Silence of the pigs

You don't even want to know what I saw this weekend.

It was freakish, sideshow-worthy and will likely send you into a rocking fetal position when you hear.

It will make you want to wash your eyes out with lemon juice and salt once the words are processed by your pupils.

What's that? You want me to tell you? You really want to know what kind of acid-dropping, 'shroom-worthy visual assault my eyes went under?

OK. Here it is:

I saw a man. He was sitting on a bus stop bench at Fullerton and Ashland, a mile or so from my house. He was wearing a blue sweatshirt, hood pulled up, coke bottle glasses peeking out from his Unabomber head covering.

He was petting something in his lap.

He was smiling a creepy, "Come here, little girl, your parents asked me to pick you up from school today" grin.

The thing he was petting was large and pink and round.

It was a pig.

Not a cute little stuffed pig, and not even a pot-bellied pig like George Clooney's beloved Max (RIP, sweet prince). No, this was a large mammal, at least 100 pounds, taking deep belly breaths and staring up at his owner like some sort of baby gazing up at a celestial mobile.

Oh, did I mention the pig was wearing a Hannibal Lechter-type muzzle? Because it was.

Dan and I nearly crapped our pants when we realized what was happening and have been unable to stop talking about it ever since. I immediately contacted my entire family, knowing they could truly appreciate what had just gone down. I texted my brother the pertinent details (man, bus stop, pig, muzzle) and he emailed back, "Silence of the Pigs?" (hence my blog title.) My mother proceeded to share the story with my father and some friends at dinner, one of whom suggested that perhaps it was a Seeing Eye Pig. I doubt this, as I made eye contact with the owner (*shivers*!) and why would a blind man wear glasses?

And no, this was neither nightmare nor drunken delusion. The pig sighting took place at 5:19pm Saturday, on my way to the gym, in almost perfect daylight and total sobriety.

This is simply the latest in a surprising round of animals to cross my path lately. Of course, you all know about the cougar from April. I also happen to come across an abnormally high number of three-legged dogs (so many that I've contemplated investigating Chicago, Erin Bark-o-vitch- style, to determine the root cause. Something in the kibble?) And in the last month and a half, while walking, I have crossed paths with FOUR dead birds. And not crows - one was a scarlet parakeet, likely named Woody or Red or something - and the others were fat sparrows. Is this foreshadowing or what?

In other crazy news, have you heard about the hot new Morning Banana Diet in Japan? You eat as many bananas as you want plus room temp water for breakfast; anything you want (bacon, anyone?) for lunch and dinner; plus a 3pm snack but no desserts and lights out by midnight. Pharmacist Sumiko Watanabe created the diet to help her overweight hubby shed pounds and since it was introduced on Japan's version of Facebook, the whole nation has gone bonkers. Dole Japan has increased its banana imports by over 25% and still, large supermarket chains are selling out of their nanners early afternoon. On a positive note, no one from Osaka to Tokyo has had a foot cramp in weeks.

Leave all pig- or banana-related comments below please. Tell me I'm not alone, that the world is going crazy and it's not just me needing to get back on my meds.

Comments

It's NOT you. The world IS going nuts. And if it makes you feel better, I'm being stalked by a pair of geese. (Actually it's my own fault, 'cause I feed them. But they're so cute, and they take the bread right out of my hand! And they follow me home when I'm out walking the dog. Or they'll come outside onto the lawn and wait for me.)

And the guy with the pig?
WEIRD!

Oooh, Alyssa, watch out for the Geese. They can get mean when/if you decide to stop feeding them. I've been bitten by a goose (maybe a duck, I was little) once, and it HURT!

Weird dude with pig - creepy! Can't say I've had any similar moments. When I was in high school, there was a guy who owned a baby cougar, and would take it with him all over the place. I think he was a creepy perv trying to pick up young girls, because all us girls did go ga-ga over it!

And the banana diet sounds nuts, but most fad diets do, so no surprise there, I guess.

That sounds pretty strange -- both the dude with the pig and the banana diet.

