My appetite: Lost and found edition

What do Jack, Sawyer, Freckles and my appetite all have in common?

They've all been Lost.

(bad dum bum)

About a month ago, I my appetite went buh-bye for a few days. The doctor had warned me this might happen - I was taking a new medication for some pain in my hands (carpal tunnel? disk-related? busting out one too many cans of whoopass? no one knows) and "anorexia" was a prominent side effect. But I'm not someone who just -whoopsies! - loses her appetite too easily (except for that whole pesky freshman year thing) so I was a bit shocked when, after three days of swallowing the capsules, I didn't want to swallow much else. What a bizarro feeling. I'd find myself wandering into the kitchen like a clueless nomad, unsatisfyingly opening and closing cupboards because nothing looked good. A full bag of caramely delicious, cream-filled Cow Tails went untouched. Not even my beloved oatmeal...or peanut better...or Swedish Fish looked all that special. I remember attending a party for a family friend and sitting at a fancy table with martini glasses full of M&Ms and I barely nursed a few. What kind of an embarrassment had I become?

Within a week, my hunger returned for pretty much everything except -- and I say this with a heavy heart -- sweets. Me, the girl who mixes up Betty Crocker brownie mix with water in a mug to feast on fudge sludge at 11pm. Who straps Rocky Road ice cream (light, but still) to her mouth like a feed bag. Who calls Dan on his way home from work and, filled with PMS-fueled desperation, begs him to stop at Sweet Mandy B's and pick me up a Whoopie Pie. Who finishes off her healthy breakfast of an egg white omelet and fruit with a mini Snickers bar. I didn't even eat candy corn over Halloween. I should have just dressed up as a Black Sheep and roamed the streets of Chicago with my head hung.

Now that about a month has passed, my cravings for sweets have returned...somewhat. And while I can still polish off a plate of espresso-cocoa mousse plus half of Dan's ice cream profiteroles (not that this happened last night or anything), in general I find myself eating less than half the amount of sugary snacks I used to.

This depressed me at first. I'm known for my sweets-a-holic nature. Cookies, brownies, birthday cake - that's my bag! But a funny thing happened on the way to the pharmacist: I've found myself taking a moment to ask myself," Do I really want a fistful of marshmallows right now?" And the answer is often no.

I feel like this is as close to Intuitive Eating as I've ever come. At night, if I find myself hungry after dinner, I've started gravitating toward fruit or hot cocoa or (gulp) yogurt. Yes, I fear I've become one of those crazy bridesmaids in the commercials who spoons a dollop into her mouth and says aloud, "This is "not having to catch the bouquet' good!" Um, cliche, much?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not becoming a treats teetotaler. I just see this seismic shift happening in my eating schedule and have wanted to vent about it for a while. So there it is. I'd love to hear your feedback - have you ever lost your appetite, maybe from the flu, or a new medication, stress or a break-up? And how did you deal with it?

Comments

to tell you the truth, I can't remember the last time I actually felt hungry -like, gnawing pain, growling stomach hungry. Which isn't to say I don't eat, but I eat more out of habit or boredom or companionship than out of hunger. I guess if I stopped eating though, my appetite might return, but I wouldn't want to risk it.

One time in college when I was taking Zoloft for depression, which was awesome, 'cause of how I'm not actually depressed (bi-polar, thank you very much), I had medication-induced anorexia. I know I shouldn't say this, but it was awesome. I'd gained 70 lbs in the previous 9 months (wonder why the doc thought I was depressed?) and really needed to drop the weight.

Other than that? not ever. the architect, when stressed, loses his appetite. I eat when stressed, when sick, when hungry....which is why I'm not as thin as a crazy runner chick should be.

Oh ya. I went through a hellacious year a while ago, and went from 195 lbs on a 5'9" frame to about 150 without even trying. The stress was killer. Course, as soon as I got rid of the stress, much of the chubby has come back. Sigh.

Yeah, when I took Wellbutrin last year I def. dropped about 10 pounds over the space of several months. it was subtle but people really responded. Everyone thought I looked better even though I was gaunt. Sadly, Wellbutrin did NOT help for the reason I was taking it (seasonal affective depression) and made me a crazy b*tch so I quit taking it. The weight came back.

It happened to me recently, and it's definitely bizarro. My parents came over for a yummy brunch and I ate nothing. Barely finished my green tea. Forced myself to eat some dinner, which was not much at all. The next day I came down with a cold, so I put two and two together. It took a week for my appetite to return and I'm still not convinced it's completely back. It was a strange feeling to have no appetite and to have extra free time because my kitchen was virtually closed.

For someone else not used to intuitive eating, the return of my appetite was a strange feeling. I'm with you on that one!

I feel bad for thinking it, but as soon as I read your post I was like, "I need to get some of those meds for myself!"

