isn’t fake. Women respect and admire that. Angelina Jolie comes across as tough but she’s an ambassador to the UN. I would hope with me, it’s because I am truthful to the point of being controversial and I do have women’s best interest in mind. I’m a feminist. It’s about women being healthy, about men being healthy, about the elderly being healthy.”

Me: Do you have a celeb girl crush?

“Oh…let me think, let me think. For me it would be Maria Shriver or Madeline Albright or Hillary Clinton. I mean, she is a Rhodes Scholar, hello! I love her.”

Me: "Anything else you’d like to say to your devoted fans?"

“Thank you so much for supporting the show and me…it is very appreciated and does not go unnoticed. Just remember one thing: At the end of the day, it isn’t about having six-pack abs. The bigger picture is that when you’re strong physically, you’re strong in every aspect of life. There is no diff between me and Oprah and the soccer mom in Idaho. The only difference is, I believe I can do it. Oprah believes she can do it. We can all do anything. Believe in yourself. Yes, you’ll fall of the wagon. Stay the course, bring action to your intentions and if you stick with it, sooner or later, it will happen.”

PS For all of you wondering about the arm band thingies (Kelly, Becky, Byrdie): It's the Body Bug, a calorie counter, from 24 Hour Fitness

Janice Dickinson: Plus-sized models in da house?

Working as a writer has many perks: I can workout in the morning one day and go for a long afternoon walk the next. Companies like Edible Arrangements and adidas send me swag to review - the likes of which, left to my own financial devices, I would be far too stingy to shell out dough for. It causes unbearable neck painIt's challenging. And while I don't lounge around in my undies, chain-smoking cigs and banging out bon mots while lying in the boudoir a la Carrie on SATC, I have been known to conduct an interview or 20 in polka dot flannel pajamas.

This weekend's perk: I got a sneak peak at Tuesday's episode of the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. Now, I *heart* this show and have a strange fascination with Janice. Some of the stuff that flies out of her mouth stuns me (and I've been assigned the task of trying out Karma Sutra positions that would make Pammie Anderson blush - another perk of being a writer - so not much stuns me) but one thing I've gotta say is, she makes no apologies for herself and stands behind who she is. So love her or hate her, I feel like you can at least respect her for not pulling any punches.

Which brings me to Tuesday's episode, which centers around bringing plus-size models into the agency to please costume company Seven 'til Midnight (Careful: Potentially NSFW. Unless you're a writer like me in which case, Who wants to be a Sexy Pirate for Halloween?!)

Previously, Janice has made no bones about only wanting skinny, high-fashion models in her agency. She constantly refers to the gorgeous Xian as being heavy and once forced Traci to squeeze into her (Janice's) pencil skirt to prove she wasn't fat.

Note: These two women are nowhere near overweight. But in the bizarro world of modeling, where I myself would need to shed 25 pounds to fall below the catwalk BMI cutoff, that's the way the low-carb cookie crumbles.

But Janice outdoes herself in this episode. Oxygen has been kind enough to provide us y'all with an exclusive clip of the episode...check it out:

In other parts of the episode, she actually "uchs" at the thought of having plus-sized models, covering her eyes as if the mere idea were slasher-pic scary. "I have a difficult time with plus-sized because I'm constantly trying to get my models to lose weight," she says. In the clip above, she declares, "Let it be known I am not into fat" and compares the Size 14 model in a cop outfit to "bad porn."

I'll let you be the judge once you watch on Tuesday but for now, I think it'd be interesting to hear your thoughts about the inclusion of these models...not only in Janice's agency, but into the mainstream as well. Torrid offers funky clothes in up to a 4X. One of the rappers from Naughty By Nature is launching Ladies First, a new clothing line of junior plus for girls with junk in the trunk. Whitney won ANTM last season and she's "plus-sized." Then again, I also just read a quote from Whitney in Allure Magazine in which she said she fits into anything from a Size 6 to a Size 14. (Which makes me plus-sized, too!)