That weird pig scenario sounds like something out of a Neil Gaiman book... It is so weird that you have trouble processing it. :)

The banana diet is funny... well, what is really funny is that it is so popular that stores are selling out of bananas. That certainly is never the problem around here.

I'm not sure if this is proper nettiquette, but I have no idea how else to get people to look at my new blog... so if this offends, feel free to delete. But I just started a new sort of fitnessy/be nice to myself/be healthy blog. I only have a few posts so far but I'd like to see what people think of it. Feel free to take a gander: http://becomingerin.blogspot.com

hahaha oh my goodness, i don't know what i'd think if i saw someone with ANY pig in their lap, but a hannibal lector mask?

also... i bet japan's getting rather constipated...

I must have a dirty mind because when you were talking about the guy stroking his lap - let's just say a pig was not the first thing that came to mind. But seriously - who does that? And gives creepy face at the same time!

I heart bananas, but a banana diet? wha?

I'm with WundaLucy, my first thought made me relieved it was just an enormous muzzled pig and not an escaped trouser snake the guy was petting.

Definitely going crazy!!

Sounds like you've got your share of wierdness in your hood.

Closest thing in my hood to animal sightings is a pretty tame hawk. He hangs out in our yard occasionaly and is in no way going to fly off and leave his mouse, bird, whatever till he's done eating it.

Whack job at the bus stop, I'd be freakin out.

My Dad came upon a wild boar while driving to his marina in central Ontario a few years ago. Not one of his friends or family believed him until he showed us all the newspaper article a few days later with more info on all the animals that had escaped from one of those fake safari/hunting camps (which, don't even get me started on them).

My personal weird-o-meter maxed out when I saw a guy with a 6ish-foot iguana at Toronto city hall. He was just out walking it at lunch in the middle of the city ... who does that???

Yikes! A bit on the whacked out!

I saw a two legged dog recently (no back legs), but it had a prosthetic...it's hindquarters were sitting on a shelf with wheels and its front legs pulled it forward. It was kinda cool looking.

And that banana craze? First thought, cool! That sounds awesome! Second thought...they must eat massive amounts of veggies at their other meals so they don't block their digestion up solid.

Yep, the world is crazy!

A pig... wow. So strange.

Heart bananas. Not so much the diets.

Leth Gourmet - I TOTALLY have seen that same contraption. It's kinda crazy but I love it!

Okay, I'm pretty sure there is an awesome name for a band somewhere in there...the muzzled pig bananas? If not a band name, certainly a reality show. In fact, Leslie, YOU should have your own reality show about the strange animal happenings in your life...

Maybe that's the idea behind the banana diet - you do lose weight, because you have to eat nothing but veggies for the rest of the day to keep things, you know, moving...

The world is definitely going crazy. It's sad, too, because in a few years the only people comfortable and happy are going to be Crazy Pig Guy and his ilk... :-(

V.

huh.

love,

Miz whose bullmastiff has had both back knees repaired and is SOOOO GETTING HIM A CART should it come to that.

This line: "On a positive note, no one from Osaka to Tokyo has had a foot cramp in weeks." made me snort my lunch. It had vinegar on it. My nostrils are still burning.

I don't get the banana diet but i agree with everyone else - the pig man is a little creepy. I mean, why take out a pig that require muzzling??

Do pigs really bite people? Was the muzzle just some kind of odd fashion statement? Another point not to be missed from this post: THE MAN WAS SITTING AT A BUS STOP. He was about to board a bus. With the pig.

The world - totally crazy. And that man? that is just scary.

Trish - Yes, pigs can bite people. I knew a girl in college who was barely 5'0 and maybe 100 pounds soaking wet and she showed pigs at the state fair.. she said she was always afraid one would bite her or try to eat her because she was so small. No joke.

hmmm, when you started that story I thought he was going to be petting something else that begins with a "p." And while yes, that is strange, I think I have been in LA too long because at this point if that happened to me I think I would probably just exchange a little "check out THIS dude" look with my fellow busstop-waiters and then continue on with my day. Although now that you mention it, there's been an odd number of 3-legged dogs around these parts as well . . ..