My appetite is totally normal except the week before my period. I try hard to exercise willpower but end up eating entire boxes of cookies and packages of candy.

Once I ate an entire package of fiber-enriched muffins without realizing it. Ohhhh, was I sick... Haven't learned my lesson though, I still eat like a crazy person one week a month. ;)

Wow, this post was eye opening. Like you Leslie, I have and am known for my insatiable appetite for sweets. I've often wished that stress, illness, health, whatever would lower my "hunger". I never contemplated how that would affect my mental health or perception of myself.
However, I do think that's a great post / Today show segment - Women who are so concerned with body image they envy sick, stressed, medicated people . . .

Hi, maybe I mis-read this article but it sounds like you are complaining that you stopped eating sweets. I'm sure the thousands of women who are desperately trying to cut out fats/sugars from their diets right now are empathizing with you. I just don't get this article - it's almost like you're rubbing it in people's faces.

Just had to pop back in to say WELCOME BACK HUNGRY WAIF!!! We missed you, girl:)

Oh, and Nikki? I do the exact same thing every month! And every month I tell myself I'm going to learn my lesson. And every month I do it again:)

Hungry Waif - when I was refeeding as part of my recovery for anorexia I was NEVER full. And I was consuming a crazy amount of calories. I read that it happens a lot in people recovering from eating disorders, it's terrifying at the time, but as you're finding, it levels out. Wishing you all the best!

I only ever lose my appetite when I'm really upset. It IS really weird, because I'm normally always thinking of my next meal! I have to make sure I keep eating properly at those times so I don't fall back into bad habits.

Hope your sweet tooth shows up for Thanksgiving Leslie!

TA x

I've gone through random 2-4 day bouts of just not feeling hungry. Then again, these are combated by the 2-4 day bouts of being hungry 24/7.

I also went through a rough break up at the end of this summer. I could barely eat anything for a week or two. Totally uninterested and when I'd try to shove a spoonful of mac and cheese down, I'd feel stuffed after the second bite.

Thank goodness I'm out of that phase.

What is this "losing ones appetite" you speak of? Hehe.

I've lost my appetite from time to time, and it kind of freaks me out. Sometimes I'll just eat the bare minimum because I know I should. Other times I would eat because the lack of appetite made me feel uncomfortable (not even kidding). But I really agree with you on how its the closest to intuitive eating you can get- these days if I lose my appetite I just eat when I am hungry and want something.

I sort of went through a period of unintentional, drug-induced loss of appetite, but it wasn't so much a direct side effect of the drug. I was on a prescription NSAID for arthritis inflammation for awhile that upset my stomach so badly that I could barely eat. For a couple of weeks I tried my best to just go with it--I still got hungry, after all--but eventually it got so bad that food stopped looking appealing. The physical discomfort that the medication was causing ended up creating a psychological aversion to food because I associated it with pain. I only ate just enough to keep myself from keeling over, basically.

Of course I couldn't live like that forever and now speak up whenever a doctor wants to prescribe me on a dose of NSAIDs, because what's the use of attempting to solve one health problem only to induce another? Not eating--or not being able to eat for whatever reason--does kind of make you take pause and realize, though, how much of your life revolves around food. It's quite humbling.

I'm right there with you when it comes to the sweets, particularly the brownie mix in a mug thing. That's how I like my brownies too!

The non appetite thing, actually just happened to me this past weekend, and for me, it's definitely stress related. Three pretty major life things were happening, and Friday I couldn't eat without feeling like throwing up. Saturday I ate about 4 pieces of vegetable sushi, and that was it. Sunday morning the stress was alleviated a bit and I finally had a normal breakfast.

Honestly, it felt good to have a few days where my mind was focused on something OTHER than food!

Lately it seems that when I get a cold (and with two kids, that happens A LOT, lol) I lose my appetite.
About 3 years ago we all went out to Hawaii for my SIL's wedding, and stayed for a week. I got a horrible cold, and couldn't even stomach the thought of food (sorry). I'd sit at the table while everyone else ate fabulous food at wonderful restaurants. The upside was that I had more time to chase after the kids.
(BTW, I tried Wellbutrin a while back, and it made me NUTS. So I went back to Zoloft.)

OMG, I would kill for this problem. I have been on prednisone for a month and a half and my appetite is so huge I want to eat three breakfasts and two lunches every day. All I want to do is eat.

Oh and the medicine also makes it so that every ounce you gain is in your face and belly.

Count your blessings!

no! for reals.

now Im off to read the comments above me.

2 things.... I hope it doesn't REALLY say "anorexia" is a side effect, because losing your appetite is NOT anorexia, it's so much more complicated than food. With that being said, OMG! I TOTALLY DO THE BROWNIE MIX THING!! except i'm extra bad and mix it with water and oil... yum!