It seems women with curves are finally being given the attention they deserve. But at what cost? Janice admits she's letting plus-sized models in purely for financial reasons - they generate revenue, duh, because the "average" woman wants to see clothes on ladies that aren't hangers. Does that mean the models are being exploited? After all, they are rather ruthlessly treated by Janice and certain thin models while in the agency. Then again, they're making money and a name for themselves. And on the Tyra tip, ANTM crowned a "plus" girl as Queen...but she's not really all that plus. New media may be rolling out the plus-sized red carpet, but this plus-size is actually normal. Will that make the actual plus-sized women of the world feel worse about themselves? What's next...are modeling agencies and clothing companies going to start featuring ''Utlra Plus' divisions where women are just Size 16?

Tell me! Get feisty!

Then tune in to Oxygen on Tuesday at 10/9C, and come on back to tell me more.

Chakra khan

You asked; experts Tracy and Tanya answered. Unfortunately, they suffer from Freelance Writer Leslie Goldman Always Goes Over Her Word Count Syndrome (FWLGAGOHWCS - won't you help by donating? Specifically, in the form of Old Navy gift cards?) and wrote long, long answers. To give their prose proper space (and it's not boring, I assure you - the word "effing" was actually used), they created a page on their Recess wellness site with everything you could possible want to know about the big Y. Bonus: My book photo is featured, so let's all do a happy dance!

The questions they answered:

I have lost 63 lbs so far but still have a good bit more to lose. Can I do yoga at 244 lbs? It seems like the girls I see doing yoga are tiny.

Any specific recommendations for reputable books, DVDs or Web sites to look for when starting a yoga practice?

My instructor never corrects or adjusts me. Is it appropriate to ask her to do so? She seems to be "hands off" in general but otherwise a good teacher.

My 60-ish mother is interested in doing yoga to add some activity into her life. What's the best way for her to start?

Is my teacher a quack? Is there something I could be asking about their training before going to a class to have a better chance that they'll really know what they're doing?

How important is the mind/body connection to doing yoga? Any tips for quieting the mind during yoga? Or is it OK to let my self-judgmental thoughts go wild?

How often do you need to do yoga in order to see/feel results in flexibility?

I really love yoga and have been practicing with various levels of frequency for years; however, I have "blocks" when it comes to certain poses, inversions for example. What tips do you have for getting past this kind of mental block.

If you don't want to click over, here's one answer I really liked, in response to the question about bigger women doing yoga:

Tracy says: "The traditions of yoga are as varied and diverse as are the practitioners. All body types and ages are welcome to practice and will find benefit. Having said that, there is a tendency in the last 10 years of American yoga to emphasize a particular body type in the media. Yoga Journal is just as guilty as the rest of the media in this regard. The covers are filled with people who look amazing and are doing amazingly difficult things! That is not all there is to yoga...It’s really not weight but shapes and lengths of our bodies that determine the ease, difficulty or appropriateness of a pose... Women of any size with larger breasts will struggle with inversions. People who hold weight in their abdomen may struggle with forward bends or back bends. In any yoga class, someone is coming up against their own body in some pose, in some way. This offers an opportunity to explore issues of resistance, striving and letting go."

Go, girls!

PS Will Cebca please email me at leslie@lrdiaries.com? If I don't hear from you by Monday, another WG reader is gonna win that lucy hoodie. And won't you feel cold and unstylish then?

Spanx a lot!

Hey everyone,

Having a lil setback with my neck so I'm staying off the computer for a bit but wanted to give you an "I've so been there" laugh of the day...

...from elasticwaist.com

Jillian Michaels is entering the building

...and she's gonna answer some of your questions! This is your chance to interface with a woman whose abs are sharp enough to shave my husband's face, who forces Biggest Loser contestants to bench press her and who can deliver a powerhouse kick like this:

Leave your Qs below in Comments and I'll be back in a week with hardcore answers.