The only time this ever happened to me was when I broke up with my boyfriend. The only things I could eat were vegetables and broth because they were only things that didn't make me sick to think about eating. It was really weird, but I understood it because the breakup was such a horrible thing to go through emotionally. Eventually, I felt better and started eating normally again.

I love when I lose my appetite, whether it's due I'm sickness or something else. I know, that's disordered, but that's how it is. I hate when it comes back. It's always weird when I don't have an appetite though.

Hi Leslie!
Actually I have a suggestion for your hand pain. I know you have had some neck issues as well, which might relate with the hand pain. Chiropractic may help. Peak Performance Health Care in Chicago is great. I used to work there, but not anymore, but I still go for treatment when I need it. It's a very non-invasive, natural solution for many problems, even hand pain.

I had mono, but at first I didn't know it was mono - I just thought I had a bad cold. But what happened with my appetite was really weird. I'd try to eat but the food literally disgusted me. I couldn't even finish a puny lean cuisine! I suppose it didn't help that I just generally felt like crap because of the mono. All in all not a pleasant way to lose 5 pounds.

To the Leslie that commented--when anorexia is mentioned as a side effect, it just means the technical definition of the word: "loss of appetite." When you talk about anorexia nervosa, that's when the actually disease comes in.

My appetite is always MIA during my period, which is strange since we burn more cals during that time...maybe it's my body reacting to the bloat.

God I'm charming.

Ah I just blogged about my own loss of appetite, but now I've realised that I've lost weight and am not eating I seem to have started eating in a compensatory manner...still the bare minimum of cals really, but at least I can stomach that much now, for a week or so for some reason unbeknownst to me I couldn't seem to stomach barely any food at all, and found myself eating purely because I SHOULD and it was getting a bit too easy to not eat at all.

I found it rather odd that whenever I broke up with a BF, I'd have no appetite for weeks and especially the sweet stuff because I'm like you in that I could eat at the sweets buffet every day.

To combat the night eating which was mostly sweets, my doc had me eat proteins. She said when the cravings came to eat some protein first and wait about 10 minutes. In about 75% of the time, the protein fix quashed my sweet cravings which she said was really a drop in blood sugar. Protein is better to fix that, and yeah it did/does work.

I lost my appetite when studying for the bar exam. It was the only 3 months of my life when I are only to survive. I didn't respond very well. I lost a bunch of weight, liked it a bit too much and spent too much time trying to maintain the new weight. I don't recommend that. I say, if this is what your body needs, go for it. I am sure your sweet tooth will return. :D

Thanks Charlotte! Yes, I've been out, and mostly kept out of the gym, but i guess refeeding was part of it. But its weird now, I totally can get full and sometimes on smaller amounts then I was used to. And Hangry Pants, I totally understand, when people comment about your new weight loss (albeit, not intentional)it weird to "gain it back". Now, people see me and are like, "so you got your appetite back I see!", when really, i've sort of have been experiencing the opposite.

I call it "meal closure". If I don't have something sweet at the end of a meal (even if it's just a small thing), then the meal isn't really over.

I'm in the same boat as others above when it comes to a breakup. I've had months of ZERO appetite after a bad one. It's almost like it was my body's built-in revenge response - "You'll regret breaking up with me once you see how fabulous I look!"

interesting post. i have not experienced the exact thing but am going through something similar. i used to never skip meals or eat teensy snacks and call it lunch but lately i've been so insanely busy that it is hard to find the time to eat and when i do i fill up so much faster so i want only the good stuff so i know i am getting my vitamins and such.

but i think it is a scary thing to all of a sudden have a lack of appetite, like something might be wrong internally or mentally you know? always freaks me out, but balances out in the end.

Back in high school I had a crush on a guy and lost my appetite for several days. I don't think it's really happened since then (except if I had strep or was sick or something). I love sweets! I think it'd be great to reduce the number of sweets I eat, but maybe not to such a drastic extent :)

"An appetite?

...What does that FEEL like, exactly?"

asked the compulsive overeater, thrusting her hand into a jumbo bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

The only three times times I can think of in the last ten years was -
1. When I got a mad flu last year and couldn't keep anything down for 5 days.
2. When I got vertigo two years ago and couldn't keep my eyes open for more than 60 seconds without getting dizzy.
3. I went through a bad breakup and pretty much ate crackers and drank alcohol for a month because I was both depressed and busy.

Otherwise - feed me baby, I need my food. :) Though I'm not much of a sweets person, keep the salty snacks away though...

when i lose my appetite, it usually comes back full force and then some...

Great post, Where do I get ingredients? I especially like to eat local as much as possible. Here I intern with the Eat Well Guide, and we've teamed up with Consumers Union (publisher of Consumer Reports) to issue the Local, Organic Thanksgiving Challenge this year. Will you join us? And share a recipe? Read more on the Green Fork www.blog.eatwellguide.org/2008/11/take-the-local-organic-thanksgiving-challenge

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Rose.